Disclaimer: X/1999 belongs to CLAMP, I do not intend to make profit or otherwise infringe their copyright.
Summary: Keiichi has only one thing he can do.
A/N: Written initially for a challenge on LJ;
Smile
Kamui had stopped coming to school one day, so very suddenly that Keiichi doesn't know what to think about it, although Kamui surely has a reason; even though his whole demeanour had screamed he had been doing something significant he really hated seeing the black circles under Kamui's eyes, the haunted look in them that just didn't fade.
He doesn't know what Kamui is doing now, but it is hurting him horribly. Each time he had seen him he had looked a bit more broken, as if someone had been clipping shards one by one from a glass sculpture... Keiichi wants to be the glue that holds him together, but because he has absolutely no idea what to do - no, that wasn't right, he knew one thing he was good at-
Smile. He still knows how to smile in a world that was slowly but surely crumbling; if nobody smiles anymore there is no hope for tomorrow, he knows this just as he knows his parents are watching over him, so this was good. Kamui has to be silently crying, he was sure, crying with no outward tears the way most people today cry but he could hear it like a sad song rising above the fake bliss of the CLAMP Campus - because of this he wanted to give his hope to Kamui, by smiling for him. But that would be selfish- so many people couldn't smile anymore, and it wasn't just Kamui. So his smile has to be very radiant, to be enough for many people... even if they weren't Kamui, even if Kamui was too far away to see his smile, even if only a handful saw his smile...
What he wants, what he could do seems so tiny when considering it in this light so he hates to think, hates to have this much time to think and brood. He likes concentrating on the present, but Kamui's presence is rooted in his past so he cannot help but think of the past trying to feel near to Kamui (because he had to take his own strength from somewhere). His desire to shine for that person is so strong that he can become a tiny little sun for his sake, and he does. Even though Kamui is not physically here at this moment... even though all that is left is a song that heralds destruction, but is unbelievably sad and very Kamui. Listening to it is very painful so he doesn't, his memories are strong enough.
At one point Keiichi had let himself slump on the table, covering his head with his hands. It honestly looks like he is crying when he sits like this, but actually, his eyes are as cheerful as ever, because that is the only thing than can make a difference. He realises will surely crumble if even one tear slips, but he won't cry because he knows Kamui is still strong and fighting and he might one day, when everything is over, smile too and then he would smile back towards him, just for him.