I do hope we will never see something like this on the show. But I felt like I needed some angst in my life.
I smile when I see Harvey leaving to counter to get our coffees. That felt like good old times, when we used to come here. Well, time to time we are still coming here just by ourselves to grab two coffees to go and bring them to the office. But this is different. We are here together to have coffees and a small talk.
Just as I tear my eyes from Harvey's back, I hear buzzing of the phone left on the table. Seems that nothing can change Specter. He was never one to be considerate about phone calls. Mostly out of habit rather than curiosity I look at the caller's ID.
"Paula Agard", - it says.
God, was I right when suggested that he would need therapy again after I stopped being his secretary?
"Hey, Harvey, know what? Today is our one month anniversary! Will you one over tonight?" the voice on the other end started speaking as soon as I picked up the phone.
"Er, hey, Paula, it's Donna," the only thing I manage to choke out.
"Oh, I'm sorry, could you, please tell Harvey to call me back later, okay?" Agard seems to notice nothing.
"Yeah, sure," I end the call as soon as I say this and slam the phone at the table.
One month anniversary. He ran to her the day after I told him I wanted more. God, what the hell was wrong with him?
I look up to see that Harvey was paying for our coffees. At this very moment I realize that I can't wait for him. That I can't see him. Not now. Not ever.
I notice that I can't breathe properly. I feel like walls are closing in. So I do something, I never thought I would do. I stand up from my seat, go to the exit and run as fast as my heals let me.
Isn't New York a city of taxis? Then why none god damn stops at my hand waves?
I feel tears starting to stream down my cheeks. What a sight! No wonder taxi drivers won't stop. Well, I still can walk, despite blurred vision.
"Donna! Donna, wait!" I hear Harvey's voice behind me and try to speed up.
But he has an advantage of not wearing heals and not crying his eyes out. God, I've never felt like this. Not even when he said that he wanted me to work for him the morning after the other time, not even when he wasn't able to answer the "love me how" question.
Right now I feel like the whole world is crushing down on me. And here I thought that my life was almost perfect with this new position and everything.
A hand grabs my elbow and I freeze. I know it's Harvey.
"Donna, please, what happened?" I hear real concern in his voice, but have no power to turn and see his face.
As he comes to stand in front of me, I bow my head. No way he will see me crying in the middle of the street. So as soon as his fingers are on my chin, trying to make me look up, I break away from his hold and speed up once again.
This time he doesn't try to catch me, but I still hear his footsteps behind myself. Thanks God, my blockhouse is just several minutes away.
I fly up the stairs as fast as it is even possible while wearing heals. I struggle to get the key into the lock, but finally succeed. As I try to close the door behind myself, Harvey grabs it, effectively stopping my movements.
"Donna, please tell me what's wrong?" his face is full of concern as he almost begs, "talk to me."
"Talk to Agard," I spit, "turns out it's your one month's anniversary today".
My outburst shocks him enough to drop my door's knob, and I manage to slam the door in front of his face.
And right at this moment my legs give out and I fall to the floor, sobs shaking through my whole body.
I've never felt so miserable and vulnerable. Where is this strong and confident woman when I need her so badly?
I hear muffled sound of Harvey banging on my door and saying something. But right now I couldn't care less.
Minutes, or maybe hours, pass as I'm finally able to lift myself and go the bathroom.
What a sight! Bloodshot eyes, smudged mascara all over the face.
As I rinse my face with cool water I start feeling that the stress leaves my body. That gives me hope, that when I wake up tomorrow, the strong woman will return. And I will be able to go to work and even see Harvey, without showing any unnecessary emotions.
The harder life punches you, the stronger you become. Quite a motto for my future.
But well, once I thought that feelings would go away eventually. And now look where I am.
Sighing at the failed auto training, I leave the bathroom. Only to hear that Harvey seems to turn into woodpecker, cause he doesn't stop knocking. And calling me leaving voicemails at the same time.
Well, on the bright side, I seem to ruin their fucking anniversary.