The Furry and the Fierce
"Your skills are no match for me!" River cried, and threw herself across the catwalk, leaping into the hanger for a long second of air before she hit the floor with a bang. Jayne jerked towards the rail, his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth. River grinned up at him. She held something fall and fluffy and mewling between her deadly hands, cupped it there and raised it to her face so they could touch noses. "Hello, little brother," she purred. Jayne stared.
And then turned on his heel and sprinted for the cockpit. He screamed, "Captain, we've got a rat on board!"
Mal responded by tripping over one of the rungs of his ladder and smashing back into his room. There may or may not have been squealing involved. Jayne licked his lips. Back-up was cut. That was okay. He could take care of the problem by himself—
He began to turn back resolutely, only to find River standing perfectly silent and just behind him, so close he could see each individual eyelash. The furry menace squalled against her stomach, and she gazed at him reproachfully. "It is not a rat. It is a kitten. The premature form of a cat, not yet fully developed mentally or physically. Feline domesticus, to use your Latin." She blinked.
Jayne drew his sweetheart and switched off the safety. "The crazy girl's touching it!"
Neither River nor the kitten were polite enough to pay him or his extremely large gun any attention. River held the kitten high above her head and intoned solemnly, "One of the last of it's kind, I should imagine. Largely useless, but cute." She looked at Jayne brightly, "Like you!"
Jayne thought about misfiring. But she'd probably just catch the bullet with her teeth, or something. River stroked the vermin-thing for a long moment, and then presented—it—to Jayne. "Holy Mother, blessed art thou!" she breathed in deeply with her eyes closed, then pressed one of her hands against Jayne's shoulder, somehow forcing him to stoop, before depositing that—that rodent on top of his head. It nestled into his hat with a squeak, and the warmth of its little body radiated into his hair. River beamed.
"If it pees I'm going to kill you," Jayne said. River looked at the kitten sternly. The kitten dug it's claws into Jayne's head, though it didn't really hurt, it being so little, and so Jayne wandered off disgruntled and flushed, hoping the stupid thing would get knocked off when he passed through a doorway, or something.