Could Not and Would Not
Pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose, Kabuto sighed half-heartedly and leaned back in his chair to taste the silence that now reigned over his laboratory. The same silence that had settled there since Kimimaro's death a few weeks ago. Kabuto had found he quite enjoyed that silence. After all, he'd be lying if he said that Kimimaro's fanatical obsession with Orochimaru didn't disconcert him in the least.
Orochimaru... Kabuto's unbidden thoughts reverted to their favourite subject once more. Following the deaths of the Sound Five, Kabuto had found himself reflecting more and more on the Sannin, to a point where most of his waking hours were spent thinking about him. Kabuto wasn't in love with his Master; he'd figured that out a while ago. Rather, he was enthralled with him; fascinated by the way Orochimaru would pronounce his name, as if tasting each syllable, twirling it lazily around his tongue until it lost all meaning and became a hypnotic spell of sorts.
The Snake had that effect on people, Kabuto knew that well enough to not fall completely prey to the spell. This half-freedom of his and his fascination were what had earned him Orochimaru's trust, or as much of it as Orochimaru could spare. It was the fact that Kabuto would not rather than could not betray the Sannin's trust that put him in such a high position in Orochimaru's regards. That knowledge always brought a bitter sense of pride to Kabuto. After all, Kabuto only sought the respect of two people in life: Orochimaru's and his own, and as far as he was concerned, he had achieved both.
Of course, he occasionally felt a twisted sort of guilt for the course his life had taken in the hands of the Snake Sannin, but that was all trivial. He didn't want a different life, didn't need the reverence he could receive from the people of Konohagakure if he were to devote his medical talents to them. He knew that with that kind of reverence came a set of responsibilities and expectations that he could not and would not fulfill. They were the same responsibilities and expectations that had pushed Orochimaru to betray the Leaf so many years ago, or at least Kabuto assumed they were. After all, when you're the hope of so many people, you just aren't free to act on the urges and need that arose periodically. Urges to kill and a need to feel one's own power over the life of other beings. Kabuto had felt these things since his childhood and Orochimaru, he guessed, must feel them too. As a matter of fact, it was the fulfillment of these urges that had first turned Orochimaru's attention towards Kabuto.
He still remembered the day a man that somehow seemed more god than man at the time, had approached him with promises of knowledge and power. Kabuto had never considered himself greedy or power-hungry, but he did possess a dangerous fascination with death, even in the early stages of his life. He would "play" with small animals, bringing them to the brink of death and then pulling them back into life with the medical Jutsus he'd learned from his adoptive parents, or just watching them slowly writhe into oblivion when the mood would strike him. He had never imagined that his little "occupation" would be repulsive to others.
Orochimaru, with his snake-charm and his other-worldly appearance, had convinced him otherwise, had awakened Kabuto's sleeping contempt for those who, self-righteously, would proclaim him sick if they learned of his morbid games. Initiating Kabuto into a world of darkness and leading him by the hand with the effects of a guide, a mentor, Orochimaru had skilfully created himself a sort of pedestal of admiration into Kabuto's young mind that gradually morphed into unbreakable respect and devotion as the years wore on. In return for his devotion, Orochimaru had left Kabuto without the seal he used in order to control his other subjects, a gesture whose value was not in the least wasted on Kabuto.
The medic nin knew, at least to some extent, just how much trust the Snake Sannin invested in him. It was a wonderful, yet terrible position, because as Orochimaru's main confidant, he immediately placed himself high on the lists of Orochimaru's enemies, and of those, the Sannin had plenty. Furthermore, if he were to ever fall from Orochimaru's graces, it would most certainly mean his death, a concept that held little comfort for Kabuto, knowing just how fickle his Master could be.
On the other hand, Orochimaru's trust also gave him an immense amount of power. Kabuto was no fool; he knew that while the Snake Sannin still held trust in him, he was clearly in the best position to kill him. Kabuto also knew that he would never make use of that position, not because he could not, but because he would not.
Author's Note: Just a little something that popped into my head. I've wanted to write something about Kabuto for a while, seeing as he is one of my favourite characters and he doesn't get enought love, and this is it. I rather like how it came out. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy it too.