In the Wake, a stargate: atlantis fanfic

in the wake. (stargate: atlantis)
s2, gen. carson; apocafic
this is the fourth planet in as many days; the Wraith are always half a step behind.

coffee, cold, off-world, angst; for nemislenina in the icaw ficathon. with thanks to my beta tigertrapped, and wliberation who is ever sleep deprived and enthusiastic. no copyright infringement intended.

The barrage comes in waves, thick and fast, and though this is something they've seen over and over, the chaos is palpable this time. He hears Elizabeth shouting indistinctly, and he half-turns against the tide of bodies— but a hand lands on his shoulder and forces him to stumble through the open gate.

He trips as he exits, and rolls a little way. Someone pulls him up, but everyone is running, and he can't see who is who. Everyone is running, feet flat against the ground; everyone is escaping, and so he runs too, taking in deep lung-fulls of soot-ridden air, and moving with the crowd, desperate to take shelter.

This is the fourth planet in as many days; the Wraith are always half a step behind. No-one expected they would be half a step ahead.

(No-one knows where the Wraith came from, or how they'd come so close to Atlantis without being detected. The first sign had been the Daedalus burning through the atmosphere and crashing into the ocean with a roar. Later he heard that Caldwell had managed to get a message to the city before the crash, but all they'd heard in the control room were the cries of distress and Caldwell's insistent voice, get out, dial the alpha site and get out now, get out, before the signal broke and the ship disappeared under a hail of fire from an incoming Hive dart.)

They hold a haphazard memorial service on the fifth planet; Rodney spends the whole day furiously snapping at people before slumping dejectedly on the camp floor with Radek and Elizabeth, her blue journal in hand. Teyla and Ronon go to search the surrounding area to see if there are any people, or any sign that the Wraith have been there before; Elizabeth warns them to be careful, and sends them off with two marines, the greatest number they can spare.

Carson has his hands full dealing with the wounded from Atlantis. A lot of the injuries are superficial but there are a few broken limbs, and more body bags than he wants to see. The medical team works swiftly, prioritising patients and moving on quickly from failures. When they lose their sixth patient in two hours, Carson curses loudly, surprising the young medic by his side. She asks if Carson would like to take a breath of air but he shakes his head and they go to the next case.

He's in the middle of removing shrapnel from a young lieutenant's arm when the shouts start, quietly at first and then in a rising wave as they came closer to the encampment. He bandages the airman's arm as fast as he can and then it's time to move again. It should be old hat now, but it still catches him by surprise, the need to run at only a moment's notice, taking only what's in reach and not stopping to collect things that are on the other side of the room. Every second counts.

He heads for the gate, making sure to keep the injured in front of him, especially the young airman he has barely finished treating. He sees Ronon emerging from the tree line in his periphery, running backwards and aiming fire into the dark distance. Elizabeth is standing before the event horizon, looking back and ducking the oncoming fire.

"Rodney!"

"I have to..."

"Rodney, there's no time!"

Carson comes up on the gate site, sees Rodney crouching behind the DHD, frantically interrogating the system's interior. "Come on, where are you, you little..."

"Rodney!"

"Please stop yelling, I can't do this if you don't stop distracting me! I just need a minute and then the Wraith won't be able to trace our location and this is a good thing because it'll buy us at least some time before they're hailing down on us again— now let me do what I need to do!"

Carson pauses momentarily, but then Radek is at his arm. "We must go through the gate," he says firmly. "Rodney knows what he is doing. You are needed on the other side." There's a screech as another dart comes towards the outbound wormhole, and Carson and Radek begin to run faster. Elizabeth is still at the event horizon, still peering dangerously through the smoke, reluctant to leave.

"Rodney, please!"

Carson runs through the gate, Zelenka at his elbow. They emerge in a desert clearing, missiles chasing them and materialising on the other side, pinning down fleeing SGA members. The carnage is immense; as ever, they keep running. They don't turn back; curiosity killed the cat, after all. Carson hears Elizabeth shouting, and is relieved for a moment, glad to hear that she's still there, the leader is still there. Then Major Lorne yells -shut down the gate! - and the noise makes it difficult to hear but there's Elizabeth's voice, angry and frantic, and don't, don't shut it down; Rodney's still, and when Carson finally looks behind him, Elizabeth is struggling against the Major, near hysterical, and there is no Rodney, none to be seen. The gate closes; the noise stills, and Elizabeth stops fighting, slumps dejectedly.

Carson takes a step towards her, then stops. No-one speaks; the sudden quiet after the storm is broken only by Elizabeth's sobs, tight and fraught, and there is no sign of Rodney, just Elizabeth and Lorne, and the pale orange sky atop the gate.

There are a lot of things Carson would say to Rodney if he ever had the chance but he comes to realise the most important one is the one he thinks right now: you're a good man, Rodney.

Elizabeth has twisted her ankle, but it takes Carson a good three hours to get her to stop moving so that he can take a look. She's tired, dark circles around her eyes, but this isn't rare for the encampment, what with more than half of the military personnel jacked up on stimulants and caffeine. Carson tries to protest at first, but he is quickly overruled; he keeps his eyes peeled for signs of extreme exhaustion and implements a regular sleep schedule but that's the best he can do, especially with the constant pressure of exodus.

Elizabeth clings to her blue journal, wincing as Carson gently cups her heel and turns her foot in order to get a better look. Her ankle is bruised and more than a little swollen, but she protests that it's nothing, there are more important things to worry about, and has anyone seen Teyla? Or Ronon? She struggles against Carson's kind ministrations, and he's grateful when Major Lorne steps forward and places a firm hand on the woman's shoulder to stop her from getting up and moving away. Elizabeth stills almost immediately and looks towards Lorne as though to protest, then turns to smile at Carson sheepishly. "I'm sorry, I know you're trying to help." He smiles, is about to answer—

The ground shudders; Elizabeth falls forward, Carson catches her. People are shouting, yelling, running. Not again, he thinks, not now.

"What the—?" Lorne has his gun in his hands, he moves towards the noise, pausing only when he sees the first of the Hive darts. He pulls Elizabeth up by the arm; Carson manages to take his kit (it's the only thing he carries with him all the time, regardless of convenience or occasion, but it's important, he mustn't forget, he mustn't) before Lorne is pushing him forward, away from the attack. He feels a flash of irritation at being manhandled, and then he looks over his shoulder and reaches back to hold Elizabeth's hand. Lorne has his arm around her waist, and she's hobbling through the pain, and together the three of them follow the crowds back towards the gate.

Nobody can find Teyla; they'd thought the same of Ronon until he crawled into the newest encampment two days later. Carson remembers every single time he's cursed an establishment for their poor medical facilities, and takes it all back. What he'd give for decent anaesthetic and a clean medical table right now; if he ever gets back to stability, he'll never complain again.

Ronon has a shard of glass caught in the muscle of his leg and some of the wounds look infected. One of the Athosians gives Carson two bottles of moonshine. Carson uses half of one to clean the wounds, and gives Ronon the rest; he keeps the second bottle tucked away for an emergency. It's not nearly strong enough, and Ronon soon passes out. Carson tries to be quick. He can't afford to waste time; the longer Ronon stays unconscious, the less chance of him waking up again.

He realises he needn't have worried when, the next morning, Ronon comes tearing out of the makeshift tent and heads in Elizabeth's direction. Carson wonders if anyone has told him about Teyla.

Other things Carson misses are: a change of underwear; alcohol that burns his throat; the ability to unclench his shoulder muscles; real, actual, non-Athosian coffee; Rodney's chatter; sitting in a real building; his collection of scalpels; the jumper his mum made him; owning things; pens; antibiotics; morphine; the way the lights would smoothly slide on as soon as he entered the medical bay; soap; his mum. Not necessarily in that order, obviously. But still.

They lose half their population on the eighth planet. The gate malfunctions whilst the Atlanteans are in transit, leaving many dispersed as atoms, and the rest at the mercy of the Wraith on the other side. Carson watches in disbelief as the wormhole disengages, and Radek runs towards the open space where the event horizon once sparkled. Radek will not stop talking, and it's difficult to distinguish the English from the Czech in his diatribe. His hands flutter as he runs to the DHD, and he pries away the panel with a dull crack, trying to will the circuitry into being. Of course, they can't dial back, that won't help anyone, but Radek witters on, ne, ne, ne, until Ronon pulls him away.

Radek looks up at the larger man, his hands raised as though to cup his face, and he stutters, shocked, and grieving. "It should, I don't know, not happen." Ronon only looks at him. To most it would be intimidating but Carson sees that Ronon is not being unkind, simply pragmatic, and after a moment, Radek stops talking and nods. Carson walks across and hands Radek the bottle of moonshine he's had secured in his pocket since the sixth planet. This counts as an emergency, he thinks.

Elizabeth watches. She doesn't approach.

They settle. For a few days, people remain tense. Radek is sick at least once an hour and Elizabeth sits with him, slowly rubbing circles on his back. Carson worries about the excessive vomiting and tries to get the poor man to eat something. After ten hours, Kate Heightmeyer finally convinces Radek to eat half a bowl of Athosian gruel and drink some water, and mercifully, he falls asleep soon after. Elizabeth bites her lip anxiously, pacing from one side of the tent to the other. Carson notices the small blue journal emerging from the top of her trouser pocket; she's long-since abandoned her jacket. On occasion a marine comes in to update her on the unfolding events but as time wears on Carson realises that Major Lorne is taking on more and more of Weir's responsibilities, and after two days, he wonders if he shouldn't perhaps sedate her. Lorne himself comes to see Elizabeth twice a day, and every time he steps into the med tent, he gives Carson a quick nod. After four days, he wanders over to Carson instead.

"Is Zelenka going to be alright?"

"He should be, soon enough. You have to remember, he's been under an enormous amount of stress."

Lorne sniffs humourlessly. "Ain't that the truth."

He leaves five minutes later, without talking to Dr Weir, and she rises slowly away from Zelenka's sleeping figure and towards Carson.

"Have you slept?"

"More than you, I'll say."

Elizabeth nods, hugging herself. "Tomorrow will be hard." Carson frowns, confused. "I'm going to give the order to make permanence. We've been here a fortnight. People are tired. We need a proper camp, and more of a routine, and even if the Wraith are going to come, we need a solid base of operations—"

Carson cuts her off with a hand on her arm. "I know. Get some rest." Elizabeth smiles at him tightly and then nods before leaving. Carson watches her retreating figure until she disappears around one of the canopies, before stepping out into the cold night air. Turning his back to the encampment, he looks out to the barren atmosphere. The lack of life makes him nervous; he doesn't know how they'll survive here in this barren place that is so cold, and so friendless. He thinks of home, of how the cold was harsh but beautiful, and he wonders if he'll ever set foot there again.

That night he dreams of his mother, sitting and laughing in the sun. He dreams of home, and Atlantis, and of the Wraith swooping in with deadly precision, leaving them all by themselves.

It's bloody freezing when Carson approaches the command tent, and he can hear voices rising in anger. Inside, Ronon and Lorne are arguing, loudly and aggressively, whilst Zelenka, still pale-faced, is attempting to intervene. Kate Heightmeyer is by the entrance, and she lays a hand on Carson's arm when she notices his arrival, stopping him from advancing further. Elizabeth is in the corner biting her lip, this apparently her nervous habit of choice for the day. From the sound of things the argument is over whether to stay or to run. Lorne is for the former; Ronon, the latter. Zelenka is ineffectually trying to cool both men's tempers.

Elizabeth looks up when Carson enters and holds his eye. He's surprised to see anger there, quietly simmering. She doesn't say anything, to him or to anyone else.

"We should use this time to our advantage," Ronon is saying.

"And regrouping isn't doing that?" Lorne retaliates. "We need to rest, we need to repair and plan what to do next."

"What to do next is put distance between us and the Wraith."

"There's time for that yet!"

"Sheppard would know it's time to—"

"Don't." Elizabeth's voice is low but firm and cool, surprising them all with her vehemence. "Don't you dare use his name." Carson wonders a little at the silence that follows; Lorne looks away, and he senses that he's missing something, that there's something he failed to pay attention to. He looks towards Zelenka, but he turns away too, refusing to make eye contact. The atmosphere is chilled. Elizabeth takes a deep breath. "We're staying put for now, Ronon. I'd like for you to stay, please. We need your help. But if you're so convinced, you're welcome to move on."

Ronon stares at her, and for a moment Carson thinks he might turn heel and leave. He doesn't. His shoulders tighten momentarily before he takes a step back and nods.

"Alright." Elizabeth straightens and turns to Lorne. "Make sure your men are rested and well-fed. Our stay here is temporary. We'll rest and then we'll move on." Carson watches as she visibly steels, collecting herself. The time for mourning has passed, he thinks. The time for mourning hasn't even begun. "Stay focused, all of you. We have a lot of work to do and no time to make mistakes or give in to our frustrations. It's hard, I know it's hard. We've lost a lot of good people. We've lost a lot of friends. But it's our job - it's our duty to keep moving. We can't leave the Pegasus Galaxy in the hands of the Wraith. We have to take responsibility for our actions." She pauses as if to say something more, and then changes her mind. "Okay. That's it."

The group heads for the exit, Kate and Radek leave first. Ronon is about to follow when Elizabeth stops him. "If you ever question Major Lorne's authority like that again, I'll leave you behind. He is a member of my team, and the military leader of this expedition and you will treat him with the same respect that he offers you. Is that clear?" Ronon gives a tight nod, then leaves. Lorne looks at Weir; for a moment there's quiet.

"I'll set up a sleep rota," Lorne offers. It's a small gesture of thanks, awkwardly offered.

Elizabeth smiles, reaching for the blue journal inside the top pocket of her backpack. "Yes, please. Make sure you're in the first group. I'm sure we'll have need of you later."

Carson steps out into the winter air, and heads back to the medical tent.

Lorne comes to him half an hour later, unable to sleep. As Carson administers a light sedative he notices the younger man is still in full uniform, combats, flak jacket and machine gun in hand; Carson doesn't think he's seen him without his gun since they first evacuated Atlantis.

He sleeps sitting upright against the back of the med tent. His hand, Carson notes, stays on his gun, and he shakes during his sleep.

Seven days later (or rather, seven according to Zelenka's watch which seems in direct conflict with Cadman's, not to mention Carson's circadian rhythms) the remaining survivors of the Atlantis expedition, along with Ronon and a handful of Athosians, stand before the stargate, packed up and ready to move on.

The faces of the people around him are worn and tired, but better than a week before when they'd first stumbled through. Radek has extracted a list of gate addresses that should take them out of Wraith territory but are still in the Pegasus Galaxy. He's rigged the DHD to erase its backlog of addresses as soon as they've stepped through, using the notes Rodney had scratched out onto a battered notepad that someone had luckily stored away in one of the crates. Carson struggles a little under the weight of the backpack he's been given; it's full of all the medical supplies that are left, and he's unwilling to entrust it to anyone else's care.

At the front of the group, Ronon idles by the marines and the airmen, whilst Lorne is stood close behind Weir, talking over her shoulder. Elizabeth's face looks bruised from lack of sleep, but she appears calm and focused. She nods in reply to Lorne and then looks out across the group of people before standing on the platform to speak.

"I know we are all tired. I know we are all grieving, and scared. I know that we're afraid for the people we love, and for what we're about to face. But we cannot stand by and let this happen. We cannot let the Wraith take from us indiscriminately." She lets her eyes follow the crowd. "Now I know that the majority of us didn't sign up for this when we first stepped through the gate and into this galaxy, but we're here now, and this is home for us, too. I will not stand by and watch it be taken from us. We owe it to the people who died for us; our friends who sacrificed themselves so that we could live on. We owe it to them to keep trying. I will not let their deaths be in vain." Beside Carson, Radek stands a little straighter; Carson reaches out and places a hand on his shoulder.

"It won't be easy. I don't know what we're going to face. But I know," Elizabeth says, "I know that with a little courage, a little faith, and a lot of perseverance, we will survive. We will step into Atlantis again, and we will reclaim it as our own." She looks at Lorne, at Ronon and the military personnel; she looks over the crowd, the scientists, the civilians; she looks at Kate, at Radek and at Carson, and she smiles a little. She nods, as though to herself, her fingers playing with a chain below her shirt. "It's time to go home. Dial the gate."

On the ninth planet, Carson dreams of glistening towers sparkling beneath the Atlantean sun. He dreams of cool blue water and a never-ending horizon. He dreams of sun, of light, of smiling faces - Sheppard explaining Christmas to Teyla, Rodney swearing at whoever will listen to him, Elizabeth's face a mixture of wry amusement and faint exasperation.

He wakes to desert sands and burning sun, and an intense need for coffee. He watches as Elizabeth settles herself beneath the shade of a large tree with the small blue journal and receives people, scientists with water rations and techniques to grow food on the move, airmen with (brief) status reports and marines with plans for where to go next, and what to do in an emergency. She invites Ronon to discuss the plans with her and Lorne, and he helps Radek to map which are the safest planets to attempt to gate to, which ones have usable resources and which ones have direct connections to the Wraith.

Carson keeps check on the last of the wounded, and rigorously enforces the sleep schedule. One of the Athosian women gives birth to a baby girl, and for once he has good news for Elizabeth who smiles brightly when she hears, relieved and pleased.

Before he leaves, she takes his hand and presses it earnestly. There are no words, but Carson understands all the same. He nods.

That night they make a campfire and pass around a bottle of not-alcohol that the marines found in one of the food crates, saying nothing, discussing the next exodus. Ronon leaves with Lorne to take the late watch; Kate retires, as does Radek. Carson reclines, his skin hot and sticky from the humidity, looking up to see unfamiliar constellations. He wonders where they are, and which way earth lies. He wonders, not for the first time, if he'll ever see it again.

The next day is spent packing, ready to move on again. Scouting teams have come back with news of where attacks are taking place, and which addresses to add to, or cross off Radek's list. They lose a team, and Lorne groans in frustration, smacking his hand against the tree. Carson has to remove five splinters, one embedded deep in Lorne's thumb making it bleed bright red, and swell.

He packs the medical equipment and keeps it close at hand as he helps Elizabeth collect her papers, and file them carefully away. A hot gust of wind knocks over one of the crates, and they scramble to pick up the files – the lists of remaining ratios, headcounts, medical supplies, friendly addresses – and Carson comes across the little blue journal lying face down on the ground. He picks it up, the smooth covers sticking to his fingertips and his eyes flick over its contents, Dr. Lindsey Novak, Lt. Col. Steven Caldwell, Dr. Makemba Gitonga, Lt. Col. John Sheppard, Capt. Tyler Wilson, Jaden Solas, Lt. Mary Donner, Teyla Emmagen, Dr. Rodney McKay, Dr. Miko Kusanagi— he closes it resolutely. Elizabeth is tense as he hands it back to her, her lips tightening defensively. Carson doesn't pass comment, simply continues to pick up the runaway sheets.

They leave early the following morning before the sun has fully risen, breaching the gate's intangible event horizon in pairs and threes, and leaving the dust behind. Radek walks beside him, animated over a new idea, and ahead of him, Carson can see Kate Heightmeyer walking alongside Laura Cadman. He looks over his shoulder as he approaches the gate; Radek is still muttering to himself, Ronon, as ever, is stuck by Lorne's side, and next to them is Elizabeth. She looks at him, then smiles tentatively. Relieved, Carson smiles in return, and turns back towards the gate, gently steering Radek in the right direction. He takes a deep breath and then steps forward into the shimmering light, his insides shuddering, and he falls forward a little, and then they are through.

end.