WARNING
This story may be disturbing or too violent.
Contact your doctor if you are a pregnant man or woman or you are elderly reading this. You might scream and puke on the language and violence of this story. Do not do any of these stunts. And if you are a pregnant man, what the fuck. Thank you for never reading this when you are watching movies. Enjoy.
THE FOLLOWING
FILM IS RATED..
RATED R
There once was a man. But he wasn't a man. He was a kid. "HEY GRANDPA. GET ME SOME FUCKING BREAKFAST" said the kid one morning. It was one in the morning. The kid was very hungry. If grandpa never made the kid any fucking breakfast, the kid would kill grandpa. "Get in the car" said grandpa, "We are getting ice cream" "YOU BETTER GET FUCKING MINT CHIP OR ILL FUCK YOUR ASS YOU NIGGA" said the kid. A guy walking was looking at the kid. The kid started shooting the guy. Then ate him. "What the fuck" said a black guy. The black guy started calling the cops. But the kid ate him. "Ha I tricked you! You're going to fucking school" said grandpa. "WHAT THE FUCK YOU NIGGA" said the kid. The kid stabbed grandpa with a fork. Then the kid pulled out a pizza with extra extra extra extra extra anchovies. He shoved it in grandpa's throat. Grandpa started to choke. The kid put a bomb in the car and set it in 1 minute. The kid got out of the car walking away, acting cool. After 1 minute, the car blew up. It started to rain anchovies. At school, the kid saw a lemonade stand. A duck walked up. "Do you have any grapes?" Said the duck. "No you fucking duck" said the man running the stand. The man running the stand pulled out a shotgun and shot the duck. "I only want grapes.." Said the duck. The man running the stand put the duck in the oven. He took the duck out. Then he stuffed it. "A FUCKING STUFFED DUCK FOR SALE! MORE LIKE A STUFFED DICK FOR SALE BEACUSE THIS FUCKING DUCK COMES EVERY FUCKING DAY" said the man running the stand. The kid walked in the school. "Today's song.. I FUCKED A WOMAN AND IT FELT SO GOOD!" Said the announcements. "I love this song" said a kid. "I fucked a woman and it felt so gooood. It felt like a banana and a donut" sang the kids. "SHUT THE FUCK UP CLASS" said the teacher. The teacher is a bitch. "Today we are going to learn about sex" said the teacher. "To learn about sex, we are going to watch Dirty Grandpa to learn what to do when around girls or boys. Boys stick their penis up the girls pussy." said the teacher. The kids started to watch. "OFF TO YOUR NEXT FUCKING CLASS! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CLASSROOM" said the teacher. The teacher pulled out a gun. "WHO EVER DOESN'T GET OUT, FUCKING DIES" said the teacher. All the kids ran out screaming. There was one kid who was on their phone. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CLASS" said the teacher. Then the teacher noticed that they were on their phone. "YOUR ON YOUR FUCKING PHONE" said the teacher. The teacher took the phone and smashed it on the ground. The teacher stomped on it. "HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR PHONE NOW? BITCH" said the teacher. Then the teacher shot them in the head. "YEAH YOU FUCKER" said the teacher. The next class came in. "YOU KNOW WHAT? I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE" said the teacher. The teacher pulled out the gun again and shot everyone in the classroom. The teacher jumped out the window and ran. Cops sirens went around the school. The teacher came back with a nuke and set it for 10 minutes. The teacher got in a car and drove away. The cops followed. After school, grandpa came to pick up the kid. He was confused though because there was no school there. A stranger got in the car. "AH! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CAR" said grandpa. But it was the kid. "WHAT THE FUCK! THIS IS MY CAR. NOT YOURS SO YOU GET THE FUCK OUT" said the kid. "OK OK BUT DON'T KILL ME AGAIN" said grandpa. Grandpa got out of the car. The kid took the wheel. The kid started it and drove it. He turned around facing the bumper at grandpa. "Oh shit" said grandpa. The kid stepped on the gas hard. The car drove toward at grandpa. "OH SHIT" said grandpa. Grandpas blood splattered everywhere. Then the kid saw a girl walking. "Hot lady.. Let's fuck her" said the kid. The kid drove over to her. "Hey girl, wanna get out of here" said the kid. "Yeah" said the girl. The girl got in the car. "Let's go to my place" said the kid. "No. Let's do it here. Unzip it now" said the girl. "Yeah let's get our fuck on" said the kid. So the kid and the girl had sex. They had babies. But the babies were too annoying so they shot them in the head. After 3 years, the kid said, "you know what the girl? You are too annoying." "Yeah you are too" said the girl. They slowly pulled out guns. The kid was too fast though and shot the girl in the head. "IM FUCKING FREE" said the kid. "Ok" said a random guy. The random guy took the kid. The kid put his gun right up to his dick. The kid pulled the trigger. It didn't do anything. "Kid, I don't have a dick" said the random guy, "all I have is big nipples." The kid looked under his shirt. He had huge nipples. The kid started sucking on them. "Oh yeah. That feels like a fucking crab is nibbling on my nipples" said the random guy. But then the kid looked at his face. It was fover. "Oh. Hello fover." Said the kid. "Hello" said fover. Fover is a gay kid. "Give me some more Jiz!" Said Fover, "Yummy!" "Uhh.. Fover.. That's someone's period." Said the kid. "So what! Yummy!" Said fover. "FOVER. STOP DRINKING SOMEONE'S FUCKING PERIOD" said the kid. "What is a period anyways?" Said fover. "Fover.. It's when a girl.. Umm.. Blood comes out of.. It's hard to explain.. I DONT KNOW" said the kid. "WHAT THE FUCK WHY DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT A FUCKING PERIOD IS YOU NIGGA" said fover. "BECAUSE YOUR A FUCKING DUMB ASS" said the kid. The kid shot fover in the face. "You.. Are.. Are.. Still.. A.. A.. Dumb ass" said fover dying. Then fover died. "NOOOOOOOO wait I meant, YEESSSSSSS" said the kid. The kid took out a machine gun and shot fover in the face a million times. Then the kid took off fover's pants. "He does have a dick" said the kid. The kid took out the machine gun again and shot fover's dick a million times. Every time the kid hit his dick fover's body shook. The kid looked at the time. It was 1:00am. "Time to get fucking grandpa from the fucking hospital TO GET HIM TO MAKE FUCKING BREAKFAST" said the kid. The kid walked over to the hospital. He went in grandpa's room. "COME ON FUCKING GRANDPA ITS TIME FOR YOU TO MAKE FUCKING BREAKFAST" said the kid. The kid and grandpa went to the Metro to go back home. They walked down to the Metro. They saw no trains coming. The kid saw one coming. The kid then put a penny in the tracks. "Grandpa its free money!" Said the kid. Grandpa jumped down in the tracks to get it. "I got the free money" said grandpa. "Good job!" Said the kid. The train came and hit grandpa. Blood splattered all over the train. After grandpa got hit, the Metro closed. So the kid took a fuck truck to his house. "Welcome to the fuck truck" said the black guy driving it when the kid was entering the fuck truck. The kid walked in. There was a strip club inside. Grandpa was throwing money at the stripers. "GRANDPA! HOW ARE YOU ON THE FUCK TRUCK YOU ARE DEAD" said the kid. "You see the kid.. That was my twin.. Now it's your turn to die" said grandpa. "But grandpa, you have to make fucking breakfast" said the kid. "NEVER! Don't you see the kid! This is what life is! Now im going to sing a soooooooong" said grandpa. "SING LET IT GO" said the kid. "Ok. LET IT GOOOOOOOH LET IT GUUUUUHHHH CANT DO THIS SHIT ANYMOREE LET UT GUUUHHHH LET IT GEEEEHHH THE CULLD NEVA BROTHERED NE ANYWUUUYYYSS" sang grandpa. "GRANDPA WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH YOUR SINGING" said the kid. "I don't know. It's my normal singing" said grandpa. The kid and grandpa looked around. "Everyone left because of the terrible singing of THIS FUCKING GUY" said the driver. "WAS NOT" said grandpa. "WAS TOO" said the driver. "WAS NOT" said grandpa. "WAS TOO" said the driver. "WAS NOT" said grandpa. "WAS TOO" said the driver. "WAS NOT" said grandpa. "WAS TOO" said the driver. "WAS NOT" said grandpa. "WAS TOO" said the driver. "WAS NOT" said grandpa. "WAS TOO" said the driver. "WAS NOT" said grandpa. "WAS TOO" said the driver. "WAS NOT" said grandpa. "WAS TOO" said the driver. "WAS NOT" said grandpa. "WAS TOO" said the driver. "WAS NOT" said grandpa. "WAS TOO" said the driver. "WAS NOT" said grandpa. "WAS TOO" said the driver. "WAS NOT" said grandpa. "WAS TOO" said the driver. "WAS NOT" said grandpa. "WAS TOO" said the driver. "FINE I WAS" said grandpa. "YEAH FUCKER I WAS RIGHT" said the driver. Grandpa got mad and took one of the kid's guns. He pointed it at the driver. "WO WHAT IS WITH YOU NIGGA" said the driver. Grandpa shot him. "HA YOU MISSED NIGGA" said the driver. "Oh shit" said grandpa. But then a Jedi came and hit the bullet with a mighty thwack. "That's what George Washington did to me" said dead fover scratching his dick because the kid shot his dick a million times. The bullet came back and went straight through the driver's head. The kid and grandpa ran out of the fuck truck. Before the kid got out of the fuck truck, the kid lit the fuck truck driver and put gasoline all over the fuck truck. The kid ran out of the fuck truck. 3 seconds later, The fuck truck blew up. A striper flew out. "I believe I can fly" said the striper. But the striper landed in a lake. "HELP I CANT FUCKING SWIM" said the striper. The striper drowned. "YES" said the kid and grandpa. "YOU STOLE MY LINE" said the kid. The kid shot grandpa. Then he threw grandpa to the lake where the striper was. "Hello sexy lady.." Said grandpa. Grandpa stuck his dick in her fussy. So grandpa and the dead striper had sex. "That's fucking gross" said the kid. The kid went to the lake and slapped grandpa. Grandpa and the striper washed up on shore. The striper coughed. She was alive. "HOW DID SHE COME BACK TO FUCKING LIFE" said the kid. "Thank you old man for saving my life. Now you have my permission to have sex with me" said the striper. The striper pleased grandpa. So grandpa and the striper had a baby. It's name was Shrek because it was so ugly. And they all lived happily ever after. Until, the bombing started. The sirens went off. Bombing planes dropped bombs. The kid was laughing. "GO MY FRIENDS GOOO KILL ALL" said the kid. A bomb dropped on Shrek. Shrek's blood splattered all over the striper. "The kid. Please shoot me in the head" said the striper. The kid pulled out an RPG and shot at the striper. "Yay-" said the striper before she was blown to pieces. The striper went to hell. The devil came out and started dancing around the lava and fell in and died then teleported to heaven which made the devil good and the angel bad. "Where am I" said the striper. George Washington passed on a horse and gave a cherry tree a mighty thwack with his strong axe. "Hold it hold it hold it." George said after he accidentally chopped off the stripers head. The striper put her head back on. "You know what just fuck my life" said the striper. The striper walked over to the bad angel. "TAKE MY FUCKING LIFE TAKE ALL OF MY FUCKING LIFE" said the striper. "Ok" said the bad angel. The bad angel ate the stripers soul. Back where the kid and grandpa were, grandpa was poking the stripers dead body with a stick. "Yep. She's dead. Now I can suck from her boobs." said grandpa. So grandpa sucked all the milk from her boobs. "I call her other boob" said the kid. "Fine you fucking kid" said grandpa. The kid sucked on the stripers other boob. "GRANDPA I HAVE A GOOD IDEA" said the kid. "What is it" said grandpa. "THIS STRIPER CAN BE OUR SEX TOY" said the kid. "OMG YES YES" said grandpa. The kid and grandpa brought it home and put her dead body in a closet. "Yay now we have a sex toy" said the kid. "And every week we can use it until it wears out" said grandpa. "OPEN UP" said the door. The kid opened the door. It was the girl. "Hey girl" said the kid. "WHAT THE FUCK! WHY DID YOU SHOOT MEH" said the girl. "Because I did" said the kid. "THATS IT?" said the girl. "Yep" said the kid. The kid pulled out a knife and shanked the girl. "OWWWWWWW" said the girl. The kid stabbed her again. The girl then died. "GRANDPA" said the kid. "What" said grandpa. "ANOTHER SEX TOY" said the kid. "OMG YES YES" said grandpa. "Put her in the closet" said the kid. "You do it" said grandpa. "YOU WILL DO IT NOW" said the kid. "Ok fine" said grandpa. Grandpa threw the girl in the closet. But the girl broke the closet door down. "I AM STILL ALIVE" said the girl. She took out an AK47 and shot grandpa. "HA HA HA FUCKER" said the girl. She called robots to help. "MUHAHAHAHAHAH" said the girl. The only robot that came was a grill. "I am grill 27289" said the grill. Grill 27289 and the girl walked to the kid. "Time to die the kid. It's all over now" said the girl. The girl shot the kid in the head. "It is done now. The kid is dead. THE WORLD IS FREE" said the girl. Fover walked over. "Ok" said fover. "What the fuck are you" said the girl. "I am fover and I have big nipples" said fover. "Can I see" said the girl. Fover lifted his shirt. "Those ARE huge nipples" said the girl. "Where is the kid" said fover. "Over there" said the girl. Fover walked over to the kid. "The kid is sleeping" said the girl. "Oh" said fover. Fover walked away from the kid. But then fover saw blood coming from the kid. "Ooo! Ketchup!" said fover. Fover licked up the blood. "Mmmmm" said fover as he licked the blood. Also fover sucked his dick because fover is a gay kid. But then fover noticed he didn't get a boner. "Why doesn't he get a boner?" said fover. "Uhhhhhhhh" said the girl. Fover checked his pulse. "HE IS DEAD! KILL THE GIRL" said fover. "No.. No.. NOOO" said the girl. "I'm sorry the girl. You die now" said grill 27289. Grill 27289 put the girl down on the grill. "WHAT THE FUCK GRILL 27289 WHAT THE FUCK!" said the girl. Grill 27289 picked up the flipper and sticked one end into the girls pussy. He took it and went up and down and up and down and up and down. "Ohh ohhhhh ohhhh OHHH" said the girl. So grill 27289 took out his dick and stuck in into the girl. "Ohh fuck yeah" said grill 27289. The girl took out his dick and put it her mouth and sucked it. "Ohhhh yeah" said grill 27289. Grill got his dick out of her mouth and started licking her pussy. "Ohhhhh oh my god" said the girl. The girl grabbed his dick and shoved it in her pussy. Grill 27289 shoved in up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down. "Ohhhh ohhhh ohh ohhhhhh ohhhHHhh OHHH ohhhhh OHHH" said the girl. The kid came back to life. "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON" said the kid. Grill 27289 held his dick over her mouth. The jiz poured out of his dick all over the girls face. The girl licked all the jiz on her face. "Mmmm that was good.." said the girl. "I SAID.. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON" said the kid. "Uhh" said the girl. "YOU WILL DIE NOW THE GIRL" said the kid. The kid kicked the girl. "Ohh you little bastard.." said the girl. The girl pulled out a gun and shot the kid. "You see the girl.. I didn't die.. Why? Because of this" said the kid. The kid lifted his shirt. He had rock hard abs. "Oh my god I want to touch them" said the girl. "Ok" said the kid. The kid ran up and smacked her with his rock hard abs. "They feel so nice.." said the girl. The girl died. "NOW YOU WONT BE A SEX TOY" said the kid. The kid threw her into a dumpster. "Thank goodness it's over." said the kid.
FIN
Now out: Rated R Uncensored Version
(Don't use school iPad for this one!)