The three little pigs
This little pig's story is unlike any little pig's story you've ever heard. So gather around and I'll tell you the story of the 3 bad little pigs.
Once upon a time there were three bad little pigs. They never washed their socks, put on clean underwear and they never put the toilet seat down. They stayed home and played video games all day.
Their mother grew sick of them not going to college or getting a job and living like well… pigs, so she eventually kicked them out and left them to fend for themselves.
Since they were lazy and had no building experience whatsoever they built their first house out of straw. One day a wolf came along and saw the pigs. He decided he would be neighborly and pay them a visit.
The wolf strolled up to the poorly made house and out of politeness knocked on the door. "Greetings little pigs! Would you be so kind as to let me in?"
The pigs were paranoid and thought the wolf was going to eat them.
"No mister wolf!" They said. "You cannot come into our house; we made it out of straw!"
The oldest of the three pigs said. "You aren't eating us today! Go away!"
The wolf grew angry and natural instinct took over. He had to break his strict diet of hummus and tofu. He was going to have bacon tonight. "Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down" He took a big deep breath and blew the house down.
The pigs ran away and sadly due to his early development of osteoarthritis the wolf could not give chase went home
The pigs gained a bit of knowledge on construction and built a house out of sticks… an improvement but apparently they never found construction for dummies.
The wolf drove up to the house on his electric scooter and hobbled up to the door, he was upset and wanted an apology. "Let me in please!"
"No mister wolf you can't come into our house we made our house out of sticks!"
The wolf was really angry now. "I'LL BLOW YOUR HOUSE DOWN AND THEN I'LL EAT YOU!" He huffed and puffed and almost blew the house down but sadly he didn't have the lung capacity he used to because he was a chain smoker (a lesson to you kiddies out there don't smoke). He huffed once; he huffed twice, then went into a coughing frenzy, and braced himself against the house causing it to fall down. The pigs ran away and the wolf drove home. Soon the pigs found Construction for Dummies. So they built their next house out of bricks.
The wolf came back on his Segway this time because his scooter broke, and he made sure to bring his inhaler. The wolf banged on the door. "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"
"No mister wolf! You cannot come into our house we made it out of bricks!"
The wolf was thoroughly frustrated; he picked up a hammer and knocked a brick out of place. The house crumbled down because the pigs forgot to add mortar.
The pigs ran away and the wolf started to give chase on his Segway but, alas the pigs got away because segways don't go that fast and the wolf went home.
After a trip to home depot, the pigs built their next house out of bricks AND mortar. The wolf came and knocked on the door. "LET ME IN!"
"No mister wolf you cannot come into our house! We made it out of bricks and mortar!"
The wolf grabbed a box of C4 and he did blow that house down. He ate the pigs and went home.
The pigs Mama heard what happened and went after the wolf and well… let's just say she wasn't cold that winter.
THE END