Confused
Set after "Careless Whisper", after Marco tells Ellie he thinks he might be gay
Characters: Marco, Ellie, Spinner, Jimmy
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"I'm just so…confused"
His words echoed through my head as I sat across from him. It was strange that one minute I had been making out with this adorable cute and sensitive guy and the next minute I find out that he might not even like girls. I almost laughed, but I knew that's not what he needed right now, he needed my support, which I would try to give him.
I knew I should have listened to Ashley, her and her damned 'gaydar' as she called it when she was at my house. God I am so stupid! Why is it always Ellie who ends up dating the gay guys or no one at all? Now I really wish that I would have gone out with Jimmy, or even answered Spinner's phone call when he called me that one time. But I didn't, because I was convinced that Marco, my best friend, would someday be my boyfriend, so I held out…and look where that got me.
It got me in Ashley's bedroom, prepared to go the whole way, but left out to dry when he decided it was finally time to tell me that he was gay. Well it could have gone worse, I suppose he expected me to scream and cry or something, but the only one doing the crying was him.
So on the knowledge scale I guess it's Ashley – 1 and Ellie – 0
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I could tell I was hurting her.
She looked shocked, scared and hurt, and it was my entire fault.
I hate myself and I hate the way I feel, damn you Dr. Sally, I was happy being in denial!
But no, I can't just pretend to be straight no of course not! Some stupid Dr comes in and then within hours I doubt everything I've known my whole life.
Ellie didn't cry or scream like I expected her to, she was pretty calm, which then pretty much resulted in my breaking down completely…god I am such a girl.
When we left Ashley's bedroom everyone was whistling at us, and since Ellie and I had agreed that she would continue to be my 'girlfriend' we both faked huge grins and rejoined the group.
Later that night in Spinner's car we got into this conversation, I hated lying to him, but I knew it was something I would need to do to cover with the guys, so they wouldn't find out about the real me.
"So,
DelStudly how was she?" Spinner asked with a sly grin as he nudged
Marco playfully in the ribs. Marco grunted and moved away from
Spinner, muttering something about 'damn you, Spin'. "Well…?"
Spinner asked again, ignoring the blank stare that came from Paige as
she rolled her eyes as they sped down the street in Dylan's car,
since it was his job to get them home, since he was the only one who
had a car.
Marco
rolled his eyes and swatted him on the arm, with a "Spin shut
up" Spinner suddenly stopped laughing. "That bad, huh?"
and with that he started smirking again while Paige smacked him in
the head and Marco rolled his eyes. "Spin, we didn't do
anything, I swear" he said as he looked over at his best friend. He
couldn't help but get the feeling that someone was looking at him
so he briefly looked up and saw that Dylan was looking at him through
the rear-view mirror. He smiled softly and Dylan smiled back, causing
Marco's heart to flutter. But he was brought out of his stupor by
Spinner's demeaning jokes about women.
I don't know why I have these feelings, especially about Dylan. All I know is that I'm going to have to stay completely impartial I'm around him, because I sure as hell don't want anyone to find out about this.
1 year later
Ellie had finally gotten tired of playing the part of his girlfriend, and I really can't blame her. It couldn't have been very fun pretending to be some ones girlfriend, especially someone you had once liked, and not being able to kiss them or hug them or anything when you were away from the eyes of the public. I regret making her do that, but now I'm not sure where to go from here, especially if Spinner was to find out.
He would probably try to convince me to date Hazel, and just to please Spinner, I would probably say yes.
I'm pretty sure that Hazel wouldn't be too happy with dating a gay guy, and she has a big mouth, so my secret would be out, even if she didn't mean to do it.
So I'll just go on, and not tell my friends about the break-up, they probably won't notice anyway!
I jumped into Paige's van, into shot gun and looked over at the driver, about to say hi when he noticed who it was. I had looked straight up into the blue eyes of Paige's older brother Dylan, who I had completely forgotten over the past year. I extended my hand and shook hands with the older boy, possibly for a little longer than was normal, but I retracted my hand, as soon as I realized I hadn't let go, and quickly averted by eyes out the window, trying to will away the feelings that were creeping back into my mind and heart, that I had tried to ignore.