Slight spoilers for Deep Breath. There's nothing too revealing, but I wouldn't recommend reading it if you're squeamish about light spoilers.
Staring
Clara Oswald lightly tossed her mobile from one hand to another, back and forth, back and forth... Rhythmically, it was almost like a pendulum. Clockwork, even.
She sat in the corner of a curved plastic booth, in another restaurant. Her recent experience with public dining still fresh in her mind, she imagined she'd cook at home for the next few weeks. Months, maybe. Anything to fend those horrid memories off.
The Doctor was nearby, waiting to fetch their order of chips. He stood upright, his head held high. His hands were pushed in his pockets, displaying the vibrant red liner of his new coat to the world. He gazed intently at the window, his brows deeply furrowed, his mouth taut. The conclusion she could come to was that he was simply looking outside at all the people- all those human lives- who walked past those windows. She knew better. The window was a bit reflective. He was staring at himself.
Sometimes she wondered what went on in that man's brain, now more than ever. She wondered if he was having the same thoughts she was right now, because he stared at himself like he didn't quite know the man that met him in the mirror. It was like he didn't understand who he was yet. So why did he seem so haunted, so sad? Those big sad eyes... He still had them, even with this face. They're different, but the ancient depth of them is the same. She can recognize that now.
Briefly, he turned towards her. As if by instinct, Clara's eyes looked down at her phone. She brushed her fingers randomly over the screen, pretending to be playing a game. She could never let him catch her staring, because the second he noticed, she couldn't be upset anymore. Not with him, not with the Doctor. He knew. He always knew.
"I've made many mistakes," he'd said earlier, back in the TARDIS. "And it's about time I did something about that, starting right now... Clara... I'm not your boyfriend."
"I never thought you were," she'd replied quickly, even though her heart was pounding.
"I never said it was your mistake."
That was when it dropped.
While she was starting to accept everything that had happened in the past three days by now, this was what really got to her. He'd admitted it. Sure, it was an offhand remark, but it told her that he once thought of them as more than just friends. She'd wished that a couple of times. The time she spent traveling with him was special. He always could find a way to make her laugh, like no one else could. They were best buds, they were happy. So why would this be a mistake?
Clara watched with a weak, but reminiscent smile as he brought a basket of chips back towards their table, walking with more coordination than her old Doctor ever could. So maybe she was still heartbroken inside, and she didn't know exactly who this Doctor was yet, but she promised to help, and she would.
Perhaps together, they would help each other.
After watching this episode, (which was pretty darn good, by the way), I couldn't help but want to write something about it already. It is so exciting finally having new content to mull about! :)