Hey guys. Here's yet another Vergil and Dante fic that I've written when I should be updating my others. Don't worry. Updates will come sooner or later but I need to find time and inspiration.

So anyway, here's the first chapter of the latest

Enjoy

Bane of Existence

Chapter 1: A Mild Discomfort

Dante dragged himself into Devil May Cry, smelling, sore and disgruntled. He'd been out of town on a mission for the past two weeks and was dearly looking forward to a nice hot shower and a soft bed with clean sheets. Of course he'd have to settle for a lukewarm shower with poor water pressure, dirty sheets and a mattress that if slept on in a certain way, avoiding the protruding springs and overflowing padding, could be soft—ish. But Dante wasn't complaining, even the poorly renovated Devil May Cry seemed like the Ritz Carlton after being away for so long. And his biggest objective at the moment was just washing the smell of the demons he'd exterminated off his body. They were quite possibly the foulest smelling creatures ever devised in the underworld. And the fact that they had set up shop in a sewer system and broken down aqueduct had not helped matters any.

The devil hunter was about ready to kill his client for calling the stench a "minor discomfort." The severity of the awaiting smell had clearly been downplayed by the man and had Dante but known what was in store for him, there was no way in heaven or hell that he would have even considered taking the job. And why he'd stuck with the mission after his nasal passages had first been scalded by the odor was beyond him, but at least it was over, he kept telling himself—Well it would be once he could erase the smell from his body and possibly the memory of it from his mind. A memory of the stench was enough—and too much, he didn't need it following him around for the rest of his days, though he wasn't entirely sure that he'd ever be able to get it off.

Kicking in the doors so that they swung and reverberated off the walls, Dante caught another whiff of his clothing from the gust of wind it caused and nearly wretched. "OH MY GOD. IT JUST KEEPS GETTING WORSE!" Dante growled and whipped off his jacket and shirt in one swift movement, grimacing as the garments brushed by his nose and the smell invaded his senses once again, dizzying him. "God dammit. That guy is so getting my dry cleaning bill and a punch in the face."

When the formerly glistening leather boots, now caked in unimaginable slime, hit the heap of discarded clothing, Dante was scowling even more. "Better yet. I'll just ram my boots up his nose and see what he thinks of the 'minor discomfort' then." The fetid aroma permeating the air as it rose up from the pile of clothing made Dante grab his nose, choking on it now that he was in a closed space. "And then I'll kill him," he gasped between short breaths.

"By all that is evil, have you never heard of soap and water? I don't remember THIS terrible of an odor from our previous encounters? Are you striking against basic hygiene, Brother, or is this a new battle tactic? You wish to offend your adversaries senses so that their heads explode?"

Dante turned to the strained voice behind him and his eyes narrowed at his scowling brother seated behind his desk. "Is it working?" he growled rather nasally from behind his cupped hand.

"Getting there. But I'd rather not meet my demise that way." Vergil stood from the desk and walked around, but ventured no further as it would bring him closer to the nose-hair-burning smell his brother was emitting. He visibly gagged and turned his face away before looking back, a composed, yet disgusted expression on his face. "Why don't you freshen up while I torch your clothes so we can get down to business in hopefully fresher air?"

Dante raised an eyebrow. "We have business?" he asked, stepping closer to his brother as Vergil took a step back from the enclosing smell. Dante smirked at his brother's reaction but it was hidden behind his hand.

"Agh…We always do," the older twin managed to choke out. "Now go douse yourself in acid and maybe the smell will lessen to a tolerable level." His eyes were watering as Dante moved closer and he stepped back.

"Ok." Dante grinned as best he could as he uncovered his mouth and nose. Much to his brother's discomfort and surprise, he stripped down to his boxers and hung his pants over Vergil's shoulder. "Here ya go, Bro. Knock yourself out," Dante half chuckled-half choked as he headed for the bathroom, knowing that his statement was literally an option for his brother.

A full hour later, Dante was dressed in a pair of jeans and a plain white t-shirt, standing back in Devil May Cry's outer office, toweling his hair dry and glaring at his brother who had taken up sitting behind his desk again. He noticed that his reeking clothes were gone and the hint of smoke from a fire was still present in the air but he was glad that the smell had died down some and that the room was being invaded by a cool night breeze flowing in from the wide open front doors, thought he wasn't happy that Vergil was making himself so comfortable and looking so relaxed in his place.

"So you're back." Dante wasn't hiding the annoyance in his voice as he watched his brother shrug and shift his legs onto the desk while crossing them and lacing his fingers together, resting his hands under his chin.

"You knew I would be," Vergil said simply.

"I know. But one of these days it would be nice if you just took the hint and stayed down"

"You know that's never going to happen." Vergil waved dismissively. "Like you, I'm much too stubborn to admit defeat. And you look forward to my visits just as much as I do."

"'Ch" A grunt was the only response Dante would give.

"You know you do. Don't act like you're not happy to see me, brother. You're just itching to strike out at me and continue our ongoing battle. How long has it been? 3…4 years?"

"A lifetime." Dante interjected moodily.

"True." Vergil tipped his head once in the affirmative. "All our lives I suppose, though it's really only gotten interesting in the past few years, don't you think? Once you quit whining so much."

"Hey! I never whined." The devil hunter narrowed his eyes and Vergil raised an eyebrow.

"Just like you aren't doing now?" he asked.

"Ye-dammit. I'm not whining. I'm yelling. There's a difference."

"Is there? Because it sounds to me like you're whining—Though maybe we need a second opinion. Where's that blond tart you adopted as a partner a while back? Maybe she can settle this for us."

"Trish isn't here," Dante said quickly and coldly, following up his statement with a sharp glare at his brother, telling him not to push it because he knew damned well where the incarnation of his mother had gone.

Vergil smiled at that moment, remembering what had befallen Trish, though he'd never actually forgotten. He just loved mentioning the blond woman every chance he got because he knew it was a soar spot for Dante.

"Missing our dear mother, Dantekins?" Vergil leered as Dante's jaw clenched. "Well of course you are," he said, slapping his hand down on the desk as he got up. "But don't trouble your little head over that skanked up version Mundus created of our mother. She isn't worth it. You knew that when I killed her and your opinion still hasn't changed."

"Bullshit," Dante spat, following his twin's movements with a glare. "I don't think like you, jerk-off. Trish was a person. She had feelings. And I DO give a damn about what happened to her."

Vergil snorted. "Well you shouldn't. And she's gone now so get over it. She was too much of a distraction anyway and sooner or later you're going to have to cut the cord and grow up like all the other little boys do. You can't always have some bimbo around to spoon-feed you and wipe your ass for you."

"Just shut up. Are we going to fight now, or what?" Dante was more than ready to grab a sword and run it straight through his brother's gut but he held himself back, hoping that a deep glower would be enough for the moment.

Vergil caught the look of pure loathing in his brother's eye and his amusement only intensified. "What? And miss this onslaught of feeble insults I get from you whenever we meet? Please. This part has always been my favourite. You're not going to take the joy of verbally ridiculing you away from me, now are you?"

"Guess not." Dante hissed, clenching the towel in his fists as he held it over his shoulders. "It isn't like you ever win the REAL battles anyway. Might as well let you have some victory so your self-esteem doesn't get blown, not that I care."

"Ah. Now you're getting into the spirit." Vergil continued walking around his brother, forcing Dante to turn his head around to keep him in view. "Go on," he goaded, "Take another shot at me. You're smack talk is almost a legend in itself, very nearly rivaling our father's memory in the underworld. Is that how you manage to win your battles? Hm? If not by the horrible smell, then by mental strikes at the brainless demons who probably can't understand half of what you're saying to them before you finish them off with a good swipe with your sword? Very cunning, Brother. But clearly you aren't good enough considering I still stand. Perhaps you should employ sharper wit. Your dumbed-down vocabulary is too primitive for me."

"Oh would you fucking get over yourself, Bro. Dammit. When the hell did you get so high and mighty."

"Sadly I was born with the knowledge that I am better than you. Superiority is such a curse."

"I'll bet."

"But you have your own share of arrogance I might add, Devil Hunter. 'Cocky bastard' doesn't spring to mind when your name is mentioned for nothing."

Dante's frown shifted into a smirk instantly at the comment. "True," he conceded, "But you're also forgetting the common opinion that I'm gorgeous and sexy as hell."

Vergil snorted loudly. "Now who's being vain?" he scoffed, "And I certainly have never heard those exact words, or anything of the likes from creatures worth counting. It must be all in your head. And I wouldn't be cluttering my mind with worthless fantasies of myself being groped and fawned over by a sea of mindless Barbie dolls if I were you. It isn't good to get caught up in your delusions, Dante."

"Shut up. At least I can safely say that I'm a kick-ass devil hunter. You know that from experience."

"Ah yes. That old argument." Vergil shook his head as he stepped around to face his twin. "It's taken a little longer than usual, but it always comes back to that, doesn't it Dante? My sorry little defeats against you."

"Guess it does." Dante stared his brother in the eye. "At least you can admit that you can't beat me."

Vergil chuckled lightly. "It isn't that I CAN'T beat you. It's just that I have not been able to as of yet, but there's always a first time for everything. And in this case, it will also be the LAST time. But feel free to believe whatever you like," he added in a lighter tone. "You're death will be proof enough that I am THE son Sparda and you the hopeless copy who hit it lucky too many times for his own good in the past."

Dante rolled his eyes. "Whatever." He'd heard enough variations of that statement from his brother in the past. He could probably recount them all by memory. "Are we doing this then?" he asked tiredly, "because I'm fucking wiped out from my mission. So either kill me now and become 'THE son of Sparda', or get the hell out so I can sleep and possibly be a challenge for your ever impressive self when you drop by again."

Vergil gazed over his brother, taking note of his slightly drooping eyelids and sagging posture he wasn't making an effort to hide anymore. "Fine," he said with obvious annoyance. "I'll be back tomorrow night. Think you can get enough beauty sleep by then, Gorgeous?"

The devil hunter nodded and snorted. "Yeah. I think that'll work."

"It had better because we're fighting either way."

"Whatever." Dante knew his twin would never fight him if he knew he wouldn't be a challenge. He watched Vergil march towards the open doorway. "See ya later, B-" He was only permitted to get that far as he suddenly found himself bent over and coughing from a sharp jab to his abdomen. The assaulting fist was still bent into his stomach and Vergil pulled it back with a smile.

"Sorry brother. I just realized as I was leaving that I was actually being nice to for a moment and it hurt me deeply, so naturally I had to share the warmth."

"Uhn…thanks…" Dante gasped out as Vergil turned on his heel.

"Tomorrow night then. Pleasant dreams, little brother."

His Twin was gone.

Tomorrow night?…hm…Excellent. The figure crouched on the lip of a nearby balcony overlooking DMC watched as Vergil walked out of the doors and disappeared shortly after in a cloud of dark smoke. He grinned wildly, his orange eyes glowing softly of their own accord. He was looking forward to the following evening's festivities just as much as the dark twin was, though he was certain he would get far more entertainment out of what was to come. He smiled again, holding dark strands of purple tinted raven hair from his eyes. His gaze focused on the devil hunter below, at last closing up his business for the night. Tomorrow night then. I am so happy I can count on those two to be themselves. But then again, what good is a family without sibling rivalry? He laughed softly and leapt down from the balcony, sinking straight into the ground as the dark pool opened up to suck him in. The following night would certainly be entertaining for someone.

The figure crouched on the lip of a nearby balcony overlooking DMC watched as Vergil walked out of the doors and disappeared shortly after in a cloud of dark smoke. He grinned wildly, his orange eyes glowing softly of their own accord. He was looking forward to the following evening's festivities just as much as the dark twin was, though he was certain he would get far more entertainment out of what was to come. He smiled again, holding dark strands of purple tinted raven hair from his eyes. His gaze focused on the devil hunter below, at last closing up his business for the night. He laughed softly and leapt down from the balcony, sinking straight into the ground as the dark pool opened up to suck him in. The following night would certainly be entertaining for someone.
Alright. I proofread something for a change, but I doubt it's flawless. As usual, any BIG mistakes, let me know. Otherwise I don't care.

Obviously a battle will ensue in the next chapter so stay tuned and lemme know what you think.

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