Wordlessly

Just because you've been hurt doesn't mean it's okay to hurt somebody too. It' s not like it will make you feel any better.

"… I'm the worst." Usami sighed, drowning in self-reproach.

As he sat up, making the blanket slide down his shoulder and exposing his bare skin, his head started to pound from his drinking binge the night before. The light streaming into the room from the gaps between blinds not completely closed did not help.

16, 17, 18… There were probably a good two dozen empty cans of beer on the low table and even on the floor. He absently wondered how many were his, and how many his drinking companion had downed.

He then turned his attention to the person sleeping beside him. Dishevelled hair framed his seemingly peaceful face that belied his tear-stained cheeks. Usami knew he had hurt him, the extent didn't really hit him until this moment. Always watching from afar, never putting his feelings into words… he knew that pain all too well.

They had done it the night before, and he was willing. He was even the one who seduced Usami. But even if he was the one who asked for it, Usami couldn't help but chastise himself for the act. No matter how he looked at it, it was wrong.

But it was done and there was no way to take it back. He could not just forget it, either. He should not, because that would be an insult to the person he did it with. The only thing he could do to make up for it was to never make the same mistake.

"I'm sorry…" He whispered, gently caressing the soft locks of the person still asleep beside him. As if in response, he shivered and rolled over, his back now facing Usami. Usami fixed his blanket, tucking him in up to his shoulder.

I'm sorry I never noticed your feelings.

I'm sorry… because even after I realized how you felt for me, I couldn't stop.

But I will never say sorry that I can't love you back, because I will never regret being loved by you.

And I will never forget how much I have hurt you.

"Thank you, Hiroki."

When the words came out of his lips, as if it was a spell, he felt warmth spread all throughout his chest and before long he felt his facial muscles start to relax until it formed into a smile. He decided to say it properly again when the intended person woke up. For a fleeting moment, he wondered if things might have turned out differently had Hiroki confessed, but for now, his heart was filled with a prayer as he bent down and kissed him on top of the head.

I hope you find happiness.

-End-