A/N: Hey this is my first attempt at a One Tree Hill fiction (couldn't getthis story out of my head)so any comments would be great! I'm kind of in the middle of my A-Levels (horrible exams for those who aren't British) so I probably won't be able to update for a while, and for those that read my Charmed stories don't worry I'll update them as soon as my exams finish!

Okay this is set after "Lifetime Pilling Up" oh and ifI get anything wrong, sorry, actually haven't seen the whole episode just clips.

Warning: this fiction is kind of dark and involves suicide, okay you've been warned!

Broken

Nathan felt sick. He couldn't believe what he had just done; never in all his life had he regretted something so much. Leaning back against the kitchen counter he forced himself to breathe, even though it hurt. His ribs were still bruised from the accident.

He scoffed at that thought, accident?

He was standing the kitchen of his apartment, not that it was going to be his apartment for much longer. On returning home from the hospital he had been welcomed with bills and an eviction notice; his rent was late.

He had no way to pay for the apartment, the hospital bill, the electricity, gas. The list was endless. Peyton and Brooke had offered to try and raise the money and although he was grateful he knew that they could never raise enough.

Dan had called little over an hour ago. He didn't even bother with the pleasantries he just got right to it. Nathan cursed himself for letting Dan get to him like that, for manipulating him the way he did. His promise was to pay for everything as long as Nathan did something for him. Nathan had refused but Dan dug into him, blaming him for his mother's addiction, calling him a failure.

Forcing himself to take another breath he tried to keep himself calm but to no avail. God he hated himself to much right now. His life was so messed up and he saw no way to fix it.

He remembered back to the hospital when he had woken up after surgery and realised that what he had thought was 'heaven' was merely just a dream and the disappointment he had felt. Lucas had asked him outright if he had crashed the race car on purpose. There had been so much worry in those eyes he couldn't bring himself to tell him the truth, or even admit it to himself.

Rubbing his temples he tried to push the nausea away but with little success. He hadn't wanted to sign the papers; never would he have wanted that. But Dan knew exactly how to get to him, making him feel so guilty about his mom. After his dream he realised that he did love his mother and the reason she did some of the things she did was because of Dan.

Thinking back to that day on the track, the speed flowing through him. Yet still all that occupied his mind was Haley. As he had sped up he had veered over to the wall, his instincts screamed 'turn left' but his heart differed greatly and he found himself turning the wheel right. The rest seemed like a blur, the car started to spin out of control but Nathan kept his foot firmly on the accelerator. He pictured Haley's face in his mind as the car stuck the wall, then everything had gone black.

He had tried to commit suicide but that wasn't what tore him up, it was the fact that he had tried and failed. And now everything was so much worse. He had told Haley not to come home because he didn't want her to come because she felt sorry for him or felt obliged to. He wanted her to come because she wanted too.

He reached over to the sink and clutched the knife that was sitting there.

She said that she loved him but she had left, she had chosen the music over him. But didn't she feel what he felt? A dull ache in his chest every waking moment, a loneliness even a room full of people couldn't erase. It hurt to talk, to think, to breathe, without her. He missed her so much.

He was shaking as he held the knife in his hand, he was so confused and the pain, he just wanted it to end.

I love you Haley, more than you'll ever know, he thought, then he dragged the blade across the skin of his wrist. The pain instantly came as blood began to leak from the wound. Dropping the blade he stumbled backwards.

Sliding to the floor he leaned back against the island counter. Closing his eyes, he let the pain surround him, take control as his blood slowly seeped out him and pool on the floor.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

Lucas plodded up the stairs to Nathan's apartment. After the car accident he barely let his brother out of his sight. He was really worried about him, mostly because he wasn't sure if that day at the track had been an 'accident'. He wanted to believe it was but he had asked Nathan straight out in the hospital, he hadn't got a verbal answer but the look in Nathan's eyes when he had said, "You're asking me if I did this on purpose?" told him otherwise. Now in his weakened state he had fallen prey to more of Dan's mind games.

Lucas knocked the door but when he received no reply he took out his own key and let himself in.

The place was a mess, as usual.

"Nate?" he called as he shut the door behind him.

Glancing around he noticed the bloody knife by the sink, and he felt his stomach drop. Something wasn't right. Rushing over to the sink, he rounded the island counter and found what he was looking for.

Nathan was slumped up against the counter, deathly pale and covered in blood.

"Oh god!" escaped Lucas' lips, he faltered for a second then sprang into action, grasping for a nearby kitchen towel he wrapped it around his brothers wrist were blood was flowing freely and applied pressure.

Opening his eyes a fraction, Nathan croaked out a weak, "Luke?"

"Yeah I'm here," Lucas replied as he pulled his cell out of his pocket with his other hand, dialling the number as quickly as he could.

"I need an ambulance immediately," he demanded, tightening his hand on the towel around his brother's wrist, that was quickly turning red.

Nathan looked up at Lucas. It was funny how quickly they had grown close; little over a year ago they had hated each others guts but now. Now they were actually brothers, and since Haley had left, Nathan felt like Lucas was the only person that really understood him.

"My brother slit his wrist…Yeah I have pressure on it….right ok….how long will it be?...right, thank you."

Hanging up Lucas tossed the phone aside. He sat down beside Nathan, moving so Nathan was leaning against him. Taking his arm he held it above his heart to slow the bleeding as much as possible.

"Why?" he asked trying to understand Nathan's reasons for doing something like this.

"I just wanted the pain to stop," he whispered. "So much pain." He leaned his head back on Lucas' shoulder.

Now there was no doubt in his mind that Nathan had driven into that wall on purpose and once again Lucas feared for his brothers' life and now his sanity.

"He made me sign…I didn't want to…but mom….I love her…I didn't want to sign….but he…" Nathan rambled.

"Signed what?"

"Annulment," he whispered as his eyes fluttered closed again.

"Oh Nate," Lucas said, anger sparked through him towards Dan, how could he have done this to his own son? Fear was also there, he had almost lost his brother and now it was happening again.

"Nathan, you have to stay with me," he pleaded as tears burned at the back of his eyes. "Don't give up on me ok?"

"It hurts so much."

"Please Nate, don't leave me," he begged. "I need you little brother."

A sudden knocking on the door made Lucas jump.

"It's open," he yelled from were he was sitting.

Two paramedics made their way into the apartment, carrying a stretcher with them.

"What happened?" one asked as he kneeled down beside them.

"I just got here and found him like this," he confessed as the paramedics took Nathan from him, lying him down on the stretcher.

Glancing at the pool of blood that was on the kitchen floor and all over the brothers he said to his partner. "He's going to need a blood transfusion straight away," the other nodded and together they carried Nathan downstairs with Lucas trailing behind them.

Loading him into the back of the ambulance Lucas felt people staring at him, they were stopping in the street and staring out their windows, but he didn't care. He wiped some of the blood off his hands onto his already bloodied t-shirt and followed the paramedic into the back of the ambulance.

"Luke?" Nathan whispered, as the ambulance sped away, sirens blaring.

"I'm here," he replied. "Don't worry I'm always here."

………………………………………………………………………………………

Sitting in front of her keyboard, Haley was trying her best to practice but her mind was elsewhere. One question kept circling around her head. He doesn't want me?

She was still really worried about him and really needed to see him but he had told not to go home. She was so confused; she didn't know what to do.

She was completely lost in thought that she didn't even notice the man walking up to her.

"Haley?"

Glancing up she was quickly brought back to earth.

"Mr Scott?" she stammered in shock. Never in a million years had she expected to see him.

"Yes, I thought that since you're becoming such a big star that I'd come and get your autograph," he replied in his usual cold tone as he handed the papers over to her. "It's over Haley."

She could do nothing but stare. He had handed over annulment papers, but that wasn't what shocked her the most, it was the fact that they were annulment papers with Nathan's signature on them.

"No," she whispered as she took a few steps backwards and let the papers float to the floor.

"Give it up Haley," he said as he reached for the fallen item. "You can't honestly say you didn't expect this after what you did?"

Shaking her head she mumbled "No," again. She couldn't believe it; Nathan wanted to end their marriage.

"Just sign it and I'll be on my way," Dan stated as he waved the papers at Haley.

Working up a little more nerve she declared in a much stronger voice. "I won't sign!"

Before Dan could reply they were interrupted by a shrill ringing. Haley took her phone out of her pocket; the screen read 'Peyton'. Ignoring Dan she hit the answer button.

"Hello?" she asked, after a pause a look of utter shock crossed her face she replied. "What? No, he wouldn't do that…Yes of course, I'm on my way."

Hanging up she remained frozen to the spot, all the colour had drained from her face.

"What's wrong?" Dan asked wondering what had happened to shake Haley this must.

"Nathan," she stammered. "He's in hospital."

"Again?"

Looking him dead in the eye she whispered. "He slit his wrists."

"What?" He blurted. No this couldn't be right; someone must have got it wrong.

Haley wiped a stray tear from her cheek and marched towards the door, calling over her shoulder. "You coming?"

Slowly nodding he followed his daughter-in-law out.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

The journey was a silent one. Dan had asked exactly what Peyton had said on the phone, Haley had begun to tell him but Deb had rung mid-explanation in hysterics. Silence had fallen after that. Three hours had passed by the time they arrived back in Tree Hill.

Haley had never felt guiltier in her life. Nathan had tried to kill himself and it was her fault. He had told her not to come home and she had listened to him instead of realising that it was his defence mechanism kicking in. She had obeyed his request, even thought she knew deep down he needed her.

When they arrived at the hospital they found an even more hysterical Deb and a worried looking Peyton and Brooke, but there was no sign of Lucas.

"What happened?" Haley asked her friends.

"We came as soon as Lucas rang," Brooke explained. "He found him in his apartment and he had cut his left wrist."

"But he's going to be ok, right?" She asked as she tried to keep herself together and not fall apart.

"He's lost a lot of blood but they are very hopefully that he'll pull through," Peyton answered this time.

Both girls were still a little mad at Haley for leaving the way she did, not even saying goodbye, but this wasn't the time and they knew it.

Trying to keep her mind focused she asked. "Where's Lucas?"

"Pacing the hallway," Brooke replied with a heavy sigh. She was worried about him too.

Haley smiled her thanks and went in search of her best friend, but when she found him she didn't get the warm welcome she had expected.

Lucas was walking up and down the hallway outside Nathan's room, still covered in his brother's blood. When he saw Haley he stopped in his tracks.

"What are you doing here?" his tone accusing.

She was stung by his reaction to her presence but when she laid eyes on him she had to force herself to breathe. God there's so much blood, she thought as she stared at Lucas.

Finding her voice she replied. "Peyton called and I came straight here."

"Why? He told you not to come," he stated, his voice so cold.

"Why are you mad at me?" she asked, not entirely sure that she wanted an answer to that question.

"Why do think Haley?" he yelled at her. "You're the reason he's here. Nathan nearly died, twice!"

"Twice," she mumbled.

"Yeah the car accident wasn't an accident," he bellowed.

Haley let out a small sob as Lucas tore her down

"You walked out on him," he shouted. "Do you have any idea much you hurt him? How much he loves you? You left and he had nothing left to live for! He tried to kill himself, because of you!"

That last sentence pushed Haley over the edge. She couldn't hold it together any more and she broke down into tears.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed.

The anger drained out of him as he saw his best friend dissolve into tears. He was so scared, what if Nathan survived and tried again? Would he ever he ok again? And Dan, if he got his hands on Dan he would kill him; he had made Nathan sign those papers.

"Hales I'm sorry," he said as he wrapped his arms around her.

"What have I done?" she asked as she cried into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he apologised. "I'm just so worried about Nate and I took it out on you."

Looking up at him she asked. "Luke, how did I mess things up so bad?"

He wiped away a few of her tears before answering. "We'll get through it, we always do."

She wasn't sure if she believed him, as she continued to cry into his shoulder.

………………………………………………………………………………………..

Okay that's as far as my inspiration took me, not really sure where I should go next with this, so I'm open to suggestions! $