Disclaimer: Here I am with yet another new story! RWBY has been a huge love of mine for a while now, and after reading a genderbender fanfic a while back, the idea for a comedy-based version started brewing in my head. Finally, a few days ago, I decided to hell with it. I put pen to paper (well, more like finger to keyboard, but you get the picture) and... well. This happened. Which is a thing.

...

Enjoy!

P.S. Roosterteeth owns all rights to RWBY characters, plots, etc.

P.P.S. If you want to participate in a discussion of this story, head on over to Spacebattles, where I've posted this fic in a thread under the same name, in an account with the same name that I have here!

Chapter 1: The Incident That Shall Not Be Named

Jaune was quite aware that Dust could do just about anything when applied correctly. The warning labels on the side of every single dust container, his science lab teachers, and (most of all) Weiss never let him forget this fact. He always tried to be incredibly careful around Dust, far more careful than he was around everything else; he knew he was somewhat of a klutz, after all, and definitely did not want to accidentally explode the entire school. So the Dust spill of April 1st was absolutely, definitely not his fault, despite the fact that he had been holding jars filled with the six different types of the stuff that had all been involved. Exactly who was responsible for the Incident That Shall Not Be Named, however, he never fully figured out for years to come.

Jaune was really quite sure that some random jerkass being somewhere was cackling gleefully at the madness he/she had orchestrated.

The class started normally enough. The teacher, who was really quite boring as far as Beacon standards went, made them put on the usual lab suits and break up into groups with their partners. This meant that Pyrrha and Jaune always worked through the labs together, something he was very grateful for. She easily made up for his lack of any sort of skill with combining Dust, and under her scrutiny, he had slowly been getting better. He was still leagues behind the rest of the class - - who had probably been working with the stuff since they could walk and talk - - but he at least wasn't running the risk of flunking the class anymore. The blond was actually starting to feel somewhat confident in the class.

Once they'd broken up into their groups and gotten their lab coats on, the teacher had began giving out instructions on how to complete the lab.

"I need one person per group to come up and select any three of these Dust types," said the teacher, patting his desk, where jars upon jars of the magic-like substance rested. "The types of dust you need are dependent on your group. On your lab area, you will find a paper listing the three kinds you will require."

The students all looked down at the aforementioned papers.

"Looks like we need light, fire, and ice dust," Pyrrha read, and she tilted her head adorably. "What do you think we could be making with those, Jaune?"

The swordsman shrugged. "Heck if I know. Probably something incredibly volatile and useless."

"I'll only be a few moments," Pyrrha said, smiling, and she went to move out to get their jars, but Jaune quickly slid in front of her with crossed arms and a wide smirk.

"Nah, just wait right here," he said smoothly, puffing out his chest. "I've got this. I can handle at least this much. Besides, it's only the chivalrous thing to do."

She smiled knowingly. "Ah, I see. Alright, then, Jaune, I shall wait patiently."

Brimming with confidence, Jaune swept off, swinging his arms in an exaggerated motion at his side. He hummed the tune to an old song he'd heard years ago as he made his way up to the teacher's desk. He briefly scanned the differently colored Dust, looking for the appropriate types. Having found them, he stuck one under his armpit, then clasped his hands around the last two and started to walk off back to Pyrrha. Before he'd made five steps, though, Weiss suddenly appeared in his line of sight, and he immediately leaped back, his cheeks flushing violently.

"O-O-O-Oh, hey, Snow Queen! Uh... whatcha need? I'd be happy to help with anything you want to do."

She smiled beatifically. "Perfect! Then would you carry these three jars back for me?" She nodded with her head towards her filled arms, with which she cradled jars of dark, lightning, and gravity Dust. "I'm sore from sparring with Yang yesterday in gym class, and could use a serv - - er, friend's help."

Jaune's heart leaped. A chance to help out his crush! "Sure thing, will do! Just ah... put them in my arms, I guess, I don't really have enough room to take them myself..."

The white-haired heiress did so, and promptly bounded off to rejoin Ruby at their lab table.

"Jaune?" called Pyrrha from across the room, watching the exchange with an increasingly large frown. "Are you sure that's not too big of a load?"

"I-It's alright Pyrrha! I g-got this!" he grunted, and he tried to give her a thumbs up, but discovered it was rather impossible to do so when carrying six different jars of Dust. He began the trek back to his own desk and Weiss and Ruby's, while beside him, Nora leaped across the classroom gleefully, clutching two jars of ice Dust and one jar of dark Dust in her hands.

Watching warily from their table, Ren said, "Nora, just walk like everyone else, please...?"

"NEVER!" she roared with an evil grin. "MY EXCITEMENT SHALL NOT BE QUENCHED BY MERE MAN!"

"So does that mean you're a lesbian?" everyone heard Cardin snark from the corner of the room, and unfortunately for him, that 'everyone' definitely included Nora. And everyone knew that if there was one thing you absolutely did not do at Beacon Academy, it was make fun of Nora Valkyrie within earshot. Or, preferably, at all.

She immediately stopped leaping and glared daggers at him, reeling her fist back violently. "WHAT DID YOU SAY!?"

Pyrrha's eyes widened as she leaned out a hand, despite the distance of fifteen feet that still lay between them. "JAUNE, WATCH OUT FOR - -!"

Her warning came too late. Nora's angry elbow slammed into Jaune's stomach by chance, and the young man doubled over in pain. Nora hit hard. Unfortunately for Jaune, the pain of the unplanned elbow jab caused his grip on his jars to loosen, and his arms to flail out. As many of the students looked on in horror at the chaos that began to unfold before them, Pyrrha decided to step up to the rescue. It was standard Schnee Dust Company procedure to line the lids of their jars with metal to double-safe them from the outside environment, which meant that Pyrrha could use her magnetism to pull them through the air.

That might have been the end of things. Had it been a perfect world, the whole crisis may have been averted right there.

However, if the world had been perfect, we wouldn't have a story. And that would just be a right shame.

While the jars floated to Pyrrha, Nora chose that moment to bend her knees, shift her weight forward, and put all her leg power into a massive jump across the room, straight at Cardin. The young man's eyes widened in appropriate terror, and he ducked and tried to cover himself with his arms, like he was in a tornado drill. Nora's body twisted, and she began to power her fist forward in a direct path to Cardin's skull, when - -

"WOO HOO, FIST FIGHT!"

Yang appeared out of nowhere and drop-kicked JNPR's heavy hitter clear out of the air.

At an angle.

At an angle that sent her flying half-way between Jaune and Pyrrha.

At an angle that sent her flying half-way between Jaune and Pyrrha, at the exact same moment that the jars of Dust (the highly volatile jars of Dust that could do just about anything when applied correctly) also happened to be halfway between Jaune and Pyrrha.

"Mental note: Demand raise from Ozpin, threaten to quit if he doesn't comply," deadpanned the teacher, his eye twitching.

For a single moment, everything slowed down in front of Jaune's eyes, as he regained himself enough to look up. As he took in the chaos stretched out before him, he felt his sanity begin to shatter like the glass of the Dust jars Nora broke.

Then the Dust mixed.

There was a massive BOOM! and a very large explosion of many colors.

And nothing was ever the same at Beacon Academy again.