Rating: T

Pairing: Royai/Roy Mustang x Riza Hawkeye

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Word Count: 1263

Title: Vibrant Light

Description: Royai One Shot

Riza deals with a drunk Roy who's past is haunting him.

A/N: I hope you guys like this one.

vibrancy (n.) - the state of being full of energy and life

Riza

I wake up to the shrill sound of my phone ringing and instantly look at the clock. Half past four. I sit up and hold my breath until the sound echoes down the hall again. Black Hayate whines at the door, and I slide my legs out from under the covers, grabbing my robe as I go, padding quickly to the desk.

I pause with my hand hovering over the receiver. I already know who it is. And I know he's drunk. Again. He only ever calls me this late when he's been drinking. I take a quick breath and steel myself as I answer.

"Hello?"

"Riza," he mutters.

"Where are you, Sir?"

"I'm home," he informs me hoarsely.

"Do I need to come over there?" I tug the sides of my robe closed and wrap an arm around my waist.

He lets out a low groan, and I shift my weight.

"I cut myself," he says sluggishly. "I thought I could clean it up, but…there's a lot of blood."

Oh God.

"I'm on my way," I say quickly. "Give me ten minutes."

He starts to say something, but my mind is in a panic. He cut himself. Where? What was he doing? His tone and cadence only confirmed my suspicions about the alcohol which means his blood is thinner than normal. How bad is it?

I leave the phone lying on the desk and rush back to my room to change. I don't even bother with underwear, merely pulling my shirt and jeans on over my nightie. As soon as I'm dressed, I bolt out the door.

I'm not sure how I make it to his apartment without crashing my car. I feel like I can't breathe. When I make it to his door, I find it unlocked.

"Sir? Colonel, where are–"

"Hawkeye?"

I turn toward the sound of his voice only to find him sitting on his sofa, hunched over with his head in his hands.

"Sir?"

"The flames won't let me sleep," he murmurs, and I feel my breath catch in my lungs.

"What?" I cross to him, dropping onto my knees beside him looking for blood.

I flinch when I see a deep gash in his arm.

"What happened?" I reach for the medical supplies strewn across the coffee table and begin patching him up.

"I broke a mirror," he goes on. "I…I can't stand the sight of myself."

"Colonel, please–"

"I don't want to be the Flame Alchemist anymore," he tells me, his bloodshot eyes coming to mine. "I want to erase it. Everything. I wish you'd never trusted me with your father's research."

"You don't mean that," I whisper as I wrap his arm with gauze.

"Of course, I do," he answers harshly. "I've only ever used it to destroy. I've taken countless lives! I've hurt so many people, including you! Don't you remember what I did? How much pain I caused you?"

"Stop it," I hiss at him, rising to my feet. "I know you regret the horrors of Ishval, but this is the alcohol talking. You weren't the only one in that desert that did things they regret, so you don't get to play the martyr."

"I'm the Hero of Ishval," he reminds me derisively. "Not you. Or did you forget that?"

"Hardly." I glare at him. "But my kill count is just as high as yours. And I remember every damn one of them."

He winces and turns away.

"Their faces haunt my dreams," I whisper.

"Lieutenant, I didn't mean… I apologize. I just… My alchemy is so powerful. The amount of concentration it takes to control it. The amount of destruction it's capable of. That I've caused with my flames…I can't stomach it."

"You think your flames are just destruction? That you're incapable of anything else?"

He looks at me wearily, the pure pain in his eyes giving away his answer.

"Roy," I whisper, sitting down next to him. "You're so incredibly wrong."

His jaw tenses as he swallows, and I reach up to run my fingers through his hair.

"I can't deny that your alchemy can be destructive, but you're ignoring all the good it can do. Fire is more than burning things down. It gives warmth and sustains life. It's energy, and without it we would all die."

"But I–"

"And you aren't your alchemy, even if it had no positive qualities. You're Colonel Roy Mustang. Do you really think I would follow you—or Havoc or Breda or any of your men—if you were only capable of destruction? You are a great leader, and you'll do amazing things for this country. You're a man Maes Hughes was proud to call his friend. A man who recognizes his mistakes and makes a point to right them. A man I…"

I stop short, and he turns toward me.

"A man you what?"

"That I…"

I feel my face heat, and I look away.

"That you…love?" he says it so softly, I almost don't hear it.

My head jerks down in a nod, and I feel his fingers slide into my hair.

"Why would you love someone like me?"

I flinch and look up at him.

"Were you not listening? Because you're a good man!" I hiss. "The flames you produce aren't a curse. They're not something to be ashamed of! They're the most vibrant light!"

"Riza," he murmurs.

"Of course, I love you, you idiot," I choke, tears clogging my throat. "How could I not?"

My head drops forward until our foreheads are touching, and I raise my hand to cover his, still caressing my neck.

"Vibrant light?" he whispers softly.

"Full of energy and life."

"Energy and life," he repeats, his breath trailing over my cheek.

I let out a soft sigh, and he moves, rising to his feet.

"Sir?"

"Put me to bed, Lieutenant. It's time I called it a night."

I blink at the sudden change in conversation only to shake my head and stand with him.

"Just this once, Sir."

He leans on me as we move down the hall, and I have to ignore the way his body feels against mine.

"Thank you for coming tonight," he murmurs when we reach his bedroom.

"It was no problem."

"I needed to hear everything you had to say."

"Oh, well…"

"And I…It doesn't change anything between us, your confession."

"Of course not, Colonel," I whisper.

"But for the record, Lieutenant…" His head drops to my ear, and I stop breathing. "I feel the same."

Before I have the chance to respond, he extracts himself from my body and shuffles over to the bed. I'm tempted to follow him, to ask him to explain, but I know better. Shutting the door quietly, I turn and let myself out of the apartment.

He's right. Nothing has changed. We've merely admitted what we both knew was true for longer than either of us would care to admit. But fraternization laws still apply to us, and until we've had the chance to atone for the sins we committed, there's nothing we can do about our feelings.

For now, I'll take what I can get from the doses of vibrancy he gives me, and I'll be content with that.