Beheaded
Summary: This is a PARODY. It's a short songfic to Beheaded by The Offspring. Explains the REAL reason Harry's parents are dead...
Disclaimer: Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the disclaimer. That's right, the disclaimer! This American Apple Pie institution known as Parental Discretion will cleanse any sense if innuendo or sarcasm from the lyrics which might actually make you think, and will also insult your intelligence at the same time! So, protect your family! This album contains explicit depictions of things which are REAL! These REAL things are commonly known as LIFE! So, if it sounds sarcastic, don't take it seriously. If it sounds dangerous, do NOT try this at home, or at all! And if it offends you, just... don't... listen to it! – The Offspring. Anyway, I don't own Harry Potter. End of Story.
WARNING: The following text contains detailed descriptions of blood and gore as well as intense violence. If this content offends or just plain grosses you out, just... don't... read it!
Harry Potter was crying on the living room floor. This tantrum, like most others, was caused by the common reason of not-wanting-to-go-to-bed-itis.
"Harry dear, please calm down!" said his mother, Lily. James was currently laughing his ass off at the scene; he seemed to find it quite funny.
"Haha, hiccup Harry, you silly bore, just shut up and get to bed, haha!"
Eventually, Lily had to drag Harry to bed and lock the door. It was the only way to get him quite.
Nighttime, and Harry could get no rest. He hated his parents, he hated them so much. He looked out the window. There was a full moon out, and he could hear the howling of a werewolf from outside (N/A: you know who that is...). Yes... it was time...
Harry got out of bed and looked under his bed for the axe that he kept there. He had sharpened it only yesterday, and it could cut through anything. A mad glint got into his eyes as he brought down the axe in a mighty swing and knocked the door clean off its hinges.
Harry made his way through the dark household and found his parent's room. Slowly he raised the axe...
Mommy doesn't have her head anymoreKeep it underneath my bed on the floor
That's all right though
That's OK
She never really used her head anyway
Daddy called me a silly bore
Bet he won't say that anymore
Because the way his body's severed in two
His vocal chords are gonna be hard to use
Beheaded
Watch you spurt like a garden hose
Beheaded
Bloody mess all over my clothes!!!
(N/A: the next part doesn't make sense with the story, but it's part of the song and I wanted to include it)
Watch my girlfriend come to the doorChop off her head, she falls to the floor
Yeah, watching my baby's jugular flow
Really makes my motor go
Wrap a towel around the bloody stump
Take my baby's body to the city dump
Then wipe the mess off the bloody axe
Scoop all the heads in my burlap sack
Beheaded
Watch you spurt like a garden hose
Beheaded
Bloody mess all over my clothes!!!
When he was finished with his parents, Harry wanted more. He walked outside into the darkness and prowled the streets. Anyone that crossed his path quickly got severed in two, and Harry's clothes were soon covered with blood and pieces of internal organs. After he had mutilated a good number of people, Harry walked through the night back to his house, and back to his room. He took out the heads and stood there for a second, admiring the night's work.
All my collection
Adorns my room on bamboo poles
Used to be a little
But a little got more and more
Now I'm craving yours...
Harry got back to bed, and closed his eyes for the night.
Night brings bad dreams
Bad dreams with guillotines
Night brings bad dreams
Bad dreams with guillotines
Off with her head...
Off with her head...
Off with her head!
Off with her head!!!
Off with her head!!!!!
OFF WITH HER HEAD!!!!!!!!!!
Harry woke up the next day, feeling very refreshed but needing more... more...
Find another victim for my machine
Put him in a homemade guillotine
Blade falls, gonna need a casket
Watch the head plop in a wicker basket
Leave the house at a quarter to four
Come back with sixteen or more
'Cause the more I want, The more I see
Got a funny feeling coming over me
Beheaded
Watch you spurt like a garden hose
Beheaded
Bloody mess all over my clothes!!!
After another fruitful day doing what he does best, Harry went back to his room and put up the newest additions to his growing collection. He then played The Offspring on his Boom Box, climbed into bed and went to a deep sleep, once again filled with bloody dreams. What fate awaits the victims of tomorrow?
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