Disclaimer: Hey! I really don't own Stargate! Wish I did though. ELLIOT WOULD BE MINE!
By: Pirates n' Swashbucklers!
About?: Stargate SG-1
Date Started?: 9/17/04 (or 17/9/04 for some people)
Genre: Humor!
Warnings?: EXTREME FUNNY! Other than that, none!
On with the ficcie!
The Day They Were Girls
Jack O'Neill let out a high heart stopping, high pitched 'girly' scream.
But wait...
We're not there yet!
The conditions on the planet were bearable, but barely. A high temperature of 95 F had SG-1 out of their heavy jackets and in Tee Shirts. The desert planet had ancient ruins, and that was why they were there. Daniel had hurried away after they arrived, making a b-line straight for the old writings.
"Jack!" Dr. Daniel Jackson's voice rang out through the old ruins. "Jack, look at what I found!" He cried, rushing out of his safe haven. He seemed to be clutching something to his chest, and by the looks of it, it was made out of a some sort of metal. Daniel looked extremely excited. "Yes Daniel?" Colonel Jack O'Neill asked in a semi-sweet voice, already knowing the answer that his friend would try to explain to him. "Jack, I would like to go back to the SGC to study this!" he said quickly thrusting what he was holding out for the Colonel to see. He then returned it to his tight grasp against his cheat just as quickly. "I've taken pictures, recordings and rubbings of the dialect from around the device. I need to translate what the writing says so I can find out what it does!" he said quickly again, obviously very happy with what he had discovered. Colonel O'Neill sighed irritability, rolling his eyes. He knew that he couldn't get between the archeologist and his toys. He nodded reluctantly, as Daniel smiled wider and went to go collect his work. "Carter! Start dialing us home!" The Colonel ordered, happy to get out of the heat. "Yes Sir!" Carter said, also with a more than obvious hint of happiness in her voice.
Daniel hurried back to the Stagate, just as the wormhole connected.
wormholeextremewormholeextremewormholeextremewormholeextreme
General Hammond waited at the bottom of the ramp, as SG-1 came through the Stargate's event horizon. They all seemed to be disheveled, and over heated as they came off the ramp dripping with sweat. General Hammond smiled, "So, how went the mission?" he asked, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Colonel O'Neill smiled sarcastically, talking his hat off. "Sir, requesting permission to go wash up before the de-briefing?" he asked smartly. General Hammond smiled, "Request granted Colonel. De-briefing is at 15:00." Colonel Jack nodded, heading for the showers, his team in toe.
kittylitterkittylitterkittylitterkittylitterkittylitterkittylitterkittylitterkittylitterkittylitter
After the de-briefing, the General let Daniel go off and figure out what the alien device was all about. The glasses bearing archeologist said that the translations should be relatively easy, due to the fact that it was very close to a certain language on earth. Everyone left him alone, only occasionally checking on him, making sure that he ate and drank.
A while later, the remainder of SG-1 (i.e. Sam, Jack, and Teal'c) were getting rather bored of staying in the SGC. Even Jack O'Neill had finished his reports.
"Rock, Paper, Scissors!" Jack and Sam yelled, at each other. Teal'c just stood quietly, making the motions. Jack lost miserably. "Best two out of three!" he begged. Major Carter shook her head, "Nope! You already lost drawing straws AND bubble gum bubble gum!" She smiled happily. Teal'c nodded. "Indeed Colonel O'Neill. You have lost all the games." Jack sneered slightly at his two friends. "Fine." He said, trudging off down the hall.
Daniel looked hard at work on what he was doing. Jack walked into the room, without Daniel ever knowing. Jack watched him. Daniel rubbed the top of his head, thinking, and switched to another book. The Colonel cleared his throat causing Daniel to jump five feet off the chair, and looked up startled. "Oh, oh, it's just you." he muttered, going back to his work. Jack grunted, "Only me? Is that what you say to all you're friends?" he laughed. Daniel looked up again, "Sorry Jack, but I think I'm almost there. Just a little bit more!" He tried to concentrate again. "Uh-huh. Well Daniel, we are going out to eat." He paused for a moment, "We as in, you too." Daniel looked up quickly, to the risk of whiplash. He opened his mouth to protest, but Jack put his pointer finger up, and shook it from side to side. "No Daniel, that was an order." Daniel sighed. He got up, and stepped over to Jack. He stopped to pick up the now recognized cube. "Ah! No!" Jack said, taking it from him. "No geeky archeologist toys on our little outing!" but before Jack put it down, he looked at the writing on it. "Danny Boy, this looks like a Rubix cube." Jack looked at Daniel like he missed one of the most obvious things in the world. "Uh-huh..." Daniel drawled. Jack started playing with it, trying to put it back in order. "Jack-Jack! Don't! You don't know-" Daniel was cut off by Jack, "Ha! I got it!" He stated proudly. He placed it on the table. He started to walk away, with Daniel stumbling after him, looking back at the object every so often. "Jack, Jack, it's doing something!" Daniel said, tugging Jack around. Jack turned around, just in time to see the cube grow three feet in size, and glow a bright blinding white light.
NapoleonicpowermongererNapoleonicpowermongererNapoleonicpowermongerer
Jack O'Neill came to slowly. It seemed that he was in the infirmary. Dr. Fraiser rushed over to him. Sam, Teal'c and General Hammond followed after her. "Colonel O'Neill, are you feeling okay?" she asked. The Colonel groaned, but stopped abruptly. It sounded different. He sat up slowly, but noticed that he felt a little heavier than normal. He looked around the infirmary, glancing at all the faces staring at him wide eyed. He turned his head towards the good doctor, and opened his mouth to speak. She cut him off, and turned around to pick up something. She came back with a mirror. Knowing the luck he had, Jack didn't quite want to even look into the mirror, but he did reluctantly.
What stared back at him looked like...like....a girl!
Jack O'Neill let out a heart stopping, high pitched 'girly' scream.
Yes, I know I am evil! But this was all I was able to type, which is only 4 pages... But I actually got this idea from a picture in a magazine that looked like Jack would if he was a girl. Not sure if that is an insult or not though...oh well! You should review. It's good for you! Support the Evil!