I cried my eyes out yesterday when I saw Allan dying. Damn! I hate BBC for it.
So, while crying I thought! what if Allan isn't dead, what if he survived, what if he tries to defeat dead himself, and if he goes on living. Only without the gang, without Robin.
Allan lives! Allan will live!
I will make sure of it, somehow.
After staring amazed at the old sheriff he seemed to fall into oblivion, Allan could hear, smell and see everything, as his eyes, ears and nose are still working. The last he sees is a bag dumped over him and his vision disappears. He can feel, but not move, he can feel air flowing through his heart, but he can not breath. Everyone must assume he's dead, his heart beat was so slow.
He hears no crying from his friends, not after someone closes his eyes, and as he is lifted up his hearing fails him.
Hours pass, long it took before he could hear the fight between Nottingham and it's old sheriff was over, while his own battle has just began. He desperately tries to move, he doesn't want to die.
That thought brings him to the most painful thing about almost being dead.
The reason!
He had not brought dead upon himself, he had not betrayed the gang for his own freedom. And he had told them that, but they hadn't believed him, they hadn't trusted him. And as he had tried to prove himself once more by running to Robin to warn him for the new danger, he was stolen from his life.
If he would survive from this edge of life, which he wants so badly, he would never return to the gang, he would not return to see his friends again!
For a long time he hadn't felt pain, maybe a few minutes, but after that it was gone. He knows that the arrows were taken out, and he prays that it was the good thing to do, now he fights. He knows that he cannot win a fight with dead, but he has to try. A long time seems to pass, before someone comes to him, picks him up by his arm. Then two arms go around his chest, under his arms, and he feels being lifted up, he hears nothing, smells nothing, sees nothing, but he feels something trying to save his life. Not long later he's put down again. A hand starts to open up his shirt, an other takes away the clothes that could be sold for something. Allan wants to scream, tell the two that he's still alive, but no word, not even the smallest of sounds comes out of him. Maybe he's already dead, maybe this is his ghost, maybe there's not even life after dead. All those thoughts that come up when you're almost dead. He does his best to move his hand, and when he finally succeeds he feels something burning upon his wounds, are they trying to save him?
Oh, he can only dream of being saved, he can only dream of coming back to life, of living again, living a good life! He's received a pardon, he can go anywhere he wants now. He can buy food, get a job, get a family, he doesn't have to worry about Robin and the gang anymore. He can life his own life, no worries. Without even noticing he smiles, and that is what makes his two saviors more determined to save his life.
Allan tries to get himself up from the ground, find his vision, his hearing back, nothing. He's not dead, he can not be, he's not living ether! He keeps on fighting, for himself, he should have thought about himself in the first place, not run off to help Robin.
Why the hell did he do that!?
More hours pass, Allan keeps on fighting, he can hardly feel anything anymore, his legs, his arms, his fingers. But he must survive, he will survive. He can not give into dead anytime soon, he's supposed to life and get children, and die of old age.
He misses his friends, he misses Much, Kate, John, and all those others that didn't believe him, who didn't trusted him when he told them that he would never betray them. How could he miss them, what kind of friends had they been. Kate had not been there when it happened, when he was bound to the camp, said to stay there until they would come back, until they would decide what to do with him. Then he escaped, why? He could have persuaded them with the truth, although it might not have been enough, but why did he have to run away, go after them. "Save Robin!"
He has no idea that he spoke out loud, but why should he care now, he didn't know what had happened with Nottingham and the army, for all he knows, he could be the last survivor.
Pain consumed him, him and his wounds. His head hurts, his eyes are struck with tears, tears of sorrow, of unknowing. Although hating his gang now, for what they have done, he misses them a lot.
He wants to go back, to stand up and walk back, to lift himself to the highest tree and scream out his frustration. To let Robin know how much he has done for him, how he tried to save him! How it almost cost him his life. But first, he had to stand up.
He had to survive!