It's Not Over
Disclaimer: I don't own Jericho, the characters, or any of it.
Note: This story begins about 4 months after Season 2
Chapter 1:
"I know I am no Jake, but I love you." A male voice said as heavy footsteps echoed into the almost empty sheriff's office.
"What in the world are you talking about?" Heather looked up from the stack of reports that she was working through. She knew very well what the blond deputy was talking about. No one would ever accuse Bill Kohler of going head long into danger. He was cautious. Heather, staring at Bill, raised an eyebrow and replied, "I know you are not Jake. That is probably one of the things I like the most about you."
"Let's be sensible then. These meetings are dangerous. What possible good could it do for you to go?" Bill leaned back on the counter across the room from where Heather's desk sat, crossing his arms. "Each time you go, you tempt fate," Bill added.
"I am being sensible. I have to go. I am responsible for the Rangers and I need to know what we are up against. Beck put me in charge. Where we are meeting is secure. Beck isn't going to put me or any of the leadership in danger, not on the eve of war." Heather answered, letting out a heavy breath. Heather had taken over the Jericho Rangers in the absence of Jake. Eric tried to lead the group in the days after Jake had left, but he didn't have the stomach to make the tough decisions. When push came to shove, Heather knew what had to be done and did it. She wasn't going to back down because she was afraid of being unpopular. Beck, fearing an internal power struggle, had seen these qualities and announced Heather as his liaison with Jericho which was his way of saying that Heather was in charge.
"Beck's an idiot! Pushing paper around and giving people orders is one thing, but driving across roads controlled by road gangs into a war zone is completely different!" Bill exclaimed shaking his head in angry disbelief. Heather and Bill had this same argument every couple of weeks. He knew it was pointless, but he felt like he had to make Heather see how much he cared and try to get through to her that the danger was growing. "I know you don't care about what happens to you, but I care. Other people in this town care. What would we do without you?"
"What you guys did when I left for New Bern," Heather calmly replied as she leaned back in her seat and crossed her arms. Heather knew once Bill found out about the trip that she would hear about it. She took another breath and calmly continued, "Bill, we have this same argument every time I go to meet with Beck or any of the members of the Resistance. I am well aware of the danger, but it doesn't matter. I have nothing to lose. Everyone who ever truly loved me is dead and the people who I thought cared really didn't. My illusions about my place in Jericho and in the world have all been shattered in the past year."
Bill rose from the desk and crossed the room "That's a load of crap! Didn't you just hear me? I love you! I care!" Bill yelled as he towered over her. Bill tried to control the anger that was seething inside him. Heather didn't even flinch. Why didn't she understand how much I care? Bill thought to himself.
Heather sat motionless for a minute, trying to gather her thoughts. She knew that his feelings ran a lot deeper than hers. She wished she could return the sentiment, but instead felt dead inside. She thought of what the old Heather would have said. "I'm sorry." She quietly replied. After another moment she continued, "I know that you don't want me going, but I have to. Even if there was someone else, I wouldn't send them. I can't put someone else in danger just to save myself. I just don't work that way."
Heather saw Bill's anger wane in his eyes. As he calmed down, he took a moment to answer. "I know you don't work that way. You are one of the most selfless people I know. If you are going to go, then I am going with you. You need help, especially if you run into a road gang."
"Bill, I can't let you do that. When have you ever run head long into danger without thinking about it? I used to think you were such a self-preserving, such a…" Heather was stumped for a word to describe the blond deputy. She may not be in love with Bill, but she didn't want to hurt him.
Eric Green walked in just at that moment and finished her sentence. "Schmuck. I believe the word you are looking for is schmuck." Eric, shaking his head, smiled at the pair in front of him. "So, what are you two talking about? Is she finally getting smart and dumping your sorry ass, Bill?" Eric teased.
Bill, putting one eye brow up, quickly defended. "I am not a schmuck. I am merely pragmatic."
Heather chuckled lightly at his response, trying to decide if he knew what 'pragmatic' meant. "Eric, you're right. Bill can be schmuck, but I'm not ready to give up on him. He is the only one who cares whether I exist or not," Heather teased.
Eric shook his head realizing the seriousness of her jest. "That's not true. You have a lot of good friends in this town who all care about you. I know things have been rough since New Bern, but we all still care," Eric reassured her feeling sorry for the woman in front of him. Heather had been through so much in the past year. Eric often thought that the past year had been hard on him, but one look at Heather and he realized that it wasn't that bad. At least he still had his mom and Mary. Heather had no one. He tried to find the words to inspire her. "You're the leader of the Rangers and a strong force in the Resistance. Jericho would have been over taken by now if it wasn't for you." Eric paused for a moment looking for a way out a bad conversation.
"So what are you guys arguing about?" Eric asked trying to change the subject. He put his hands in his pockets and began shifting his weight from one foot to another.
"Heather's meeting. I am trying to convince her that it isn't safe, nor is it worth the risk for her to go, but she keeps on insisting on it." Bill replied leaning back on the desk that Heather was sitting at. Bill knew it was a fruitless argument, but he kept at it. He hoped that maybe she would be convinced this time to let him tag along.
Eric shook his head again. "Bill, she has to go. She is the only one with the knowledge of the intelligence and the clearance to get in there. Those guys are expecting Heather. We send someone else; we are just opening ourselves up for attack. I am afraid I am going to have to agree with Heather on this one. We need to know what we are up against. Though, she should probably take an escort."
"That's what I was saying. I told her I am going with her. If she is going to get herself killed, I think we should go down together." Bill nervously laughed. Bill liked the look in Heather's eyes. He could see that she was obviously considering it.
Heather turned her blue eyes to meet with Bill's. "What about your mother? What will happen to her if something happens to you?" Heather pointedly asked. She was going to come up with a valid excuse to keep him at home if it killed her. Her life didn't mean much to her any more, but she still wanted to protect his.
"My mom will be fine. My brother, Stew, can take care of her." Bill quietly pleaded to Heather. Bill started to feel like he was winning the day. Of course, he wasn't sure what he was winning. It looked like he was getting himself into trouble or worse, but for Heather it was worth it. He would do whatever it took to keep her safe.
"If you want to go with me, then okay." Heather relented throwing her arms up in surrender. She then turned to Eric. "Eric, you think that Jimmy and the rest of the deputies can handle everything," Heather asked, crossing her arms again. She already knew the answer. She didn't like putting anyone else in danger, but Eric and Bill were right. It was getting hazardous out there. Heather knew that a gunner would be good and Bill was a good shot, probably the best sharp shooter in the Rangers.
"Of course," Eric replied, feeling like he actually accomplished something that night. Turning to Bill, Eric went on, "We should be able to handle things while you are gone."
"Good. Was there anything you needed?" Heather asked realizing there must have been some other reason why he came in from the Mayor's office. Heather figured Gray was looking for a report or just someone to push around. Gray resented Heather and her place in the Resistance and made sure she knew it.
"Nope. I just was tired of listening to Gray and I thought I might see who was in the Sheriff's department," Eric replied. "I had better get going back there before Gray makes any more declarations," Eric said. Eric often acted as a shield between Gray's angst and the members of the Rangers. It was a good position for him. He wasn't good at making the hard decisions. He was better at towing the line and making sure others did so.
"I better get going too," Bill chimed in. "I have to go check the patrol and get our gear together."
Eric turned and left leaving Bill and Heather alone. Heather knew that Bill was looking for a sign that she cared. Heather rose from her seat and embraced Bill. "Thank you. Sometimes I forget."
Bill hugged her tightly back understanding what she meant. "It's all right. The world we live in right now. It can make anyone feel like they are all alone." Bill let go and took Heather's right hand into his. Looking down at her hand, Bill went on, "Like I said before, I am no Jake Green. I'm not a brooding former bad boy seeking danger at every turn. I am just a small town deputy who unfortunately still lives with his mother and has self-preserving, schmuck tendencies."
Heather laughed. "I know. Like I said before, one of your more redeeming qualities is that you're not like Jake. By the way, I like your Mom. I think it's nice you take care of her." Heather took her hand a way and gave Bill a kiss on the cheek. "You had better get going. I'll see you in the morning. If you are going to come with me, we need to leave at daybreak."
Bill nodded. "Okay. I'll see you first thing in the morning."
Bill quickly kissed Heather on the cheek and walked out of the Sheriff's office and into the crisp autumn evening. He left feeling ambivalent about the trip. If he was honest, he was ambivalent about the whole relationship with Heather. Her walls were about a mile high and he had his doubts if they would ever come down.
Heather sat back down and leaned back in her chair. She smiled thinking about Bill and reflecting on the last four months. When she had returned from New Bern, Heather was at a crossroads in her life. She had no place to call home. Her friends in New Bern had turned her into the enemy and her friends in Jericho had pretty much forgotten about her. Her best friend, Emily, had barely spoken to her in six months. Heather thought of numerous explanations for Emily's silence. Emily was never very good at explaining her feelings or empathizing with others. It wasn't that Emily was a bad person because she wasn't. She just lived on her own terms and damned be the consequences.
Heather considered confronting Emily in an attempt to mend the relationship, but she knew better. Emily wasn't her friend any more. Heather had her doubts whether she really had ever been a real friend. Prior to Heather leaving for New Bern, she saw a pending emotional disaster she wanted to avoid. Emily wanted Jake, but was still with Roger. Jake wanted Emily, but had the kiss with Heather hanging over his head. Heather had spent most of her time avoiding the lot of them, but avoiding Jake and Emily had become difficult. It was more than apparent to everyone that Jake and Emily still had feelings for each other and she felt like she was standing in the way. Heather saw New Bern as a chance to get past Jake and allow whatever was going to happen to happen. Upon returning, Heather realized, even after being through hell and back, that her feelings for Jake hadn't gone away, but now he was with Emily.
Trying to forget about Jake, Heather had clung to Beck who reminded her in many ways of her father. Master Sergeant Robert J. Lisinski had been a decorated war hero and New Bern sheriff. Things would have been different if her father was still alive. Heather's father would never have allowed New Bern to fall into the chaos. Heck, she probably wouldn't have moved to Jericho. Who knows where she would have been? She tried to push the "what ifs" out of her mind. Her father often said the "what ifs" could kill you.
Beck was a good man, but he was married not only to a woman who was missing, but to the military. Though she felt an obvious connection with Beck, she knew there was a line she could not and would not cross. While Beck was in Jericho, she felt wanted and protected, but Heather knew it wasn't going to last. Her loyalties had been tested and she had willingly defended Beck even in the face of death threats. She knew the relative peace that had developed when Beck and the 10th mountain division arrived was merely an illusion. Heather saw New Bern and knew it could happen in Jericho.
While others were letting J&R handle everything, Heather was planning for the future. When she wasn't working with Beck, she was turning her backyard into a garden. When J&R had attempted to stop her, Beck had intervened. She listened to Beck trying to soak in how he handled various situations. Heather prepared herself for the future, for now.
Even with Jake out of her reach, Heather found herself doing whatever he asked with only minimal explanation. She betrayed Beck, the man she had made her rock. Would Jake ever love her back, or even care about the sacrifices she made? Would Jake ever realize how much she was willing to give up helping him? Probably not, was her answer. Still, she put herself in danger even though she knew he didn't care.
By mid-July, Beck had left to make a stand on the Colorado-Kansas boarder and Heather was alone again. She was almost to the point of no return. She was in survival mode, worried more about keeping the town safe and the impending battle then her own mental health. Then out of the blue, Bill Kohler came up to her and asked her to come to dinner. Heather surprised herself by accepting with no idea at the time why she said yes. Now, she realized it was because she still needed someone, anyone. Bill was a good guy who had his flaws, but was still dependable. Over the past year, they had often been on opposite sides in the various arguments, but he always came around in the end. Bill was not a candidate for Mensa, but that was okay. Neither was Jake. Jake was invading her thoughts again. Jake hadn't returned. It had been four months. Heather shook her head and tried not to think about it.
Bill once asked about her feelings for Jake. She lied and said it was merely a childish crush. She had a feeling that Bill hadn't bought it, but he still stuck around. Bill was a good man who deserved better than her half-hearted attempt at a relationship. She wish she could do better, but at this point, she gave Bill all she had. Trying to focus on something that she could control, Heather went back to her reports and pushed her other thoughts aside.