Here's a little no-plot bunny inspired by the original Indy movie, the one with Young Karen Allen and Herr Doktor Funny Glasses

Here's a little no-plot bunny inspired by the original Indy movie, the one with Young Karen Allen and Herr Doktor Funny Glasses.

The Criteria

Once upon a time, there was a young author on a mission. A mission to find out what made Indiana Jones so damn cool. She tossed and turned at night, losing sleep before finals, trying to figure it out. Finally, she found a solution—she would make a list of everything that made Indy Indy. A list of what it took to be Indiana Jones. She sat down at her computer and started to type….

Must be able to appear to be the professor type, while really being a crime-fighting, Nazi-pwning, action-adventure archeaologist.

Must possess a sort of rugged charm while still being unusually sophisticated and extremely intelligent.

Must possess the sort of effortless cool that would make Chuck Norris quake in his oft-worshipped roundhouse-kicking boots.

Must cease to be a mere mortal the minute he dons a fedora hat.

Must be able to dodge various creative forms of weaponry while shouting brilliant comebacks at various enemies.

Must be the most brilliant bad driver ever to terrorize the streets of Cairo.

Must be the type that would make even a strong character like Marion Ravenwood swoon on contact.

Must have a nickname for just about everything.

Must know everything.

Must be able to look awesome even when screaming his face off because he's afraid of snakes.

Must, upon turning 65, still be better-looking than his 20-year-old sidekick.

Must NEVER relinquish the hat.

Must work tirelessly to preserve historical artifacts the world over.

While still kicking arse.

Must make 1950s propoganda sound fun.

Must NOT be afraid of monkey brains.

Must know how to escape death in every possible situation. Better than that, must be hella good at winging it.

Must instinctively know whether a shiny ancient relic is good or evil.

Must be the kind of man whose essence of cool other men want bottled and sold so they can wear it on blind dates…

"You know what?" the author said to herself, pushing her spinny chair away from the computer in disgust, "screw this." She proceeded to erase her entire list of criteria, replacing it with one single item:

MUST BE HARRISON FORD.

"There," she muttered, satisfied. She resized the sentence to size 72 font, printed it out, and gave it a satisfied smile.

"Oh!" she realized, "I almost forgot…" the author took out a pen and scrawled one brief phrase at the end: must have a hat.

Well, there you are. What do you think? Reviews are mightily appreciated.