This is just a random thing that came to me while I was lying in bed this morning. Don't know why I was suddenly inspired to write it, but I couldn't get it out of my head. I know I should be working on OK, and I'm currently working on the next chapter while uploading this. So don't get upset, yo, sometimes, an author has to do something stupid and fun to entertain themselves!

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, or any of the characters used in this story. I also don't own the song Our Lips are Sealed, it belongs to The Go-Gos.

Warnings: well...secrets are a danger in and of themselves...basically, all you need to know is that there are some very, VERY naughty ukes in this story XD

Has there ever been a time in your life when you had a secret everyone seemed hell-bent to learn? I'm sure you have. There's always that fateful moment when you get cornered and you have a choice to make. Do you spill? Or do you keep the game going while at the same time keeping your secret intact?

It's hard to keep a secret, this we all know, and while some may be better than others, nobody is perfect at it. It's only made harder when family or loved ones get involved.

So, when confronted by their lovers on a collective secret, what's an uke to do but tell?

Here's a list of great techniques to change the subject!

There's a weapon
That we must use
In our defense
Besides our lips

1. The Bend and Reach as demonstrated by Vincent Valentine.

Cid backed him up against the kitchen counter, and Vin could tell by the fiery look in his eyes that his love was not about to back down this time.

"I've had enough of this shit, Vin, what's goin' on?"

Vincent, seeing no escape, decided to change the subject to something a little less threatening to his secret. Unable to come up with a topic of words, he carelessly knocked a cup conveniently nearby to the floor. Its hollow clatter filled the tense silence stretching between the two, neither looking away to see.

"Oops," Vincent glanced away as he turned and bent down to retrieve the cup, taking great pains to go slowly. He stayed in that position for a moment, fiddling with the cup as if he couldn't get a good hold on it. He took the opportunity to sway gently back and forth, aware the entire time that Cid's eyes tracked the movement.

In about three…two…

Before he could even reach one, Cid had already roughly grabbed Vincent's hips and dragged him back against himself. Vincent straightened enough to be bent over the counter top, satisfied that his secret was safe for the time being.

Pay no mind to what they say
Doesn't matter anyway

2. The Direct Approach as demonstrated by Axel

Roxas was a pretty tough cookie. He knew when he was being lied to, and Axel was coming up dry on excuses. The blond wanted to know. Badly.

Too bad Axel had no intention of telling.

While the blond went off on another tangent of how there was a severe lack of communication in their relationship, how there was a conflict of trust between them, Axel simply sat and waited for the perfect opportunity to strike.

"We can't keep going on like this, Axel. We're heading down a dead-end road. If you can't trust me, then who can you trust?"

Axel smiled languidly as he stood and pushed Roxas against the wall.

"I trust you."

"Then why won't you tell me what's going on?"

"Silly Roxas, there's nothing going on. You're paranoid."

Glaring into cat-green eyes, Roxas snapped back, "If I'm so paranoid, then why are you distracting me? Hm?"

"I'm not distracting you, I just want attention."

"Attention." Roxas repeated doubtfully.

"Yeah, attention," Axel yanked Roxas down as they fell onto the couch, pulling the blond on top of him. "So just shut up and fuck me already."

It remains unsaid that the blond needed to hear that twice.

Hush, my darling
Don't you cry
Quiet, angel
Forget their lies

3. Fake Tears as demonstrated by Demyx.

Now, Demyx had several men with which he had relations. Don't get it through your head that he was loose; he cared about each of them equally. The only real problem he had that stemmed from this was having more people to keep his secret from.

Xigbar and Luxord were easy enough to fool. Xigbar would believe anything Demyx said, and Luxord, while possessing a keen sense of deceit, was rendered to an infantile state of mind when shown a little skin.

His only real issue was Zexion.

Zexion wasn't one to be conned into a lie by fleeting glimpses of silky skin, nor did he simply believe that Demyx was an innocent angel by any means. He was frighteningly intelligent and could literally smell out guilt. Which Demyx felt every time he had to lie to his lovers. He was too nice of a person to not feel remorse for not being honest.

And because of the difficulties of distracting Zexion once he was adamant about staying on a topic, Demyx had developed his own technique that worked every time without fail.

"I refuse to be fooled by your wiles, Demyx. There is something you're keeping from me, and I intend to learn what it is. So don't even try." Zexion said firmly, staring Demyx right in the eye.

Taking a deep breath, Demyx sighed mournfully. "Zexy, don't be mad at me!" he whined, sniffing delicately.

Raising an eyebrow, Zexion quietly intoned, "I am not angry. I simply wish for you to tell me wha—''

"YOU'RE MAD AT ME!!" Demyx wailed.

"I AM NOT!"

That's when he brought on the tears, sobbing into his hands and curling up in his seat. "Why are you yelling at me, Zexy?!" he cried.

Instantly, Zexion was at his side, holding him and muttering sweet, comforting words. Assuring that he wasn't angry and to please stop crying.

Face hidden in his dominant's chest, Demyx's small smile of victory was kept from Zexion's sight.

Can you see them
See right through them
They have no shield
Nothing gets too revealed

4. False Admittance as demonstrated by Sephiroth.

The great General Sephiroth wasn't above telling a falsehood to get his way. Keeping a secret was a trivial task to one such as him.

And yet, he was having difficulty keeping it from his love.

Zack Fair, such a sweet boy, always good to him, taking all of his mood swings in stride and always there for him, even when Sephiroth insisted that he needed nobody. How could he keep something from someone as generous and open as Zack?

It didn't help that Zack knew there was something he didn't know about. And though he could be nice and congenial about things, when he was being kept in the dark, Zack never faltered until he learned what it was.

"So, Seph, you plan on telling me what's going on anytime soon?" Zack ventured as he casually walked into the room.

Sephiroth fought back a flinch. It was a simple, normal, every day question. There was no need to act so guilty about being asked. "No…"

"Really?" Zack sat next to him. "You sure about that?"

"…yes."

"Okay," Zack gave in, leaning back in his seat and propping his feet up on the table. The silence was tearing into him, and it wasn't long before Sephiroth had to say something.

"Look, it's nothing okay? I'm not hiding anything, nothing at all. Why would you think that?"

Zack blinked over at him, a sly grin spreading across his face. "Denial is just as good as a confession, Seph. What's eating you?"

Shit.

"Well…um…"

"I know you're not being completely honest with me. There's something you don't want me to know. What is it?"

Sephiroth jumped to his feet and began pacing restlessly. He had to say something now. He couldn't just say 'nothing' since he'd pretty much given away the fact that he was hiding something. He couldn't tell Zack the truth so…

Struck with an idea, Sephiroth turned back to Zack with a sultry smile.

"Oh, and I wanted it to be such a surprise…" Sephiroth sighed, straddling Zack's hips. "I wanted to save it for a special occasion."

"And…what would…that be?" Zack managed to groan out as Sephiroth ground their bodies together.

"I was going to put on a little strip tease for you." Sephiroth got to his feet and slowly pulled his shirt off, tossing it aside and shaking out his hair.

Zack watched with wide, eager eyes. "Okay…sorry you had to tell me…"

"It's alright…more fun for us, right?"

"Oh yeah."

Our lips are sealed

While it may be considered by some, unfortunate, that a majority of these techniques end in sex, just remember, that there's nothing more distracting than the joys of the flesh. And while some still may find it horrid to keep a secret from one you love, just keep in mind that there are some things we don't want anybody to know.

So, when your seme gives you that fateful choice, refer to these simple subject changers. There are many more out there, and some you may come up with on your own. But you'll never know which is more effective until you try. If it worked for these boys, it can work for you too.

Because no matter what they say…

Their lips are sealed.

Hope you all got a kick out of it. It certainly was fun to write, and, yes, I wrote Axel as an uke...LE GASP!! It's actually pretty fun. 8D and I used two of misumisu84's favorite FF VII couples, because she's made me a die-hard fan of them with her wonderful stories. And the Demyx section was, in large part, written for Emelee. I apologize if Dem-Dem still came across as a whore.

Well, that's all for now folks!

Luffles!