Title: Always Be My Baby
Rating: NC-17
Ship: Chuck/Casey
Word Count: 9,400
Beta: A huge 'thank you' to ru_salki99, who always does a wonderful job looking over my fic and fixing my many mistakes.
Disclaimers: If Chuck was mine, Chuck/Casey would be canon… which is sadly isn't. So yeah, not mine.
Summery: Written for the Chuck Slash Christmas exchange; Chuck and Casey have been by each others side for many years and while they love one another, Casey feels they can't actually be together. Chuck is left wondering if it will ever be different.
Note: Fic title is a nod to the David Cook cover song of the same name. I listened to it an insane amount during the writing of this fic so I felt I couldn't call it anything else, even if it's cheesy. :)
Chuck and Casey walked through the downtown mall, doing their best to squeeze in between the crowds of over eager consumers and to do their holiday shopping. Carols were blasting over the speakers and the same old decorations that had been decked out years before, were strung up around the place yet again. It was only the beginning of December, but there would be no time for last minute shopping this year. Tomorrow, Chuck would be joining Ellie and her family, in a cabin up north, for the holidays. They'd be there for three whole weeks. It seemed Ellie had her heart set on a traditional Christmas this year, with snow and all, and good old Cali just wasn't going to cut it.
Casey would be coming too. After years of knowing one another, it had become an unspoken fact, that they'd be spending the holidays together in some form. Whether he liked it or not, Casey was looked at as part of the family at the Bartowski's.
And this was their first true break from the job in a long time. When they decided that they were going, Chuck had looked at Casey and said that the government could call all they wanted for their help, neither were answering. Casey had nodded, clearly agreeing that the two of them needed a break. But Chuck figured they could do without them. It was only a couple weeks and they had enough time saved to go a way for a few months, if they really wanted to.
"Come on," Chuck said, grabbing hold of Casey's arm and dragging him into the Macy's. They were looking for Casey's gift for Ellie. It was the last gift on the list. Glancing around the store, it seemed neither of them knew were to begin.
As they walked past the perfume counter, the saleslady behind the counter grabbed them. "Looking at something for your girlfriends?" she asked eagerly.
"Err, something like that," Chuck admitted. "Something for my sister, actually."
"Oh, I see. What sort of senses does she like?"
Chuck looked towards Casey, who shrugged. Chuck turned to the lady and did the same.
"Okay," she paused, looking at the bottles, before picking one up and spraying it towards Chuck. "How about this?"
Chuck coughed as the strong scent overwhelmed him. He looked at the women, who was waiting for his answer, "It's fine, I guess. What do you think, Casey?"
Casey looked blankly at him, "No idea."
Chuck sighed, "Well, it's your gift to her. You need to decide."
The woman's eyes went wide, "Oh! Oh, I see," she said holding up her hand and smiling like they were doing something naughty.
Chuck blushed as he realized she was making the mistake everyone seemed to be making these days. She thought him and Casey were lovers. He went to open his mouth to correct her, when the woman continued, "No reason to explain," She picked up another bottle of perfume, took Casey's hand and spray a little on his wrist, "What about this?"
Casey looked at her like she had just conduced some odd alien experiment on him, but raised his wrist and sniffed, "Good?" he said with a little more then uncertainty.
"Great," the woman squealed and set to ringing it up. As her hand hovered over the button she asked, "Extra two dollars and I can give you a nice gift bag. Interested?"
Casey shrugged, "Sure."
"Wonderful!" As she went to put the perfume in the fancy bag, she babbled on, "Most men love this little extra as they can't wrap for their life, but I'm sure it wouldn't be a problem with you two."
Chuck cringed and saw that Casey looked slightly nauseated. Still, he slipped money across the counter and waited for the woman to finish the sale.
As they walked away, the woman waved, before seeing fresh meat passing by and pulling them over.
Casey sneered and rolled his eyes, "You know what bothers me the most?" he asked, when they were a short distance away.
"What?"
"The fact that I can actually wrap."
"Well, if it makes you feel better, I can't!"
Casey laughed and said, "Yeah, it kinda does."
"She was just an idiot," He pursed his lips and jerked his head, "Come on, let's head home."
"Na, not yet," He lifted the hand that held Ellie's present along with a few other bags, "I figure I'll get her something else in case this stuff stinks."
"Please, until I was twenty I got her perfume from the dollar store. She won't care."
"I will."
They continued to peruse the store a little longer, until they found themselves looking at some sweaters. As Chuck watched Casey go through the display, he sighed.
They had been playing this game for far too long. There was good reason they were often mistaken for lovers. They nearly were and both knew it. It was a case of both of them not so secretly knowing the other wanted the other, but each remaining quiet about the fact. There was just so much to lose. Casey's job, or even their life.
But somehow, with the holiday's approaching, it was bothering Chuck more then usual. He figured it had to do with that fact that the holidays were a time when the fact you were alone became blaringly and painfully obvious. There was the parties filled with couples, the buying presents for loved ones and the basic making of plans for Christmas. That last one, was making him the most bitter. Casey would be there, but not there quite in the way Chuck wanted him to be.
Chuck dipped his head down and wrapped his arms around himself, before looking at his partner with a tired lonely expression, "Doesn't it ever get to you, John?"
"This stampede of middle aged parents looking for the next Elmo? Yeah. I wish they'd get out of the way and let some sane people shop for a change."
"You don't have to be here."
"What kind of uncle would I be if I didn't buy Amanda and Ethan presents?"
He held up the bags where the presents were already wrapped and waiting to be opened. Chuck smiled. Technically, Amanda and Ethan were his niece and nephew, as it was his sister and brother in law, who were the parents, but Casey had been around since day one, so you couldn't tell him that. They were seven and four now, Amanda being the oldest. A fact, that reminded Chuck how long Casey had been by his side.
"Besides, Ellie has been good to me."
"That wasn't what I was talking about."
Casey looked at him from the corner of his eye in such a way that Chuck realized that he had known that.
"For god sake, everyone already thinks we're together and just not coming out!"
"No, they don't," he replied dryly.
"Yes, they do. When Ellie was asking me if I wanted anyone else to come up north. I said well isn't Casey already on the list?"
"And?"
"And she smirked at me and said, 'I already thought he was coming with you.' Then she winked at me! Winked! My sister doesn't wink."
Casey snickered, giving a rather evil smirk of his own.
"What?"
Casey just chuckled and arched an eyebrow as he kept leering at him.
"What!?" Chuck replayed what he said in his head, "Oh my god ,do you think she meant… Oh my god!" He shuddered, "But that proves my point. The only place I have a sex life is in my sister's head."
Casey smiled, before becoming serious again, "As long as it's not in the General's head we're fine."
"She doesn't ever have to know."
Casey picked something off of the sweater he was holding, sighed and gave him a sad look.
"She doesn't," But even as he said it, his voice cracking, Chuck knew they always had ways of figuring these sort of things out.
"I'm not saying there isn't interest…" Casey paused, throwing the sweater he was holding down, a little more aggressively then he had to, "I'm just saying it can't happen."
Their eyes met in a brooding moment. They both knew there was a hell lot more than just 'interest' for both of them. They were basically in love with one another.
"Why not?" he asked stubbornly.
"How many damn times to we have to talk about this?"
"I'm not some asset anymore. I don't see why they care."
"Well you're not my equal either."
Chuck glared at him, having heard the speech before. Casey had even turned down a promotion, not once, but twice since they became partners. It would have meant him moving on and for now, they were firmly together.
They both knew. Every word and action that took place between them, spoke it in volumes. They had even had a few drunken tumbles. They had been interrupted by Casey snapping to his senses, but they had happened. And there had been one night, just one, where Casey had given in. Sometimes, Chuck wondered if that had been the best or worst thing that had happened between them. It was making the moment they were currently in all the more painful.
Chuck lashed out from time to time. He was only human after all. After one of their 'tumbles,' he had turned on him and asked why he just didn't move on, if he didn't care. Casey had given him 'the look.' He had seen it many times since then, but that time would be forever burned into his memory. He did care. He cared so much that he couldn't move on. Not now, not before and not ever. He just couldn't give in either, so they were at a bypass. They were left waiting for one another, trying to be satisfied with what they had.
They were best friends; devoted confidants. They were fiercely loyal and insanely protective partners. But now, it was Christmas time and that lonely ache had seeped back in and it killed Chuck that there was someone he loved so much and who loved him back and there wasn't a thing either of them could do about it. Neither wanted to lose what they did have.
"One day…" Casey whispered, "One day our life will be our own."
"Yeah, and we'll be old and grey and on Viagra."
Casey gripped the material of some poor sweater. He didn't look him in the eye, but muttered, "Will it matter?"
"No," he answered honestly,, "I… We only have so many years and I just think you're taking the sacrifice for ones country too far."
Casey was deadly quiet for more then a few moments, before shoving the sweater at Chuck, "Ellie will like this. Let's go."
TBC