By the way yellow box is Like This

White box will be like this.

Also, if you want to know what the box voices sound like in his head just watch or play the Deadpool video game and you'll know.

I do not own the characters or settings of Bioware and Marvel at all and I am only creating this story for entertainment purposes

DEADPOOL

"RUN!" I heard Shepard shout. I looked over and saw him giving orders to our gang of aliens the Purple Damsel in Distress, Scaly fuck, and Three-Eyes all running over to cover as a Reaper outside was heading towards our position to slam into us probably resulting in a bone-shattering death for everyone. But me.

Sure, I can feel pain, it sure does hurt quite a lot as well, but I would survive in the end. As for my gang not so much. I wish I could be just like them able to die at any moment I've lost track of how many times before I tried to commit suicide for no reason at all it kinda just happens out of the blue. If it weren't for that Thanos fucker... I thought staring up at the ceiling. Suddenly I escaped my emo thoughts and rushed towards Shepard.

I ripped off my teleportation device strapping it around Shepard and pressing the button on it to teleport him a safe distance away from the incoming mechanical crab. I'm usually a heartless bastard, and I wouldn't save anyone if I only knew them for a couple weeks or a month, but all of these people I had met in this new timeline had grown on me it was like I knew them since the day I was born.

If there was any way of me being able to break out of my psychotic attitude, and ways Shepard's gang is the way to go. As the reaper was coming towards me, I put my arms to my sides like a Jesus pose and said.

"God damn, I love tacos."

The reaper crashed into the Council Chambers, hitting only me and then everything faded to black.

Rewinding...

Confusion. That was currently the thought of the man in the red suit with black armor strapped around him and a mask with black shapes surrounding his pure white eyes. He rented this apartment after all of a sudden waking up on the Citadel with his suit still on. All he could remember of the previous situation was a party on a yacht and then a massive explosion which caused him to wake up in a trashy alleyway.

Lady Death had awoken once again to place him into a complete different timeline. A timeline which would soon end if Commander Shepard did nothing to stop the impending doom from the highly advanced race known as the reapers.

After a day of comprehending what had happened to him while resting on his bed at his apartment, he put himself out on the Citadel asking if anyone needed his expertise because he needed credits and sure enough many times down the road he was getting asked for by people he didn't know daily.

A few months after the sudden timeline change he was hired for a bigger job by a person at C-Sec which is pretty much the Citadel's equivalent to police back on Earth.

The man who hired him was a turian named Garrus Valkarian. He was a rundown cop looking for a way to prove himself as a C-Sec Officer after severely slacking off on the job.

He had been hired to find and kill a man named Fist who was supposedly working with a rogue Spectre named Saren. He would also need to question the man before killing him about a certain Quarian. Garrus offered a large number of credits, if he was able to complete both of those tasks.

Deadpool obviously, agreed to the offer and started to work on finding Fist. He had absolutely no information on this man, so he was gonna have to make a phone call to one person everyone was talking about lately.

He got off his bed and went out of his bedroom door into the living room where he pulled up a contact listed as The Shadow Broker who supposedly knew everything about everyone.

A Few Minutes Later At Deadpool's Apartment,Cypher Towers Room 420...

"So, you want to know where this Fist is hiding out hmm?" He said in a deep-toned voice.

"Yes, I wanna know where this fucker is so I can get my credits and buy me some fine weaponry," Deadpool said as he took a huge hit of his Vaporizer. "Pfft yeah right, you'll probably end up spending all of it on a shit ton of drugs."

"Uhh. Ok then if you want to know you'll have to pay me first."

"Ok, then how much is it Shadow Broker? Also, By the way, that's an impressive name you got right there you used to be in a ninja clan?"

"No, I wasn't in a ninja clan," He said irritated. "Your information is going to cost about 25,000 credits since the person you're trying to track is hidden away from the public eye."

"25,000? What kind of shit is that! He's an accomplice to one of the most known Spectre's in the galaxy the person who hired me told me that how in the fuck is he that hidden?!"

"Like I said he's hidden away from the public eye. Now are you going to pay me or what?"

"Arghhhh fine!" Deadpool said irritated. "Now let's see here..." He opened up his Omni Tool and brought up his currency it showed up precisely 25,000 credits.

"Just transfer over the credits, and I will send a message to your Omni Tool of his location."

"Fuck! Ok, I'm doing it" Deadpool transferred over the credits with the press of a button, and the Shadow Broker said, "Transaction completed."

"Thank you for your cooperation." The voice chat cut out and seconds later a message was sent to Deadpool's Omni Tool.

"The man named Fist is located in the lower section of the wards at Chora's den in the V.I.P only section." He steadily read the message then shut off his Omni Tool.

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!"

Deadpool then picked up a shot glass sitting on the table in front of his couch and chucked it with all his strength at the nearest wall.

"I JUST FUCKING WASTED ALL MY CREDITS ON THIS PIECE OF SHIT KNOWN AS THE SHADOW BROKER AND THE ENTIRE TIME FUCKFACE WAS JUST BELOW MY FUCKING APARTMENT COMPLEX?!" He screamed with all of his lung power. "You're such a stupid fuck how could you not know he was ripping you off it was like stealing from a handicapped kid."

"Hahahahahah!" Deadpool wheezed. "You mean like Xavier!? Bhahahahaha!" He laughed holding his stomach

"Haha aww, that was a good one. Anyways, where was I?"

"Oh right. SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME TO CONTACT THE FUCKER!" He took another shot glass and shattered it across the back of his head.

"Ouch, that hurt so much please don't do it again." His inner voice said with sarcasm in its tone.

"Once again, shut the fuck up while I relieve some stress you sarcastic mong."

Deadpool then flipped over his table filled with alcoholic drinks and took out his katana.

He sighed loudly. "This is gonna cost a lot of fuckin money to get repaired."

He instantly began lacerating his couch leaving a deeper tear with each blow. He then jumped over his destroyed couch into the kitchen and started pushing every glass on the counter over onto the floor then slashed at every wall in his apartment a few times before calming down.

"Fuck I swear to god if I ever meet that little fucker in person. I'm gonna slice his dick off and if he's not human well... chop off whatever the fuck aliens have!" He said with a psychopathic tone in his voice. "Did you just assume someone's gender?"

"Shut the fuck up ya fuckin twat I just damaged my place because of you."

"Jeez, what's with the hostility numbnuts?"

"Just shut the fuck up please?"

"Fine."

Now that he knew Fist's location he needed to make some preparations before he went. Deadpool went back into his bedroom and opened his drawer next to his bed to lay eyes on two Desert Eagles and a teleportation device that looked like just a miniature blue frisbee.

He strapped the device around his waist and covered it up with his black armor. He looked at the blue frisbee in thought deciding whether or not to teleport straight into Fist's location, but that was just no fun for him, and he enjoyed having a challenge against his opponents.

With that arranged he set off taking an elevator down to the main floor then exiting his apartment complex out into the Citadel. A beautiful and vast space station out in the middle of space. After he took in the sight of the Citadel, he started to go to his intended destination while he had out his vaporizer and took many long hits on the way there.

15 Minutes Later...

After several hits from his vape and constant cursing, while going down the elevator complaining why these elevators took longer than him dropping a dookie, he finally made it to the entrance of Chora's Den.

"Well, this doesn't seem too bad." He said with self-confidence.

He stepped into the club full of Asari strippers dancing on a platform. Deadpool taking the sight in had his mouth open the moment he saw an Asari stripper walk past him giving him a wink then walking away.

"God damn, I think I'll be going here later to have some extraterrestrial sex." He said while eyeing the woman that passed him. "Yeah, and what happens when they finally take that mask of yours off?"

"No need to take off the mask only my pants."

"But you're still fucked up down there too you know that right?"

"You never know though maybe some of these aliens got weird fetishes." He then heard a human man sitting at a table nearby mutter out something.

"Fuckin weirdo..."

"I highly doubt they have a fetish for people that look like testicles."

"Yeah, I guess I'll keep using my hand and lotion then if I can't find a person like that."

"Forever Alone."

Deadpool walked around the stripper platform glancing around for the V.I.P section. He then found what he was looking for, a separate hallway with a big metal entrance with words saying "V.I.P" at the top and a krogan standing right next to the door.

"Alright, inner voice don't say any stupid shit while I deal with that krogan bouncer."

"As you wish captain Deadpool."

He walked up to the krogan standing next to his destination and just stood there staring up at the krogan. Deadpool was about average height for a male human standing at 6 feet tall, but this krogan stood higher at 7 feet tall. Deadpool just stood there gazing up at the krogan for a minute before the krogan bouncer said something.

"Is there something you need human?" He said with a low, intimidating voice.

"Yeah, I was wondering if you want to see a magic trick?"

"Sure, if you think you'll be able to impress me."

"Alright cool, now for this magic trick I'm gonna need you to close your eyes."

The foolish krogan did as told, and he slipped right past him slowly opening the metal door also closing it quietly so the krogan couldn't hear.

"Wow, are all krogan this dense?"

"Hopefully so in the future, I can make up some stupid fuckin excuse and avoid fighting one of those things."

Deadpool scanned the room and Surprisingly there were no extra guards on the inside you'd think they would have this place tightly secured for protecting such an essential figure for Saren.

"Well, that's just lazy writing." muttered Deadpool.

Deadpool crouched down and began to make his way through this area. He stopped by a corner branching into another part of the place and peaked around the corner.

He saw Fist with three other guards armed with assault rifles having a meeting, and they didn't seem to notice him peaking so he overheard the conversation they were having.

"Alright, men spread out we don't want anyone breaking in when the Quarian arrives. No one goes in and no one outs after that you hear me?" Fist said with a drill sergeant tone. "Now move out maggots!"

Fist turned to go into a room at the far end of the hallway and locked the door. While that happened, the men were moving down the hall towards Deadpool's position. He thought about just taking them out right there but decided to go the stealthy route hiding behind a crate as they walked farther down to the entrance of the area passing him.

"You're not Batman, go and kill those degenerates."

"Fuck no, putting in less effort is better for me, I might leave too much of a mess if I kill those guys." He whispered.

"Fine, but I wanna see somebody dead by the end of this."

Deadpool kept sneaking down the hallway until he got to the door that was locked. Being a mercenary, he did end up getting paid quite a lot, so he saved up some credits to buy an Omni-Tool that could hack doors and stuff for him.

A minute later the door unlocked without Fist knowing and Deadpool snuck up on him. Fist was currently typing a report to Saren at his desk saying the mission was successful likely to save time when the mission did end up getting completed, heh, but only if he knew what was about to happen to him.

"Well if it isn't Saren's little helper... by the way did you name yourself Fist because you like fisting people is that it?"

Fist quickly grabbed the pistol laying in front of him on his desk, but as he was in the process of doing that Deadpool took out his knife and slammed it right on Fist's hand penetrating it as well as the table.

The blood seeped out of Fist as he slammed the knife down with full force and Fist screamed in agony. He made sure to lock the door before doing that as there were guards just a hallway down securing the area he wanted this to be a quiet interrogation.

"Wow, dude do you even shower? You smell like utter shit."

He groaned "Fuck you asshole."

"Alright now you're going to tell me about this Quarian, or I'm going to shoot your fuckin cat." He said with hatred in his tone.

"Heres an idea, how about you go fuck yourself."

"I already did that three times today pal, and I don't like your idea, I have a better one, how about I just fucking kill you right now, without you telling me and I'll find the Quarian myself." He said as he pulled out his Desert Eagle.

"I can't tell you because I'll die, either way, Saren will send out his men on me if I snitch on him." He said with despair.

"He won't along as your put into protective custody now tell me or die." He said as he put the Desert Eagle's barrel to the side of Fist's head.

"Ugh, I hope I don't regret doing this shit," He said shaking his head.

"The quarian you are looking for is at the lower wards near the market, He said with remorse. "There I told you now let me go."

"Ah I'm afraid I can't do that, you see a person hired me to kill you, and that's what I intend to do, sorry pal.

"What?!" He screamed. " No no no no no no no no! You can't do this I fucking gave you the information please let me live!"

"Hmm..." He said cupping his chin with two of his fingers. "Nah." He said quickly and then shot Fist spraying his brain matter all over the wall.

"Woah hahahaha!" He chuckled. "Did you see that shit? His head exploded like a fuckin watermelon!"

"You are a sick, sick person and I love you for it."

"Thanks, now let's go save that quarian."

Deadpool pulled out his teleportation device and pressed the button to teleport to the lower wards near the market.

He appeared there with the blue glow slowly fading away as he investigated his surroundings. He took cover behind a crate and peaked over with his hands out imitating binoculars to see two salarians, a turian and of course the Quarian while they were in the middle of a conversation.

"Did you bring it? The turian asked.

"Where's the Shadow Broker? Where's Fist? " The quarian girl dodged the question.

"They'll be here..." The turian said as he ran his hand down starting at the side of her head down her shoulder.

"Where's the evidence?" As he was running his hand down her arm, she slapped it away.

"No way the deal's off." She said backing away.

"Fine have it your way then." He said as he began to un-holster his pistol.

She closed her eyes accepting her fate believing she was a failure to her people and heard a loud bang.

She opened her eyes at the moment to find she wasn't dead and had blood splattered all over her suit. She looked down to see a pool of blood coming out of the turian's skull.

"Gotcha bitch!" She heard a voice in the distance say. She looked up to see a man in a red costume.

Deadpool casually walked down the stairs and looked to see the two salarians backed up in a corner frightened, aiming their guns at him.

"Alright, fellas you got three seconds to get the fuck outta here before you end up like cocknose over there." He pointed behind him at the body.

"Yes, sure whatever you want just don't kill us!" One of the salarians said rapidly.

The salarians ran away, but before they were out of Deadpool's sight, he said "Three!" and shot both of them in the back.

Deadpool did a little salsa dance with his guns out before turning to face the quarian still in shock of the events that transpired.

"Hey!" He shouted in front of her face. She didn't respond. "Helllooooo?" He waved his hand in front of her visor, but she stared blankly into the distance avoiding to look at him.

"Damnit... I should have known this was a set-up." She said then sighed.

"Yeah, you sure got fuckin bamboozled."

"Hey, Freddy Kreuger how about you make some friends for once and ask for her name." She looked at him and tilted her head confused.

"Who are you talking to?" She said with her head still tilted.

He cleared his throat. "Uhh, no one. I'm talking to no one, miss...?" He gestured to her with an open palm.

"Tali. Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, and you are?"

"Wa-, I mean Deadpool, it's Deadpool or... you can call me Captain Deadpool if you'd like."

"Uhh, that's an interesting name...but is it your first name or last name?"

"Deadpool is my nickname since I'm an assassin/mercenary I go by that name, but when I'm around people I know, they'll use my real name."

"So, what is your real name?" She questioned.

"Babe, I just told you. You won't be getting my real name until you get to know me and I get to know you. But that probably won't happen since I'm leaving once Garrus comes along."

After the name exchanging Deadpool heard a slow clap in the background and He turned to see the turian who hired him, a red armored krogan and a human soldier all standing at the top of the stairs.

The group walked down the stairs to face Deadpool and Tali. "I must say you're probably the best assassin I've ever hired you killed Fist and saved the quarian faster than I ever could." He said impressed.

"Heh it was nothing, I used to do this shit back before I-." He stopped himself before letting his past come out.

"Before you what?" The human soldier said.

"Nothing! It's nothing, anyways, you got my credits Garrus?"

"Yup, get out your Omni-Tool, and I'll transfer them over."

They both got out their Omni-Tool's and Garrus transferred the 100,000 credits over to Deadpool's account.

"Alright well, I wish you all luck in your mission if you need anything else just holla at me." Deadpool began to walk away.

"Wait!" Deadpool stopped in his tracks to turn around. "I was hoping you'd help Shepard with his mission as well." Deadpool looked back confused.

"Who the fuck is Shepard? Does he herd sheep?"

The human with black armor stepped forward "I'm Commander Shepard, I'm with the alliance." He said standing straight.

"Alright sheep man what do you want from me?"

"I want you to escort us to the Council Chambers. We don't know how many more men Saren has out there we need more protection just in case things go haywire."

"I'll do it if I'm getting paid a reasonable amount."

"Yeah, I'll pay you."

"Now," He said turning to the quarian. "What is your name?"

"Tali'Zorah nar Rayya." She said wringing her hands. He could tell that she had never been surrounded by so many strangers before.

"Well, Miss Zorah I was notified that you have evidence that proves a rogue Spectre named Saren attacked Eden Prime, correct?"

"Yes, I think so...and please you can just call me Tali." She said opening her Omni-Tool to play the recording.

Eden Prime was a major victory! The beacon has brought us one step closer to finding the Conduit.

"Would you care to accompany us Tali? So, we can present this to the council?" Shepard asked.

"Um... sure, Commander. Just lead the way." She said still wringing her hands.

5 Minutes later...

"So, what's your name big fella?" Deadpool broke the silence during the elevator ride looking at the red krogan.

"Wrex" He replied.

"Wait, T-Rex?"

"No, it's just Wrex human. Now leave me alone."

"Whoa big fella, you don't gotta be a dick about it. I only want to know you since you didn't introduce yourself at the meeting."

The door to the elevator opened and everyone stepped out except Wrex and Deadpool.

They stared at each other for a moment before Wrex gave a little "Hmph." and walked right out.

Deadpool followed the group until they made their way to an old man named Udina who was the human ambassador.

"Shepard! Have you gone completely insane? Killings at Chora's Den and the wards, this is unacceptable!"

"Udina let me exp-" He was cut off by Udina.

"And what is this!" He pointed at the people standing behind Shepard.

"A krogan, turian, and quarian. What the hell have you been up too? Also, who the hell is that in the red suit?"

"I'm Batman!" Deadpool said imitating Batman's voice.

"No, you aren't sonny, you're Deathstroke remember?"

"Ah so now you finally talk after all the shit we've been through."

Everybody gave Deadpool a confused looked except Tali who just tilted her head to mimic being confused.

"You know you're talking to yourself, right?" Udina responded.

"Nah, I wasn't talking to myself it was all your immaaginnationn." He said putting his hands up gesturing a rainbow.

"Well, anyways Shepard you've got a lot of explaining to do about your crew and this man in particular."

Shepard sighed. "Can it wait for later? We have the information on Saren."

"Shepard!" A man wearing an Alliance uniform ran up to them and stood tall looking at Shepard.

"Anderson, we have the information regarding Saren."

"Alright, reveal it to us, and we'll show it to the Council."

Shepard turned around to face the crew. "Alright, this is Tali'Zorah." He introduced her. "She has the evidence against Saren. Tali go ahead and play the audio."

"Yes, Commander." She replied pressing a few buttons on her Omni-Tool.

Eden Prime was a major victory! The beacon has brought us one step closer to finding the Conduit.

"That's Saren!" Anderson exclaimed.

"Wait!" Tali said. "There's more to it. Saren wasn't working alone."

And one step closer to the return of the Reapers.

"I didn't recognize that other voice, the woman talking about the Reapers," Udina stated.

"Me neither, but this still proves Saren attacked Eden Prime," Anderson replied.

"What the hell is a Reaper though?" Udina questioned.

Tali stepped forward in front of the crew standing tall and began to speak.

"The Reapers were apparently a hyper-advanced machine race that existed fifty thousand years ago. They hunted the protheans to total extinction, and then they vanished!"

"God damn shit reminds me of Thanos," Deadpool added in the background interrupting the information given.

Everyone gave a glance at Deadpool but then ignored him because they probably thought he was insane.

"The Geth believe the Reapers are gods and they are supporting Saren because they believe he will bring them back," Tali stated.

"She's right..." Everyone looked at Shepard. "The visions on Eden Prime. The beacon showed me the Reapers wiping out the protheans. It could have been a warning that there coming to wipe us out."

"Ohh the council is just going to love this," Udina said crossing his arms.

"How did you get this information, Miss Zorah?" Anderson asked.

"Well, during my travels I've been receiving reports of geth traveling outside of the Veil. It was unusual since the geth have rarely been outside the Veil after the geth drove our people into exile."

"Continue Miss Zorah." Anderson replied.

"Yes, so, after I heard about geth traveling outside of the veil I was naturally curious being a quarian and tracked a patrol of geth to an uncharted world. I managed to disable a geth unit and retrieve its memory core when one of geth separated from its unit."

"I thought the geth usually fry their memory core when they die as a defense mechanism," Anderson stated.

How did you manage to retrieve it, Miss Zorah?" Udina questioned.

"My people created the geth. If you're quick, careful and lucky, you can save small bits of data from the memory core before it's cleaned away."

Suddenly two Alliance marines rushed to the group.

"Anderson are we ready to present yet?" The Alliance woman said.

"Yes, let's go present this information to the council." He waved everyone to follow him except the three aliens and Deadpool.

"We'll be back in a bit," Shepard reassured to the crew of interesting individuals.

The Alliance group ran up to the stairs to the area where they were to present. Everyone watched until they were not seen anymore and they all looked at each other.

"Well if you guys need me I'll be over there." Deadpool pointed at the farthest corner in the room.

"Why are you leaving us?" Garrus questioned.

"Cause I gotta get a little alone time," Deadpool said as he took out his vape. "You guys go ahead and have a nice chat while I go smoke up a storm."

Right After The Council Meeting...

The meeting had finally ended. Shepard went down the stairs to greet his group of aliens while Deadpool was still off in a corner smoking up a storm.

Shepard was discussing something with his group which was making Tali get riled up. She eventually did calm down after Shepard had told her something and she thanked him for it.

They all looked towards Deadpool's position shaking their heads as they watched him talk to himself while taking a huge drag of his vape.

"Why do you even carry that thing around it doesn't even help you."

"I take it so I can relieve stress buddy ol' pal."

"Stress? What are you even stressed about that requires you to vape over 100 times a day."

"Yeah, you know the stress of getting blown up and waking up in a whole new fucking timeline and being mocked by an insensitive swine named Udina!" He said the last part with anger.

"Awww, big boy Deadpool's getting angry over an egotistical pig roach, awwww."

"Hey fuck you, man. I swear when I get that fucker alone I'm gonna, I'm gonna!" He then took a long drag of his vape.

"Fucking kill him?"

"Yeah, yeah that one."

Everyone was staring at him while he said that stuff. Luckily enough Udina wasn't there when he was talking about murdering him. Shepard walked up to Deadpool slowly not wanting to interrupt his conversation with himself.

"So, you still doing your daily touching session later today?"

"Yeah probably after I get paid by the sheepman." He then straightened himself.

"My spider senses are tingling." He exclaimed turning around.

"Heyyyyy! What's up Shepard how you doin? You got my credits?"

"No, because you still haven't completed your mission."

"Whatttttt? The fuck do you mean I escorted you here! Now wheres my credits!" He shouted.

"Trust me you'll get them, once we save the galaxy from impending doom."

"Save the galaxy? Why the fuck would I wanna do that?"

"Because, if you join us I'll end up using the rest of the Alliance funds to pay you."

"How much are we talking about here hmm?"

"Millions of credits, more than doing these little petty tasks you do here."

"Hmmm." He said cupping his chin with two fingers and tapping his foot.

"I'll do it, on one condition."

"What do you need Deadpool?" He said irritated.

"I'm gonna need a lot of Mexican food."

"Fatass."

"Indeed."

Later At The Docked Normandy...

Shepard had the Normandy handed over to him by Anderson. After a few minutes of Deadpool hanging out in the background, they finally said goodbye and Shepard had officially started his mission.

They entered the Normandy after going through a small area called the decontamination chamber, and they all stepped in scanning the inside of the Normandy.

"Alright! So, where the hell are we supposed to go for this sleep-over?" Deadpool asked.

"All of you, take the elevator down to deck three and get your items situated in a locker. Also, Tali there's an engineering section down there if you want to work on the core."

"Thank you, commander," Tali said and nodded

They all stepped into the slow elevator and pressed the button to go down to deck three. Once they got out, Deadpool still had to question the two Alliance marines who showed up out of nowhere during the meeting.

"Hey," Deadpool said looking at the two Alliance soldiers. "I'm Deadpool nice to meet you." He pulled out his hand for a handshake.

The Alliance woman took his hand and shook it. "Ashley." Then the Alliance man came up and shook his hand. "Kaiden."

"Nice to meet you." Ashley and Kaiden said in unison.

"So, did you guys introduce yourself to the other crew members?" Deadpool asked.

"No, we haven't yet but I will after I get done putting up my equipment," Kaiden stated.

"I sure as hell won't" Ashley muttered.

"Why the hell not? There friendly people, except for the big arsehole named Wrex."

"I heard that human!" Wrex shouted in the background.

Kaiden burst out laughing while Ashley became more annoyed with Wrex's presence.

"You wanna know why I don't want to introduce myself?" She whispered to Deadpool.

"Why?" He whispered leaning in close.

"Because they're filthy aliens." She whispered.

"Holy shit have we finally found space, Hitler?"

"Indeed, we have."

"WHAT!?" She shouted. "I'M NO SPACE HITLER!"

"Then why do you hate aliens?"

"UGH! WHATEVER IT DOESN'T MATTER!" She shouted as she stormed into the elevator pressing the button for deck two.

"Wow! I wonder who shit in her cornflakes!"

"God. Damnit. Guys I don't need you commenting on everything I say to these characters just fucking stop it, please?"

"But, we can't control it, we have to say it because it's on the scr-."

"SHHHHHHHHHH!" Deadpool said putting his finger to his mouth. "We can't let them know about the shit."

"What shit?" Kaiden asked.

"Nothing! Just go about your business with your equipment."

"Oh, ok then."

Deadpool backed away into the hallway leading to engineering and made a deep sigh.

"Alright, boys I think this is a good stopping place."

"Lazyyyyyyy assss."

"Indeed."

A/N: I'm not sure how you made it this far. But I am sure glad you did, so that I can try to make more of this catastrophe. I don't really know what the fuck to do with this pile of shit, so I would appreciate it if you can give me ideas for some chapters. Also this entire story won't be all Deadpool shenanigans, It'll probably be 75% of Deadpool comedy and the other 25% will be characters actually being serious. Anyways there's no promises i'll actually finish this because i'm a lazy cunt and i'm not good at writing at all.