Disclaimer: I own no part of Stargate SG-1. No copyright infringement intended.

A/N: Reviews always welcome!

O'Neill's The Name

Jack reluctantly sat down to catch up on his reports. He hated this part of the job. Why couldn't the Air Force just pay to have a transcriptionist sit in on the post-mission debriefings? If it's good enough for the civilian courts, it should be good enough for the Air Force too. And it would just save so much time for the military personnel. Not to mention boredom. There must be fifty other things he'd rather be doing right now, other than sitting there, writing reports. It must be some sort of cosmic revenge for all the times he hadn't properly finished something for English class... Or any other class, for that matter.

Damn those academic gods. Payback was a bitch.

Opening a new document, he typed the date. March 17th. He blinked. March 17th? Double-checking the calendar, he grinned. Sweet!

Shutting his computer off, he strode out of the room with new purpose. The universe would have to wait for its revenge. He had more important things to do.

Quickly changing into his civvies, the Colonel high-tailed it from the mountain base, racing home as fast as the local traffic postings would allow. Opening the door, he was relieved to note that he'd remembered to tidy somewhat last night. He had too much to do to get ready to worry about trifling details such as cleanliness.

The text came in just after 4pm. SOS. Sam frowned, quickly powering down her equipment for the night. She opened the door, crashing into Daniel.

"I just got a text...," he gasped breathlessly, holding up his phone. SOS. Same message. "What do you think it means?"

"I don't know," Sam replied worriedly, hurrying through the corridors with Daniel hot on her heels.

"Major Carter, Daniel Jackson. I have just received word...", Teal'c began, only to be interrupted.

"We know," Sam and Daniel chorused. Teal'c fell into step with them, heading for the elevator to the surface.

"Do you think we should change first?," Daniel asked, looking distastefully at his BDUs.

"I don't think there's time," Sam replied, hitting the surface button with more force than was strictly necessary.

"My car or yours?," Daniel asked as they reached the checkpoint.

"Yours. I brought my bike."

Sam grabbed the keys he took out of his pocket, breaking at least three traffic laws on their way to the Colonel's house. Daniel held on for dear life, praying to every deity he could think of to keep them from dying a horrific, fiery death while trying to save a friend.

The door burst open, and Jack grinned. "Perfect timing, kids!," he announced, coming into the hall.

"Jack, what the hell?," Daniel asked, looking around. "Your text said SOS."

"Yes, well. I doubt any of you would have come if I'd told you the real reason I wanted you here."

"Which is?," Sam pressed, breathlessly annoyed.

"It's St. Paddy's Day!"

Three sets of eyes stared at him as if he'd finally cracked his lid. "The name's O'Neill, in case you hadn't noticed," he retorted. "We have to celebrate!"

Sam pursed her lips. Daniel frowned. Teal'c cocked an eyebrow. "Of what do you speak, O'Neill," the latter asked at last.

"St. Paddy's Day. A day of all things green and drunken."

"Actually, Jack," Daniel began, but Jack stopped him with a raised hand.

"I don't want to hear it, Daniel. I want to have fun. More importantly, I want to see the three of you have some fun. So c'mon in!"

The other three members of SG-1 exchanged wary glances, following the Colonel inside.

Everything was green. There were green streamers, green balloon, green napkins and coasters. Even the food was green.

"Jack, is that...," Daniel trailed, at a visible loss for words.

"Green eggs and ham!," Jack crowed, grinning wide.

"I think I might be sick," Sam replied.

"Carter, where's your Irish spirit?," Jack demanded, strapping a shimmering green hat to her head. Daniel and Teal'c were next.

"I'm not Irish, Sir," Sam replied, eyeing him as he placed one of the glimmering hats on his own head.

"Not true, Carter," her CO corrected. "You're a part of my team. And since I'm Irish, you get to be Irish too!"

"Lucky me," Sam replied weakly. Daniel shot her a sympathetic gaze.

"C'mon, food and beer first, then games!," Jack said, ushering them all over to the food. Sam turned a lovely shade of Jack's favourite colour.

"I do not believe this food is meant to be green, O'Neill," Teal'c said, giving the proffered dish a rather dubious look.

"It's just food colouring, T. Don't worry about it."

Handing them each a plate, he ushered them back to the living room, quickly grabbing beers for Sam and Daniel, and a root beer for Teal'c.

Daniel sighed and took a bite. "It's actually not that bad, if you don't look too closely," he replied thoughtfully.

Sam dutifully closed her eyes tight, spearing some of the green eggs onto her fork and taking a bite.

"That's the spirit!," Jack said, coming back with his own plate. "Oh, I almost forgot." Changing direction, he headed over to the stereo system, fumbling with a disc before hitting 'play'. A jaunty Irish jig rang out through the room. "There. Perfect," he said.

Sam and Daniel exchanged glances.

"Sir. This isn't just a ploy to get out of writing your reports, is it?," Sam asked suspiciously, toying with her meat.

"Of course not! Carter, how could you think such a thing?"

"Because you hate writing reports," Daniel supplied.

"And you frequently use subterfuge in order to avoid the task," Teal'c added.

"Do not!," Jack defended. "Besides, it really is St. Patrick's Day. And I really am Irish. See, no subterfuge."

This time all three of them traded looks.

"Just humour me on this, all right?," Jack snapped. "It's not like I haven't done this sort of thing for any of you before."

Daniel frowned. "I can't think of anything. Can you?," he asked, turning to Sam.

"Nope," she said, shaking her head.

"Indeed, I cannot," Teal'c added, turning his gaze to Jack.

"Well, I would if you asked!," he said, exasperated. "Besides, who was it who told you about Pi day?," he asked, pointing accusingly at Sam. "You would have missed an important scientific holiday if not for me!"

"Pi day?," Daniel asked.

"March 14th," Sam replied. "Three point one four."

"Personally, I just eat pie," Jack said with a shrug. "Point is, in our line of work, we need to find reasons to celebrate," he replied. "Like today."

Sam smiled. Teal'c inclined his head. Daniel took another bite of wobbling green eggs.

The rest of the evening passed in a happy blur of green cupcakes, green Jello shots, and some of the kookiest party games Jack had been able to find. All in all, an awesome St. Patrick's Day.

And everyone had remembered to wear green!

A/N: Happy St. Patrick's Day, Everyone!