Disclaimer: They don't belong to me and blabla
AN: Okay so this is based on Nickelback's song of the same tittle. To be honest, I'm not really sure where this came from. I was just driving in my car and this song was part of the random playlist I was listening and I always thought this song was SO bechloe but then I realized that it actually screams rizzles, so yeah. It's only one shot so don't get your hopes up.
Oh and I'm working on the next chapter of Say Anything, just please give me a little time. Thank you!
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It was a while past sunset at the beginning of the spring and Maura was just on her way back home from a long, exhausting and very lonely day at work and she wasn't in the best of moods. She was so tired that all the little things bothered her. As she was driving home she was arguing with herself about the weather and how you didn't know how to dress in this season because it was warm enough for a dress when you were standing right under the sun, but when you walked on the shadows you couldn't prescind from a coat. It was the kind of unpredictableness that innerved her.
She parked on the driveway of her Bacon Hill house and frowned when she saw that everything looked dark from outside. When she went to put the key on the door of the house she had to use the light of her cellphone because not even the little light by the door was on and that was the whole purpose of said lamp.
And the little things like that just kept adding up to her mood.
It wasn't that she was angry per se, but she was like restless, exhausted and everything bother her. It wasn't that hard to understand. Maybe it was the day. Maybe it was her age. Maybe it was the long day stuck at work. Maybe it was the weather. Maybe it was the spring. Or maybe it was just the light off by the door. The thing is that she didn't felt good. Her jaw was clenched, her forehead had a tattooed frown and she was starting to feel a –not so light- throbbing at her temples.
Counting to ten and taking deep breaths – that's how she went through the day- she step inside, put her shoes aside immediately and walked directly to the kitchen to put the kettle on so she can make herself some kind of herbal tea and let it boil as she went upstairs for a change of clothes still strangely aware of the darkness and quietness of the house. It's definitely been a while since it been this silent and she allowed herself the walk to her bedroom to enjoy it.
When she got to her bedroom she turned the lights on just to find a single red rose and a letter next to it with her name written in a familiar calligraphy.
Immediately and without her realizing, the frown of her forehead relaxed a little bit and her lips allowed themselves to form a little smile as she grabbed the envelope to see its content.
She took a seat on the bed –long letter on one hand and red rose on the other holding it to her nose to enjoy the smell- and the smile on her face widened a little.
"Dear Maura (I feel like I just went back a thousand year with just that two words)"
And Maura chuckled; of course she wouldn't write a letter without making some kind of joke.
"I'm so terrible with words and I apologize in advance because I really don't where will this letter lead with my rambling (I already started and I'm just on the second line, it must be some kind of record) but I trust that you know me and somehow you'll understand what I'm trying to say. You always do.
Today is a special day. A single special day for most people but you and I know better and celebrate it double.
First of all, Happy Birthday, sweetie (God, you are so old….. I know that you just grunt reading that, don't worry I'm just kidding, you are still beautiful AND younger than me).
I feel so lucky to be able to watch you and be next to you celebrating this day for the thousandth time and I thank God every day that you were born. My life wouldn't be the same without you, without your fun facts, your google mouth and your inability to understand sarcasms (although you've gotten better at that with time, I'll give you that).
You are a gift to this world, Maura. You smile light it's able to light up an entire room, your eyes looks like they hold the secrets of the universe, your brain, strength and resiliency never fails to amaze me, your kindness warms my heart and god, I could spent liters of ink with this pen trying to explain this to you and still there wouldn't be enough words to describe how amazing you are.
You are able to send me to the end of the earth with one word and bring me back with just a hug. Which lead us to the other thing that we celebrate this day. Our thing.
A day like today but fifteen years ago you were brave enough (or drunk enough- don't even try to deny it) to take a first step to stop playing fools. We've been dancing around it for years, we knew there was more between us that neither of us was willing to admit and we both knew it.
If you ask me, I knew it the day I invite you to a Sox's games against the Yankees. You've never been to one and I couldn't live with myself without fixing that situation, so I showed up at your doorstep with two tickets, a new sweater and a hat for you. It was THE game and I couldn't let you go unprepared. I made you drink beer and you argued that you didn't like it and probably wasn't even healthy but I win that argument saying that you needed the whole experience. The Yankees beat us that day and was a bummer but I couldn't bring myself to care because you were so happy that I was worried your cheeks may hurt from the smile that you had the whole evening.
Then we were walking back home and you invite me to a coffee shop saying that you didn't wanted to go home yet and you needed to get rid of the awful taste of cheap beer from your mouth. We sat on a booth and keep talking random things and laughing at a newbie cop that was half sleeping at the table behind me, only to realize after that it was actually Frankie, which –of course- made us laugh harder.
That night I walked you to your house; you thanked me for ´the funniest night of your life´ and kiss my cheek for a second too long (or too short, if you ask me) and when you pulled away your face was one of a pure bliss (I'm sure that mine wasn't far from that) and I knew in that exact moment that I was in love with you. But I was so scared because what we had was so precious that I didn't want it to end if things didn't work out so I just kept going like nothing ever happened, like if my heart didn't accelerate every time that you even looked at me.
When I asked you years later, you told me that you knew weeks after that. The day that you made me go to a concert at the Boston Opera House (that you tricked me to go!) and I agreed because I thought it was actually a concert and I was up for new bands like with singers and everything, you never told me that it was actually a concert of the Boston Symphony Orchestra that lasted HOURS, Maura! And afterwards I made you walk to the Boston Common and buy me a big ice cream as a reward for endure that torture.
We walked around for a while but it was almost night so there was no ice cream to buy (You still owe me that, by the way) so we decided to just sit on a bench to rest. It was in a secluded place near a tree and it when it started to get even darker you held my hand and squeezed it. I thought you were cold so without a word I put off my jacket, put it on your shoulders and brought you closer to me. After a couple of minutes of silence you confessed to me that you were actually afraid of the dark but you didn't wanted to tell me because you thought I would laugh.
I didn't say anything back. I made you stand up and walked you to another bench at the side of a very illuminated space watching a bunch of kids playing with lots of lamps surrounding us and I never once took my jacket away from your shoulders or your body away from mine. That day, you confessed me years later, you knew you were in love with me but you were terrified too and –just like me- you decided to go on like nothing ever happened, like if you heart didn't accelerate every time that I even looked at you.
We were a couple of idiots, Maur."
By this point the smile on Maura's face wasn't even subtle. Those memories from so long ago were still so livid on her mind -and clearly on Jane's too- and now that she was bringing them back, she couldn't help but agree with Jane: They were definitely a couple of idiots.
Were. Past tense. That wasn't the end of the story. The letter wasn't over yet.
"We keep going like that for almost half a year. Until your birthday.
I remember that it was a Sunday but you decide to celebrate it on Friday, that way we could relax and we wouldn't have to worry about going to work the next day.
The party was at The Dirty Robber. All of our family and friends were there, some of our coworkers and people from the lab. Even Constance had decided to flight for that weekend. It was a big party and you were so happy. Everyone was dancing and drinking and laughing and you had this big permanent smile on your face.
You let yourself go that night. You danced without a care in the world and I watched you from the sides with amusement until you pull me to the dance floor with you.
It was like four in the morning when your moves started to get kind of sloppy. I was talking with Korsak by the bar and you grabbed my arm to drag me to the dance floor again (I don't think I've ever danced that much in my life). Like gravity we kept dancing dangerously closer until our bodies were completely touching and you tripped over your words when you pulled your arms around my neck and whispered in my ear 'don't let it end'. I thought you were referring to the party, but then you pulled away with a kiss at the corner of my mouth and without any other explanation I smiled as I understood the meaning behind those words and I knew that I wasn't alone on my fears.
The party ended shortly after that. I took you home and we didn't even speak about it until Sunday came. Your actual birthday.
Constance and Angela decided to make a quiet family dinner at your house. When they were cleaning the kitchen and preparing for dessert I ask you to walk out with me for a little while. I didn't know if you remembered something of what you said of the party, but now I least knew how you felt and wouldn't make a fool out of myself.
We sat next to each other on some weird kind of hammock just outside your house (remember when we first try to sit together on that thing and I heard you swear for the first time when we end up with our asses on the floor laughing like crazies? God, still makes me laugh! Ok, I'll go back to the topic now, sorry). We sat on that thing for a couple of seconds (or they were minutes?) watching the night sky because I couldn't find the right words. You grabbed my hand and I remembered our night at Boston Common so I pulled you closer to me just like I did that night.
I couldn't help but feel content with you on my arms, I felt complete for the first time in a while and I was about to say exactly that to you when you confessed me that you remembered everything from the party and you didn't want it to go back on your words.
You were so brave, Maura, and I didn't think that it was possible for me to fall more in love with you that night (now I know it was).
You told me that even though you were terrified of our friendship ending, you were tired of pretend like nothing was happening between us and you knew I felt the same way because it was written all over my face when you kissed the corner of my mouth on the party.
I didn't know what to tell you, you were always capable of reading me like a book, what else could I add? I'm sure that you weren't expecting me to be so impulsive and do the only thing left to do when I pull you closer and softly kiss your lips for the first time. I swear I've never felt so at home like in that moment, Maura.
When breathing became a problem -and to completely assure me that you remembered- you broke our kiss and whispered in my ear 'don't ever let it end'.
I promised you that night fifteen years ago that I never will. I sealed that promise thirteen years ago on my wedding votes. I reaffirmed it every single time on every single one of our kid's births. And I'm planning on keep telling you for the rest of our days that I'll never let it end.
I love you, Maura.
Happy Birthday and Happy Anniversary.
PD: Now you can go wash you face and go back to the living room before the kids fall asleep hiding."
Maura let out a laugh as she dried the tears that were running on her cheeks. For someone who claims to be bad with words, Jane definitely had a way to make them go directly to Maura's heart.
She cleaned her face and didn't even bother to pun on make up again in a rush to go back to the living room, now remembering that she didn't even turned the light on in there when she went to the kitchen. If she had, she probably had found a similar image that she found when she ran downstairs but maybe a little more vivid.
There were balloons everywhere, a "Happy Birthday Mommy" painted in paper hanging above the fireplace, a couple of gifts at one of the couches and a lot of drawings over the table. But most importantly, there -in the middle of the living room- was Jane standing with a four years old toddler sleeping on her arms, the seven years olds twins were soundly asleep in each one of the couches at the side and she could see the feet of their ten years old boy appearing at the end of the sofa that was back to her.
And she couldn't help the tears at the corner of her eyes nor the smile on her face that got even bigger that it was before.
"We tried so hard to stay awake but I was the only one who survived." Jane said with an apologetic smile on her face.
And Maura chuckled as she stepped closer to her wife.
"I'm so sorry for being late. I ruined everything," she whispered unable to stop the tears from running through her cheeks.
"No, hey," Jane whispered back. "You didn't ruined anything, we knew you were gonna be late, but we still wanted to try. That's what it counts, right?" She said accommodating their younger girl on one arm as she reached the other one to dry the tears on her wife's cheeks.
"Thank you," Maura said closing her eyes and allowing herself to enjoy the touch.
"I didn't do anything. It was their idea, not mine."
And Maura smiled again as she took the little girl from Jane's arms. The movement caused the toddler to stir and open her eyes halfway to look at Maura. She showed a tired smile and with a "Happy birthday, mommy" she snuggled into Maura's arms and fell asleep again.
"How did I get so lucky?" Maura asked softly looking at the kids sleeping around them.
"You deserve this, everything and more." Jane answered getting closer to her wife to hug her carefully from behind.
Maura felt everything of what was left of her previous restlessness and bad mood wash away as she let herself sink into Jane's arms without taking her eyes away from the boys and girls on the couches.
"Thank you." She repeated as she turned on Jane's arms to face her.
"I already told you I didn't do anything."
"You are just.." And not for the first time she found herself unable to find the words to express her feeling to the woman in front of her. "You are just you. And that's all I ever needed."
And Jane smiled and whispered an "I love you" as she closed the gap between them and brought their lips together on the sweetest kiss.
"Don't let it end," Maura whispered on her ear when she pulled away.
And with the same softness as that first time fifteen years ago, Jane promised, "Never."
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AN2: I know that Maura's birthday it's in August, definitely not spring but I had already written that part when I remember it, so just bear with me.
I hope you liked it and please let me know what you think :)