Disclaimer: I own nothing.
You are now Forensics Specialist Kai Kalaba.
Your Sims characters are sleeping, and you nearly give in to the same temptation. Your eyes sting- It's three in the morning and you've got a long day at the lab ahead of you. You groan slightly and your grip tightens around your cell phone.
You think of coffee, but Detective Mal Fallon swears he will tie you to your chair the next time you decide to introduce caffeine into your system. You slump across your desk and idly tried to find a way to get the in-game time to move along faster because the maximum time lapse still isn't quite fast enough.
Out of the blue, music blasts and your cell phone vibrate with an audible buzz against your table top. Despite having been expecting a call, you fall out of your chair with a yelp of surprise nonetheless. Your hand feels around your table top to grab at your cell and you answer the phone with your butt planted firmly to the varnished wood floor.
"Hello, Kitten."
You smile into the greeting without bothering to check caller I.D. Besides, who else is capable of changing your ringtone to the embarrassing opening theme of Lovely Kitten Paradise?
[Hi, Kai. Are you alright? You sound horrible.]
True, your voice is a little hoarse from the chips you've been snacking on the last few hours and your throat hurts a little after your six-pack of Coca-Cola ran out, but you feel greater than ever. You clear your throat a little.
Finally you reply, "I'm good, Amy. Just ran out of Coke."
[Kai, you didn't try to mix Mentos and Coke in your mouth again, did you? If you did, I'm calling Mal-]
"What? No! Don't!" you splutter. "I'm fine! I was just snacking!"
You hear her cluck her tongue and begin to chide you. You just can't hold back that smile.
[You're a grown man, Kai; what did I tell you about watching your diet?]
"That I shouldn't eat pizzas for dinner every other day?"
You already imagine her rolling her eyes, as she says: [Well, yes, but I thought you'd get the big picture. I'm this close to telling Mal you got into the caffeine and sugar again, but I won't.]
"And the odds shall ever be in your favour for that. Anything up, Kitten?"
[Just calling to see how things are going back home.]
With that, you launch into a rant, relating to her everything- proven or otherwise- that happened in the past week between the now and the last call you received from her. Since she agreed to "Call you definitely", such call sessions are now a weekly routine and you're glad you're the one anchoring her to home while she finds herself abroad.
Finally a yawn slips past you and she gasps in realization.
[Oh my God- I'm so sorry, Kai. We were on the move and I forgot the time zone changed again; it must be awfully late back in San Francisco.]
"Nah, it's just- Wow! Five-thirteen a.m. here in San Fran? Really?"
You are amazed by how short the time had seen.
[Time for you to get some sleep, Kai. I'll call you sometime next week, okay?]
"Nu-uh, not so fast, Kitten," you grin and you hear a supressed groan from the other end of the line.
[Kai, really? Must we?]
She was close to whining, but you push on anyway.
"Would you rather de-brain a zombie or lick a caterpillar?"
[Why must your options be so weird every time? Must I really answer that?]
You shrug.
[Kai? Are you there?]
You remember that she can't see you, so you say: "Yup!"
[Ugh, I'd lick the- Eww, no. I'd de-brain… Oh my gosh, no. Eww, Kai!]
You laugh out loud at her inability to decide the lesser of the two evils.
"Okay, okay, calm down. Good- umm- day or night, whichever it may be."
[Good night, Kai. Sleep tight. Bye.]
You sigh again; that was totally worth the staying up.
"I still can't believe there's a new season of Lovely KittyParadise!"
[I know! Hey, Kai… I've got to run now. Let's close this session up.]
"Would you rather boil your toe clippings or get bitten by a radioactive spider?"
[Probably the spider, but I'll regret it.]
You two swap news over the next few months- you disclosing a lot, and she exceedingly little. It's alright, you really don't mind. You did sorely miss your lab buddy- the only one who would play along with your odd schemes, albeit reluctantly.
Often enough, you wonder how the resigned Data Analyst of the SFPD is doing, but you daren't ask; the Ken ordeal really shook her up and she shuts out the world like a clam every time anyone brought up some conversation that got personal.
You're happy that she is regaining her old self in the presence of Brimstone although you know she will only be a shadow of who she used to be before Detective Greene's untimely demise. Heck, you're glad that this Azrael fellow is there for her- helping her move on. You really are happy for her, and though the knife turning in your gut bears no ill will towards Amy or Azrael, there is still a knife in your gut.
You are shackled by the guilt that you are a phantom of the life she used to have- a poltergeist that haunts her and ties her to the harshest of her memories. You know you shouldn't talk too much about life back in San Francisco although she was more than willing to hear you out; it was a quid pro quo for her- pain in exchange for news.
You know you are greedy for her attention and are, more likely than not, hurting her with these call sessions, but you hang on to them like they are the most important thing in the world- and the session of Would You Rather is the highlight of your week.
"I swear, I wasn't the one screaming- it was PewDiePie!"
[I've heard you screaming like a girl when the 'douchebag' proposed to my Sims character; I think I should know what your shrieks sound like.]
"Oh, come on- the guy really was an ass. Hey, it's getting late here. Would you rather play Slender or bungee jump off the Eiffel Tower?"
[Most likely Slender- as much as I hate the idea of that game getting to my head after hearing your scream session, I don't think I'd want to jump off the Eiffel Tower.}
You won't lie to yourself: you've been nursing a crush on Amy.
What's not to like about that girl? She's a sweet girl with a rockin' bod and a charming personality, caring, brave- and did you forget to mention supermegafoxyawesomehot?
You sigh as inaudibly as possible while you wait for matches to appear on screen. Mal and Natara are getting impatient, you can't help but notice, with Mal's arrhythmic foot-tapping and Natara's folding of her arms across her chest. You can't help but think: as amazing as Special Agent Williams is to Mal, she can't hold a light to Amy Chen in your eyes- and yes, it's a bias assessment because you know full well that you fancy the Chinese/Korean girl.
"There you go, Malligator and Natara," you hand them the results of the search you've just handled.
You daren't call Natara anything even remotely flirtatious now for fear of being beaten into a pulp. You've been awfully quiet about your observations, but you wouldn't call Blaise Corso anything too spicy in front of Jeremy Redbird either. While it was hard to detect, you can't shake off the feeling that there is something between those two. Being a Forensics Specialist, you are especially keen on minute details, regardless of how thick you may appear to be.
It seems like your friends are all coupling up and getting cosy (even if the Corso-Redbird thing is super watered down), and you feel especially like the outcast you always were. Loneliness was a friend you haven't known since you've snagged the job as Forensics Specialists but now it hits yo harder than ever when you find yourself pining for the girl you lo- like who is too far away from you.
Your phone buzzes and you look down to see:
One (1) New Message. Delete. Open.
[Open]
Message from: Blocked Number
Time received: 11.34 p.m.
Kai,
I'll be down in San Francisco briefly over the next weekend. Do you want to grab a Starbucks some time on Saturday? :)
Delete. Reply. Mark as unread.
You smile despite yourself, and you see Mal elbow Natara with a knowing grin on his face.
"What?" you demand. "Did the zombies rewire your brains? I knew they must have needed the brains for something else than eating- eating is so obviously the cover-up story, like duh."
Mal frowns and you grin instead.
[Reply]
Hi Kitten. Of course I'll meet you for Starbucks- just let me know when you're free. Have a safe trip :)
Ps. Zombies rewired Mal's brain. I think. So, the theory of eating brains being a cover-up on their extensive research on mind control is very real D:
[So… I'll see you soon?]
"Like, duh. By the way, would you rather watch a bear on a unicycle or eat Oreo tacos?"
[I think I'll watch the bear; I'm not even sure what an Oreo taco is like. It's not one of your latest culinary disasters, is it?]
"They're basically taco filling piled on Oreo cookies- and hey! I like my cooking!"
I love you.
The thought almost slips out your lips and you're suddenly terrified. It's just after one of your call sessions and you thank whatever gods there are out there that you didn't say it out loud. You turn off your cell phone, effectively cutting off the drawn-out beeps, and collapse into your armchair. You're going to need a beer. You feel a headache coming on already.
For the first time in a thankfully long time, you're scared shitless. You're as scared of the prospect of being in love with Amy as much as when your life was in danger while playing double-agent and hooking up with the police on the Sandsnakes' progress.
You tell yourself firmly: "Kai, you cannot be in love with her."
You won't allow it. You know full well you can't do this. Not after Alex Kemp, Eric Mills and Ken Greene, you can't. Sure, a part of you is reluctant because, out of her three love interests, two were accused of murder and two ended up dead- and your self-preservation skills are screaming at you that you'd just fuck yourself over if you did fall in love with her-, but your main concern was Amy's wellbeing.
You can't do this because you don't want her to hurt any more than she has to, and certainly not because of you (inadvertent injuries during work do not count). You are well aware that you are not the guy who can give her the inner peace she is looking for- that guy was most likely Azrael, from the vibe you're getting.
No, Kai, just no.
You are not doing this. You have three days until she gets here, and when she does, you have to have your head screwed on properly.
You see your reflection in the darkened computer desktop screen, and you ask yourself:
"Would you rather hurt the two of you and tell her, or would you rather spare her the pain and keep your feelings bottled up, Kai?"
You shake your head; there is only one answer.
You won't hurt Amy. She doesn't have to know.
It is Saturday and you and Amy are in a Starbucks café. You have a Cool Lime Starbucks Refreshers Beverage and Amy has an Orange Mango Smoothie; none of you have coffee and you both are just fine with that. The both of you chat comfortably about menial things: weather, food, Area 51.
And as you discuss arbitrary things with her, you can't help but notice her face was regaining its fullness. While she still looked a little on the thinner end of the spectrum, at least she was no longer peaky-looking. Her smile is radiant once more and it draws you in. Finally, you notice you have been staring and turn away for a break. Even then, the sight of her million-Watt smile dances before your eyes and you think, in the words of Malachi Charles Fallon: Ah, hell.
You're in too deep.
You get uncomfortable. You're afraid it might slip out so you try not to think about it. Naturally, when you try to push something out of your mind, you think about it more. So, you double your efforts in losing that train of thought but you just increased your likelihood in spilling the beans. Instead, you try to focus on something else but-
Ah, hell.
This ends now, you decide. You take a few deep breaths to calm yourself and prepare for the inevitable. Amy notices your discomfort and pauses.
"Are you okay, Kai?"
"No, can't say I am. I'm in love with this girl and she's been on my mind," you blurt.
"Oh?" she seems puzzled at your sudden outburst. "Good for you?"
You shake your head, "Nu-uh. Thing is, I can't shake her off."
"So tell her how you feel."
"Problema numero dos: I know she can't ever feel the same way about me."
"So, don't tell her how you feel?"
"But I'll explode!" you cry out, and it takes you two beats before you realize the whole café is staring.
Face-flushed, you make an elaborate apology and hush up. Your heart is thumping wildly in your chest and you feel like you might get an aneurism from the pressure built up in your head lately. You swallow a breath and continue, feeling small under her questioning gaze.
"Kitten, I need you to do me a favour; I need you to pretend to be this girl I like and reject me right here, right now."
"Kai, I can't do th-"
"Please," your voice takes on a begging tone, betraying you. "Just say something like: I don't love you and I never will. That's all it takes, I swear."
"It's not my place to do something like that. That girl might like you back," Amy counters.
"I'm super sure she doesn't. Just do it. I just need the reality of rejection to get over her, it'll hurt for a little while but I'll get over it. There'll be one less person hurt."
"Kai…" she trails off softly, as though she is also pained by what you've asked of her.
She looks conflicted- she doesn't want to hurt you, but she doesn't know how bad you're hurting already. You plead: "Do it as a favour for a friend, please?"
She shakes her head adamantly.
You look her straight in the eyes; you see the confusion and conflict in them and your resolve hardens.
You decide to lay out all your cards, to play the ultimatum.
"Amy, would you rather:
Break this man's heart right now and let him expect no more of you, or slowly kill him by letting him wallow in his fruitless hopes that he'd have your love one day?"
You see her eyes widen as the heavy implication of things start weighing down on her. Her jaw drops in a way such that her mouth forms a perfect 'O'. You see her eyes gloss over and tears pool. You steel yourself and remind yourself that it has to be done; you have to dig in deeper to throw it away.
"Kai, don't do this to me," she all but whimpers under the sheer magnitude of things. Suddenly, you feel like the one crushing her and the feeling wrenches at your gut.
"I'm sorry, Amy, I didn't mean to. I told myself 'no', but you know how good I am at listening- even to myself," you manage a wry grin that slides off your face almost immediately. "I'm so, so sorry."
"You know I can't feel the same way for you. Not after-"
"I know. I just need you to tell me so I can get over you and we'd just go back to being friends. Sure, it'll sting for a while but that's all. It's a pretty big favour to ask from you, and I'm sorry I have to."
She looks up at you and you still your breath. She begins with a stutter: "I-I'm sorry, Kai; I don't feel the same way for you."
You smile at her: "Thank you."
You up and leave, stopping briefly to ask her, "I'm guessing you wouldn't want me to send you off at the airport tomorrow, huh?"
You are now Brimstone Hacker Amy Chen.
You are still reeling from the sudden turn of events.
Kai? Love you?
Admittedly, you did suspect he had a crush on you, but you pushed it to the furthest corners of your mind. It was implausible that he did, and you valued his company far too much; so, you ignored it. His bare-all has gotten you feeling guilty; you feel like you've played him.
You did, didn't you?
You know you can never love again, not after all your bad luck in that department, and yet- if you're to be honest with yourself- you enjoyed the attention he lavished on to you. You knew that he would wait for your phone calls. You knew that he looked forward to talking to you. You used him because he is your last link between where you are now and who you used to be.
Amy, you should have stopped yourself- you've hurt Kai.
Your heart breaks, audible only to you. You want to utter a strangled cry of remorse, but nothing escapes your agape mouth. You didn't expect the dagger that slipped through your ribs- right where your heart would be- and its cold blade stabs right through you, leaving you to inhale sharply.
It plays like a broken record in your head: a pained "Thank you" and then he gets up and saunters away. You didn't expect your stomach to flop or your heart to leap to your throat.
Your thoughts flash between Ken and Kai.
Ken.
Kai.
Ken.
Kai.
"Ames."
"Kitten."
You try to shake your head to clear it but your neck remains stiff. You notice with a start that some couple months back, there were butterflies when Kai asked: "So, call me maybe?"
You had smiled right back at him, "Call you definitely."
And you realise- oh my gosh- that you might feel for him as well, but you denied it because you love Ken and this was something different altogether.
You're not sure if you've fallen far Kai, but there must have been something that made you put up with his peculiar antics.
There must have been something that driven you to reach out and call him once a week.
Something that gave you strength to endure every round of his ridiculous Would You Rather game.
You clamp a hand over your mouth, sick at the sudden epiphany.
You've screwed up, bad.
It's Sunday and you're at the airport. Azrael and Krystal deal with check-in, and you are helping Jericho with the luggage. Well, that was your plan but your mind is elsewhere. You drag a miserable single piece of luggage at a sluggish pace, thankful your companions had the tact to say nothing after you returned to the base with red-rimmed eyes.
Instead of the clichéd 'You're not going without saying goodbye, are you?' you hear the ever-unique cry of "Wait! Wait up! Whoops!"
And there is Kai Sylvester Kalaba, righting the potted plant he knocked over.
"I can't let you leave without saying goodbye to Mal and the rest. They sent me first to catch hold of you," he announced proudly. You nearly giggle at his gusto when he drops to a conspiratorial whisper:
"Yesterday didn't happen, did it? I can play dumb."
"No, Kai," you correct firmly. "It did happen- I did some thinking about it."
"Huh? What were you thinking about?"
You pause. Instead, you chose to just shrug and wave it off.
You want to confess that while you don't feel the same way for him now, you just might in the future; you choose to omit the thought because you don't know if you can handle the risks that come with it.
"So, umm, call me maybe?" he asks.
You look right at Kai's eyes through his glasses. He is just as conflicted and nervous as you are, if not more. Do what is right, Ames, you hear in the very voice you've missed for so long.
You are former Data Analyst Amy Chen. Which do you choose to say?
I can't do this anymore, Kai. I'm sorry.
Definitely. Call you definitely.
[End.]