ANNE AND GILBERT
Anne doesn't remember the last time she found her, lord forgive her for her language, god damned journal. It laid on her right side of the bed just by her night stand and she had no idea how it got there. Slowly picking it up she remembers the exact reason why she started writing in it to begin with.
If she wanted to teach, she needed good stories to tell and her journal was the perfect way to start.
December 5th 1892
Dear diary,
I'm back again. Oh how I rather prefer be swallowed for this earth. Marilla made me go to class even I bæd and bæd countless of time. Everyone was looking at me! Oh my dear how I wanted to not leave home. Of course Gilbert Bythe decided to come back today. I just wanted to vanish and never go again and I wasn't able to face him and yet there he was. Standing there looking at me, seeing him for who I am rather than my poor choice of hair. Oh dear what I'm going to do!
Love,
Anne
December 24th 1892
Dear diary,
I've been having a marvelous day. Marilla let me cook for the first time and I was absolutely thrilled! She said something about inviting guests over so I'll better get on my new fancy dress I brought today, I dearly hope it's not Gilbert again, I can't not face him with this horrendous hair, although it certainly looks better thanks to Diane. Seems they're asking for me so I better hurry and help.
Love,
Anne
Slowly tracing the ink of those pages that once remained empty with her callous hands, she remembered very vividly the day she wrote those very same lines, those same feelings she poured. She remembers the day Gilbert sent her that letter, Miss Anne Shirley-Cuthbert. It was possibly the happiest she'd ever been in a while, first time she'd ever been called miss, how wonderful was that, even if it came from him. Left to say that letter had noting romantic or the sorts, for sure!
January 8th 1893
Dear diary,
We took the train for the very first time! Our plan went better than we could've asked for. Cole stayed with Diana's great aunt and although I'm going to miss him very dearly I'm thrilled he found a place when he's finally understood and able to be himself. When we got out of the train he mentioned a very funny thing. He said Gilbert had a crush on me. On me! Very needed to say he was quite impressed that I made it to that train without being caught, but as if that was possible! So ridiculous I have no idea where possibly could he have got that idea from!
Love,
Anne
January 12th 1893
Dear diary,
It's been a quite while since I had time to write again and so many things happened. I found Marilla's vail again, after months of intense search, and I was able to fix it. I'm loss at words that it's finally in one piece again. It's so lovely, I wonder what kind of bride I'll be and when I'll be able to use it and walk that isle. Speaking of brides! Bash and Mary got married and it was quite possible the loveliest bride I've ever seen. The ceremony was beautiful and some even shared a few tears. I've kept wondering how mine would be, how my groom would look like. I've even thought about how my name would change and it's scandalous... Anne Blythe! Oh dear I can't believe I've pictured him as the groom! Madness! What is my mind thinking!
Love,
Anne
Quickly passing through pages she made it to the following years, realizing for the first time how much poured into that journal. All those thoughts and feelings she once vowed to forget.
May 15t 1895
Oh how I can not stand him! Truth said he's been bearable for the past months, we don't fight as much and we get a long pretty fine. But there's just something about him, I cannot quite put the finger in what. With that messy black hair and strong jaw, always being so smart and having a comeback for everything I say. Oh dear how I wish I knew what all these feelings are. I better forget them, like he said himself he wants me to beat him fair and square and I can't bother my mind with this no sense. Fair and square.. Oh lord help me!
Love,
Anne
"So you can beat me fair and square"
She recalls the last time they ever talked. How their lips briefly touch and how she caressed those black curls she grown to love. The way his hazel eyes glittered in the moonlight and his broad shoulders tensed before announcing what she been dreading the most. He was leaving. His Gilbert was leaving and this time it was for good.
She was the happiest for him, she encouraged him to accept that apprenticeship he had wanted for so long. She put on her best and brightest fake smile she had the ability to come up with. No, she wouldn't be the reason he stayed behind, because she knew, she knew if he told him he would give up the world for her.
It wasn't the time for them. Perhaps it had never been and these were just signs. Signs she had been too blind to see, signs that they didn't belong together.
They had grown up so fast during those years and they weren't those same kids anymore. She couldn't help but admit how something along the way shifted between them, something inevitable, she had spent ages hiding. She hadn't wanted to hurt Ruby like the countless times she had been before, she knew very well the feeling, but now her betrothed there wasn't anything standing in their way.
He was the last thing she ever thought of before going to sleep and the first thing when waking up. The one her mind liked to drift off to and the one her heart beat for.
Everything made sense then.
She couldn't bear if she hadn't at least tried.
She had to hurry and tell him.
He had to know before it was too late.
Oh dear, how much Anne loved Gilbert Blythe!