[Crazy]
by Chibi Lurrel
Panting and moaning in passion he lay under me, almost a slave to my every whim. He turns his head over his shoulder and stares at me with those giant indigo eyes. For a moment it seems he can't recognize my face; he is looking for another. But with another push, he grasps the sheets in tough, war-scarred hands and lets out a strange little mewling cry of rhapsody. That's all right. I always scream somebody else's name, too.
***
One night Duo turned to me and asked me about the first time I ever killed another man, as if it were something to be proud of. It was the dead of night with nothing but his low raspy voice and the hum of the AC to break the silence. I turned to look at him, next to me in bed. "It was part of training for Dr. J. I was just supposed to assassinate some political figurehead. Don't even remember his name now. So I suited up in sniper gear, hid on a building and shot him as he came out the door, waving and smiling. Killing's a lot easier when you don't look them in the eyes, but I found that out later. But it was a clean kill. He didn't suffer at all. Guess that's it." He just kept staring at me with those cold indigo eyes that glittered in the darkness. "That's it? No heroics? Why'd you kill him, Heero?" I narrowed my eyes at him. "Be...Because I was ordered to." 'Would you do it again?" I got defensive, and he could tell. "Maybe. Maybe I would. What about you? When was the first time you killed another man?"
Duo looked out into the night surrounding us, refusing to meet my eyes. "It was when I was still on a colony on 02. He was some kid, barely even seven; with a gun he didn't know how to use. He was stupid and dirty, but he was armed. But I was hungry so I snuck up on his and tackled him, grabbing at his food. He pushed me off and pointed the gun at me, his lip trembling and his eyes all shining with fear. I wrung the gun from his hand and stared at him, as he was whimpering and cowering and clutching his bread like it was his mama. And I shot him and stole it."
I stared at him, knowing by far it wasn't over. "Yah. I ran away to my gang, but the whole way there I heard him screaming and screaming and crying, but I was proud. We'd have food that night. When I told Solo, later, he just kinda looked at me and patted me on the head, told me I was a good kid. Kept the gun for a few years, just for scaring people off." I blinked. It seemed, that he thought he could hurt me with his words like they were knives. I supposed that eventually he'd crack me. But it would be a while. It wasn't as though I didn't try to hurt him. I was all we could do to remind each other we were indeed humans.
I grabbed his shirt and pulled him close for a rough kiss, which he didn't resist. Duo never resisted. He simply lie there, and looked at me, almost hoping for what came next. I kissed him again, working my mouth down to the warm crook of his neck and sucking languidly. He was so sweet. I felt Duo shiver once, and I wrapped my arms around him. Pulling him closer, I ran long fingers through his sweaty bangs. He simply sat there, with his huge eyes closed in anticipation. I placed my fingers on his face, forcing him to face me. "Look at me," I said, and he did. "Do I disgust you? Duo squinted in the darkness. "Perhaps not as much as you should." His face held an incredible texture for my calloused fingers to discover. We both knew how this evening was supposed to end. I wasn't sure, though, if both of us wanted it. I slid my hands down his boxed and he jerked suddenly, pulling away. "Not...not tonight. Please." He turned his head and pushed himself even farther away from me. It was cold without him. "Why not." It was not a question. "Shouldn't no be enough!" he snapped angrily, though that wasn't a question, either. I turned my back to him, and slept.
Slept, only to dream. I dreamt of his supple, taught too thin boy-body writhing in some sort of night dance under me. He was always under me. Duo was like an exquisite dessert of which I knew I should only indulge in sparingly, but I gorged on him every night I could. I was throwing myself into him and he rocked against me, just as in control as me. Animal sounds poured from a mouth born to kiss. I dreamt of thrusting into him and he begging for more. Begging with incoherent pleas for things I could never do. But the only word I could say was 'Relena.'
I awoke with a warm start, though not release. I turned my head to look at him. Duo was pretending to sleep, but was staring at the wall. He almost seemed hurt. I reached out to touch him and tried to say his name, but all that came out was a suspicious croaking noise. I stood up. I had to leave. "Heero?" he asked the wall as I stood. "Where're you going?"
"Home." I said, and, dressed, I lifted up my suitcase. He was staring at me by then. "No." I had to go. The world needed a dictator, and it was almost morning. "Let me go, then." He said, just as he always did. "No." Relena was already insane [but beautiful]. And she didn't need him. "Please." I wanted to. But she ruled the world with me. "No." I neared the door. "Please don't leave me again!" Duo was out of the bed, staring at me with wide round eyes. "You have to! You said that you loved me once, Heero. You said that you loved me."
"You're as crazy as her." I said. "If that were true, you'd let me go." "No." Preposterous idea, it was. He was a menace. They all were. I certainly was. "Please." He was begging me for something I could never do myself. "PLEASE!" he screamed as I unlocked the door and left. Always the same.
I closed the cell door behind me, and sighed. I missed him as we used to be. I would have to let him out sooner or later. War was coming again; it always did. She was crazy. Maybe I was the crazy one. I left the asylum for war heroes and criminals, for; after all, they were the same thing. It was a sunny day outside.
***AN***
Yah, I shouldn't write things at 1 in the morning. And I know I'm neglecting Machine Guns and Tap Shoes (pluggity plug plug), but I realized how many unfinished fanfics there were on my computer. Oi. So see the little box? Review in it, and I'll be happy and ego-full. You know you wanna. ^_^ Feed me and I'll write more angst.
by Chibi Lurrel
Panting and moaning in passion he lay under me, almost a slave to my every whim. He turns his head over his shoulder and stares at me with those giant indigo eyes. For a moment it seems he can't recognize my face; he is looking for another. But with another push, he grasps the sheets in tough, war-scarred hands and lets out a strange little mewling cry of rhapsody. That's all right. I always scream somebody else's name, too.
***
One night Duo turned to me and asked me about the first time I ever killed another man, as if it were something to be proud of. It was the dead of night with nothing but his low raspy voice and the hum of the AC to break the silence. I turned to look at him, next to me in bed. "It was part of training for Dr. J. I was just supposed to assassinate some political figurehead. Don't even remember his name now. So I suited up in sniper gear, hid on a building and shot him as he came out the door, waving and smiling. Killing's a lot easier when you don't look them in the eyes, but I found that out later. But it was a clean kill. He didn't suffer at all. Guess that's it." He just kept staring at me with those cold indigo eyes that glittered in the darkness. "That's it? No heroics? Why'd you kill him, Heero?" I narrowed my eyes at him. "Be...Because I was ordered to." 'Would you do it again?" I got defensive, and he could tell. "Maybe. Maybe I would. What about you? When was the first time you killed another man?"
Duo looked out into the night surrounding us, refusing to meet my eyes. "It was when I was still on a colony on 02. He was some kid, barely even seven; with a gun he didn't know how to use. He was stupid and dirty, but he was armed. But I was hungry so I snuck up on his and tackled him, grabbing at his food. He pushed me off and pointed the gun at me, his lip trembling and his eyes all shining with fear. I wrung the gun from his hand and stared at him, as he was whimpering and cowering and clutching his bread like it was his mama. And I shot him and stole it."
I stared at him, knowing by far it wasn't over. "Yah. I ran away to my gang, but the whole way there I heard him screaming and screaming and crying, but I was proud. We'd have food that night. When I told Solo, later, he just kinda looked at me and patted me on the head, told me I was a good kid. Kept the gun for a few years, just for scaring people off." I blinked. It seemed, that he thought he could hurt me with his words like they were knives. I supposed that eventually he'd crack me. But it would be a while. It wasn't as though I didn't try to hurt him. I was all we could do to remind each other we were indeed humans.
I grabbed his shirt and pulled him close for a rough kiss, which he didn't resist. Duo never resisted. He simply lie there, and looked at me, almost hoping for what came next. I kissed him again, working my mouth down to the warm crook of his neck and sucking languidly. He was so sweet. I felt Duo shiver once, and I wrapped my arms around him. Pulling him closer, I ran long fingers through his sweaty bangs. He simply sat there, with his huge eyes closed in anticipation. I placed my fingers on his face, forcing him to face me. "Look at me," I said, and he did. "Do I disgust you? Duo squinted in the darkness. "Perhaps not as much as you should." His face held an incredible texture for my calloused fingers to discover. We both knew how this evening was supposed to end. I wasn't sure, though, if both of us wanted it. I slid my hands down his boxed and he jerked suddenly, pulling away. "Not...not tonight. Please." He turned his head and pushed himself even farther away from me. It was cold without him. "Why not." It was not a question. "Shouldn't no be enough!" he snapped angrily, though that wasn't a question, either. I turned my back to him, and slept.
Slept, only to dream. I dreamt of his supple, taught too thin boy-body writhing in some sort of night dance under me. He was always under me. Duo was like an exquisite dessert of which I knew I should only indulge in sparingly, but I gorged on him every night I could. I was throwing myself into him and he rocked against me, just as in control as me. Animal sounds poured from a mouth born to kiss. I dreamt of thrusting into him and he begging for more. Begging with incoherent pleas for things I could never do. But the only word I could say was 'Relena.'
I awoke with a warm start, though not release. I turned my head to look at him. Duo was pretending to sleep, but was staring at the wall. He almost seemed hurt. I reached out to touch him and tried to say his name, but all that came out was a suspicious croaking noise. I stood up. I had to leave. "Heero?" he asked the wall as I stood. "Where're you going?"
"Home." I said, and, dressed, I lifted up my suitcase. He was staring at me by then. "No." I had to go. The world needed a dictator, and it was almost morning. "Let me go, then." He said, just as he always did. "No." Relena was already insane [but beautiful]. And she didn't need him. "Please." I wanted to. But she ruled the world with me. "No." I neared the door. "Please don't leave me again!" Duo was out of the bed, staring at me with wide round eyes. "You have to! You said that you loved me once, Heero. You said that you loved me."
"You're as crazy as her." I said. "If that were true, you'd let me go." "No." Preposterous idea, it was. He was a menace. They all were. I certainly was. "Please." He was begging me for something I could never do myself. "PLEASE!" he screamed as I unlocked the door and left. Always the same.
I closed the cell door behind me, and sighed. I missed him as we used to be. I would have to let him out sooner or later. War was coming again; it always did. She was crazy. Maybe I was the crazy one. I left the asylum for war heroes and criminals, for; after all, they were the same thing. It was a sunny day outside.
***AN***
Yah, I shouldn't write things at 1 in the morning. And I know I'm neglecting Machine Guns and Tap Shoes (pluggity plug plug), but I realized how many unfinished fanfics there were on my computer. Oi. So see the little box? Review in it, and I'll be happy and ego-full. You know you wanna. ^_^ Feed me and I'll write more angst.