Sometimes you just need Barole in your life.
"So, what are you really doing here?"
"Not even gonna let us get in the house, Dad?" Kurt responded, dropping his heavy suitcase on the floor in the entryway before moving forward enough to let Blaine come in, too.
"I would've accosted you right at the airport, but you two had that taxi pre-booked," Burt said, ambling in from the living room instead of just shouting across the house again. "Which is also weird, I gotta say. Are you guys smuggling drugs or something now?"
Blaine blushed a deep red as Kurt said, "No, Dad. God. A couple of kids can't come visit their family without being accused of drug trafficking anymore?"
"Not when those kids left Ohio in the dust years ago, only returning for Christmas and sometimes Easter even though none of us actually go to church," Burt said. "It's late July. What gives?"
"We just really missed you," Blaine said overenthusiastically, scooting in front of Kurt to give Burt a big hug.
"Uh huh. Whatever you say, kid." Burt sounded unconvinced, but the genuine smile Kurt saw on his face as he hugged Blaine looked mollified enough. "I'll break you eventually."
"Go watch your game, Dad. We'll be around all weekend," Kurt said, waiting for Burt to leave before hissing "Way to nearly blow it, Blaine!"
"You know I can't lie to your dad!" Blaine shot back. "We've gotta tell him tonight, or else half awake me will just blurt our news out tomorrow morning before the coffee's ready."
"The plan's all set, B. We've just gotta get Dad and Carole out for a while," Kurt said. "Got any ideas?"
"I do have one…."
"I cannot believe you told them to go out to dinner!" Kurt said, pulling off one last length of crepe paper from the roll they'd brought with them.
"It was the only thing I could think of!" Blaine said, taking the yellow paper and twisting it along the length of the dining room table.
"But we were planning on making them dinner, Blaine!" Kurt went and stashed the roll back in his bag before shooting Blaine an unimpressed look. "Now we just need to hope they're not too full for dessert, or else we really are gonna have to tell them at breakfast tomorrow."
"I've seen your dad go for fifths at dinner before, babe," Blaine said. "He'll be able to eat dessert."
"But what if the combination of ice cream cake and surprise gives him another heart attack? He can't die before- mmph!"
Blaine had walked over and stopped Kurt's stressed rambling with a kiss, a tried and true distraction tactic. "He'll be fine, sweetheart. We're giving him good news."
"Good emotions can be just as triggering as bad ones," Kurt said with a sniff, but he let the topic go. "Oh my God, is that their car?"
"I think so," Blaine said, eyes widening in excitement. "Showtime!"
The boys stationed themselves at the far end of the table from the dining room entrance and waited for Burt and Carole to come in, holding each other's hands tightly as they did.
"Boys?" Carole called out. "You home?"
"We're in the dining room, Carole!" Blaine yelled back.
Kurt couldn't help but bounce on his feet as his parents entered the room. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see a manic-looking smile on Blaine's face that he was pretty sure must match the one on his own.
"Everything alright?" Burt asked, looking a little concerned.
"It will be if you've got room for dessert," Kurt said.
When Burt nodded, Kurt let go of Blaine's hand to dart into the kitchen and grab the ice cream cake out of the freezer, taking off the fogged-up plastic cover before re-entering the dining room with a smile.
"Surprise!" Blaine yelled as Kurt set down the cake.
"Surpri-"
Burt's confused repetition was cut off by a squeal from Carole, who had leaned down to read the message on the cake. "Really?"
"Really what?" Burt said, making eye contact with both Kurt and Blaine.
"Just read the damn cake, Burt!" Carole said, hitting his arm repeatedly and looking like she was about to launch herself at the boys.
"'Congratulations, Gr - Grandpa and Grandma'?" Burt stuttered as he read. "You're - ?"
"We're pregnant, Dad," Kurt said, tearing up. "Rachel told us last week that she's at the end of her first trimester."
Burt rushed at Kurt as Carole went for Blaine. "I'm going to be a grandpa!" Burt roared, making Kurt wince away as best he could in his father's tight grip. That was right in his ear, dammit!
Just as Kurt thought his dad was about to squeeze him to death, he was released, only to be swept into Carole's arms. "I can't believe it," she said. "I'm going to be-"
"-A grandma," Kurt finished. "You couldn't have thought our kid would call you anything else, right?"
"You're just as much of a mother to both of us as our biological moms," Blaine said, a little choked off since Burt was still hugging him.
Kurt pulled Carole closer for one last moment, noting the tears in her eyes, before pulling back and addressing his father. "Please don't kill my husband. I can't handle midnight feedings all by myself, you know."
"Oops. Sorry, kid," Burt said, releasing Blaine, who staggered back a bit.
"No problem, Dad," Blaine said once he regained his balance. "I nearly tackled Kurt when Rachel told us the news."
"Nearly?" Kurt repeated, eyebrow quirking in judgment.
"You didn't actually fall."
"Alright, that's enough," Carole cut in. "I think we need to have some of this cake before it turns into soup."
"Hear, hear!" Burt said, rubbing his stomach.
"Just one piece, Dad, you hear me?" Kurt said, glaring as strongly at his father as he dared. He wouldn't put it past his dad to try to ground him and make Blaine sleep on the couch that night, regardless of his age or marital status.
"Kiddo, I haven't had heart problems in almost ten years."
"Do you want to be alive to meet your grandchild or not?"
"...Fine," Burt said, taking the somewhat-small piece Blaine offered him and digging in. "But for this, every time I take your kids out, I'm sugaring them up before I return 'em."
Kurt wasn't sure whether he was more horrified by that prospect or more offended by Blaine and Carole's rampant laughter at the look he got on his face while contemplating that idea.