She hadn't meant for it to happen.
Alex Danvers was composed in the field. She kept a level-head, she led her men and was always anticipating the next move of whatever they were fighting.
She didn't slip up. She couldn't afford to.
Slipping up meant death, for sure.
But this time – seeing Kara crash land into the ground in front of her feet, being shot down from the sky by whatever gun the alien gang was pointing at her…
Alex's heart stopped.
Useless, stupid, worthless, dangerous.
They'd been no match for the gang's weapon arsenal – that much was sure. The second they arrived, not even her alien gun could help her. They'd taken down a few of the men, but found themselves outgunned easily after a few minutes, forcing the agents to retreat and take cover behind large pieces of junk in the yard they had attempted to ambush the gang in.
Alex heard yelling from her right, and realized that it was Maggie, gun pointed around the car wreck she was crouched behind and shouting orders at her squad.
It had been Maggie's case, really. The DEO cavalry rarely got involved with anything that didn't mean extreme threats to the city, but this alien gang had meant serious business. They'd taken out two NCPD officers on patrol that came too close to their hiding spot, and Maggie had asked Alex for resources when she realized that the NCPD couldn't take the threat alone.
So Alex had assembled her team, combined them with Maggie's men, and the joint force was underway to take the gang down at a location they'd managed to get out of one of the exiled members.
Of course it had turned out to be a trap.
"Fall back!"
Alex's head shot up at those words, realizing that Maggie was ordering her men to leave the site. Sure enough, the bodies strewn across the junk yard left little to the imagination – it was clear they'd lost the battle.
Alex opened her mouth, and copied Maggie's command to her own men.
Kara, however, wasn't ready to give up yet, and was still fighting her way through some of the gang members, not caring that it was a losing battle. The more she was thrown around, the angrier she became and the more lethal she got.
She'd taken out two of the men, but there were still three left.
That Alex could see, anyway.
Instinctively, the agent shot up from behind her cover, raising her gun and firing off a few blasts in the direction of the gang members that were still aiming for her sister. "Supergirl!"
"Alex!" She heard Maggie's voice behind her once again. But she couldn't focus on her, she had to get Kara out of there before they killed her.
A few more shots in the direction of the gang made the aliens scatter and duck behind cover. Kara had in the meantime taken another blow to the gut and was struggling to get up from the crater in the ground she'd left on her way down.
Alex raced towards her, keeping one eye on her environment. "Kara…!"
"I'm fine, I'm fine!" Kara shouted back, already moving up again. "Don't worry!"
As much as the blonde looked ready for round two, Alex wouldn't let her. They'd lost, they needed to get away from the junkyard before there were more casualties.
But then, it all went wrong.
Everything happened in a blur. But Alex had stopped paying attention to her surroundings to focus on her sister, and the mistake cost her.
Dearly.
Because she felt herself being grabbed from behind, and realized that one of the aliens had managed to sneak closer to attack during her check-up on her sister.
Instinctively, she raised her elbow until she felt it make contact with what she assumed was its face, and blindly fired her gun backwards.
The figure staggered back, and Alex turned around and raised her gun, ready to shoot again to finish the job.
Time slowed down as she realized what she'd done.
"Alex…" She heard Kara's shocked whisper behind her.
"No…" It was her own voice, as she ran forward.
Because Maggie was stumbling.
And Maggie was gasping.
Bleeding.
From a wound in her stomach that wasn't there a second ago.
Stupid. Dangerous.
"Oh god Mags… no… No, I'm sorry…. Babe, no…" Alex stammered, wrapping her arms around the woman she loved.
"A-Alex…?" Maggie whispered, raising a hand to touch her face, as her knees buckled. Alex caught her before she hit the floor, tears now streaming down her cheeks. "No… babe, you gotta… you gotta stay with me… Kara! Help me!"
She shouted the last part over her shoulder. But Kara had already run up to her and put a hand on her shoulder, squinting.
"Her nose is broken, and there's some-…" Kara cut herself off abruptly.
Alex felt her stomach twist.
But Kara shook her head, lifting Maggie up in her arms, and shooting up into the sky after one last glance at her sister.
Her gaze said everything.
Pity, worry, fear.
And a hint of disgust.
Alex was left to stare at the small pool of Maggie's blood in the dirt in front of her.
Useless, stupid, worthless, dangerous.
It had been a reflex.
She'd been so scared of anyone coming close to her sister, that she hadn't considered the fact that maybe Maggie had been as worried as her.
Kara was her sister now too.
Maggie would never forgive her.
Alex's gaze was fixed on a spot on the wall in front of her. She'd been staring down at it for at least thirty minutes.
But Maggie was on the other side of the door to her right, getting her stomach stitched back together, getting her nose set.
The DEO medics attempting to fix the damage that Alex had done.
Damage.
If her shot had been aimed any higher, Maggie would have been dead immediately.
Shot right through the heart, or through the head, splattering her brains all over the junkyard.
Her own hand, her own gun.
Her own mind.
Kara had tried to talk to her. To get her to change out of her bloodied and sweaty combat gear, to wash Maggie's blood off Alex's knuckles.
She hadn't said anything back.
Kara had understood her silence, and had taken a seat next to her, leaning against the wall next to the med bay.
An other agent had come in a few minutes later offering a chair, but Kara had refused.
Alex was grateful.
She didn't deserve comfort.
Not when she could have killed the woman she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.
Reckless. Worthless. Dangerous.
"She's going to be okay."
The first words spoken after at least fifteen minutes of heavy silence.
But Alex could only shake her head numbly.
As she felt Kara's arms wrap around her, she could only think about the first real kiss she and Maggie had shared.
"Here's the thing… I almost died."
"Yeah, no… I wouldn't have let that happen."
A tear escaped her clenched shut eyes.
She let it fall.
Alex had lost track of time when the door finally opened, and one of the doctors stepped outside.
He started talking to Kara immediately when he noticed Alex's catatonic state.
The agent heard words and fragments from their hushed conversation. Pierced… blood… damage… stitches… fracture…
Alex only dared to take a breath when she heard Kara's sigh of relief.
As the doctor walked away, Kara knelt in front of her and tilted her chin up. "She's okay, Alex."
Alex wrapped her arms around her sister immediately, but felt the bitter taste of bile rising in her throat anyway.
When Alex first saw Maggie in the med bay, it took everything she had not to fall onto her knees and cry.
Because the detective looked paler than Alex had ever seen her, and a bag of blood hanging from the IV stand made it clear that Maggie wasn't okay yet.
Responsible. Responsible.
It repeated like a mantra in her head, echoing through her mind. Her fault.
"She's sleeping." Kara supplied needlessly from her side, reaching forward to take Maggie's hand in hers gently.
Upon Alex's silence, Kara finally looked up to meet her eyes. "Alex. It was an accident."
The agent shook her head once again, new tears forming in her eyes. But Kara wasn't satisfied. "Alex, I should have warned you. And she shouldn't have grabbed you from behind like th-…"
Before the blonde could even finish the sentence, Alex had already started screaming.
"Don't you dare put this on her! She wasn't the one who-…"
Alex cut herself off, taking a shaky breath and leaning against the wall for support.
But a weak groan coming from the bed made both sisters quiet down immediately.
"Danvers…"
Kara smiled weakly as she caressed the back of Maggie's hand. "It's okay, you're okay, Maggie."
"W-what…" Maggie's face distorted with pain for just a second, but it was enough to make Alex feel nauseous.
"There… was a bit of an accident." Kara phrased, glancing back at Alex, who seemed frozen a few steps away from the bed, not daring to come closer.
Maggie followed Kara's gaze, her eyes widening when she saw Alex's hesitance.
And the agent saw that the detective was starting to remember the events at the junk yard.
"Shit…" Maggie whispered quietly.
Sending Alex into an entirely fresh set of tears.
How did she ever hope that Maggie would forgive her after that?
Useless, stupid, worthless, dangerous…
"Alex, come here. Please." Maggie added afterwards, still seeing the hurt reflected in the agent's eyes.
A few shuffled steps in her direction, as Maggie reached for her hand. "It's not your fault."
"Yes, it is." Alex shook her head. "How can you even look at me, Mags…"
Kara sensed that it was about to get real serious, and excused herself quickly with another squeeze of Maggie's hand.
Maggie chuckled weakly at Alex's remark, but stopped to pull another pained face. "Babe, Kara was right. I shouldn't have snuck up on you like that. I wanted to check if the two of you were okay, and I should have been more careful."
The three sentences had taken Maggie's breath away, leaving her gasping, but she knew that she had to get them out. Alex would be blaming herself tremendously for the shot.
If anything, it was Maggie herself who felt guilty for being so stupid.
To approach Alex from behind when she was in agent mode and to put her hands on her without warning her.
Honestly, she figured she deserved it.
"I'll just have to tell my coworkers that one of those aliens managed to get me."
Alex shook her head. "I should get punished, I acted-…"
"-on instinct, Alex." Maggie raised an eyebrow. "You did what I would have done. Don't blame yourself for my mistake."
"You were just worried, and…"
"Okay, tell you what." Maggie grunted as she tried to sit up a bit more. Alex's eyes widened as she eased her back down by the shoulders and muttered some worried warnings. "… Let's both stop taking the blame, and just accept that it happened and move on."
"Mags, I shot you." Alex shook her head incredulously.
"You think you're the first person to shoot me?" Maggie smiled weakly. "This isn't my first rodeo, Danvers. Don't feel special."
It was a dangerous joke right now, but thankfully Alex took it well and sighed, tucking a stray lock of hair behind Maggie's ear.
"Don't beat yourself up over it, Alex. You guys have like… wicked tech that can heal this thing faster than a paper cut, and you know it."
Now, it was Alex's turn to smile. Thank god for the DEO.
"Thank you for looking after Kara."
Maggie tilted her head. "She's family, Danvers. Any time."
As Alex leaned forward to capture Maggie's lips with her own, mindful of her broken nose, she smirked.
Useless, stupid, worthless, dangerous…
The thoughts were drowned out by the content sigh that escaped her soulmate's lips.