How to Handle a Woman.
Author: Noelie
Explaination: Characters: Qui-Gon, and an OC by DarthIshtar that I am able to use with full permission from her. She introduced a fun idea on http/boards. that the Jedi are required to take a member of the opposite sex out once a year. Noela is a friend Qui-Gon met that way.
Qui-Gon pretended that he wasn't counting minutes, but he was well aware that it was time for the daily delivery and his attempt to gain back his place in her good graces.
He had almost given up hope that Dex was correct in his advice on how to handle the situation, but there really was no one that would be more qualified to help him work out the problem.
"Sonny, this time you really did it, and it is going to take patience and finesse to get yourself out of hot water. Don't forget to send the flowers daily, and make a follow up call with each delivery." Dex had patted him on the shoulder in male commiseration at that point, but then reminded forcefully, "when she does finally start talking again you are going to face the female equivalent of a refuse dumpster. At that point remember only these three phrases, and repeat them until she has worn herself out: Yes dear, No dear, and I'm so sorry, dear. If you say anything else before that point you will be back to the same pile of poodoo you began with."
Dutifully he began to send the flowers. Each day at the 3rd hour of the afternoon they were to arrive and he would just as dutifully call at the 4th hour. She refused to take his call for the first nine days and then on the tenth day came a ray of hope.
"Stop calling you misbegotten son of a Sith!"
So the conversation wasn't long, but at least he was able to hear her voice once more. Four more days went by until now without another word. With trepidation the minutes grew closer to his 4th hour call. About the moment he decided it was time to call, his commlink went off with her familiar beep.
"Knight Jinn, tell me what I have to do to make you stop turning my office into a greenhouse!"
Knight Jinn. At least she was giving clear indication on just how angry she was. That hurt far worse than the "son of a Sith" comment.
"Noela, J'm, just talk to me again. Tell me you forgive me," he pleaded.
"Don't gem me, you, you…"
He braced himself for what would come next.
"Qui-Gon, I can handle the fact that you use the code or the force as a convenient excuse to suit your purpose even when it directly involves us. I can handle the fact that you come complete with a little green gnome that doesn't seem to find it problematic when you go home with the blonde of the week, but sees me as the mother of future Sith if I make the mistake of doing anything that leads to "attachment", whatever that means. It isn't fair!"
"No, dear it isn't." He congratulated himself on passing that hurdle and now realized just how frightening the "refuse dumpster" truly is. He found himself mentally bowing to every man that ever committed to any woman as the giants among men.
"I have even handled with grace your attempts to make any other man forget he actually knows me. I was patient with the fact that Michand thought I was some strange female stalker when I returned his personal items including his fathers shaving kit, because he didn't remember our six month, moving-it-to-the-next-level relationship with that one little movement of your hand when you saw us at the Governor's reception"
Okay so she had a point, but he couldn't let anyone else mess up his yearly date, and besides Michand was a half-wit; a handsome, debonair, rich half-wit, but still a half-wit.
Still following Dex's masterful advice he parroted, "Yes dear, you have been most patient."
"I am able to deal with the fact your little stunt put my newest aide in the mental trauma ward for post traumatic stress problems. I am even able to manage the ever-increasing consequences of you placing the Ambassador from SanaVi 'el in danger, with a lower percentage of interest on loan monies, and more outright grants for the damage and loss of life from electrical storms on their planet. I am able to deal with all of the 'pets' you feel free to bestow on me from time to time, because the Temple regularly threatens you with expulsion. What I can't deal with is that 2 meter tall serpent that had the audacity to walk on its back legs and kept me from being able to leave my office for two days, not even allowing me to use the refresher by myself because it decided I was a suitable prospect for a mate, and no one besides you was capable to deal with the monster until the specialists from its home planet arrived, as you were off world. All of this could have been alleviated if you had thought to put a note on the case you sent it over in, so that Sharamea wouldn't have opened it out of curiosity. It thought I was a mate! What should I think about that?"
He knew it was a mistake the minute it left his lips. He knew that he had failed miserably in the consummate advice Dex gave him, but he couldn't help himself. "That it has amazing taste in women?"
The connection went dead with a violent click.
Resigned, he called the florists and arranged for yet another delivery.