Ordinary Day
A/N: I mostly made this story for my own amusement. Hopefully you might get a few laughs out of this, too; strangeness will ensue... Please review because I was sort of nervous about how this story would come out. It would be greatly appreciated! Thank you :)
Don woke up to the sounds of his brothers arguing over something presumably stupid. Again.
He went to make himself a pot of coffee. Eventually he would start to pass kidney stones if he continued this act.
He looked over at the toaster and saw that it was broke. Again. What a surprise; of all of the complicated objects they had in the lair, it had to be the simple toaster.
Mikey walked in yawning, his big blue eyes radiating innocence despite having killed a mortal enemy yet again the previous night. He walked right to the fridge and pulled out a pizza because that's all he ever eats. All other forms of food give him major gas.
Don walked in the dojo and heard the familiar fight between his red and blue clad brothers. None of the other brothers fought with each other. Ever.
Don heard this all before and predicted that Leo would say something that would make Raph blow up, and the violent, brooding turtle would storm out of the lair. Sure enough, this is what happened. Raph punched Klunk on his way out.
Master Splinter was in the corner trying to meditate away an aneurism. This act only made it worse. He finally got up, deciding that meditation cannot solve all of your problems, and went to talk to Leo.
"Leonardo, kneel."
"Yes, Sensei?" His ever-obedient son responded.
"It is your fault Raphael is always angry. Starting tomorrow, go to Africa and learn the ways of the giraffe. Come back whenever you feel like. We will pretend to miss you."
"Yes, Sensei. My overblown sense of honor will not allow me to object to this command. I will oblige," Leo bowed.
"That is a good boy. Now excuse me, my soaps are on in five minutes." Splinter went to watch t.v. and Leo went to train in the dojo. As if he could do anything else.
Raph came back and knocked Mikey out 'cause he was in his way. Apparently the topside venture hadn't done anything to calm his anger. He went to go beat the life out of his punching bag.
"If you hit that thing too much, it's gonna rip open one of these days," Don commented to Raph.
"Nah." Raph gave it a kick and it tore open and all of the sand came out. "Um…Donnie, can you fix it? You can fix anything."
"Flattery will get you nowhere." Don grabbed a roll of duct tape and then grabbed a handful of sand. He attempted putting some sand back in the bag, failed miserably, and then taped the bag together. It looked like a horribly disfigured excuse for a garbage bag.
"Thanks. That's quality!" Raph said. Don left and Raph kicked his bag. It ripped again.
"Oh, come on!"
Mikey went over to Don holding the toaster in his hands. It was broken in half.
"Hey, Don! Could you fix this?" He gave him the most innocent smile a ninja could possess. Don yanked the toaster out of his hand and duct taped the halves together and gave it back to his brother.
"There, fixed. I'm done with being the one who has to fix everything around here! I quit!" Don yelled. And with that he went to go punch Raph's punching bag, but since it was ripped, he settled for beating up on Raph instead.
Meanwhile, Mikey was sobbing dramatically on the floor 'cause he thought it was his fault that Don had quit. It was. Mikey locked himself in his room and started writing in his manly diary.
Dear Manly Diary,
I am misunderstood. No one gets me because I'm so innocent and no one understands that. Can't they see that they hurt my feelings all of the time? I'm their baby brother! I don't think they love me. Maybe I'll go kill something. Make me feel better. Cowabunga. The End.
Mikey finally finished writing and crying; he wanted revenge. He didn't know what for, but he wanted it. He joined the Foot Clan, killed the Shredder, and became Shredder #2. He spent the rest of his life shredding documents instead of shredding people. The suit was sort of itchy, but he now felt like his life had a new purpose.
Raph, Leo, and Don didn't care where Mikey went because they never really loved him anyway.
Leo went to Antarctica the next day to learn the arts of the penguin. He had forgotten that his real mission was to go to Africa and he felt as if he had failed his father. He had.
He decided to never go back to his father or brothers. He made new penguin bros and named them Raph, Don, and George. He always wanted a pet named George. He lived a happy life and now considered himself a penguin.
Back home, Don managed to hack into the CIA and he got caught and thrown in jail for 437 years. Little did they know Don was a mutant turtle who could live for 438 more years.
Master Splinter left to go live with the Ancient One. He did not want to be stuck with Raphael for the rest of his life. He did not like Raphael. He was creepy.
Now Raph was alone in the lair with Klunk and they became best friends. Raph learned how to speak cat so they kept each other company. For a while anyway because Klunk died of starvation. Mikey was the only one who knew where Klunk's food was.
Now Raph was truly alone, so he made up imaginary friends and he never became angry again. Except for that one time he got into a fight with his best friend Julio. Julio won, and left.