Concealed in a pair of tall, leafy bushes, a lanky teenager was carefully hiding himself from the fading light of a warm summer's evening. Through his curtains of greasy black hair, he peered intently at a very mundane window on a very mundane wall of a very mundane house. Severus Snape was waiting for the flicker of light that would signify the occupation of the particular room belonging to that window.
It had been just over a year since Lily Evans had spoken to him after his unfortunate slip of the tongue near the end of their fifth year at Hogwarts. He had been persistent in his attempt to mend their friendship, spending a very lonely summer holiday being spurned and ignored. It was an effort he had continued on into their sixth year without success. Now he was a week into his second summer holiday without Lily's friendship, and Severus was certain it was killing him. Especially since he was choosing to while away his summer in a place he loathed with people he loathed even more just for a chance to speak with her.
It was true that his home life left much to be desired, with a father who seemed to only take pleasure in making those around him miserable and a mother who had completely ceased to function as a regular person, let alone as a witch, years ago. At least he was of age now, having turned seventeen just after the Christmas Holiday last term at Hogwarts. His father no longer dared to bully or beat him, putting an end to years of abuse that Severus had made abundantly clear he would no longer tolerate. If Lily did not live so near to his childhood home, Severus was certain he would not have returned for his last holiday before the start of his seventh year at Hogwarts. However, the idea of even seeing Lily for a moment made suffering the unkempt house, inhospitable inhabitants and many years of lousy memories more than worth it.
He was determined to have his last memory of Lily Evans (and her last memory of him) be a happy one. They had one more year at Hogwarts, and then he would join the Death Eaters, and she would fight on the opposing side in the war they would soon be joining. He knew he couldn't sway her sympathies, and she knew full well where his lay, but their difference in paths did not have to matter for the next few weeks. If only Lily would speak to him!
As darkness finally settled over him, the orange glow that Severus had been so impatiently waiting for flickered on, illuminating the surrounding blackness. An owl hooted softly in the distance, and crickets chirped away merrily as they revelled beneath the stars, but Severus could hear nothing over the sound of his heart pounding away furiously in his chest. He took a deep breath, before finally moving from his hiding spot.
It was a brash thing he was about to do, but he was desperate. His owls had gone unanswered; his patronuses, ignored. Last summer he had spent every day in the park where they used to while away their summers, hoping she would eventually search him out once her summer became too lonely and choose to forgive him. When he was finally gifted with her presence, she had turned on her heel and marched steadily away as soon as she had spotted his lanky form lingering beneath their tree. He had been left standing there, calling out to her disconsolately, and she had refused to even spare him a single look as she retreated.
He should have been furious with her for her unwillingness to accept his apologies and ignoring every contrite overture he offered, but he still felt only bitterness toward himself for speaking to her in such a manner. Even if he hadn't felt as though he was completely to blame for their fallling out, how could he be angry with her? He loved her. Oh, how he loved her! It filled his every being. In spite of his year without her, she was still his first thought upon waking every morning and his last thought every evening before falling asleep. He loved her so much that it hurt, and now she was destroying his heart bit by bit, and he still could not stop loving her.
So, now he was standing here, just outside her bedroom window ready to confess every feeling he had ever had for her. Even if she didn't want to hear it, even if she still hated him after, at least it would be said. She would know, and he would have gotten eight years of longing off his chest.
Before he could change his mind, he felt his knuckles rap the glass softly. His heart now hammering so hard inside his chest that he felt it would burst, Severus held his breath until he heard a stirring from inside the room. His ears could barely discern the shuffling of feet moving across a carpeted floor, and then, there she was, her vivid green eyes glaring at him from the opposite side of the window as he stared pleadingly up at her, hoping fervently she would open it.
The longest minute of Severus Snape's life passed as he stood waiting for Lily to decide whether to open her window or walk away. She seemed frozen in time as she stood glaring, her long red hair cascading in waves over her slight shoulders as she struggled with herself over the choice before her. Mercifully, she finally reached to the lock, unlatched it and lifted the white-paned glass from its sill.
"I think I have made it abundantly clear that I do not want nor will I accept an apology from you, Severus," she bit out caustically, moving to slam her window shut.
"Lilly, I love you."
The words tumbled quickly out of his mouth before the glass barrier could slam closed and prevent her ears from catching his words. He could see her breath hitch in her chest as she froze with both hands still pressed against the window, clearly stunned. Severus took a deep breath to calm his nerves before he continued on urgently.
"I always have. I'm sure that I always will. And I know it doesn't mean anything. Even if my feelings were not unrequited, we both have our convictions. I realize that we are on two very different paths. I'm not asking that you condone or accept my choices, and I have no desire whatsoever to turn you away from yours," he continued on, trying to think of what to say next. His deep voice faltered.
"What are you asking, Severus?" Lily inquired stiffly, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. She still hadn't removed her hands from the glass and was clearly ready to end the conversation if it was not to her liking.
"Nothing!" he exclaimed in a panic. What a mess he was making of this! Why hadn't he spent more time thinking about what he would say to her?
"Then why are you here?" she asked gently, her eyes softening with her tone. He probed them with his shining, black eyes as he searched for the right words to say. Her arms fell limply to her sides as she gazed at him unblinkingly, waiting for him to explain himself.
"Don't you miss me Lily?" he whispered, his voice so low she could barely hear him. "Since that idiotic, offensive, unforgiveable incident, I've felt so lost without your friendship. I understand that things can never return to the way they were before."
"Before what, exactly?" she snapped, an expression of distaste crossing her lightly freckled features. She folded her arms across her chest defensively. "Before you insulted me or before you joined in on your fellow Slytherin's pureblood mania and decided to side with those…Death Eaters?"
She spoke the title as though it was a curse word, cringing as the words fell from her lips. Severus felt his throat constrict as he strugged for the words to answer her question. Shamed by her low opinion of him, he lowered his eyes, staring at his embarrassingly shabby trainers.
"Can we forget about the war, just for the summer?" he mumbled almost unintelligibly. Severus hesitated before moving his gaze back to hers. He wondered how it was possible for such warm, expressive eyes to look so unusually frosty and unfeeling.
"Forget about the war?" she hissed in dismay. "Forget that this time next year, you and your Death Eater friends could be storming this house and murdering my parents in their sleep? Forget that this time next year, if we find ourselves performing magic together, it will be because we are dueling against each other for our lives? I know what the Death Eater's do. When you join them next summer, you'll be doing the same. Torturing and murdering innocent people for a cause that doesn't even make any sense!"
"A cause that doesn't make any sense to you, you mean," he snapped back at her before he could stop himself. Shaking her head at him, she moved to close her window again. "Lily wait! I don't want to do this! I don't want to spend our time arguing about whose side is the right side. There are precious few weeks before we return to Hogwarts, and, if it is amenable to you, I would like for us to spend them together as a normal teenage boy and a normal teenage girl would, without the burdens of our diverging futures. If we were muggles, we would know nothing of this war. What would we be doing now?"
"Why would I want to spend any of my time with you this summer?" Lily scoffed, ignoring his question. Her arms were crossed in front of her again, and Severus could not help but notice that one strap of her soft blue camisole had made its way down off of her shoulder in a very fetching manner.
"We were friends, not so very long ago. Do you truly hate me so much?"
Her countenance softened once again at his downcast expression before she spoke. "I don't hate you Severus. I hate your choices. I hate this war. People are dying every day, and I hate thinking that, soon, you will be contributing to that! I can't even bear to look at you, Severus. It breaks my heart."
Her voice broke, and her green eyes suddenly appeared to be shining with unshed tears. Severus hung his head shamefacedly once more. Had his choices really caused her so much pain? What about the pain she was causing him with her choices? Why should he be any less disappointed in her for choosing a different side than she was in him?
"That's just it, Lily. People are dying every day. Death Eaters, too! What if I'm one of them one day? Wouldn't you mourn for me, regardless of whatever side I chose? I can't even put into words the loss I would feel if something were to happen to you. Even if you don't love me, you know that I'm not evil! I would not cause suffering for the sake of causing suffering! Do you not think that I have endured enough at the hands of those who would torment the undeserving? That I would want to be the same as them? Am I ambitious, yes? But that is not a trait that should prevent our continued friendship. What inadequacy do I possess that could cause you to cease your caring for me completely?"
Lily said nothing as she considered his words. The pervasive silence between the pair seemed to quiet the world around them and still the very air they breathed. It seemed as though an eternity had passed to Severus before Lily finally spoke.
"If we were muggles," Lily started slowly, as though choosing her words with care, "we would probably be watching the telly right now."
She broke out in a tight-lipped smile at the look of disgust on his face. Severus hated the telly, as it was the only thing in his house that his father actually seemed to like. Severus found magic much more appealing than moving pictures on a fuzzy screen, but he found himself gladdened by the change in subject. Her attempt to ease the tension meant that, for the first time in a year, she was actually listening to him. She was actually considering offering her forgiveness.
"Look Severus," Lily started, the smile now gone from her face. "I do care about you, but I don't see how we can be friends. You know you can't talk to me at school in front of the other Slytherins. And it's just too hard, with our differences in opinion."
"But we're not at school, are we? And we don't have to discuss our opinions. After this summer is over we can go our separate ways. I'm only asking for one last summer holiday with you, nothing after the first day of term. I don't want to spend my life encumbered with regret over the way our friendship ended."
"What about...What about your...your...admission?" she stammered. Severus furrowed his thick eyebrows in confusion as his eyes studied her face. A delicate flush was spreading across her freckled cheeks, and her eyes could no longer meet his. "It sounds like you're looking for more…more than I might be willing to…erm…"
"Lily, I only said that to get your attention, so that you would allow me the chance to talk to you," he blurted out, feeling the heat of mortification now rising to his own cheeks. At these words, her green eyes registered a look of hurt or disappointment or maybe even outrage, but he couldn't be sure. "Not that I didn't mean every word. I just...Well I don't expect you to feel the same, if that's what you're...I meant just as friends...I knew you wouldn't want..."
He shifted awkwardly as he trailed off, suddenly wishing that he could disappear as he fidgeted with the hem of his overlarge t-shirt. He supposed he should feel relieved that she attempting to spare his feelings instead of dismissing his declaration with disgust. She gave him a shy smile of understanding, but neither could meet the other's eyes with their own. Finally Lily gave a resigned sigh.
"I'll think about it, Sev," she said at long last. "Meet me in our spot tomorrow afternoon. We can talk more then."
He nodded his understanding before turning to leave, afraid to press his luck any further. The corners of his mouth twitched up slightly. Not only was he going to see her tomorrow, but he was going to talk to her again as well. The night may not have gone swimmingly well for him, but it had worked out in his favor in the end, and that was all that mattered to him.
"Severus!" Lily called out to him in a harsh whisper before he had managed to traverse past the pair of bushes in which he had spent a good portion of his evening. He stopped and turned toward her trying to keep his face impassive, despite the knots he suddenly felt within the pit of his stomach. "Good night."
The nervous tension dissipated as soon as he realized she did not plan on changing her mind, and his lips curled into a small smile as he called out to her in reply. "Good night, Lily."