Confessions of A Broken Heart
Haruno Sakura did not remember when she had first fallen in love with Uchiha Sasuke. It seemed to be an instantaneous moment, regardless of thought and action when she realized that she loved him. That time wasn't when she was six years old, or even thirteen years old. It was when she was sixteen, heartbroken about Sasuke's path, and determined to set him free from his destruction and from himself. She was willing to kill him to save him. And she had believed that she was the only one that could save Sasuke. He had almost killed her instead from her hesitation. Sakura could not complete her mission. She couldn't kill the man she loved, because then she would be killing herself. Uchiha Sasuke remained an international criminal and on the other side of the war because of her decision, and he was still breathing…still alive. Sakura was still grateful for that many times over.
She remembered when she first saw him. At six years old, they were both still in the Ninja Academy. Sakura was still getting bullied for her large forehead, and Sasuke still had his sweet disposition. It was late summer, is she remembered correctly. Report cards had been given out, and Sakura wondered who had beaten her in academics. She was second in her class, and Sakura heard a rumor that the first in the class was Uchiha Sasuke. He was supposedly the son of the caption of the Konohagakure Military Police Force, and the younger brother of Uchiha Itachi, who had recently been made ANBU's captain at age thirteen. Needless to say, it wasn't a surprise to her that the boy had made top of his class in shinobi skills. Her grades in there were a huge disappointment, but inwardly Sakura wasn't surprised, being the only child of civilians in the shinobi village of Konohagakure. One day during lunch, the curiosity had overcome the girl when she heard the rhythmic sound of shirikens thudding against the circle, and walked over toward the sound.
A boy wearing a black t-shirt with the elm of his clan on the back with tan shorts was practicing throwing shiriken. Sakura stared in amazement as the shirikens thunked against the circle. There were so many, and he threw them so fast, too. Then she noticed that the boy was hunched over, panting and perspiring. His sweat glistened his face, and Sakura noticed with alarm that his hands, face, and knees were covered in scratches. He's exhausted! Sakura held her breath as the boy – no, Sasuke – began to stand again and started to pull out the shiriken. She watched in silence as he began to throw them one after another, even though sweat trickled into his eyes, and his knees were shaking. Sakura would have just given up then, but not him. Not Sasuke, she realized with admiration. Her attention was brought back to him when he murmured a name too low for her to hear. She leaned in closer, hoping to catch it, but Sasuke began to throw the shiriken relentlessly again. A half hour past, and both of them were startled when the bell rung.
Sakura's stomach filled with dread. She was going to be late to her next class if she didn't hurry. She was about to leave when she saw Sasuke walk forward to retrieve the shiriken. They were scattered from his training exercise, and Sakura knew that he would be late if he picked them all up by himself. There were too many. She then jumped out from a tree, her hiding place, and started to help him collecting the shiriken. The boy met her gaze, but not for long. She noticed that his eyes were dark, as was his spiky hair. They didn't speak as they collected the shiriken together. "Thank you," a voice whispered in her ear. Sakura jumped, not certain whose voice that belonged to, and then looked around. Sasuke was heading toward the Ninja Academy, and somehow Sakura knew that she should be walking away from the training ground too, but something stopped her. Then at the corner of her eye, she saw Sasuke smile. His lips were full and pink, she noticed, and spoke of genuine warmth and gratitude. She then realized that it was his voice that had thanked her. She smiled as well, at him, and hoping that he would see. If he did see her smile, she could not say. All the six year old girl knew was that he waved to her, and she had waved back, shyly. It was then that Sakura began watching Sasuke practice. She was still hidden by the tree, but somehow she knew that Sasuke could tell that he was watching her, but he let her stay. At the end of practice, he would smile slowly at the tree closet to him, and Sakura knew that he knew that she was there. His smile was for her. She came to watch him practice, wanting to see him smile again, and he did that every day. Then one day he wasn't there. Sakura wondered what was wrong. She heard a rumor that the entire Uchiha clan had been massacred in a single night, leaving only Sasuke alive and alone. That was when everything changed.
Uchiha Sasuke didn't smile anymore. He didn't smile at anyone, especially Sakura. His eyes were empty and cold, unlike their former warmth and sincerity. The kindness was gone too. Eventually, Sakura stopped watching him practice. She went into a hole deep inside her, where she still dreamed of the boy that had made her smile every day. When Ino had befriended her, she all ready knew who Sasuke was. She knew that almost every female in the Ninja Academy liked him, although she didn't know why. Personally, she would enjoy the Sasuke that was kind and gentle better, before the massacre, but she knew that the boy would never come back. Still, she admitted that she liked the composed, silent, and morose boy that he had grown into. Sakura remembered coming up to him one day. She had noticed again that his eyes were cold and unflinching, and she tried to calm the dread in her heart. They were eight years old. The pain from the massacre was still fresh in his eyes. "I…" she had said. She had wanted to say, "I want to see your smile again." But she hadn't as he glared at her and walked away.
Sakura remembered the time when she, Sasuke, and Naruto had gone onto their first mission together years later as genin. Haku and Momochi Zabuza were their first enemies, and she had thought Sasuke had died that day. She remembered running to him and clutching Tazana's hand, hoping that was still alive. Sasuke's body was impaled with needles. She saw needles deep in his neck, his chest, and every other part of his body. Blood coated his mouth, and he actually looked like he was sleeping. Sakura had crouched down toward him, her body numb, touching his skin. It was cold. He was so…cold. She had stroked his hair too that day, trying to suppress the emotions inside her. Sakura remembered reciting the twenty-fifth rule of shinobi conduct while shedding tears, calling out his name, and sobbing. When he had said, "Sakura…your arm's heavy," Sakura had almost sobbed in front of him again. His voice, she heard his voice again. He was alive.
She remembered the time when they had all competed in the Forest of Death. She, Naruto, and Sasuke had created a password to protect each other from enemies, but that was all in vain. Sakura could easily remember when the first saw Orochimaru. He was disguised as a Kusugakure ninja, and he had intentionally separated the three from each other. She and Sasuke were paralyzed with fear by his genjustu predicting their deaths. She had been trembling and crying at the sight, but Sasuke had apparently found the courage to stab himself and carrying her away as Orochimaru aimed kunai at them, intent on making the genjustu reality. She remembered Sasuke's arms as he carried her. They were tingling with warmth and surprisingly gentle and soft. That was the last time that he had held her when they were both shivering in fear. Naruto had snapped them both out of their fear then. She remembered him calling Sasuke a coward, and she remembered doing the same. "Naruto may be nothing like you…he's clumsy and he holds us back…and sometimes he's a big nuisance, but at least he's got guts! Naruto's no coward! Right?" Sakura didn't know what was going on in Sasuke's mind then. She didn't know that Sasuke was thinking about his older brother's parting words. But something had happened to him then. She didn't know if it was her voice, or Naruto's, but Sasuke had fought back. Uchiha Sasuke had returned. Sasuke had obtained the infamous curse mark from Orochimaru then. She remembered his screams of agony, his hand entwined in hers, clenched in pain and confusion. She remembered him collapsing in her arms, and not knowing what to do with both of her teammates. They both depended on her now.
She recalled when Lee had risked his life to protect her, just like her teammates. She was trapped, and knew that if she didn't do something, Sasuke and Naruto would die. When Kin had her hair in a grip, her hair that she painstakingly grew long to impress Sasuke, she took hold of her kunai and cut it, freeing her from the Otogakure kunoichi's grip. "I'd always…thought of myself as a full-fledged ninja…proud to be an equal as I trailed after my teammates…crushing on Sasuke and scolding Naruto…watching them…safely, from the background…while they…would both risk anything to protect me. Lee says that he likes me, too...and risked his life to come between me and danger. You're all my teachers…and you've shown me what I want to be…like you. All of you. Now it's your turn…to watch my back!" She had fought with every breath she had, but she still was defeated by them. Then Ino, Shikamaru, and Chouji had entered the fray, and they all fought against the Otogakure ninja. Then Sasuke awoke…with a vengeance.
He had called her name, again and again. She remembered how his body was covered in curse marks, and the dark chakra surrounding him. Everyone there had been paralyzed with fear then, especially Sakura. "Sakura…point out the ones who pummeled you into that state! Who was it…?" His voice was icy cold, piercing her like thorns. She could feel his dark chakra, so unlike the chakra she was used to feeling. His powers unnerved her. He had never seemed so cruel, so…consumed with hate. What had happened to him? Only she was able to stop him. "Stop it!"she had screamed. "Please…please, stop." The voice that had belonged to Haruno Sakura echoed in her ears again. She had been able to stop him by hugging him, giving him something that no one had given him in his twelve years. After that, nothing had been the same. He had asked her to not tell Naruto about the curse mark, and had endangered his life when he participated in the preliminary Chunin exams. Even though he had won, Sasuke had sustained extensive injuries, and was in the hospital for around a month. Then Sasuke fought against the infamous Gaara after gaining control of the curse mark, only to have the match interrupted by the Invasion of Konohagakure. She, along with Naruto, found Sasuke lying against a tree in agony from his battle with Gaara. Sakura noticed with fear that the curse mark was released again. Blood coated his mouth as he groaned with pain, and she only saw Gaara running towards him, vowing to kill him. Sakura had no time to think. She jumped in front of Sasuke, very well knowing that she could die. She remembered Gaara's eyes, sharp with rage and hate…just like Sasuke's. Was that why they were put together to fight? That was her last thought before the world went black.
"Why don't you ever tell me anything? Why do have to be so silent? Why can't you just…let me in?" That was when he left. He left her, left everyone for the sake for his power, and his revenge. She knew about Uchiha Itachi, and of the pain he caused his younger brother. She couldn't imagine Sasuke's pain of having someone you trusted and loved causing so much agony and rage. But she did understand that if Sasuke continued to travel down the path he continued to go, nothing good would come of it. He would still be in pain. She tried to tell him that, but Sasuke wouldn't listen. "I can never be like you or Naruto." Sakura's heart was breaking. He was going to leave, leave Naruto, Kakashi-sensei, Konohagakure, and her. "So that's it, you're choosing the lonely path? Remember how you showed me what it means to be lonely? Well, I now understand. It's all painfully clear to me. I've…I have family, and friends…but Sasuke, if I lose you, I…I'll be…I'll be very lonely." She had confessed her love for him, but he didn't reply at first. He listened, not making a sound, motionless. His voice still echoed in her ears years later. It was matter-of-fact. "You…make me sick." Now she wondered if he had meant that she was sick for even loving him. Now she could see his thoughts as clearly as if they were her own. He thought she was sick because he hurt everyone that he came across. Nothing good came out of his life. Nothing had come out of his life since his older brother destroyed their clan and their family. Sakura remembered his genuine thank you that he had given her…the only good that came from him since that day. It was the same thank you that the same boy from long ago had given her. Now Uchiha Sasuke was an international criminal, bent on destroying Konohagakure and the shinobi world with his hate. He had destroyed the only good part of himself to complete his goal. Sakura wondered what he was thinking now. What was he thinking? He wanted his mother, his father, his brother, and his clan back, he had said. But they were gone. He wanted to change the laughter of Konohagakure into agonized screams…just as he had experienced. Sakura had not seen Sasuke in the war yet, so maybe there was a chance. A chance he could change. Sasuke was hurting, that much she knew. And she knew that she loved him, no matter what he did, no matter what he did to her…or anyone else.
Ai shiteru, Sasuke-kun.