I wonder why l the country of love can't get the one I love. I know that sounds completely ridiculous but it's true. Mon cher how can I yearn for you when all we do is fight? Do you know why I fight with you? Why does it hurt to see you with him? I should be hating you. I should be glad that you're always busy. But now that your attention is towards him. Now...now... I feel so empty.

The tears begin to fall from my face as I write in my journal, staining my pain filled entry. I look at the words again and feel a mixture of emotions. Hate, love, loneliness and most of all pain. I sigh quietly and close my journal. Heh Antonio has been noticing my depression so he bought this for me so that I can write out my feelings. I look at the pink fluffy book and couldn't stop myself from chuckling. Antonio you know me so well. I stretch and put the journal in between my other books on my old chestnut coloured bookshelf . I look at the clock, 7:00 am it's been three hours since I've been up. I've been loosing a lot of sleep lately, but I don't really care. Gilbert does though. Ever since my best friends started dating their boyfriends they've been worrying about me non stop.

I flop back on my bed and curl up into a little ball. I wonder what Mathieu is doing right now, maybe he'll want to hang out with me later. I think about it a bit more and until I hear my doorbell ring. Who on earth is at my house at, I quickly look at my clock, at 7:20 in the morning? I groan and shove my feet into my slippers and shuffle down the stairs. The door rings again loudly and I growl quietly to myself. Geesh calm yourself down I'm coming. I finally reach my door and I yank it open and growl at the person behind the wooden door. (You would grouchy too if you haven't slept in four days.)

"Oui?" I say impatiently.

"Well someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed," a quiet voice says. I stare down at the blonde boy who's well known for carrying a cute but scary protective polar bear in his arms. His thick winter coat covered in snow. His pail blonde hair is hidden underneath a red hat. His cheeks were a bit red from the cold and he shivering a little. My petit son. A cold winter breeze snap me back into reality and I usher Mathieu in.

" Oh Mathieu come on in it's freezing out there," I instruct my son. Once he's in I quickly rush into my kitchen to start my kettle. Mathieu follows me close behind his curly cute hair that he inherited from moi bouncing quickly. Memories of the past fills my mind as I remember when Mathieu used to be mine when he was very little and he would always follow me everywhere. I fill the pot with water and put it on the stove to heat up. I smile a small smile then as fast as it came it vanishes. " Mon petit Mathieu what are you doing in Paris? Especially in the dead middle of winter? At 7:26 in the morning?" The kettle begins to whistle and I quickly take it off of the stove top. I rush over towards the cupboards and grab two mugs and I then grab some hot chocolate powder. I quickly fix some hot chocolate for us and I usher him into the living room. My living room is one of my favourite rooms in the house. There were two couches and a rocking chair in the center of the room and very nice glass table in the middle of the chairs. Against the wall is a bookshelf filled with old books from the past, and on the opposite end was a fireplace and a table filled with photographs that I took. Even more memories. The big room has huge glass windows that look outside towards my garden. Which is now covered in snow. Also one of the windows have a seat with two of my comfiest chair pillows on it. A memory of mon cher reading about his history while curled upon the seat appears in my head and I shake it off. This is not the time to go through memory lane. I walk beside Mathieu and he takes a seat on one the couches he then puts his polar bear beside him, after doing so I hand him a hot chocolate and he gives me his thanks. I smile and sit on the other couch facing him.

" Papa I'm came because I'm starting to get worried about you," Mathieu starts to explain. I internally groan, Mathieu not you too. " Also Arthur is starting to worry about you too."

" Angleterre is worried about me. Mathieu are you sure you're talking about the same person I know?" I give him a weak smile. He stares at me and slowly nods his head. He looks shyly back down to his hot chocolate and takes a quick sip.

" Oui papa actually all the countries are starting to worry because you haven't been...umm how should I put this...umm you haven't been groping anyone lately. Also you barely flirt and look at other people. All you do is stare off into space. Even Uncle Romano is kind of nervous and you know how much he...umm dislikes you," Mathieu says while blushing immensely. Have I really been that off. " Also I'm starting to get scared if you're acting like this I'm worried that the world might come to an end," Mathieu saying this part quietly. I look at him with a strange look and chuckle.

"Well I'm very sorry for worrying you and the other countries about my ..uh abnormal behavior. I guess I'm just not completely not here," I tell him. I really need to watch myself and be more careful. Mathieu and I silently begin to drink our beverages quietly.

" Papa?"

"Oui mon petit?"

" Are you okay?" Mathieu ask me this quietly. I stop sipping my drink and I look up at Mathieu. Why do I have to make Mathieu worry. He is already sad with his break up with Gilbert, even though it has been nearly a year. Ever since Gilbert started to date Liechtenstein, Mathieu (and Switzerland) has been upset. I sigh and open my mouth to reassure Mathieu when my doorbell rings for a second time. Okay seriously who comes and visit a person so early in the morning? I groan and gently put my cup on the table and I tell Mathieu that I'll be right back. I speed walk to my door and once again yank it open. There is another blonde looking at me about to ring the doorbell again. His green eyes looking anxious and nervous. I try to think of a reason why he would be here but nothing comes to mind. I feel my face get a little hot and I bite my lip. How long have I wanted him to come to my house? How long have I wanted to see him without his boyfriend following him?

" A-A-Angletterre why are you here? Um and why so early in the morning?" that was a stupid question to ask because I know that Arthur wakes up early in the morning but this is early even for him. Arthur looks at me for a few more seconds and he opens his mouth.

" Yo french bastard Iggy and I the hero has come to visit you," says the American that makes my life a living hell. Well there goes my thought that Angletterre came on his own. I sigh and run my fingers through my blonde hair and I close my eyes. My head slightly pounds and I suppress a groan from escaping my lips.

" Good morning to you too America. And thank you for visiting me even though I don't know the reason why," I say calmly to him. I don't want to push myself into getting a headache so early in the morning. " Come on in you two Mathieu is in the living room," I inform them.

" Mattie!" America squeals and rushes to the living room. I sigh and close the door behind Arthur. He takes off his jacket and hangs it up and then takes off his shoes. I notice that he too is in his pajamas.

" Sorry for intruding so early in the morning," Arthur says quietly.

Hey guys um this is my first story ever put on Fanfiction so umm please tell me if this is good or not. ( I hope it's good) *sniff* I feel so bad for France all he wants is love! TT~TT