You know you're obsessed with Sheldon Cooper when...
(I'm sorry... I just had to. Can you blame me really? Sheldon's awesome!)
1. You have a certain spot on the couch because in the winter that seat is close enough to the radiator so that you're warm yet not so close that you sweat. In the summer, it's directly in the path of the cross breeze created by opening windows there and there. It faces the television on an angle that isn't direct so you can still talk to everybody, yet not so wide that the picture looks distorted
2. ...and you say that you love your mother, but your feelings towards your spot are much greater
3. You play Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock to settle problems
4. You sing Soft Kitty when someone's ill
5. You smile scarily when you're trying to be polite
6. You can recite ALL of his psychotic rants
7. You knock three times on a door repeating the person's name
8. Someone requests an application and you state that you are more of a theorist
9. You proclaim in a loud voice that you have to urinate.
10. You're a germaphobe
11. "This suit is a lot of money for just one colour"
12. You're happy, you say you're colon capital D in the world of emoticons
13. You programmed you're GPS to give you quizzes and fun facts using your own voice
14. Something good happened, you refer to things as a "hoot and a half"
15. You play bongos at three in the morning
16. You know that you can eat your icecream too fast and still have a brain tumour
17. You are the sword master!
18. ...and then you sell the sword on eBay
19. Someone falls for one of your classic pranks and you shout "Bazinga!"
20. It's obvious that PMS and AA stand for the Perpetual Motion Squad and the Army Ants. (Duh!)
21. You have an eidetic memory
22. You know all the elements on the periodic table
23. ...in order
24. You have an IQ of 187
25. You were ok when Leonard Nimoy replaced Zachary Quinto as Spock (did I get that right? O.o)
26. You are fluent in Klingon
27. ...and tried to perform your friends' wedding in said language
28. You have a twenty year old grudge against Wil Wheaton
29. And you have a list of enemies
30. You don't understand sarcasm
31. You have a specific time for your bowel movements
32. You have a Roommate Agreement
33. You have trousers specifically for riding the bus
34. You sing the elements song when you're drunk
35. You check Google to find the "proper social protocol" for things
36. You love hammer head sharks and swordfish because they have a tool for a head but aren't a fan of hand holding (...what?)
37. DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS! ('nuff said)
38. You're not crazy; you're mother had you tested
39. You know it's not a cartoon, it's anime!
40. You say "Ah, gravity, thou art a heartless bitch," while keeping a straight face
41. When playing Mario, you tell him to "Hop, you little plumber! HOP! HOP! HOP!"
42. You say "If I were wrong, don't you think I'd know it?"
43. You know that you don't screw the roommate agreement – the roommate agreement screws you.
44. All you need is a healthy ovum and you can grow your own Leonard Nimoy!
45. You know that in 1917, when Albert Einstein established the theoretic foundation for the laser in his paper "Zur Quantentheorie der Strahlung", his fondest hope was that the resultant device be bitchin'.
46. It depresses you that apparently you can't hack into a government supercomputer and then try to buy uranium without the Department of Homeland Security tattling to your mother :'(
47. You know the whole idea of gift-giving is absurd
48. You know you can't be impossible; you exist! People mean to call you improbable
49. You find the joke 'A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. The bartender replies "for you, no charge"' hilarious
50. Galileo and the Pope had a little misunderstanding...
51. You ask people "What type of computer do you have? And please don't say a white one,"
52. Trying to teach your friend physics, you call it Project Gorilla
53. You have a phobia of dirty socks
54. You believe art school and MIT are equally ridiculous
55. You have to find the "acoustic sweet spot" in a cinema
56. You watch Frosty the Snowman and root for the sun
57. You think 'friends with benefits' means they provide you with health insurance
58. Your grandma calls you Moon-pie because you're 'nummy nummy' and she could just eat you up
59. You say no buts, no cuts, no coconuts
60. You go bowling and say "I am the ball, my thoughts are its thoughts, its holes are my holes"
61. ...and mean it
62. You conduct emergency preparedness drills early in the morning and wake your roommate up with a loud siren and a verse of "Rise and shine, sleepy head, half the town is probably dead"
63. A friend tells you you'll never guess what happened and you reply with "You went out into the hallway, stumbled into an inter-dimensional portal which brought you 5,000 years into the future, which you took advantage of the advanced technology to build a time machine, and now you're back to bring us all with you to the year 7010, where we transported to work at the thinkatorium by telepathically controlled dolphins."
64. ...and get it wrong :'(
65. You tell your friend minstrels will write songs about them
66. ...and then write one yourself
67. Your friend tells you not to stalk James Earl Jones
68. You have ornithophobia
69. You are an honorary graduate of Starfleet Academy
70. You find a fear of heights to be illogical, but a fear of falling is prudent and evolutionary.
71. You demand cookies when you discover an element
72. You know that if ifs and buts were candies and nuts, we would all have a merry Christmas
73. You get 'date' the social interaction and 'date' the dried fruit mixed up
74. You make a webcast called 'Fun with Flags'
75. You know you it would be preposterous to run with scissors; it would be unsafe *serious face*
76. You keep a Justice League of America card in your wallet because it says 'keep this on your person at all times'
77. You have a loom because you were working with luminous fish and thought... Hey. Loom.
78. You found out the hard way that one can get beaten up at school for simply referring to oneself as one
79. You know you can lead a chicken to Crisco, but you can't make your mother fry it
80. You invented three-way chess
81. You know people are there because you can hear them metabolizing oxygen and expelling carbon dioxide
82. You tell lactose-intolerant people to eat cheese without farting and they can sleep with your sister
83. You are the master of your own bladder
84. Your brain is better than everybody's!
85. Obviously Tweety Bird tawt he taw a Romulan
86. The sexiest man alive has to be Patrick Stewart
87. You don't need sleep, you need answers. You need to determine where in this swamp of unbalanced formulas squatteth the toad of truth
88. You have a four napkin system – lap, hands, face and personal emergency
89. You call engineers the 'Oompa-Loompas' of science
90. You're drunk and tell people to get ready to see the dark side of the moon. And here's Uranus
92. You did notice that I missed 91
93. You didn't just check
94. You're not laughing right now
95. While peeing (if you're a guy) you say "Pee for Houston, pee for Austin.
Pee for the state my heart got lost in. And shake twice for Texas"
96. Your favourite place to be is Sims City
97. You name your cat Zazzles because he's so zazzy
98. You dress up for Halloween as the Doppler effect
99. You tell people that they need to picture you with a giant squid head
100. You do all of the above... in one day
Wooh! If you're still reading... what's wrong with you?! This was completely and utterly absurd. I'm sorry I've put you through all the trauma that came with this.
...Review? Please? Pretty please? With sugar on top? And a cherry? Or you can just throw virtual tomatoes at me. Either's fine.
Happy Star Wars Day, May the Fourth be with you XD
Next up: Penny