a/n: This is my first SVM fanfic, so please be gentle! And please, please review.

Please note: The vamps are still vamps, Sam is still a shifter, and Sookie is still a stubborn telepath. The difference is that the vamps have not yet come out when Sookie decides to give up on true love and settle for what's comfortable-AKA Sam.

Sookie stares at the same four walls of her kitchen and sighs. No matter how well she cleans, this double wide is never going to look like home to her. She wrings out her sponge and drops it behind the faucet. As the sink drains and the soapy water disappears, her eyes are on the woods beyond the kitchen window and her mind is miles away. She misses her house, Gran's house, her front porch swing and her beautiful garden. She's tried and tried to get a garden of her own to grow outside the trailer she now calls her home, but the ground here is hard clay and none of the seeds she's tried will take root.

She sighs again and shakes her head, mentally slapping herself and bringing herself back to the present. "It does no good to daydream on what was, you make do with what is." She can hear her Gran's words admonish her as if she were right beside her, and so she pulls herself away from the window and back to the task at hand. The twins will be awake in a ten minutes or so, and she still has laundry to fold.

She settles into the couch, flicks on the television and begins with the boys' clothes. She always wanted to have a family of her own, but having three kids under the age of three has been harder than she'd ever expected. Some days she wishes she could go back a couple years and hand herself a box of condoms. She loves her children dearly, but most days she's too exhausted to truly appreciate them. If only they were born further apart, maybe then she'd have a moment to just breathe and take it all in. Unfortunately, Sam's little swimmers had other plans for her and only a year after delivering Payton, she was pregnant with the twins.

Sam is a good man and a good provider. She and the kids have never wanted for food or necessities, but still Sookie feels like there should be more. She knows he tries hard, and she knows he cares for her and yet she's never fallen in love with him in return. It really isn't fair to him. She knows that. He's given her everything he has to give and more.

But she can't help what's in her heart. He was her boss and he grew into one of her best friends. After all the terrible experiences she'd had with men, he was so kind and so sweet on her, she really thought she was in love with him. His love was so big and deep, it just swallowed her up whole. It was a completely foreign feeling for her to experience, complete acceptance of who she was, and she'd never felt such peace with anyone other than her Gran.

It really took her by surprise when she woke up one morning and realized she'd lost her sense of self.

She and Sam dated for about 4 months before he proposed. She still was feeling so damn grateful to be truly loved by someone at the time, she answered yes right on the spot. They were married just six short months later and she found herself packing up her things and loading them into his truck.

Gran seemed so happy for her, kissing her and hugging her, but she still remembers a shadow of sadness in Gran's eyes. She knew Sookie was jumping in too fast. She also knew Sookie was too stubborn to listen and so she didn't bother trying to talk her out of it.

There was a small reception at Sam's bar and there really wasn't much money left for a honeymoon. Sam suggested they camp for the weekend and so they spent their first night as a married couple huddled in a sleeping bag, shivering in what was unusually cold temps for Louisiana.

As soon as she was carried over the threshold of the double wide, a knot started twisting in Sookie's gut. She pushed away the doubts that started to seep into the back of her mind as cold feet and started the work of making Sam's home her own.

Two months later she discovered she was pregnant with Payton. She knew almost immediately. Her breasts were tender and her stomach was upset as all get out, but more than that she just sensed it. She told Sam and together they bought some pregnancy tests. The tests came back negative, but they chalked it up to being too early to test. Sam told her that he sensed it too, though he couldn't explain it.

The next day, they made the doctor appointment. A week later their suspicions were confirmed, they were having a baby. Sam seemed overjoyed. Sookie was confused. She knew she should be happy and she did feel a hint of excitement, but she was also terrified. She spoke to the doctor and he told her that it was normal for first time mothers to experience fear and doubt. He reassured her that she was going to be a wonderful mother and as soon as she held the baby, all of her worries would disappear.

The months wore on and Sookie's belly continued to grow. She had a rather uneventful pregnancy, no problems or abnormalities, but the knots in her gut grew to a be an ache in her chest witch continued to gnaw away at her confidence the closer she came to her due date.

Payton was born after 19 hours of natural labor on September 29th. She had a head full of ash brown hair and bright blue eyes. She was beautiful and healthy. When Sookie finally held her in her arms for the first time, the ache in her gut was buried under the pride and love she felt looking at her newborn daughter's face.

For awhile, things seemed to get better. Sam and Sookie bonded over their mutual affection for their child. They were both tired but happy. They stayed up late, talking over plans for their family and their future. Those light hearted discussions were often followed by sensuous kissing and heavy petting and once Sookie was ready, amorous love making.

Payton was two months old when they discovered they are expecting again. This time around, the couple was not as cheerful. In fact, they're both feeling downright stressed. Sam starts spending more time at the bar, trying to figure out ways to increase profits. They're both worried about the finances and how they'll manage two babies.

Sookie wakes up one morning and realizes that the ache in her chest is nearly suffocating her now. She can't remember who she is anymore outside of a mother and a wife. She feels like a trapped bird. She then hates herself for feeling that way. She loves Payton and she has a good life. She should be grateful. She has more than she ever expected she'd have in life considering her disability.

Once people discovered she was a telepath, they treated her like a leper. Every boy she dated disgusted her with their one track thoughts and prejudices. She was so alone. She was so lonely. Then Sam swept in and loved her despite it all. She should be grateful.

She hears Beau start to cry and knows it won't be long before he wakes Brett. She piles the folded clothes back into the basket and shoves it into a corner for another day, along with her thoughts of what might have been.