A/N: I found this in my comp, wrote it and never finished it. So now here it is. Enjoy, and review :)
Disclaimer: If I owned PoTC, I would have Singapore girls rocking the ship winkwink.
He's My Man!
"I don't know about this" Elizabeth Swann was saying. Her lips were pursed as she read through a pamphlet.
"But it is truly a handy thing to have around" the grinning strange gentleman said stubbornly. "It doesn't weigh as much as a regular one, but it's far more lethal"
Elizabeth put down the pamphlet on the table of the parlor and took a hold of the black object the man had been trying to sell to her for the past half hour. "I am not the violent sort of person" she took a look at the firm handle, and waved the item around a bit. It was very light, weighing maybe the same as a wooden box, clearly looking dangerous if not handled carefully.
There was a knock on the door as the stranger tried to tell her again of the advantages of having this dark item around, but his words were ignored when they heard argument at the door. Elizabeth excused herself and went to see what was going on, stopping behind Estrella to realize she still held the weapon. Quickly, she hid it behind her back, and gently pushed her maid aside to greet the newcomer. "Hello" she said, before gaping at the stranger at the door.
She was a beautiful, far beyond beautiful, young woman standing on the doorway. Her long hair fell in thick elegant ringlets of pure red, her eyes shined like stars, and her dress was so detailed it would take about an hour to describe every beautiful thing about it. Her bracelets clanked softly with her delicate movements, and a string of shiny pearls hung around her bony tanned neck. Upon seeing Elizabeth gaping at her, she smiled in a rather evil but beautiful sort of way. Promptly, she introduced herself in the most melodious voice ever. "I am America Warriormoon"
Elizabeth smiled and said in a friendly manner "Pleasure to meet you, Ms. Warriormoon. May I ask what is the purpose of your visit?"
"I am here to take William Turner for myself" America said boldly, delicate hands resting on her tiny waist.
Elizabeth blinked. "I beg your pardon?" she tilted her head slightly to hear her better.
"You don't deserve Turner" America said in her melodious voice "I am the one for him! Once he sees me, once he hears me speak, he will fall in absolute love with me, and he will marry me and he will love me forever, because I'm twice the woman you will ever be"
Elizabeth's eyes flared and the corner of her mouth twitched a bit. Her grasp on the handle of the black item tightened, how dare this strange woman come to her home and say such things! With a growl of anger, Elizabeth brought her arm holding the weapon around as hard as she could.
America's right side of her head was hit by a black frying pan swung in complete female anger by the Governor's daughter. Just as Elizabeth realized what she had done, the redhead beauty hit the floor unconscious in the most graceful manner possible. Elizabeth gasped as America Warriormoon turned into perfumed multicolored dust, glittering in the morning sun as it flew away with the gentle breeze which left her in awe.
She was snapped back to her senses when the strange gentleman who had supplied her with the frying pan came to her side and watched the phenomenon that had taken place outside her door.
"Well, Miss Swann?" he said, hopeful.
Elizabeth looked at the frying pan she held, and with a last look at the beautiful dust flying away, she said "I'll take two"
"Great!" the man beamed. "You can't be too careful with those Mary-Sues"
"Estrella!" Elizabeth called "Fetch me my purse"
"I knew you were a clever woman the moment I saw you, Ms. Swann" he said as the maid hurried up the stairs to get Elizabeth's purse. "Smart woman, I thought. Strong and smart, your fiancé must be a lucky man, very lucky indeed"
"Truly flattered, sir, but how much will the two Anti-sue Pans will cost me?" Elizabeth said.
"Oh, I'll be generous with you, Miss Swann" he answered, waving a hand lightly, eyeing her up and down "all it will cost you is a kiss" he flashed a grin.
Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. Her lips curled into a seductive smile, and she slowly closed in on him, whispering the next slyly in his ear "Wouldn't you like more from me?"
-X-
Estrella walked into the foyer with Elizabeth's purse just in time to see her mistress swing the deathly frying pan at the gentleman who had been trying to sell her said thing. Next thing she knew, Elizabeth was delivering kicks, causing him to exit the house in an attempt to save himself.
"Good Day, sir!" Elizabeth said coldly in the best lady-like manner she could muster at the moment "I'll keep the pan, thank you very much. Please don't call on me again!" and she slammed the door shut.
Estrella stared, with a mixture of awe and shock. A sly smile formed as her mistress told her of what the stranger had asked from her. Elizabeth Swann was not one to be taken for an easy woman, or a weak one at that.
"If any other lady with a strange name and beauty knocks on the door," Elizabeth told her "Please let me know, and I shall take care of her" her strange smile made Estrella giggle, noticing just how naughty her mistress was acting. William Turner was a lucky man to have a woman who loved him even with the constant Mary-Sues trying to take him away.
And with the promise that Ms. Swann will indeed pan any strange beauty that knocks on her door to claim her fiancé, this story ends.
...It ends.
A/N: America's name is "America Romania Italia Holland Danielle Warriormoon Royal-Blood" because I started this oneshot in a parody-sense. But then I just thought to change the mood, because I'm weird like that. Hehe my nickname for America is "America-and-half-a-continent" mwahah. Mary-sues eat my dust!
Review or be panned by Elizabeth Swann!