Heero's Journal
by T. K. Sakura
_______
T. K.: Okay I posted this before.
Neko-Chan: Then you took it down.
T. K.: I had to tweak it. Disclaimer, please.
Neko-Chan: We don't own Gundam Wing.
_______
April 20th, A. C. 230
I wonder if anyone will ever understand why I'm like I am. I don't even think Relena really knows me. Zechs, he understands where I'm coming, but not completely.
On second thought, there is someone else who identifies with me; her name is Ame Kazeni. She was always there for me; I wonder where she is now?
Ame was trained as a pilot just as I was but something happened to her, she became ill and Dr. J grounded her and made me take over. I was trained as explosive engineer as well as sabotage; my original mission was infiltration. Ame was the better pilot; the Gundam Wing was built for her. Ame's only downside, Dr. J could never get her to let go of her emotions; she had the spirit of the mustang, so he started wearing her down bit by bit. When the order came down to rid me of emotions, bury my humanity, Ame was there to stand up for me. But being only thirteen, it was the only losing battle she ever fought; her punishment was to face the same destiny as I, to become jaded.
Jaded, that's what I am but she would never become that way. Even after my marriage and Kinsei was born I still have those moments where I can't feel anything. When I feel like that, I always remember Ame's smiling at me after a long day of training. She would go through the flames of Hell and back with a smile on her face.
I am inclined to think that The Barton Foundation made a mistake in choosing her to be a pilot, they should have sent her to infiltrate, she could have made Millardo Peacecraft think twice before he tried to crash Libra into the Earth. Or have made friends of Treize and Wufei. Who knows, maybe I would have never tried to kill Relena, or myself, as often. And Antarctic would have never happened. But there is truly no way to know. I really wish I knew what happened to her.
__________
April 30th, A. C. 230
"Yeah, Kinsei?"
"Mom told me to tell you there's someone her for you," Kinsei said, plopping down onto her father's lap.
Heero reached around the lean girl and closed his laptop. "Did she say whom?"
Kinsei shook her head. "But she had an envelope with her."
Heero tickled her sides making her jump up. If looks could kill. She had inherited his death glare along with 'Omae o korosu'. "What's she look like?"
"She's my age, with black hair past her waist and a tattoo on her lower back; I couldn't make it out. Thin, to thin if you ask me, but I would want to meet her in a dark alley. She reminds me of Uncle Trowa, she has that cat attitude and there's more to her than meets the eye. She came in on a motorcycle, a Kawasaki. And leather, lots of it."
Heero arched an eyebrow. "You saw her come in?"
"From the balcony in your room with Mom. Oh, and she was armed. 33mm Sig Sauer. Uncle Zechs and Aunt Lu both thought they knew her, but she's too young to be whom they thought. She's in the downstairs conference room."
"Thanks," he said walking out of the room.
_______
Downstairs, he ran into Zechs, who was eyeballing the girl from a safe distance and relative inconspicuousness. "Hey, Zechs," Heero said causing his brother in law to jump.
"You know... I really should have killed you in space."
Heero smirked, and asked, "So why didn't you?"
Zechs thought for a minute, still staring at the girl. "Because someone told me not to."
Heero arched his eyebrow.
"A friend of mine on Libra. She told me that if I killed you, she would be so sad she would never smile again."
"Never smile again?"
Zechs grinned lopsidedly and shook his head. "This girl lit up the room with a smile."
"Hnn, I used to know someone like that. Well, let see what she wants." Heero walked over to Conference Room, looked back at Zechs and then headed into the room.
_________
Inside the conference room, the woman was getting impatient. She looked around the room plain white walls with a portrait in the center of each, on the south wall; there between two large windows was an older man, his wife, and their two children. The original Peacecraft family. On the east wall was a mural of the son and his wife and son. The Merquise family. She looked at Ben and thought, 'To bad he's gay.' On the north wall was the man she had come to see, and his wife and two children. The new Peacecrafts. Sam was still an infant in the picture, and Kinsei was probably just out of diapers herself. The woman sighed; it made her long for her family. Finally, on the west wall, the woman stepped closer, this picture was the newest, 'A. C. 229... Hmm, look at the familiar faces, there's The Maxwell's, Hilde must've let her hair finally grow out. Quatre, Trowa, Mariemaia. God, her hair is so much darker than the last time I was down there. It's amazing what five years out of the loop will do.'
"See anyone you know?" Heero asked. The woman reeled around drawing her gun only to come face to face with Heero's gun bearing down on her from the tabletop.
The woman clicked the safety back to on and dropped the piece to the floor with a resounding clack on the tiled floors, looking up at him she said, "My name is Taka Kazeni Hikari, you knew my mother, Ame Kazeni. She left you this." She slowly laid the envelope on the table and backed away. She knelt down to pick the gun up, continually feeling Heero's eyes upon her. Holstering the gun on her thigh, she slowly walked for the door, not making any sudden moves.
Heero jumped down from the table. "Don't you want to know what's in it?" he asked the retreating woman. Taka kept walking. "At least tell me why she isn't here herself!"
Ten turned around in the door, she gave him a mournful smile. "Personally, I wish she could have done it herself, but Hades has her in the Allusion Fields."
"So she at least died a warriors' death?" Heero asked, understanding the Greek connotations. She nodded. "Please, Taka, sit down and tell me, how'd it happen?"
"Please, call me T. K." she said, taking a seat nearest the window.
Heero snickered as she positioned herself facing the window. "Planning a quick escape?"
"Well, if two minutes ago is any indication, it would be an exercise in futility," she said, smiling and rolling her eyes.
Heero pulled out a chair from the table. Looking out in to the hallway he saw Kinsei and Zechs watching them; Heero closed the door. "You probably know this, but you look just like you mother."
T. K.'s eyes grew wide and she balanced herself on her knees with her hands. "Really?"
"Well, yeah."
She smiled and said, "I didn't know that, you see, she died when I was three and I don't remember much about her."
"So Ame died twenty years ago?" Heero said, finally putting it to a time frame.
T. K. nodded and looked out the window, outside Ben Merquise and Andrew Maxwell were fighting hand to hand. Until Ben collapsed into Andrew's arms from exhaustion, they kissed briefly and laid down beneath a tree. "Everything she wanted you to know is in that envelope. She wrote it before she died." Heero opened the envelope and out spilled papers, photos and a lock of hair.
'Dear Heero,' it started. 'My time grows short; the doctors say there is nothing they can do now. You've met T. K.; she is wise beyond her years and knows what is happening. I wish I could protect her as I tried for you, but as with you, I have failed. I have seen you time to time here on the compound, you and Trowa must be good friends. That's right I have been here under your nose the whole time. Sneaky lil' bitch, ain't I?
'I'm bleeding on the paper, sorry. I want to tell you why I was grounded, I was pregnant, not with T. K. though, and you must have figured that out. Damn this head injury! I don't remember who the father was, and the child died, namely due to my young age and the training we had endured. I went undercover, infiltrated OZ, made some friends and reported to Dr. J on a regular basis. I guess he never gave you any of the messages I sent you. I didn't want to ruin your chances for success in your missions.
'During the war with Oz and Romefeller I was ordered to become part of OZ and stay close to Zechs Merquise. I was on Libra with him, then I escaped in a shuttle before Peacemillion crashed into it. When Mariemaia started the second war, I almost went to you, but I figured you were better off without someone else to worry about. And then you and Relena Peacecraft went public with your relationship and then I fell for someone myself. His name- is not important, he died shortly after T. K. was born. But for the record he was Japanese and looked a lot like you. Unfortunately, T. K. didn't get any of his features. Master Quatre has agreed to watch after her. The doctor says I should rest, and want to tell T. K. what she's to do with this.
'I wish you the best in your life, I lived mine but hope yours is longer. I Love You, Ame'
Heero turned the page over slowly and back over again. He looked at T.K., who was still staring out the window; Heero rose to see what was so interesting.
T. K. never looked up. "You know, if I walked up to them now, neither one of them would now me."
"Oh, I doubt that," a familiar voice said.
T. K. whipped her head around and jumped out of her seat. "Quatre!" Neither Heero or T. K. had heard the door open.
"Hello, T. K.," he said, walking over and hugging her.
"I didn't realize you were coming by," Heero said, greeting his friend with a warm hug after Quatre stepped away from T. K.
Quatre shrugged. "I heard from a source that you, young lady, were headed this way."
"Eric!" T. K. hissed. Eric Nakao, a supposed friend of hers.
"As I was saying. I just wanted to make sure you weren't getting into trouble with the Sanc Kingdom." Quatre shrugged again and let a well-known smile fall into place.
Heero looked at the girl, she looked like a cornered cat. Ready to run or fight. "Well, look, I'm being good. I barely even drew my gun."
Quatre's face displayed his shock. "You drew your gun?!" he asked, turning slightly scared. As far he could tell neither one was injured.
"Yeah, but for the record, he is the better draw," T. K. said. Heero smirked and ducked his head.
Heero looked at her and watched her move from her chair; T. K. checked her thigh-holster and then looked at Heero. "As fun as this has been, Heero Yuy, I really must be off, I have a fink to kill. We really have to test our skills of knowledge and skill against each other again sometime."
Heero watched the girl and winced at the pitch of her voice, she was straining to keep her voice level. Quatre kept a close eye on the girl he had watched grow up; she was nervous, and he would lay odds that it was his fault. T. K. bowed to Quatre and sauntered out the door and out of their lives. Heero looked at Quatre as the smile ran away from his face.
________
April, 30th A.C. 230
My wish was answered, I found the truth. She loved me, I regret now that I never told her the same...
by T. K. Sakura
_______
T. K.: Okay I posted this before.
Neko-Chan: Then you took it down.
T. K.: I had to tweak it. Disclaimer, please.
Neko-Chan: We don't own Gundam Wing.
_______
April 20th, A. C. 230
I wonder if anyone will ever understand why I'm like I am. I don't even think Relena really knows me. Zechs, he understands where I'm coming, but not completely.
On second thought, there is someone else who identifies with me; her name is Ame Kazeni. She was always there for me; I wonder where she is now?
Ame was trained as a pilot just as I was but something happened to her, she became ill and Dr. J grounded her and made me take over. I was trained as explosive engineer as well as sabotage; my original mission was infiltration. Ame was the better pilot; the Gundam Wing was built for her. Ame's only downside, Dr. J could never get her to let go of her emotions; she had the spirit of the mustang, so he started wearing her down bit by bit. When the order came down to rid me of emotions, bury my humanity, Ame was there to stand up for me. But being only thirteen, it was the only losing battle she ever fought; her punishment was to face the same destiny as I, to become jaded.
Jaded, that's what I am but she would never become that way. Even after my marriage and Kinsei was born I still have those moments where I can't feel anything. When I feel like that, I always remember Ame's smiling at me after a long day of training. She would go through the flames of Hell and back with a smile on her face.
I am inclined to think that The Barton Foundation made a mistake in choosing her to be a pilot, they should have sent her to infiltrate, she could have made Millardo Peacecraft think twice before he tried to crash Libra into the Earth. Or have made friends of Treize and Wufei. Who knows, maybe I would have never tried to kill Relena, or myself, as often. And Antarctic would have never happened. But there is truly no way to know. I really wish I knew what happened to her.
__________
April 30th, A. C. 230
"Yeah, Kinsei?"
"Mom told me to tell you there's someone her for you," Kinsei said, plopping down onto her father's lap.
Heero reached around the lean girl and closed his laptop. "Did she say whom?"
Kinsei shook her head. "But she had an envelope with her."
Heero tickled her sides making her jump up. If looks could kill. She had inherited his death glare along with 'Omae o korosu'. "What's she look like?"
"She's my age, with black hair past her waist and a tattoo on her lower back; I couldn't make it out. Thin, to thin if you ask me, but I would want to meet her in a dark alley. She reminds me of Uncle Trowa, she has that cat attitude and there's more to her than meets the eye. She came in on a motorcycle, a Kawasaki. And leather, lots of it."
Heero arched an eyebrow. "You saw her come in?"
"From the balcony in your room with Mom. Oh, and she was armed. 33mm Sig Sauer. Uncle Zechs and Aunt Lu both thought they knew her, but she's too young to be whom they thought. She's in the downstairs conference room."
"Thanks," he said walking out of the room.
_______
Downstairs, he ran into Zechs, who was eyeballing the girl from a safe distance and relative inconspicuousness. "Hey, Zechs," Heero said causing his brother in law to jump.
"You know... I really should have killed you in space."
Heero smirked, and asked, "So why didn't you?"
Zechs thought for a minute, still staring at the girl. "Because someone told me not to."
Heero arched his eyebrow.
"A friend of mine on Libra. She told me that if I killed you, she would be so sad she would never smile again."
"Never smile again?"
Zechs grinned lopsidedly and shook his head. "This girl lit up the room with a smile."
"Hnn, I used to know someone like that. Well, let see what she wants." Heero walked over to Conference Room, looked back at Zechs and then headed into the room.
_________
Inside the conference room, the woman was getting impatient. She looked around the room plain white walls with a portrait in the center of each, on the south wall; there between two large windows was an older man, his wife, and their two children. The original Peacecraft family. On the east wall was a mural of the son and his wife and son. The Merquise family. She looked at Ben and thought, 'To bad he's gay.' On the north wall was the man she had come to see, and his wife and two children. The new Peacecrafts. Sam was still an infant in the picture, and Kinsei was probably just out of diapers herself. The woman sighed; it made her long for her family. Finally, on the west wall, the woman stepped closer, this picture was the newest, 'A. C. 229... Hmm, look at the familiar faces, there's The Maxwell's, Hilde must've let her hair finally grow out. Quatre, Trowa, Mariemaia. God, her hair is so much darker than the last time I was down there. It's amazing what five years out of the loop will do.'
"See anyone you know?" Heero asked. The woman reeled around drawing her gun only to come face to face with Heero's gun bearing down on her from the tabletop.
The woman clicked the safety back to on and dropped the piece to the floor with a resounding clack on the tiled floors, looking up at him she said, "My name is Taka Kazeni Hikari, you knew my mother, Ame Kazeni. She left you this." She slowly laid the envelope on the table and backed away. She knelt down to pick the gun up, continually feeling Heero's eyes upon her. Holstering the gun on her thigh, she slowly walked for the door, not making any sudden moves.
Heero jumped down from the table. "Don't you want to know what's in it?" he asked the retreating woman. Taka kept walking. "At least tell me why she isn't here herself!"
Ten turned around in the door, she gave him a mournful smile. "Personally, I wish she could have done it herself, but Hades has her in the Allusion Fields."
"So she at least died a warriors' death?" Heero asked, understanding the Greek connotations. She nodded. "Please, Taka, sit down and tell me, how'd it happen?"
"Please, call me T. K." she said, taking a seat nearest the window.
Heero snickered as she positioned herself facing the window. "Planning a quick escape?"
"Well, if two minutes ago is any indication, it would be an exercise in futility," she said, smiling and rolling her eyes.
Heero pulled out a chair from the table. Looking out in to the hallway he saw Kinsei and Zechs watching them; Heero closed the door. "You probably know this, but you look just like you mother."
T. K.'s eyes grew wide and she balanced herself on her knees with her hands. "Really?"
"Well, yeah."
She smiled and said, "I didn't know that, you see, she died when I was three and I don't remember much about her."
"So Ame died twenty years ago?" Heero said, finally putting it to a time frame.
T. K. nodded and looked out the window, outside Ben Merquise and Andrew Maxwell were fighting hand to hand. Until Ben collapsed into Andrew's arms from exhaustion, they kissed briefly and laid down beneath a tree. "Everything she wanted you to know is in that envelope. She wrote it before she died." Heero opened the envelope and out spilled papers, photos and a lock of hair.
'Dear Heero,' it started. 'My time grows short; the doctors say there is nothing they can do now. You've met T. K.; she is wise beyond her years and knows what is happening. I wish I could protect her as I tried for you, but as with you, I have failed. I have seen you time to time here on the compound, you and Trowa must be good friends. That's right I have been here under your nose the whole time. Sneaky lil' bitch, ain't I?
'I'm bleeding on the paper, sorry. I want to tell you why I was grounded, I was pregnant, not with T. K. though, and you must have figured that out. Damn this head injury! I don't remember who the father was, and the child died, namely due to my young age and the training we had endured. I went undercover, infiltrated OZ, made some friends and reported to Dr. J on a regular basis. I guess he never gave you any of the messages I sent you. I didn't want to ruin your chances for success in your missions.
'During the war with Oz and Romefeller I was ordered to become part of OZ and stay close to Zechs Merquise. I was on Libra with him, then I escaped in a shuttle before Peacemillion crashed into it. When Mariemaia started the second war, I almost went to you, but I figured you were better off without someone else to worry about. And then you and Relena Peacecraft went public with your relationship and then I fell for someone myself. His name- is not important, he died shortly after T. K. was born. But for the record he was Japanese and looked a lot like you. Unfortunately, T. K. didn't get any of his features. Master Quatre has agreed to watch after her. The doctor says I should rest, and want to tell T. K. what she's to do with this.
'I wish you the best in your life, I lived mine but hope yours is longer. I Love You, Ame'
Heero turned the page over slowly and back over again. He looked at T.K., who was still staring out the window; Heero rose to see what was so interesting.
T. K. never looked up. "You know, if I walked up to them now, neither one of them would now me."
"Oh, I doubt that," a familiar voice said.
T. K. whipped her head around and jumped out of her seat. "Quatre!" Neither Heero or T. K. had heard the door open.
"Hello, T. K.," he said, walking over and hugging her.
"I didn't realize you were coming by," Heero said, greeting his friend with a warm hug after Quatre stepped away from T. K.
Quatre shrugged. "I heard from a source that you, young lady, were headed this way."
"Eric!" T. K. hissed. Eric Nakao, a supposed friend of hers.
"As I was saying. I just wanted to make sure you weren't getting into trouble with the Sanc Kingdom." Quatre shrugged again and let a well-known smile fall into place.
Heero looked at the girl, she looked like a cornered cat. Ready to run or fight. "Well, look, I'm being good. I barely even drew my gun."
Quatre's face displayed his shock. "You drew your gun?!" he asked, turning slightly scared. As far he could tell neither one was injured.
"Yeah, but for the record, he is the better draw," T. K. said. Heero smirked and ducked his head.
Heero looked at her and watched her move from her chair; T. K. checked her thigh-holster and then looked at Heero. "As fun as this has been, Heero Yuy, I really must be off, I have a fink to kill. We really have to test our skills of knowledge and skill against each other again sometime."
Heero watched the girl and winced at the pitch of her voice, she was straining to keep her voice level. Quatre kept a close eye on the girl he had watched grow up; she was nervous, and he would lay odds that it was his fault. T. K. bowed to Quatre and sauntered out the door and out of their lives. Heero looked at Quatre as the smile ran away from his face.
________
April, 30th A.C. 230
My wish was answered, I found the truth. She loved me, I regret now that I never told her the same...