PART ONE
I heard the final bell ring for school to end so I quickly rushed to my locker and grabbed my things. As I was reaching for my math book someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around to see a boy named Sam from my History class. Sam was tall and lanky; he was about a foot taller than me. His waving brown hair fell perfectly in place every time he moved his head. He had clean features, a rounded jaw and friendly brown eyes. I didn't know him very well, but we had a project together the week before.
"Summer?" he said to me when I faced him, and he grinned widely. He had recently got his braces taken off, his teeth looked like they were a celebrity's, yet they didn't seem out of place.
"Hey," I replied, and smiled politely.
His face changed from happy to nervous and he scratched the side of his neck. I looked at him confused. "Uh," he began, then laughed at himself. "Look, I'm going to the fair tomorrow with my brother and his friends, I was wondering if you would maybe, want to go?" he asked in a rush.
I thought about Sam's request, but I had been dreading tomorrow for the last three hundred and sixty four days; would I be able to go with him without breaking down with sadness or guilt?
Eileen Kennedy was my mother. They say it takes a year to get over the death of a loved one, but it's been five years. Five years of agonizing pain every second of the day. I let my mother walk home alone. I knew that the area where I lived wasn't the best place to go wandering by yourself, but what are the chances? My mom was robbed, and then stabbed. She died immediately.
Each one of the different therapists I went to always told me the same thing: don't blame myself. It's not quite the same when you've been in the situation, maybe I'm just too stubborn.
My sister Emma had a hard time remembering her because she was only six when my mom died. But I was ten and Celeste - my older sister - was twelve.
It was the fifth anniversary of my mother's death, I knew my dad loved her, and he hasn't even looked at another woman twice since the incident. I can handle being sad about it, but I hate seeing him so upset. Every year he stayed in his room, he didn't even come out to eat. That was my broken family, it was so hard back then, still is, but we cope.
Even though so many, - I'd assumed - already knew about her death, I couldn't risk the shame, the guilt, not in front of Sam. "I would really love to go Sam, but tomorrow . . ." I trailed off as I knew that I was extremely bad at lying.
"It's just to help me out, all my brother's friends are going and I really don't want to be stuck tagging along with them," he smiled cautiously.
How could I tell him the reason I didn't want to go was because there was a chance that I couldn't handle the guilt of my mother's death? I tried the lying thing, probably unsuccessfully, "My family is having an annual picnic, my cousins are coming from Europe, and I haven't seen them in a while," I said as calmly as I hoped.
His expression changed instantly, first I saw a glimmer of sadness for just a moment then it almost looked as if he was ashamed he'd asked me anything. "Oh okay I understand, family duties," he looked down shifting his feet, "I know exactly what you mean, my family has a get-together every year too," he looked back at me and smiled a sweet smile, "I wouldn't miss them for the world," his smile grew and I couldn't help but smile back.
"Well, I'm glad you understand. I really would've come," I looked at my phone to see the time, "I really should get going, my sister is waiting for me," I said looking back up at him. We said our goodbyes, then I was out the front door scanning the parking lot for Celeste.
My mother was a really beautiful woman, long golden blond hair with natural highlights. She had big brown eyes that shone beautifully in every light. She was an adventurous person, everything was here and now, no planning. She used to sing to Emma and me every night, the same song. I can still hear her voice so clear; as if she was in the same room with me.
I found Celeste's rusty Honda no problem, and I lightly trotted over to her car. She was such a beautiful girl. I loved walking beside her because boys would constantly be looking over, so intrigued, I've spent years just wondering what the intrigue was, hoping the walks would shed some light, yet they never helped me understand her completely. She looked so much like my mom, while Emma and I look like our dad. I admit I was sometimes jealous of her, but Celeste was always so selfless, always telling me that I was just as pretty as her, "We're sisters remember? We look alike," she'd say. I wasn't looking for pity for my incompetent appearance, that I didn't care for. I wanted to know how she had such a magnetic personality. But she would never understand why, maybe I wouldn't either.
Once I had gotten in the car and were on the road I realized that we were going in the opposite direction of our house. "Celeste, where are you going?" I asked curiously, but not worried.
She gave me a deadly smile, sure to make anyone stop and stare, "I thought since it's Friday we'd have a little fun, it's almost the end of the school year if you haven't noticed," she giggled. She was right I hadn't really noticed. I love school; I love learning.
"Does dad know about this?" I asked, now a little worried.
She laughed, "What he doesn't know won't hurt him, Summer," I groaned.
Celeste ended up taking me to the beach. A few people came to greet us, people I had never met before, but seemed to be great friends with Celeste. It had become dark and everyone was sitting around a fire. I got bored listening to the buzzing murmurs, so I eavesdropped on a louder conversation between a girl and a boy sitting beside each other.
"Hey Eddie, aren't Craig and his little brother supposed to be here?" the girl asked.
"Yeah, I just texted him, he'll be here in five minutes," said the boy named Eddie, looking at his phone.
That conversation quickly became the centre of my boredom, so I tried a new method of amusement: leaning back, closing my eyes, and attempting to sleep. A few moments later my eyes flew open to a cold, wet sensation on my face and torso. I got up in a flash and ran a few yards away from my chair, which was soaked with water, as well as my shirt. I looked up to see almost every face on me laughing, I was humiliated.
It was obvious Celeste couldn't keep in her laughter; she walked over to me with her hand over her mouth. I gave her the dirtiest look I could muster - which isn't much - "Can we please go home?" I asked annoyed.
"No, there are still more people coming, the party hasn't even started," she proclaimed, her hand slipping to her hip.
"Fine, I'll just walk home," I looked away and stomped off, she hadn't even bothered to stop me.
When I arrived to the parking lot I heard the sound of a motorcycle, then its lights shone brilliantly into my eyes. I held my hand up to my forehead to shield them from the incredible luminosity. When the brightness went away I squinted to see the person who was driving the bike. I could hardly see anything from the aftershock of the lights, but I could see two silhouettes: one tall and muscular the other a bit shorter and thinner.
"Hey, you!" I heard the taller one call out.
"Yeah?" I said cautiously.
"Are you Celeste's sister?" the guy said jogging over to me, and I could finally see his face. He looked familiar, he went to my school, I could tell because of the football jacket he was wearing. He was extremely tall, with big dark brown eyes, and wavy brown hair. The other person I'd seen walked closer beside the taller boy. It was Sam! This must have been the older brother Sam was talking about.
I completely forgot about the question I had been asked, "Sam!" I exclaimed.
"Summer?" He asked, not sure what he was seeing. "What are you doing here?"
"Actually, I'm just leaving." I answered solemnly.
He looked me up and down, "You're wet?" he asked confused, hopefully the darkness concealed my shivering instead.
I looked myself up and down, "Oh, right. That's why I'm going home," I finished.
Sam's brother looked me up and down as well, but differently. He had a different meaning in his eyes, and I didn't recognize it.
"Okay, I'm going." He said impolitely, and stomped off toward the beach.
"Sorry about him," Sam said after his brother had walked far enough as to not be heard.
"Huh?" I looked at his eyes which began to crinkle with confusion.
"Are you telling me that you didn't notice that?"
"Notice what?" I said letting a shiver escape. I wrapped my arms around my body in an effort to become warmer. When I looked back up at Sam his face changed swiftly, I was noticing a pattern with him. . .
"You're freezing!" he started to take his jacket off, but I put my hands up refusing it.
"No, I just live twenty minutes away; I'll be fine, but thanks," I said shivering again, then quickly returning my arms to hug my body. That didn't stop him from putting his jacket around my shoulders, but I have to admit, it felt a lot nicer having it on. I inhaled the scent of it; it was sweet, and honey-like.
"Okay let's go," he said, urging me with his hand pressed to my back.
He took his hand off, then I looked back at him, "You don't have to walk me home," I said quickly. He pointed to the brown leather jacket that I was now wearing.
"You have my jacket," he said then smiled.
I smiled back at him, "Right," I said, relishing in the warmth of the coat. I slowly slipped my hands down the sleeves. The sleeves were way to long for my scrawny arms, but with the length my fingers started to tingle with heat. Sam walked beside me when we reached the sidewalk, I glanced over as he put his hands in his pants pockets.
He looked over at me, "Are you warm?" he asked gently.
"Yes, thanks," I smiled at him. He looked up surprised for a moment then returned the smile and turned his gaze to the road ahead. Sam was kinder than I had realized. He freely lent me his jacket knowing he would become cold sooner or later, but he didn't care. I smiled to myself with the thought.
Then my smile faded; someone this nice doesn't deserve to be lied to, I lied to him about tomorrow, the least I could do was tell him the truth. But I couldn't possibly, it was hard enough to think about, let alone tell some boy I barely knew.
"Hey Sam, about tomorrow," I started to say. He flipped his head a full ninety degrees in about a half second before I could continue. I started slowly, choosing my words carefully, "I think I'd like to go with you, but some other time would be better." I hoped this made up for not being able to go with him, even if I was still lying about a family gathering.
I waited a few minutes before I finally looked up at him for a reply. "Sam?" I asked cautiously. He looked up at me, and the way he stared at me made me come to a complete stop. His eyes glimmered in the dim street light, as he noticed my confused expression.
He looked back down to his feet. "Look," he began, "I know what day it is tomorrow, for you I mean. I knew this whole time, but when I asked you to go tomorrow, I thought, ugh I didn't know what I was thinking, it was your mom for god's sake, how could I have been so clueless, so insensitive?!"
I was stunned, and had no idea what to think. I began to take the jacket off, but he put his hand out in protest.
"No, please keep it, I have to go anyway," he said turning on to a different street.
After he left I walked silently, keeping the jacket tight to my body, glad I hadn't given it up. I inhaled its mesmerizing scent again, and it was still so sweet. I then planned to talk to him Monday, I understand that he thought I might have been over it by now. I'm sorry for everyone who has to deal with me that I'm not.
I ended up walking to the park across from the old elementary school. I didn't want to go home yet, didn't want to sleep and have the memory force itself back upon me, sure I would have nightmares, as I do almost every year. I sat on a rusty swing set, and held on tightly to its chains. I breathed in the cool night air, relaxing my tensed muscles. Suddenly I heard a rustle in the bushes behind me.
I jumped off of the swing, and turned around quickly. There stood Celeste dimly lit by the street lights with that casual beauty she always managed to pull off. "Celeste! You scared me!" I shrieked at her.
She gave me one of her trademark devious smiles. "Sorry Summer," she giggled and grabbed the other swing. She gracefully sat down and motioned for me to do the same. I clumsily sat down on the swing and almost missed because I was shaking.
Celeste then looked over at me apprehensive, "Are you okay, Summer?"
"Yes, I'm fine. Sorry that I left you like that," I replied.
She sighed heavily. "It's alright Summer, I've been so distant from you lately. Well, Emma and dad too, I guess. I should have stuck up for you tonight. What are you doing here anyway?"
I gave a small, nervous laugh, "I have no idea, I guess I just don't feel like going home right now. . ." I let my voice trail off.
"Mom?" I gave a little nod, "yeah, me too. I come here a lot actually. Sometimes I just need to get away from the thoughts, and dad, he's just so depressing to be around this time of year." I nodded again in agreement.
A long time passed before either of us said anything. I let the night's breeze gently caress my skin as I let Celeste's words sink-in. So many times had I just wanted to scream in agony, in rage, in fear, and I wish I could be forever composed as Celeste was. She seemed able to deal with this so much better than I could.
"Celeste?" I said after a long moment. "How do you do it?"
She looked at me, "Do what?"
"Live?" I said not expecting an answer to such a stupidly vague question.
"Summer, I just do, it's a part of life. Pick up your chin and move on," she said a little more harshly than I had expected.
"How dare you talk about her like that Celeste," I began quietly, "I don't want to 'pick up my chin' Celeste, I don't want to feel so trapped, like I can't do anything because I might just fall to pieces! Why don't you feel like that too?" I got up off the swing as rage overtook my body.
A very long while passed of me pacing back and forth, not letting my eyes drift to hers. I sighed deeply, "because it's all my fault!" I fell to the ground, and sobbed as I answered my own question, letting go all the emotions I tried so hard to keep inside me.
Celeste quickly removed herself from her swing and dropped to the ground with me. I felt her arms wrap themselves around me, and for once I just sat there wanting her to stay forever around me. "It's not your fault Summer. Trust me when I say that," she whispered, pleading with me to believe. I felt a light quiver from her body and we laid there crying for what seemed hours.
That night Celeste and I stayed up sharing beloved memories of our mother. There were mixed emotions all night of love, and sorrow, regretting things we'd never had the chance to do, and discussing exciting recollections of what we favoured the most about the time we'd spent with her. This was probably one of the best nights I've ever spent with Celeste. So why did she have to change?