Promises and Guilt - Chapter 1 - Lonely Swings and Fake Smiles

A/N: Updated on 12-7-2013 at 8:38 AM - Added in breaks in text and a chapter title

The swing moved slowly back and forth, jostling ever so slightly from the wind, the boy sitting atop it providing no resistance, just limply sitting, both hands on the ropes. At an early age Naruto learned something, he was always alone. An orphan from birth, the people who gave him any kindness were few and far between, so few he could count them off on one hand. The 'Old Man' Hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi, a man Naruto looked up to and the closest thing he had to family, he was always kind and understanding. Being the leader of a Hidden Village did however severely limit the amount of time they spent with each other. Then there was Iruka. The one teacher who actually treated Naruto like a normal student, even going out of his way to help the younger boy. Then there was Teuchi and Ayame Ichiraku, the owners of his favorite Ramen stand, they, unlike many other people gave him fair prices, and were always kind. He knew going to their stand hurt their business so he tried to go as little as possible, lately however though he had been having difficulty doing so. He craved…no needed the attention they gave him, that single glimmer of affection and attention they provided was his saving grace.

The red haired boy hiccuped once, then twice, wiping his face containing the tears, that were desperately trying to escape. He had thought that when he entered the academy things would change, that maybe he would make friends, that the pain of being alone would go away. Things hadn't changed though, the adults still treated him like dirt and the kids followed suit. For three years now he had kept up his smiling facade, making sure no one could see his hurt, he was sick of crying, crying was for those who could get pity. The two most recent years were spent at the academy trying to make people see that he existed, that he wasn't the monster they all seemed to think he was.

Red hair bobbed as the boy stood up, once again slipping into the facade, he by this point knew so well. He watched from his place underneath the tree with the swing, as all the other children from the academy went to their parents to go home.

No one was there for him.

He felt his mask breaking, and the tears began to well up once again, for the second time he stifled them forcing out a laugh instead that slowly deteriorated into silence.

Ramming his hands into his pockets he walked around the people and out of the academy gates, to his empty apartment.

For the first time in a while Tsume was at the academy waiting for her youngest child, Kiba to emerge from the building. She had been on quite a few missions lately and was happy to have this free time to herself. But at the same time the happiness ate at her soul. She had a promise, one which she had not yet kept. And while she would't admit it to herself openly, somewhere in her heart she knew that she was keeping her self busy with missions, as an excuse, a way to avoid her promise. When she had first agreed to her red-haired friends dying request she had every intention to uphold it as soon as possible, she had said she would protect her son. But every time she caught sight of the boy she couldn't help but see Kushina in him, and the pain the memories brought was to much. So she kept making excuses, kept avoiding the boy. Maybe if his hair wasn't the same un-natural red as Kushina's, maybe then she would have been able to keep her promise.

Tsume watched the children file out of the front doors, socializing and gathering in front of the building, some waiting for their parents, while others stuck around playing with their friends while their parents caught up.

Spotting Kiba, Tsume waved him over and he ran towards her with a happy smile, he hadn't seen his mother for a few weeks. Kiba chatted happily trying to fill his mother in on all that had happened in the span of seconds. Tsume calmly listened to him, trying to ignore the patch of bright red, which trotted over to a lone swing on a tree smiling the whole way. She told her self that she didn't see his looks of longing as he looked at the families. That she didn't see or hear his small sobs, which he tried to shake off. That she didn't hear his hollow laugh, the kind that a child shouldn't be able to make.

The red-head stood up and brushed past them his hands in his pockets, smiling that fake smile the whole way.

Tsume clenched her free hand tight and vaguely realized that there was a hot liquid seeping down her hand, from where her nails had bit into her flesh. Kiba who was holding her other hand looked up at her quizzically.

"Are you ok mom?"

Tsume smiled down at Kiba, "Yes pup, I'm fine I was just remembering something sad thats all."

"Oh ok, promise me we can go eat out today! To celebrate you being home!"

Tsume laughed and nodded, "You'll say anything for food huh?"

Kiba scratched his cheek with his index finger bashfully, "Mom its not like that!"

Tsume just laughed again and began to walk toward her favorite barbecue place, trying to forget the hurt on Naruto's face. She hated herself for this, she knew she was ignoring the boy, that she was betraying her dead friends promise, but some part of her feared the memories his presence would bring.

His apartment was just as empty as he had left it. Filled with graffiti and rundown furniture which he had dragged in from street corners. Normally he tried his hardest to not cry but for some reason today it was harder then it had been other days. His tears began to fall as he curled into a ball on his bed, avoiding the side with all the broken springs. He cried for what must have been hours, then got up washed his face and realized he was hungry.

Naruto looked out through one of his broken windows, the moon was just beginning to rise and he didn't feel safe about going out to eat, it was October 3rd and the closer it got to the 10th the more violent the people became.

For any other child their birthday was a day of celebration and happiness not fear and loneliness. Then again most children were not born on the day of the Kyubi's attack. 'Old Man' Hokage said that the people needed an outlet for their hate of the Kyubi, and because he was born on the day of the attack, he was what they chose to use.

Naruto got out a cup of instant ramen and pored the hottest water his sink could produce into it, he could't afford to fix his stove right now so he would have to settle for a few degrees above room temperature water for his ramen. He decided it was fine, at least he didn't have to wait the three minutes for it to cool.

After his quick meal Naruto pulled on his green PJs and night cap, and crawled into bed, slowly drifting into dreams of a place where only people who cared about him were.

The next day there was no school, so Naruto, after getting dressed and eating more instant ramen, headed out to talk to the 'Old Man' just like he did on this day every week.

Walking down the street this early in the morning was something Naruto cherished. At this time of day almost no one was out so the glares and insults were the lowest they would be all day, and it was for this reason that he made a effort to be up early every day.

Tsume walked out of her Clan's compound early in the morning, and turned toward the Hokage tower, to get another long term mission, she had to try and forget seeing Naruto yesterday. No child should look that defeated, so soulless like there was nothing left for them, yet she couldn't bring herself to do anything about it.

Tsume looked at the horizon, it shown a beautiful orange light which seemed to frame the village it was behind in a almost divine light almost as if denying all the wrong that had surely been committed at some point in or by this village.

The current Hokage, Sarutobi, had been something of a grandfather to her, after her father passed on at a relatively young age, leaving her shaken. He was the one to support and consul, her and she would be eternally, grateful. Tsume felt that they shared something of a bond, and she wondered what Sarutobi would think had he known her hesitance at fulfilling a dying request, especially one concerning, Naruto a boy which he clearly considered his family. He would probably be furious, but Tsume had no intention of ever letting him find out, if she ever did act on it, she would just say it was solely her decision.

Tsume walked into the Hokage tower, and after greeting the secretary, walked to the Hokage's office only to stop at the door when she heard voices.

"Naruto, are you sure you want to wear that?" came the wizened and slightly chuckling voice of Hiruzen Sarutobi.

"Of course old man! If I wear this everyone will have to notice me!" Naruto's voice sounded so confident you could almost hear the smile and desperation in his voice.

"Well I'm not going to stop you if thats how you feel." The old man sighed and Tsume heard the shift of papers, "It seems I have another visitor. Please Tsume, come in."

Tsume wasn't really surprised he knew she was there, he was after all the Hokage, the strongest ninja in the village, she expected no less. She was however worried. Naruto, the boy she was trying so hard to avoid, was in there and all her life threatening missions felt like nothing compared to the thought of standing in the same room as him.

"Of corse Hokage-sama." Tsume choked out hoping that the door would hide the fear in her voice, hoping that she wouldn't have to speak again till the boy left.

She entered the room and looked at Naruto, the boy looked ridiculous. An orange jumpsuit with blue shoulders coated his body, she could make out the beginnings of the friendship spiral on his back, his red hair splayed out in every direction, obviously no attempt had been made to keep it in check.

Tsume bowed to the Hokage and nodded towards the boy, trying her hardest to appear calm in his presence, and averted her eyes from him as much as possible. The boy had been right though, people would have to notice him now, it was hard not to with his clothing.

Seeing the acknowledgment of his presence Naruto looked shocked and that shock was quickly replaced with a smile, obviously this type of neutral acknowledgment was not one he got often. He then put his hand behind his head and ruffled his hair smiling up at Tsume, waved to the Hokage and left with both hands behind his head.

Why did he have to be so much like his mother?

"So have you come for another long term mission?" Queried the old man, his voice having shifted from the kind gentle tone he used to address Naruto.

"Yes I have" she said looking down, she felt guilt, running away like this.

"I have one, but I don't know if you'll take it." Said the old man doubt laced into every word.

"Hokage-sama at this point I would be fine with just about any mission."

"I see well then I have an A-rank long term mission for you." Said the old man a smile on his face his tone had changed, back to the kind grandfatherly tone he used with Naruto.

Tsume grew worried what kind of A-rank mission would have the Hokage so happy, A-rank missions were often times dangerous, life threatening even.

"This is off the books Tsume, you understand?"

"Yes of course Hokage-sama." The fear rose just a little bit more.

"I would like you to deliver food to Naruto Uzumaki, at least once a week, understand that I only give this to you due to your close friendship with his mother." The smile never left the Hokages face as he spoke.

Internally Tsume began to panic. Of all the mission she could get, this was the last one she wanted, she would rather go and attempt to assassinate the daimayo of wind country, then do this. Tsume forced her panic down and slowed her heart. There was no way she could refuse this, not only was it an off the books request from the Hokage, but it played on her already torn heart, and the part that told her to fulfill her promise even if only in a small way such as this fought for her acceptance of the mission.

"I understand Hokage-sama, of course I will accept. Might I ask why this mission is A-ranked?'

"Oh of course Tsume, as you may know Naruto does not lead an easy life," it was at this point that Sarutobi reached into his desk and retrieved his pipe, slowly packing the tobacco as he spoke, "Naruto, being the Kyubi's jailer has many enemies especially at this time of year with it being so close to the anniversary of the attack. Many attempts have been made on his life, mostly by civilians, however shinobi have attacked in the past as well." At this point the tobacco was well packed and the old village leader lit the pipe taking a quick drag, then tapping the ashes into a tray. "It is likely that if you are seen helping the boy even in this small way, you too may become a target, I advise you to take precautions toward your families safety, though your status as a loyal clan should keep them safe from all but the greatest of fanatics."

Tsume felt her heart waver, the poor child. She had no idea he was attacked in the past.

"So far the ANBU have kept him safe from the more serious attacks so you shouldn't have to worry about his general safety. As for the food you get him, I would like to request balanced meals, all he can afford is instant ramen these days." Sarutobi sighed the exhaustion obvious in his face, Tsume could feel his concern for the boy.

Tsume once again struggled with her panic, it was to late to refuse the request now, all she could do was accept and try and avoid contact with the boy as much as possible.

The Hokage looked at her again, his eyes almost pleading to her, "This is not part of the mission but rather a personal request from me,"

Tsume choked up looking to her grandfather figure, "W-What is it, Hokage-sama?"

"If you have the time talk to the boy, maybe eat with him once in a while, he needs someone to look up to, a mother figure, he just wants attention, he wants to be accepted and if you can give him just a glimmer of it I'm sure he will be eternally grateful, as will I." The same pleading look danced in the old man's eyes.

"I will try Hokage-sama, sometimes I find it hard to be around him, he…he looks so much like his mother…" Tsume looked away disgusted with her self, the fact that she just had to admit that her apprehension of the boy was due to something so petty, to her village leader no less appalled her.

"Yes of course… I understand, you are under no obligation to do so… you are dismissed Tsume." The Hokage turned away still smoking his pipe, the last thing Tsume caught from his eye was a look of disappointment.

Walking out of the office Tsume slowly closed the door behind her, and began her walk to the compound. By this point the Sunrise was in its last moments, the orange it splayed out reminding Tsume of the bright orange jumpsuit.

Tsume decided that if she had to bring the boy meals she would bring the best she could, this was the least she could do to help him, the least she could do to even partially fulfill her promise.

Walking by the academy on her way home she saw the once again filled swing, under the tree. That lone swing, filled with a supposed red headed bundle of joy. He swung back and forth, looking so lonely, she could hear the laughter of other children near by and knew he could to. But he didn't move closer to them, rather he kept that stupid smile on his face, smiling at no one, just swinging.

Naruto sat alone again on the swing at the academy. He went straight here after meeting with the old man as he usually did when he was thinking.

That woman he saw at the Hokage tower, her eyes, they weren't filled with hatred, they weren't the same cruel eyes that everyone else looked at him with. And she even acknowledged his presence in the room, not with a jeer or cruel smile but with, a neutrality and almost sadness, that he had never seen. Why? Did she not hate him?

Then he saw her. The same women from the tower. She was staring at him over the academy gate, with that same deep sadness in her eyes.

He looked up at her slowly and smiled, he gave her the most genuine smile he could, not sure it would be enough, maybe if she didn't hate him, then they could become friends.

Opening his eyes from the squint they had gone into from the smile, he saw her face again, but this time a single tear dripped out of her eye, and her eyes peered into him, almost like she was trying to find something, he saw her lips curve up, slightly, and then she walked away. But it was enough, she had smiled back to him, she didn't hate him. He wanted to run after her, to ask for her name, to try and get close to her so that she couldn't disappear. But he didn't. His eyes were to blurry with tears to make out where she was going.