The Darkest Storm
The world outside was dark and cold. Things that were familiar, things he saw everyday looked wrong. The streets were deserted, it was almost like the entire world except for him had vanished into the darkness. Right now he didn't care about none of that. The one and only thing cared about was… well he didn't even know where she was.
After Deeks left the mission that night he didn't know where he was going until he found himself at her front door. So many times he found himself here at the end of a long hard day. But where was here without her? There was no light on in the living room. No Top Model playing on the TV. No Chinese take out and beer in his hand. Tonight there was nothing.
He exhaled, reaching in his back pocket taking out the spare key to her house. He didn't know what he expected to find here, all he knew was he needed to be here. He needed to be close to her, to her things, her smell, he just needed her. He pushed the key into the lock, and opened the door. He flipped the lamp on that sat on the end table near the door. This was the lamp that her mother gave her last year for Christmas. He remembers the night he randomly made a comment about Kensi using this lamp to bash somebody over the head with it if they were to break into her apartment. She laughed at him and said, "I would never do that with the lamp my mom gave me for Christmas."
He smiled looking around at the crowded mess that was her apartment. She was a hoarder, and a slob, and damn if he didn't love it. She wasn't one of those girls who had to have everything in order. No, not her, order was something that meant very little to Kensi. The fact was if you could get in her front door with out breaking your neck on some random thing on the floor it would be a miracle.
Deeks sat down on her couch looking around the living room. So many nights he had been right here in this very spot. She would be sitting next to him, her legs curled up underneath her as they watched some reality show on tv. She would be eating her ice cream, while he tried to steal some out of the tub, and she would playfully kick him. They would pretend to be into to whatever it was they were watching, when infact neither one were watching the tv at all. Her smile would light up the entire room. The stress of the day long forgotten when they were together like this.
He spotted the picture of her with her dad on top of the tv. Even then at 15 she was still the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He wondered what she was like back then. He wondered if she was still tough or if she was sweet and innocent. He wondered if she still had that ridiculously adorable laugh, the laugh that made him fall in love with her. Deeks wondered all kinds of things about her.
Now, here surrounded by her, by her memory, fear took over. Deeks had been trying so hard not to lose control over his emotions. He was trying to stay strong for him, for Kensi, for them, but he couldn't. He couldn't hold back any longer. Everything in his world was falling apart, everything in his world he had ever wanted had just been dangled in front of him, and then snatched away before he had the chance to anchor it down.
Giving up the fight with his self-control ,and emotions he let them all out. He cried for him for losing the best thing that ever had happened to him. He cried for her because he didn't even know where she was, or if he would ever see her again. He cried for them, for what that they were, for what they could have been. He cried for partners, friends, lovers, he just cried his heart out.
It seemed as if the tears would never stop coming. It seemed like everything around him was falling apart. Kensi was his rock, his solid ground, his anchor, and without her he would just drift away into the darkness. It would consume him, it would destroy him. Without her there was nothing. Nothing but darkness.
Tonight he would let the darkness win, he would give it that. But, that was all it got was one night. Tomorrow, he was going to pick himself up, he was going to be brave for them and wait for her return.
Because in the end after the worst storms we have ever faced, we get the most beautiful rainbow. And this, this was one going to be one hell of a storm.