Vanished

Clara followed the Doctor back into the TARDIS, shutting the door on Bristol behind her. Watching the Doctor fiddling with buttons on the console, she found herself swallowing nervously.

"I could be insane, but…are you angry with me?" she asked, gingerly stepping closer towards him.

"And why would you think that?" he began to clear away some of the clutter that had been haphazardly strewn around TARDIS during the recent fray.

"Well for starters, there's the attitude," she said bluntly, unable to stop herself. "Then there's the part where you seem incapable of looking me in the eye."

The Doctor did not respond, choosing instead to busy himself with the immediate and trivial tasks at hand.

"Also, you're ignoring me," she pointed out gently, following a few steps behind him.

"I don't know what you want me to say," he finally answered after a half a minute of silence.

"You can tell me why you're mad at me," she said. "Instead of sulking like a massive girl's blouse."

His movements stilled, and Clara shut her eyes, wishing she could take back the words she had just said. Granted, she was attempting to lighten the mood, but sometimes, sometimes she still forgot that he was not the same man she had met, who would probably have pouted flirtatiously at her in response, made a clever quip and moved on.

"Fine. Let's talk about it." The Doctor slammed the items he had gathered down on the console surface. An object he had only just retrieved rolled off the ledge, landing on the ground with a loud clatter.

"Um, you dropped a…" Clara's eyes followed the metallic item's journey across the TARDIS floor, wishing she hadn't just started a conversation she didn't necessarily know how to follow through with.

"What am I to you, exactly?" the Doctor asked, coming closer to her. "Am I your friend? Am I the distraction you keep around to spice up your dull, humdrum, human life? Or perhaps, more accurately, you think of me as your dirty little secret, your…your fluff on the side even."

Clara backed away from him, step for step, but found to her slight alarm that she had hit the edges of the platform she stood on. Her back was against the wall, and he was standing before her, close enough she could almost feel his fury brushing up against her.

"Doctor, none of that is…" she started.

"True?" he finished her sentence. "Have you become such a good liar that you've started to believe in your own fictions?"

She wanted to wither under the intense trajectory of his gaze as he stared at her; his nostrils flared slightly in his attempt to regain some semblance of self control. As she looked back at him, studying his features in strange breathless anticipation of what was to come next, she saw something flicker under his anger which she couldn't quite identify.

Or rather, it was simpler not to name it, she admitted silently to herself. It was simpler not to speak aloud all the words they kept to themselves.

Was it mere hours ago, he thought as he gazed at her, when he had asked in that tremulous voice (an unfamiliar tone he hated coming out his own mouth) if she would consider leaving her possessions onboard his ship. If she would leave at least a part of herself behind, with him.

His fingers curled against his sides, aching to reach out and touch her.

"What was it like?" he asked now, instead, letting his pettiness win out. "To have me speaking to you in one ear, and him in the other? Did it give you some sort of…I don't know, power trip, to have both of us giving you our undivided attention?"

With startling quickness, her hand flew up, ready to strike his cheek in anger, but his own reflexes were faster.

"Don't you dare!" she hissed, drawing her face closer. Her cheeks were flushed in righteous anger, her eyes were clear and bright. She seemed heedless of the fact that his fingers were curled around her small wrist in an iron grip. "You made it clear that you didn't want to be - how did you put it - my boyfriend. Don't you fucking dare act like a cheated lover. You don't have the right."

It would have been so easy, he realized looking down at her, to lean in and kiss her right then. To pull her body close against his as he swallowed her rage.

She would let you too, a quiet voice whispered at the back of his mind, a voice which he knew spoke the truth.

"Let me go," she said at last, her voice suddenly less steady, sounding as if she were going to cry.

"I wish I could Clara." he replied even as he released his hold on her and stepped back. Running his fingers through his short curls, he stalked back towards the console and keyed in a set of coordinates he knew by heart.

"Doctor…I'm sorry." she said from behind after a moment, her footsteps soft as she approached. "I didn't mean to lie to you."

"Yes, you did." he knew he was being childish right then by allowing his irritation to guide his words and actions. "I can't pretend to understand why you lied to me, but I do know that I will not be treated this way."

"I promise you, I will never lie to you again," she said quickly.

"There you go once more." he smiled mirthlessly, reaching for the engine lever.

"Please." her small hand reached out and touched his placatingly, but it didn't stop him from pulling the lever nonetheless.

The TARDIS rocked, causing Clara to stumble. Instinctively, he reached out and steadied her, trying to ignore how she felt in his arms as she clung to him.

As the ship settled, she looked up at him, eyes wide and suspiciously wet, and seemingly disinclined to let go of him.

"I'm sorry." she said, and he believed her.

He wanted very badly to push the hair out of her face; he wanted very badly to lean down and press his mouth against hers. Part of him wondered if she would taste like the Victorian barmaid he had met in another life, all spices and honey, heady and sweet like a fine wine. He had felt the first glimmers of intoxication then, and he wasn't sure that he had ever sobered since.

"I'm sorry too," he murmured, gently extricating himself from her. "But I've delivered you safe and sound to your door, just as you had asked for."

"I don't want to go. Not right now. Not like this," she said stubbornly, staring at him.

"I'm not asking," the Doctor turned away from her. "I'm telling you. Go."

A Timelord's psychic abilities were unnecessary for him to tell that she was surprised, hurt even at the fact that he was plainly kicking her out.

"Ok," she said softly after what felt like a very long silence. "Will I see you again?"

I couldn't stop myself if I tried, and I have, he thought.

"Just go. I'll see you soon." he muttered.

Returning his attention to the console, he heard rather than saw the TARDIS door shutting, leaving him alone on his ship.