Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight or Harry Potter
Dating for Dummies
As the theme music played we zoomed in on the set. A girl was nervously smiling and playing with her hair behind a decorated podium covered in pink hearts. A wall separated the girl from three boys who were in front of similar podiums bearing the names Edward, Jacob and Mike on the front of them. The boy named Edward had tousled bronze hair and had his arms crossed and a surly face on while shooting daggers at the boy next to him, Jacob. Jacob had long black hair and darker skin and was glaring right back at Edward. He seemed to be shaking slightly and was gripping the side of the podium rather tightly. Mike, in contrast, was in his own little world. He had blonde hair and was bouncing up and down in impatience, waiting for the show to start.
A man dressed in a blue suit who had wavy blonde hair and bright excited blue eyes came into view, wearing a wide beaming smile. He winked cockily at the camera.
"Hello and welcome to the hot new dating show, 'Dating for Dummies'! I'm your host, Gilderoy Lockhart." the host paused for applause (which there was none of) and continued on. "Today we have Bella Swan from Forks, Washington as our lucky bachelorette!" the camera then zoomed in on the girl who smiled shakily. "And our three lucky bachelors! I can't tell you anything about them except that they're all 22, except Edward who claims to be 117, but that's not important, and they all hail from Washington. All right! Let's start this game! How this works is Bella has some prewritten question cards in front of her and she has to read them to the guys. The guys give truthful answers and at the end Bella chooses who she wants to date! Take it away Bella." The camera returned to Bella who fumbled with the cards before straightening up, beat red, and beginning.
"Right… well okay first question. Tell me what you're most proud of about yourself or an accomplishment you've made." She sat back slightly and waited for her answers.
"Bachelor number 1?" Lockhart asked. Edward sighed.
"I guess I'm most proud of my mind. And before we go on, may I just say I'm sure you're a great girl, but I'm only hear because my stupid brothers dared me." The camera now moved from Edward's face to the sparse audience and zoomed in on two men, grinning manically. Under their pictures the screen read 'Edward's brother's/ darers'.
"Oookay… thank you bachelor number 1. Number 2?" Lockhart turned his attention to Jacob.
"I'm most proud of my skill with cars. I could look under your hood if you wanted sometime Bella…" Jacob wiggled his eyebrows even thought Bella couldn't see him. Bella, on the other hand looked mildly revolted.
"Moving on. Number three?" Lockhart turned to Mike.
'I'd say I'm most proud of the fact that I can act like a puppy dog at any given time." –crickets-
"Wait… I can do that too!" Jacob said indignantly.
"Ummm… okay! Next question!" Bella nodded again, still taken aback by his answer.
"Okay, if you could be any flavor of ice cream, what would you be and why?" the guys started without prompting this time.
"Mountain Lion ice cream because it's yummy." Edward stated. –more crickets-
"Your mama ice cream! Because it's funny!" Jake said as he doubled up laughing. –silence except for dry cough-
"I'd be superman ice cream! Because it's colorful!" Mike stated as if he'd put a lot of thought into it before he starts humming idly again.
"Personally, I'd be most-charming-smile award ice cream, because I've won that award five times. Did I mention that?" said Lockhart cheekily to the camera. "Okay, next question!"
"If you could describe yourself in four words, what would they be?" Bella asked.
"Annoyed, ticked, bored and unwilling." Edward said flatly, re-crossing his arms.
"Hot, spicy, sexy and smexy." Jacob said happily. –giant cricket-
"Shindig, blue, wooden, and… wait… where am I?" Mike asked, looking around. Suddenly, he bolted and went through a wall and off screaming into the sunset. Everyone watches him go as frayed wires around the edge of the hole start sparking.
"Actually, I think he has had the best I idea so far. You guys are freaks!" Bella cried as she ran out the hole after Mike and, she too, disappeared into the sunset.
"Well that's our show! Remember, I'm Gilderoy Lockhart and I'm available! See you next week when our contestants will be Lord Voldemort, a hobo, Jamie Lynn Spears, and Gollum from Lord of the Rings! See you then!"
A/N- haha! That was fun to write! Lockhart is from Harry Potter just so you know and hopefully you know who the rest are!
-Cullens4everandever