Fandom: Drake & Josh Pairings: Josh/Drake, implied Drake/Josh and Drake/OFC Prompt: Backstreet Boys - Helpless when she smiles Warnings: Slash...incest...the usual for my writing. Could be taken as masochism if you want to take it like that, I guess.
Disclaimer: I wish... if you think I own them, let me live in your world so I can!
Summary: Just some Josh musings about Drake.
---------
There are times when Josh wonders why he feels the way he does. He knows he shouldn't. He knows everything that Drake does. He knows that he's not the only person that Drake looks at. He felts the sharp stab to his heart each time the guitarist tilts his head in mock confusion and lies to him.
Drake lies to him about where he's going, who he'll be with, why he's going, everything.
Though, Josh knows that deep down under the perfect hair and bright eyes that the truth is there. The truth that Drake cares. Sometimes Josh lets himself wonder if it's really there or not. It just seems like at times that Drake doesn't.
Then when Josh just can't take anymore, Drake does something so unexpected. So thoughtful. So perfect. He tells Megan to leave him alone. He lies to their parents for him. He gives Josh the keys to his car and doesn't expect him to fill up the tank. He plays a video game with him. He holds Josh's hand when they're home alone. He whispers 'goodnight, I love you' in the darkness of their room.
It's like paradise.
Josh knows that it's silly to try and hold onto a person like Drake Parker. They are slippery and it's just so hard to do. Though, Josh knows that he can't let go. Drake may think that he's the one who needs Josh, but Josh needs Drake more than he dares to even express.
Drake may think he's the mastermind. It comes with the Parker name to be an expert at fooling those you're close to. Megan has it. Drake has it. Josh is sure their mother has it, too, he just hasn't seen it.
Though, Josh is a magician. He has the ability to fool everyone. He can hide how fragile he really is, how scary his life can be. He hides the way that every stab Drake throws that Josh hangs onto that pain like it's his life source. His only reason for existance.
Drake takes everything without asking. Ultimately, Drake is a boy trapped in a man's body. It's enough to drive Josh crazy with how stupid Drake can be with the most simple of things. Yet, it's that same innocence. That knowledge that with a pout, Drake could get away with anything. That's what drives Josh wild. He's helpless to deny Drake anything.
Josh likes to think that he'd fight this all if he could. It hurts so bad everytime Drake brings home a new girl to dinner. Yet, once that girl is gone and Drake is smiling and hanging off his arm when they're watching TV at night, it just feels so good, so perfect, so right.
Drake is like a different person around Josh. Josh would never ask why, but the sly charmer that Drake shows to the world disappears when they are alone. Josh likes to think of Drake as a flower. Peel back the many petals and layers of facade and there's the real Drake inside.
It's almost sad, but Josh knows that he'd do anything Drake asked him to at those moments. He's already done so much. He's jumped, fallen with no hope of being caught, and would climb back up to do it all over again.
Josh knows that this is all out of control. It's so dangerous. Drake could be the end of what's left of Josh's sanity, but he can't bring himself to care. He won't let Drake go.
Josh knows that if he let go his world would crumble to the ground. His life is fragile. It would be like a train had hit him. No hope. He knows Drake will hurt him again and again but he doesn't care. He gets to feel. Drake is selfish and inconsiderate.
Drake drives Josh insane and this is why he can't let go. If he does, it'll only be worse. He won't have Drake to bring him back.
That's when Drake choses to come into the room they've shared for the past three years. He hops over the couch with ease and looks at Josh excitedly.
Then he smiles...
Josh knows that look. He knows that the story of some hot girl in some random place is coming. He's weak. He's helpless to stop it.
He doesn't even want to.