A/N: This story is based on some spoilers that have surfaced regarding Ziva's impending departure. *sobs*
He couldn't stop touching her. Even as she slept, his gentle fingers stroked her hip continuously. The morning sun was just peeking through the curtains, falling softly over her peaceful features. He silently thanked whatever deity was sort of but not really working in their favor that she had slept facing him. He'd been up for a good while, just watching her sleep, taking her in. All he wanted to do was memorize every bit of her.
There were things he'd already committed to memory, like the smell of her hair, but what he knew now was so much more intimate than anything he could have dreamed. He knew the curve of her breast, the taste of her skin, the sensitive scar on the outside of her left thigh. He knew she liked to be kissed in that little dip in her clavicle, and that in many cases stroking her inner thigh was more likely to make her giggle than turn her on.
There was so much more to know, and though he'd once hoped he'd have a lifetime to get to know every nook and cranny of Ziva David, now he wasn't so sure. He didn't know if he would have the chance. His heart seized at the thought.
He leaned forward, kissing her forehead, her eyelids, the tip of her nose, and finally her lips. As he pressed his lips to hers, he felt her respond in kind, kissing him languidly. Eventually she pulled away.
"Good morning," she said, sated smile on her face.
"Morning," he smiled. The darkness of the day was creeping in, but he couldn't help but smile at the smiling woman in front of him. She snuggled down into his arms, laying her head in the crook of his neck, peppering the skin there with little kisses. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her to him, resting his cheek on the crown of her head.
They stayed there for a moment, breathing each other in, but Ziva could tell something was wrong. She had hoped they could just enjoy what was left of their time together, but she could feel the tenseness in his muscles and almost hear his worries as though he were speaking them aloud. She wiggled back up a bit so they were face to face, laying nearly nose to nose.
"Then what is bothering you, my love?" she asked as she stroked his cheek gently.
"Were you…unhappy with last night?" she tried
"No. Last night was perfect," he kissed her softly, "You're always perfect."
"Then what is it? Please, I cannot help you if you do not tell me what is wrong."
He stayed silent for a moment.
He reached across their bodies, burying his hand in her curls, stroking the base of her skull.
"What can I say to make you come home with me today?"
"Nothing. There is nothing you can say."
"There has to be something. There has to be something I can do to convince you to get on that plane with me."
"Tony you know why I cannot do that."
"It doesn't make any sense, Ziva. How would it be better for the both of us to be apart, because I'm coming up with nothing here," he said almost desperately.
"I'm not saying that it is going to be better for us to be apart. My heart breaks at the thought of being without you. But I cannot allow your safety to be at risk for me."
"My safety is at risk for you every day. That's part of being partners."
"Do you trust me?" she asked suddenly.
"Ziva…"
"Do you trust me?" she asked, more adamantly.
"With my life," he answered sincerely.
"Then you must trust that I am doing this because I love you too much to put you in harm's way. I could not bear the thought of you dying for me."
"I would put myself in harm's way for you every day for the rest of our lives if it meant you were there with me."
"I know you would, and I know that you already do. But this is not the same."
"It is the same. The danger is there, I protect you from it."
Ziva sat up abruptly, straddling his waist. She didn't miss the way his eyes roamed her naked front, but made no move to cover herself.
"But this is not about protecting me. It is about protecting you." He started to protest, but she cut him off before he could, "She will kill you, Tony. If she does not do it herself, she will at the very least send someone else to do it for her," tears began to build in her eyes, "I will not let you get killed for me, Ahuvi."
"We don't know she'll actually do it."
"I do. She will do it. We both know what lengths people will go to for revenge. We know how driven and lost it can make you feel. Even if she does not do it right away, she will. And until then we will live in fear of the day that she does. Since I was 13 years old, I have lived every day of my life looking over my shoulder. I do not want that life for you." She leaned in slightly, cupping his face with both of her hands. "Please understand, Tony. Watching you leave on that plane today will be the most difficult thing I have ever done. But I must do it. I must stay here for now."
"How long?"
"I do not know. Until I can deal with this situation properly. Until I am sure you will be safe. But I swear to you, I will come back to you."
"Promise?"
She nodded as she leaned down to kiss him soundly, "I promise," she said, tears making their way down her face. She punctuated her declaration with another kiss.
She lay down with her head on his chest, his arms coming around to rest on her lower back. She turned her head to place a kiss to the center of his chest before settling once again.
They lay there in silence for some time, neither willing to let go. It was Tony that eventually broke the silence.
"There has to be something I can say."
"There is nothing."
"I'm still going to try," he said, sincerely.
"Then I will not stop you." She sat up once again, so she was looking directly into his eyes. His hand found it's way to his new favorite spot against her cheek
"I swear to you Ziva David, if you come home with me, I'll love you like no one else can. I will love you with everything I have every day for the rest of our lives. I'll love you more than anyone has ever loved you. I promise."
She leaned down to him, pressing her lips firmly against his, the salt of their tears mixing in to their passionate embrace. She pulled away, resting her forehead against his, their noses brushing gently.
"You already do."