First time writing a Glee fic but I actually waited between 2x09 and 2x10 to be sure what was going to happen, as I wanted to be as true to cannon as possible.

This one is set during "A very Glee Christmas".

Finchel rocks but angst is needed, here is the first chapter/ introduction to my take on everything that should happen. Tell me if it's worth it!

The song used here is "I don't wanna hurt" by Anouk, you really should listen to it if you don't know it cause it's a beautifully sad song !

I haven't had a betareader read it but if you want to do that for me please mail me!

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Anouk's song though I'd love to!

They were in the Christmas tree farm and so far things hadn't been going as Rachel had planned them. She had felt like a fool when he had told her she smelt funny, promptly discarding the magic tree she had hoped would set the ambiance to their reconciliation. Then he had brushed her off when she had tried to cuddle him and had suggested they went different ways to find the perfect tree.

She started singing along with the music coming out of the speakers and then Finn was standing in front of her, obviously not knowing what to do. She stared into his eyes, an expectant yet frightened look on her face.

The shadow of a smile brushed his face when she started to talk.

"Last year, for Christmas, I asked Santa to give me you."

His smile faded as she spoke the last words. She raised on tiptoes to kiss him and for a couple of seconds he gave into the kiss, before hastily pushing her away, erasing the hopeful smile from her face.

"It's not last year anymore."

"It's Christmas, Finn. It's time for you to forgive me" she emphasised trying to lean onto him. But he took a step back, brow furrowed, and stammered "No, I-I can't. Okay? This is wrong. I shouldn't... I shouldn't have brought you here."

She shook her head, not understanding what he was saying, her eyes begging him.

"You messed me up, Rachel. Can't you see how screwed-up I am about this? I've had two girlfriends, and both of them have cheated on me." His face was contorted with hurt, his voice was breaking a little, as she looked at him, shameful and hurt, her throat constricting painfully.

"Maybe you can ask Santa again for me next year" he added bitterly, shaking his head, "I'm officially breaking up with you." He was gone before his sentence was even finished.

Rachel watched him walk away dumbfounded. He was really going, it was really happening. She had hoped all week that she would be able to fix things, certain that the Christmas spirit would help her make him forgive her, but she had failed miserably. He was now comparing her to Quinn, which was something she couldn't stand, given how Quinn had hurt him and how Rachel had despised her for that.

She kept thinking that Finn was at fault too, she still felt the ache of hearing that he had lied to her, but she understood now how she had been wrong. How badly she had hurt him and why he had avoided telling her the truth about Santana in the first place. She couldn't bear seeing the hurt in his eyes. Nor the fact that she had inflicted it.

She stood there for a long time before being able to snap out of her daze. He was gone.

He was gone and he hated her.

She screwed her eyes shut for a few seconds before taking a deep breath and sighing deeply. She would have to find a way to put things right but it was now obvious it would take time. He had told her that he wasn't ready to forgive her, which had implied he would eventually, be but she had pushed him too far too fast.

She berated herself again and again as she made her way to the parking lot. She had lost him and even worse, pushed him away the worst way possible. There was no way out of it. He had been right in the auditorium, she had apologised plenty but that would never be enough. She needed to regain his trust. But she had no idea how. She would have to think things through carefully before ever approaching him again. Meanwhile she would stay back, trying to not look too expectant.

As she reached the parking lot she realised she had no mean of going home, she had come with Finn. She sat on the edge of a low wall surrounding the tree farm and dialled her home number; one of her dads would have to pick her up.

She didn't explain, nor did they ask. The sight of her was enough to understand not to. She had been jubilant at the beginning of the week, talking about trees and snow and winter wonderlands, then on the verge of hysteria this afternoon waiting to go pick up trees for the Glee club and now she was silent, looking down and answering monosyllabically to their questions.

She went upstairs as they got home, kissing her dads goodnight. They exchanged a worried look but let her be. They knew how strong she was, how she could overcome anything, they needn't worry, Rachel would be fine in the end.

She stared at her reflection in her full-size mirror for what felt like hours. She couldn't even discern her features anymore, she wasn't contemplative or judgemental, she just stared into nothingness. She was nothing if she wasn't a part of "them", "Finchel" as he had called themselves at his mom's wedding. She smiled at the memory and instinctively raised her hand to her neck. But she had removed her Finn necklace for some time now and hadn't dared replace it with anything else. Yet she was always trying to find his name here. She swallowed hard. The necklace was in her locker at school and she would have to take it back here for fear of losing it. Even if it was now just a keepsake of what could have been.

She felt her heart tighten at the thought. Her eyes were watering again, the pain was physical as well as emotional and even her breathing exercise didn't help lift it.

She sat on her bed and started humming a tune that had been playing in the back of her head since her dad had collected her.

We're breaking things we can't repair
and none of us will take the blame
No, nothing can be done this time
All the memories that we made
I threw them all away
There's no need to talk it over

Don't let me get you down
Let's just move on
I am setting you free

She got up on her feet at started gathering the pictures of them that were scattered in her room. She didn't even look at them. She couldn't.

'Cause I don't wanna hurt no more
No, I don't wanna make you go through one more rainy day
No, I don't wanna hurt no more
Strange enough I always knew
I'm taking off today
Don't wanna hurt no more

The darkness you left in my soul
How do we know how much we've lost?
Will the moon be shining as bright as before?
And as I'm singing this song
the tears well up in my eyes
And I will always wonder
why I will never have
the life I wanted
Now I'm letting it go

She opened the last drawer of her desk and carefully placed the pictures inside it. She then put the box that had contained her necklace on top of them. She would soon return it to its case.

'Cause I don't wanna hurt no more
No, I don't wanna make you go through one more rainy day
No, I don't wanna hurt no more
There's not much more to say
'Cause it's too late now
I won't hurt no more

So I wait 'til morning comes
You made it clear that it has been only pain loving me
The things that we won't do for love
I am setting you free

'Cos I don't wanna hurt no more
I don't wanna make you go through one more rainy day
No, I don't wanna hurt no more
Strange enough I always knew I'm taking off today

I am letting you go...

The next few days she tried to make it as if nothing had happened. She joined the girls of the Glee club when they suggested selling their hair to raise money. Actually it wasn't a bad idea, that would make a radical change in her appearance and that was always good for one's self-esteem. Artie had asked what had happened of their plan to buy a new Christmas tree and she had admitted that Finn had bailed on her, though more harshly than she would have liked, that showed she cared and she didn't want that. She didn't want anyone to pity her, despite the fact that she doubted anyone would. No one had mentioned the break-up to her and she didn't know if it was better or worse. But after all none of them but Puck had argued with Santana when she had stated that they only pretended to like her.

The carolling in the teachers' lounge had went great but feeling Finn standing so close behind her was unnerving and she had had to refrain from touching him or even look at him. And then, after the surprise of Artie's Re-walk, there had been the one of Tina calling her to pass along the message that coach Sylvester was requesting all the Glee club to surprise Mr Schuester on Christmas Eve. She herself had had to call Mercedes.

So on the 24th, while her dads were eating chinese food, she had gone at her favourite teacher's, with a batch of freshly baked shortbread sugar cookies and waited along with the others for their cue to exit their hiding place. They had then been ordered to continue decorating the Christmas tree they had sneaked in Mr Schue's apartment, order that they obliged joyfully. Her eyes caught Finn's for a split second from across the tree and she smiled shyly, rapidly averting her gaze.

She never saw Finn's look lingering on her for a few more seconds while a small smile crept on his face.

The end? / To be continued? Tell me!