Title: Bathroom Dilemmas
Type: One-shot
Word count: 1,223
Genre: Comedy
Pairing: Haruno Sakura & Hoshigaki Kisame
Date created: 2015/1/1
Date finished: 2015/1/2
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto-san.
This story begins upon a lovely day of spring; there was an ugly and smelly hideout in the middle of the mosquito-infested bogs. You see (or imagine XD), there was mud everywhere, slimy goo sticking out of everywhere. Mosquitoes and other annoying pests have swarmed through the area, a very hideous sight indeed.
Now, let us begin the real story and stop bad-mouthing and saying ridiculous things about the said hideout. Who would own such ridiculous hideout at a ridiculous place?
The Akatsuki.
Well folks, it seems that S-class criminals don't really have much of a fortune; having a hideout at a hideous land is one example. The hideout consists of a spacious living room (well, that's the only place that's spacious there), a dirty kitchen, a cramped meeting place, the leader's oh-so-comfy office, and rooms for each Akatsuki member.
Before you get mislead about the content of this story, let us really now start the real story and stop the unnecessary narrating of the hideout and proceed to what is now currently happening in the base.
A blonde yawned loudly while walking through the hallways. It seems that he was heading to the kitchen. A certain red-head passed him, newspaper in hand. The blonde glanced at him.
"Where are you going danna, yeah?" The blonde yawned again. The red-head turned to him, "In the bathroom, Deidara. Wipe that spitball on the side of your mouth. Ugh." The red-head continued on his way. Deidara's eyes widened and immediately wiped his mouth. "Sasori no danna, damn you, yeah!"
Sasori entered the bathroom, "Ugh, I don't feel well today," he hanged a sign of 'OCCUPIED' on the door and he shut it.
No, I would rather not explicitly tell in details of what the puppet master is doing inside the bathroom.
Meanwhile…
A pink-haired girl briskly walked through the hallways. 'Damn, I need to pee!' These are the thoughts that ran consistently in her head. She was running wildly, taking every caution.
"The comfort room! I can finally see the comfort room!" She made a mad dash to open the door but she bumped on a figure that is a lot bigger than her. She saw Kisame by the door and had a tight grip on the knob. "Oomph. Watch it, gills. I need to take the damn bathroom." Said 'gills' smirked. "Excuse me, cupcake, I'll be the first one to use the damn bathroom. Besides, you're the one who came madly dashing towards me." He had a triumphant smirk plastered on his face.
"Why don't you use the other bathroom, huh?" Sakura pointed out. "Well, there's a huge sign of 'OCCUPIED' hanged at the door, duh." Kisame rolled his eyes. "So? It might be a prank so no one would use the bathroom!" Sakura retorted. "Kami, Sakura. It is locked," Kisame remembered turning the knob a lot of times, disregarding the sign. He heard a clear "There is fucking someone in this damn bathroom! Go use the other one! Don't be a fucking pain in the ass." Kisame sighed. Sasori can be such a bitch in the bathroom.
"I checked it earlier. Damn, pinky. I didn't know you were this stupid." Kisame inwardly smirked. Sakura was red on the face; she forgot that she needed to pee. She was too engrossed in their petty argument. "Shut up, fish-face. I'm not stupid, just thinking of other positive ways," Sakura crossed her arms, "and don't call me cupcake!"
Kisame laughed. "Sure thing pinky, even though you look like a pastry, I'll refrain myself from calling you cupcake." Oh, the girl was fuming right now. Pinky? This, this BLUE guy didn't have the right to call her that! That's racism!
"Shut your trap, bluey!" Sakura gritted her teeth. Kisame raised his eyebrow. "Bluey? Hoho, that's rich! Wait till I tell Itachi about this!" Kisame was hollering. Sakura couldn't take it anymore. She tried to push him aside; he was blocking the damn door! She can't; it's too early and she didn't have the strength to push him. She had a short fuse every morning.
"Damn, move your big ass body out of the way! I. Need. To. Use. The. Bathroom. Period." She continues to push the big blue man away, but to no avail. Kisame chuckled. "No can do, pinky. I'm staying here till you go away so I can finally use this bathroom."
Sakura ferociously growled and continued to push Kisame. 'This isn't seriously working. Okay, onto Plan B.' Sakura put on her best puppy-eyes she could ever muster. She looked at Kisame. The man was caught off-guard by her look. She looked so adorable. Kisame laughed.
"Nice one, squirt, but just so you know, I'm immune to that one." Kisame winked. Sakura sneered. 'Damn, Plan B failed.'
"But you looked so adorable," Kisame went to pinch her cheeks. "F-f-f-f-f-fuuuuuuu—Kisame! That hurts!" Sakura went to caress her abused cheeks.
In the midst of their nonsense bickering, a relieved Sasori came out of the other bathroom. "Thank Kami that's over. I feel relieved." The red-head took a deep sigh.
The two remained oblivious in their surroundings and did not notice a certain red-head walking away.
"Damn you, fish-face!" Sakura continued in caressing her cheek, easing the pain.
"Duh, it's not my fault you're cute."
Sakura's brow twitched. "Oh, so now you're complimenting me? You are such a confusing guy, Kisame." The shark man laughed. "Now move it, Kisame. I am going to take the freaking bathroom now!" Sakura shouted.
Little did they know that they were attracting some unwanted attention from guests hidden in the hallway. Others were just plainly standing there watching them, some lurking in the shadows, and one whose head is a few inches above the ground.
"No way, squirt. I'll watch you and your tiny bladder suffer!" Kisame let out an evil laugh.
Meanwhile, a silver-haired man with astonishing magenta orbs heard the full conversation, or the bickering. He was so annoyed by them. He couldn't make his ritual to Jashin with this noise coming out of their fucking mouths. He decided to go up to them.
"The fuck do you think you're doing, huh?" Hidan boomed at them. The two stared at the Jashin-believer. "I can't make my fucking sacrifices with you bitches bitching out loudly at each other! Now, what the fuck is the fucking problem, huh?" Hidan sweared on and on…
"You see, Hidan, fish-face here wouldn't let me use the freaking bathroom!" Sakura retorted. "Nuh-uh, she wouldn't let me use it either!" Kisame retorted back. The two had an intensely heated battle of staring, ignoring Hidan.
"Don't you ignore me you fucking bitches! I'll have you fucking know that the other bathroom is fucking unoccupied." Hidan rolled his eyes. A few faint snickers could be heard in the hallway.
"The fuck?!" Kisame exclaimed and turned to look at the other bathroom. The 'OCCUPIED' sign is no longer hanged in there, and the door is slightly open. Kisame's jaw dropped. Sakura was wide-eyed. Hidan was annoyed. The snickers were getting a little louder.
"Now can you please shut your fucking mouths and stop your fucking petty bickering! I need to do some fucking sacrificing for Jashin-sama." Hidan left and returned to his room.
"What. The. Hell." The two quickly went inside their respective bathroom and immediately shut the door.
One thought was running through their head: 'That was embarrassing…'
A/N:
Another one-shot! Yippee! I hope ya like it! Short but, still… I love writing Akatsuki with Sakura!
Your reviews inspire to write stories :)
-Akahana