I'm Only His Friend
danz03
A/N: Hey, guys… hope you'll like this one shot… reviews please :D
Mikan's POV:
I watched as he conversed with her. There was no more denying what I'm seeing with my own two eyes. I've been fooling myself for too long and now is the time to pay attention to what is real no matter how bitter the truth was. He is happy… if he's with her. He glows… when he's with her.
Hell! I hate her! I hate her for being the girl who can put a smile on his lips… for being the girl who is responsible for the light in his eyes… for being his reason to be happy… for being chosen by him. But, I know it's not true. I don't hate her. I can't hate her… because I know she's nice through and through… because I know she's perfect for him… 'cause I know she deserves the best – him – 'cause she's also the best… but most of all, because, though it pains me to say this, she loves her so much… maybe more than I could ever love him…
So…
Maybe… I will hate him instead… for not choosing me… for choosing someone else… for hurting me…
A mocking laughter escaped from my lips and echoed repeatedly in my messed up mind. Then, I realized that the laughter was directed at me… at my foolishness… I was mocking myself… screaming to myself the things that I was afraid to consider and ponder:
It wasn't his fault that I was hurting…
It was my own doing…
I was delusional…
I had thought and hoped almost desperately that he could and would like me… if I did my best to become like her… that girl… be more than her… so I did my best to surpass her… and succeeded…
These were such strong thoughts that I even convinced myself of that illusion.
Such a costly mistake!
I shouldn't have deluded myself into thinking that he liked me…
Instead, I should just have faced the truth…
No matter how painful it is…
I should have just faced it…
I have to face it…
I will face it now!
I'm Only His Friend!!!
Then maybe… acceptance will follow…
Eventually…