Ancient desperation
Part one
Doctor Rodney McKay was an impatient man- he always had been. He couldn't see the point in waiting around for things to get done by other, less intelligent people, so usually he just did them himself. At least that way it was done right the first time not the second or third… but the first. He hated waiting around even more so when his research was on the line. It was one of the reasons he had wanted the ATA gene therapy so badly from Carson. He simply couldn't wait around all day for some cocky Kirk-like flyboy to show up and activate his new research toys. And if he was a little jealous of Colonel Sheppard's ability to use Ancient technology, then it was only because he felt his research was suffering. Honestly.
"Colonel Sheppard to the research lab," McKay crackled over the radio an underlying note of annoyance in his expressive voice. Colonel John Sheppard, the flyboy extraordinaire, smiled to himself; it would just kill Rodney to say please.
"On my way," Came his reply as he began walking towards his new destination "what's this about anyway, Rodney?"
"I want you to activate some devices we found in a lab a few days ago, I've tried but they obviously need a stronger gene than I have". John could hear how much it pained the physicist to admit that John had a better grasp of ancient technology than he did. He didn't understand why and neither did McKay or Beckett. The fact that there seamed to be no provable scientific reason for it just irked McKay further. If it was a natural ability or talent then it wasn't something Rodney could learn to do. Great I've gotta play good little guinea pig, again John thought to himself. He didn't mind really he had found recently that he rather enjoyed the banter and company of his scientist, not that he'd ever let McKay know that. McKay would be absolutely insufferable if Sheppard ever admitted to enjoying his company. "Alright Rodney I'll come and save the day, but you owe me one".
"Fine, fine whatever, just get here so I can get some work done." Shaking his head in amusement Sheppard began humming a jaunty tune as he rounded the corner of the corridor outside McKay's research lab. He didn't need to swipe his hand across the panel or tell the door to open with his mind. Atlantis knew his needs, sometimes before he did and the doors opened with a pleasant swoosh noise even as he approached them.
He stood in the doorway for a moment taking in the sights and sounds of the lab. He loved to watch his geeks at work. They all got so engrossed in the thrill of discovery. John felt not unlike his goon forefathers Buzz Aldrin or John Glenn watching out for their respective geeks as they took the first steps into space. Times had changed a lot since then and science fiction had become science fact and John wondered if Buzz had ever watched his geeks just for the fun of it. Relishing in the excitement of they're discovery. Or maybe he would have been bored stupid and wanted to shot his geek in the head for being a loud mouthed know-it-all. Whichever thought John. Scientists hurried around the lab passing bit of paper and strange looking devices to each other, most whispering guardedly. There was a feeling of suppressed excitement and John could see where the suppression was radiating from; apparently his own king Geek was in a right fine mood today.
It wasn't too hard to spot McKay particularly since he was the one shouting orders and berating anyone and everyone within ten feet of his desk in the centre of the room. He was typing away with his back to the entrance to the lab and therefore John. Sheppard shook his head disbelievingly, McKay could create a storm of action in an old peoples home filled with vegetables, with a good healthy dose of snark for good measure.
McKay's desk was littered with papers and old coffee mugs, a smattering of ancient devices here and there amongst the mess and clutter. It was the epitome of the phrase 'organised chaos'; it was a haphazard jumble not that Rodney would admit to that. Sheppard idly walked up to the desk of disaster and as McKay continued to type on his laptop he picking up one of the Ancient device he presumed he would be turning on shortly. It looked like a golden bracelet, a thick wide band of metal in an almost full circle. It had a large red rectangular gem stone inset against the metal. He fingered it lightly and almost unaware of his actions placed the cuff on his right wrist, moving his black sweat band further up his arm and out of the way. He engaged his nerd once he remembered what he was supposed to be doing. "So, what do you need?"
"Aside from a holiday on a sun-kissed beach with a beautiful intelligent blond hanging off my arm?" he sounded stressed, Sheppard noticed large bags under his eyes, guess you've slept as much as I have recently. The threat of the wraith was imminent. They had always known that but recent events had conspired against them and they all knew time was of the essence. Again.
"Aside from that." He smiled down at his friend, that flyboy smile that makes the physicist roll his eyes in exasperation, which naturally he did.
"Look, I've tried to activate all of these," he waved vaguely at his desk. "I'm fairly sure what most of them do so let's start with them and the others, well, we can figure those out later, okay" it wasn't a question; it was a to do list.
Okay so turn stuff on, I can do that. On. Come On, turn on. As Sheppard willed the bracelet on his wrist to activate, he felt something happen. The bracelet tightened around his slender wrist and dug in to his skin, causing pain and drawing some blood. Glowing a vibrant red, the stone emitted a low hum and a vibration throughout John's body, he felt sick. He gasped in shock, "Ouch!" as the hum intensified it felt almost like a low voltage electric shock. He'd had one of those before, years ago when his Apache had gone down and the wiring had all gone kaput.
"Wait not that one! We have no idea…" McKay stopped talking mid sentence as he watched Sheppard's face. Intense pain was evident on his friend's features and he had visibly paled.
"Er Rodney is it meant to do that?" Sheppard's voice was barely a whisper and laced with fear. Using his gene he tried to get it off, get of… loosen… please come on… get off me you damn thing!
"I don't know, as I was about to tell you we haven't analysed that one yet" McKay's voice once again betraying his emotions he turned back to his computer to pull up the data on the device, trying not to panic. In the corner of his eye saw Sheppard fall to the floor in a heap.
"Shit. Help! I need some help here!" Rodney felt for the colonel's pulse feeling it fast, too fast, under his fingers.
"Get Beckett," His staff rallied round him and Sheppard stunned looks on their faces, unsure of what to do. "Don't just stand there you bunch of overgrown monkeys, get some help for god sakes!" At McKay's words they regained themselves and they sprang into action, calling help on the radio others clearing the area around Rodney's desk to allow the medical team easy access to the prone man on the cold, hard floor.
"Damn it, Sheppard, would it kill you to be cautious just once?" he touched his friends face feeling it cold and clammy to the touch, or that could just be his own cold sweat across his palms. Don't you die on me, you bastard, after all we've been through you are not going to die like this, He berated his best friend in his mind for being so goddamned stupid, even as the man was out cold.
Time moved so slowly Rodney felt sure Sheppard would be dead before Beckett could get to him. He had moved Sheppard into the recovery position with the help of Zelenka and now both men were waiting. God Rodney really, really hated waiting. Sheppard might die and all they could do was sit and wait. It not even like they had a clue as to what the frickin' device did! his mind swam with thoughts, theories and fears. He held his friends hand and tried in vain to get the bracelet device to loosen its grip on John wrist but it held fast. Sheppard's skin was getting paler and paler by the minute. God, for all I know it's really an ancient torture device he thought desperately.
"Find out what this thing is and what it does now! We need to get it off him! Move!" he barked at the remainder of his staff who had been standing around again looking like sheep that'd lost their Shepherd. In a way they have he thought glumly.
Beckett finally showed up his medical team in tow. Oh thank you god, he watched still holding Sheppard's hand in his as Beckett knelt down and began to work.
"What the hell happened to him Rodney?" Carson asked as he began cutting open Sheppard's tight black T-shirt with a pair scissors.
"I don't know, I told him not to activate that one." he indicated to the golden device attached to John's wrist. "He just went all pale and collapsed, I don't know what it does, and I've got people working on it. Carson… he looked like he was in pain" He felt it important to make Carson understand this wasn't his fault but he also need assurances that one cocky-James-T-wanna-be would be alright.
Becket finished his examination and waved his medical team over to lift John on to a gurney. "Okay, his vitals are extremely rapid but they are steady and seam to be holding, we need to monitor his heart rate closely. I'd say he passed out because of the increased activity in his repertory system- that would cause him to black out." Becket paused and his team took Colonel Sheppard away the heart monitor beeping excessively as they went.
"Rodney? We need to know what happened. Are you okay?" the medical doctor asked kindly placing a hand on Rodney's shoulder and squeezing lightly.
"Right, right, fine… I'm fine…someone should tell Elizabeth and, and," he lost his train of thought succumbing to despair… let him be okay please I need him to be okay.
"I'll tell her Rodney now I must go, Colonel Sheppard need me. Find out what that thing is and how to get if off him will ya lad?" Carson's accent was always thicker when he was worried and it was almost undecipherable now.
"Yes, yes, go. Zelenka?" he beckoned his second in command coming back to his senses, pushing his worries to the back of his mind. "We have work to do, get me coffee." And with that he went back to his computer and tried to find something, anything that would explain what had just happened.
Part two
John Sheppard was sick of everyone fussing. The nurses had been taking blood sample from him on a regular basis; he was surprised he had any left. Actually he was more surprised that they we able to find a willing vein every time. Beckett had assured him that he was fine. The device had just given him little shock to the system. Well more than a little shock but he felt okay now and he saw little merit in being cooped up in the infirmary for the rest of the day. Beckett had said that his body had reacted as if it had been pumped with Stimulants, which had overloaded his respiratory system causing his heart to beat far too fast. That was why he had passed out in McKay's lab, apparently he'd be fine. He had to admit, but only to himself, he still felt a little light headed but the nausea at least had passed thanks to some compazine the Doc had given him earlier.
Rodney had come down to the infirmary not long ago to check on him and to give him an update on the status of the damn bracelet he was still wearing. He felt like a right pansy, the military commanding officer sporting a very girly accessory was not a good look. Not to mention the bandages around it that his favourite nurse Sarah and applied with tender loving care and a giggle at his new taste in fashion.
"Okay, so me and Zelenka think we know what it does." Rodney was as the side of his bed trying not to look at John's face, it was making him nervous, and his friend would not meet his gaze and kept looking at the floor. His body language screamed 'I'm a scientist get me out of here!' I don't look that bad do I? John thought to himself.He guessed he was still a little pale and the tight ring of metal around his right wrist was a constant reminder of his stupidity when it came to cool technology. He couldn't help himself; the bracelet had almost spoken to him. He remembered feeling compelled to put the stupid thing on, now he couldn't see why. His best friend acting weird was not helping his growing feeling of unease. He probably just needs some coffee… yeah right whatever you need to say Shep, he berated himself mentally.
"You think or you know? Come on Rodney I want this damn thing off me" As those words fell from his mouth he was reminded of another time well over a year ago when he said the same thing. Damn it, you know I really do hate those fucking bugs. He'd only just gotten over his last encounter with the iratus bugs. It had been almost two months ago now but he still felt somewhat uneasy around his men. He knew he'd freaked them out when he gone all bugman on everyone. He certainly did not need a pretty bracelet attached to him to make him men think he batted for the pink team.
"We're trying. Now you know the ancients were experimenting with ascension, right?" John smiled as Rodney's arms started flying about, he simply loved it when Rodney was in explanation mode.
"Yeah, I remember the disaster in the gate room with that shadow thing". He saw McKay shudder involuntarily at the memory. Know how you feel buddy, I almost lost you that day. That had been the day when they had really become friends. Out of all the people McKay could have chosen to help play with his new Ancient toys he had chosen the cocky flyboy. Sheppard had been so proud of Rodney that day… and just a little guilty. Rodney was a scientist he was not supposed to save the day with daft self-sacrificing acts of bravery- that was the military's job. That was Sheppard's job. He was expendable; Dr Rodney- smartest man in two galaxies- McKay was not.
"We also know the ancients were loosing the war and I mean they were desperate; desperate enough to try and create the most insane device I have ever heard of and you're wearing it!" He drew breath and looked back at the floor. That was really staring to piss Sheppard off. Look at me damn it McKay!
"Insane device? What do you mean insane." If John sounded worried well it was because he was. He saw Beckett and Elizabeth exchange meaningful glances at the foot of his bed; well they'd obviously been talking about the device whilst Sheppard had been in la-la land.
"Rod-ney? What going on?" he emphasised his friend's name hoping for some acknowledgment.
"They found a way to access their own inner potential power. I don't really understand all of it, but the gist of it is, ascended beings have power right? We're talking lots of power." John interrupted him, he could guess where this was going after his six month stint in the cloister but he wanted to rile McKay's feathers… so…
"Yeah I remember Chaya when she destroyed those wraith darts with her mind."
"Yes, Captain Kirk, just like the alien priestess you seduced. Anyway as I was saying they have lots of power, which some of the ancients could use even before they ascended, and before you interrupt me again, yes just like your ascended girlfriend from the from the time dialation field." He remembered to Breathe. "Now the Ancients in their desperation to win the war against the Wraith created this device. It harnesses that potential power which would only normally be released either when ascended or on the path to ascension and makes it real useable power" his hands dropped to his sides limply, apparently done with the exciting part of the explanation.
"So it's a weapon. A really cool weapon if I can destroy wraith like Chaya." Sheppard's face lit up at the though of winning the war against the Wraith… but hang on, his mind caught up with his excitement, "If the Ancients had this weapon why didn't they win the war?"
"Because they never used it. It was a prototype, it wasn't ready, the Atlantian Council never approved of its use because it was flawed." He finished dramatically his voice dripping with 'duh, obviously you stupid goon'.
"How flawed?" he spoke evenly keeping his voice low and menacing. Okay now I'm a little bit worried because their all spooked. Weir and Beckett looked at the floor not wanting to meet his hazel eyes; they had already heard this explanation in the briefing room whilst Sheppard was recovering from the initial shock the device had given him. McKay took a deep breath and Sheppard could tell this was bad what ever it was. Not one of them would look him in the eye, and they all looked decidedly uncomfortably. As if they were waiting in the calm of a great storm, Oooh storms… bad memories.
"Very flawed… Remember that bug that attached itself to your neck?" Sheppard visibly flinched at the memory of the iratus, Rodney recovered himself quickly. "What am I saying you're hardly likely to forget are you?" Sheppard just glared at his friend he was getting very impatient to know the punch line to the joke they all seamed to knew, except him.
"It… it…, I don't know how to say this, but when it's used it draws its power from you, just like the Iratus bug did."
It was Elizabeth's turn to interrupt the explanations as Rodney looked down at his feet, his shoulders slumped defeated. "What Rodney's trying to say so eloquently is that, you have access to as much power as an ascended being does… but if you use it, it could kill you."
Was that it? That was the big punch line? He was a soldier he was expendable if he had to die to save other then that's exactly what he did. "So what's the problem? Get it off me, and we don't use it unless we're really desperate." He smiled to himself this could really save us one day.
"Oh yes! Like we didn't see that coming a mile off, Mr-Suicide-mission strikes again! I knew you wouldn't mind!" Rodney was practically beside himself he could see it now that stupid son of a bitch was going to get himself killed. "It won't come off Colonel it wasn't supposed to go on! They were desperate, this was a last ditch attempt, and it was never finished!" Rodney looked as if someone had told him all the chocolate factories in the universe had just closed and lemonade was the new stable diet for the Pegasus galaxy.
"What Rodney is trying to say is we're worried that you'll do something stupid." Carson finished somewhat diplomatically for McKay.
Elizabeth looked stricken, but she composed herself well. Sheppard cut in before she could accuse him of being a stupid grunt as well. They think I'm suicidal just because I value their lives and Atlantis!
"I don't know what you've all been talking about but it's my job to protect everyone on Atlantis; my team and my friends and if this device will one day save us from a wraith attack I don't have a problem with that." He could feel the anger rising, he couldn't believe this. If he had to die to save all of Atlantis then he would. God damn it, it's what I'm trained to do.
"Then there's nothing more to say is there." And with that Rodney McKay stormed out of the infirmary with a face like thunder. John understood Rodney's reaction but he was military that was his job in the same way that flying jumper and leading off-world teams was his job. He'd accepted long ago that he was essentially expendable. He wasn't a fool. You don't sign up with the expectation of a long lifespan. Every soldier knows that. It wasn't like he wanted to die or anything. In fact he'd really like to avoid it. But give the choice of his life or someone he cared about he'd choose option B.
"Rodney…" Sheppard began, but after a name he didn't know what to say, he couldn't say out loud that he'd do anything just to keep Rodney safe and if that meant dying then that's what he would do. He knew he cared about the well being of his king geek more that he should… but it was only brotherly love… right?
"I'll talk to him." Said Carson, then he too left the infirmary. Sheppard couldn't look at Elizabeth, she hadn't really spoken during their 'conversation' or intervention as he thought of it and he did not want to talk anymore especially not to someone who thought he was crazy. He got enough of that from him men. Those damn bugs.
"You know I'm right, you can't tell me I'm not, you know as well as I do that Atlantis is worth one man's life."
She looked him right in his eyes for the first time, her expression unreadable, "But is it worth your life." Then she turned and walked away.
"Huh?" guess she really does care about me, I'm still right though.
Part three
"I ask you… what could possible be in my eye to explain this?" Sheppard was so bored of the infirmary. Beckett had kept him there for two days! Read it and weep people, yes that's right, two days of incessant poking and prodding. Even ogling at his favourite nurse Sarah was not helping… much. She always did have such a nice smile for him whenever she brought him his lunch tray. Yeah he knew he was a big flirt. Mmmm… today she had brought him the wonderfully appetising stew with mystery meat. Yeah, as in, it was a mystery to when it was ever classed as meat, no matter what the planet or galaxy it was in. He grinned in Beckett's face thinking about Rodney and his love of the Pegasus galaxy's food.
His king geek had not been back to see him since the 'intervention'. He could understand McKay's reaction but it still annoyed him. And if truth be told… he just missed his friend. But on the positive side, Radek had been by that morning in Rodney's stead. At a push he could be entertained by the king geek's right hand man. Zelenka had done some tests on the device in a vein attempt to get the damn thing off. The two men had worked for over an hour; Sheppard thinking everything from 'deactivate' to 'get the hell off me you fucking stupid bracelet', but so far nothing had worked. The only time they had gotten close to a reaction from it, was when Radek was annoying John so much that he was about ready to strangle the petite Czech barehanded. That's when the red gem stone in the middle of his least favourite accessory had glowed and emitted a low hum again. That's when John realised the 'weapon' was reacting to his emotions and had only just managed to calm himself down before he killed his little friend. Earning himself a nice little trip to la-la land for his efforts. Hence the pen light Beckett was now shining in his eye.
Beckett and Elizabeth had both sternly put their feet down. He was not allowed back on active duty until he spoke to Kate Heightmeigher. So after another lunch of unspecified meat and vegetable products in gravy he had the pleasure of the resident Psychiatrist to look forward to. Honestly you'd think I had a death wish, why don't they understand that this is my job, my life? He thought bitterly. With Zelenka's help they now knew it would activate only in accordance with his emotions. Well he'd had years of practice keeping those in check, so he saw no really problem in keeping the bracelet on, which he had to do anyway. Well, no problem there… except that he looked like he was off to a Mardi Gras. And oh yeah, if his emotions did somehow get the better of him he could kill someone with a thought, killing himself in the process. Another perfect day in the Pegasus galaxy then. All he needed now was for the Genii to show up and they were having a fucking party.
His appointment with Kate was interesting. Mostly she talked and he pretended to listen. She asked him question about his feeling on the wraith. His answer was "oh I love them… they make such nice entrées." He knew that she knew that he was deflecting with humour. But after years, it was kinda hard to break the habit. He just hated shrinks. Having his head opened up for everyone to see, his feeling being put on display. No sir, he liked his dirty washing where it belonged. Not hung out for all and sundry to view at their leisure.
He finally convinced her that he was not suicidal. It was his job for Christ sake's. If he had to die to protect his geeks then that is exactly what he was prepared to do. She didn't look too happy when she left but at least she had cleared him for active duty. Proclaiming him to be just as sane as he had been before, she left the infirmary. Given the way she had looked at him, he guessed she didn't think he'd been quite all there before the bracelet attached itself to him. But he didn't care. So long as he could do his job and protect his city and his geeks he was happy.
Beckett let him go back to his quarters to rest after Kate's visit. Which surprisingly enough he did… mostly. He Changed into sweats and a T-shirt and crawled under the covers. He sat up in bed his back to the head board with his laptop actually in his lap… for once. He checked his mail box to find nothing but boring reports and updates from his men. The only ones of any interest were from Lorne's team. Their trip to the beddian home-world had been fairly uneventful but as the fates would have it, Dr Parish had lived up to his geek ancestors name and they'd ended their trip with a breakneck run towards the gate. Natives with spears chasing after them for defiling some temple or other… oh what fun. That had been a stroke of brilliance on his part, teaming his 2IC up with the botanist from Oxford University. What a combination… like peanut butter and chocolate… it just worked.
Sheppard checked his watch it wasn't really late. Beckett had let him go late afternoon but after four and a half hours of sieving through two days of mission reports and complaints from Kavanagh he was pretty tired. He set his lap top down on the floor beside his bed and peeled back the covers. He stifled a yawn as he padded to the bathroom, wiping his hand across his tired face. He relieved himself and washed his hands.
The bracelet was still tightly around his wrist. Rodney and Radek were at a loss trying to find ways to get it off without taking Sheppard's hand with it. He carefully removed the bandages Sarah had applied and rubbed in some of the antiseptic cream Carson had given him. His wrist was cut where the bracelet had dug into his skin… that was going to leave a nice scar. And it was hard to tend to the wounds properly. He wrapped another bandage around the broken skin making sure to cover the bracelet with the white wrapping also. He just felt uncomfortable wearing a gold bracelet around his men. Satisfied that his arm just looked like he'd been slashing at it, he brushed his teeth.
He thought the lights off in the bathroom and wandered back into his room. He mentally locked the door not wanting to be disturbed by anyone and got back into bed. He rolled onto his side cradling his injured arm to his chest and slowly drifted off to sleep.
Part four
After three days of no off world missions SGA-1 were finally being allowed back through the stargate. Dr Beckett had insisted unequivocally that Colonel Sheppard get plenty of rest, which naturally meant that the rest of his team got plenty too. Teyla had been teaching Ronon about earth culture using the DVD library Colonel Sheppard had set up and organised. It was a great idea really; everyone made a copy of any and all of their stashed DVD and CD's which were then catalogued by Sheppard himself… well that way he made sure he got first dibs on the best porn from earth and that really dirty Czech stuff Zelenka was so fond of! The copies were then stored in the top draw of the filing cabinet in Sheppard's office. Sheppard's office was the perfect place for the library actually. It was secure and he was never there so people could come and go as they pleased (and most importantly not be seen borrowing the dirty Czechoslovakian stuff). There was also a signing in/out sheet so that everyone could have access to the catalogue (DVD were numbered not named for privacy). There were even a few books there that people had read and were willing to share including an almost unused copy of 'war and peace'. The education of Ronon had started with Star Wars at John's suggestion … and ended abruptly with Dr Weir's suggestion of Gone with the Wind. Ronon had left Teyla to clean the popcorn up after he ran off in tears when little Bonnie Blue Butler fell from her pony.
John had been hanging around McKay's lab sulking for the entire three days! Okay the up side was that Rodney and his fellow geeks… ah scientist, got plenty of doodads turned on. But the down side, Colonel Sheppard was no fun when he was in a mood. And by god in heaven was the man in a foul frame of mind. Three days… three whole days of bickering. Not banter but bickering. Like a pair of quarrelling teenagers Sheppard and McKay had been at each others throats. Zelenka and the rest of the science dept had the good sense to keep both men stocked up on coffee. When the mugs went down on the desk they were soon swiped up and refilled by someone, anyone it didn't matter so long as the java did not run out. The science dept had banded together to keep the peace. Even Kavanagh had been seen going on a coffee run to keep the squabbling children happy (ish). Naturally the Atlantis two were completely oblivious. Still at least their frustration and anger was being mostly saved for each other. And let's face it; the bad karma was emanating from them anyway. They were angry and frustrated with each other… and displaying it gloriously. The scientists were counting down the days to Tuesday when SGA-1 were finally going off world on a mission.
Sheppard woke Tuesday morning to find himself tangled in his sheets... another nightmare then. He stifled a yawn rubbing his wrist gently. The bandages had come off yesterday. Sarah and Carson had wasted no time pulling Sheppard's leg about his new and improved dress sense. He'd smiled and let the jokes wash over him, saving the biting comments for Rodney. He deserved them more anyway. John was so annoyed with Rodney's childish behaviour. His king geek was mad with him, he knew that. But to ignore John when he'd been in the infirmary had hurt John much more that he was willing to admit. His best friend had sent his lackey to try and remove the bracelet. Okay, so that's not really very fair. Zelenka was no lackey but it still should have been McKay working with Sheppard to get the stupid contraption of his wrist, not the poor long- suffering and sex-deprived Czech.
Sheppard sighed to himself as he got out of bed. He figured he owed McKay an apology for his own behaviour the last few days. He was a big man, he could admit when he was wrong and more to the point he was really missing his friend right now. Oh sure they'd spent time in each others company, both trying to kill the other with words as sharp as butchers knives. He was reminded of an old story someone has told him once, maybe it had even been his grandfather he contemplated. Anyway, the story had been about how words could cut deeper than any knife or any sword and wound more completely than any bullet or cannon ever could. He remembered with particular clarity the bit about the scars. Words scar your heart not your body and all the band aids in the world can not stem the bleeding of a battered or broken heart. Oh yeah he owed McKay one hell of an apology. But he deserved one back in return too.
He had morning briefing soon but not for forty minutes and that gave him more than enough time to get a nice relaxing shower. He stripped of his cloths: elephant grey sweat pants and his customary black tee. His skin felt tight with dried sweat glued to him from his nightmare. He couldn't even remember what it had been about. Although he would happily place a confidant bet that it had involved the wraith one way or another.
Scratching his scalp absently he stepped into the stall and thought the shower on. As the hot water flowed over his body some of his tension ran away with it and down the plug hole. He gently massaged himself with the fragrant Athosian soap Teyla's people had gifted to him once… he was still a little unsure of why they thought he would want soap; were they trying to tell him something? He felt the weight of the device around his wrist and massaged the tender skin where it had cut into him. He ran his left hand through his hair enjoying the warmth and the sound of the shower.
He let his mind wander to the people he though of as friends who all seamed to think he was two slices short of a loaf. He was still pretty angry with them but he understood their concerns so he tried to keep his feeling to himself. He was thinking about Teyla, the sweet smell of the soap helping his imagination along and those fantastic outfits she loved to wear were helping too. Seriously some of her clothing should be illegal! It was a minor miracle that the whole military contingent of Atlantis could function when she was around. He was always amazed at how she could wear such tight cloths around his officers and even train with them and not get manhandled by the odd marine. Especially in that hot purple top she wore on missions and the way it's always pulled just so tightly around her ample breasts. Mind you he wouldn't dare touch Teyla she'd kick his ass soundly into next week in a heartbeat and without breaking a sweat. He was touching himself now. Stroking his cock methodically with his right hand and murmuring nothings as he though of his female team mate and her silly, sexy little outfits. He carried on in this strain of thought for some time his erection growing as he pumped harder and deeper, fondling his balls just a touch to send shivers to his spine.
"Mmmm Teyla," okay even he knew it was slightly wrong to enjoy having the shit beaten out of him by some gorgeous alien warrior woman but what the heck. What ever floats your boat. And man did Teyla float his boat. Not that he wanted to date her or anything but he was a man with eyes and he could appreciate her looks. As he began to get desperate, needing to come his hand moving quicker and quicker. He groped himself down to the base of his shaft and then squeezing all the way back to the top. The water from the shower, the Athosian soap and his own pre-come providing all the lubrication he needed.
His thoughts changed from the beautiful Teyla and her too tight clothes to the cute and oblivious to his affections scientist of his team. This had happened to him before a few weeks ago and he had found it rather disturbing at the time. However since he had realised that he was indeed sexually attracted to his best friend he had started to re-evaluate their friendship. He couldn't believe he had been so blind. They had been flirting with each almost since they had met! And he discovered to his dismay that perhaps his feeling towards Rodney were more than just friendship. He'd not really had much change to think about it before but after spending so much time alone in the infirmary his suspicions had been confirmed. He was in love with one Dr Rodney McKay. He was as they say whipped. Alas it was not meant to be. Even if Rodney did returned his feelings- which John doubted- Sheppard was military for Christ sakes! They would reprimand him and send his ass back to McMurdo faster than you could say 'raving homosexual!"
But he still had his imagination -a place where he could do and be anything he wanted. He imagined kissing Rodney softly, delicately as you would touch a flower petal. He imagined tasting that sweet and crocked coffee flavoured mouth as his fingers caressed himself faster and faster, pre-come now dripping from him. He imagined holding a naked Rodney in his arms feeling the warmth of another body next to his own. He sighed and thought of Kissing his way across Rodney's stomach his fingers playing with Rodney's pert nipples intertwining in the light brown hairs across his bare chest and nuzzling his face into Rodney's neck affectionately.
He came all over the tiles in the shower his breath coming in raggedly,
"Mmmm Rodney, mmmm oh Rodney"He cared so deeply for his best friend- his imaginary lover, he would gladly die for him. His though returning to the device on his wrist, I can't think about that now, I'll think about it later doing his best Scarlett O'Hara impression.
His mind returning to where it should be as he stepped out of the shower, mentally turning it off. He dried himself and quickly got dressed putting on his BDU pants and a tight black T-shirt not forgetting to cover the bracelet as best he could with his black sweat band.
He made his way slowly to morning briefing lost in his own thoughts about the bracelet and the implications his feeling for Rodney might have on it. If anything, god forbid, were to happen to Rodney he would lose control of his emotions. God only knows what the bracelet would do then. He couldn't tell anyone of his concerns and if he tried to get out of the mission Elizabeth would know something was wrong. She'd probably send me to Beckett and then Heightmeyer he thought miserably. What ever pleasant after glow from his shower faded quickly as he entered the briefing room ready to hear all about the afternoons exciting mission to P3X-742.
Part Five
The briefing was just as boring as he had suspected it to be. They were discussing today's oh so very exciting off world mission to P3X-742. Where Teyla had told them that the nice friendly natives, with bows and arrows no less, might be willing to trade medical supplies for food and a supposedly coffee-like substance that apparently had an extra kick, by way of more caffeine in it. Just the thought of it had McKay as excited as a child on Christmas Eve. Rodney's pale blue eyes had danced merrily at the thought of the extra caffeine strumming through his system. Beckett had received samples a few days ago and deemed it safe for consumption, in small quantities. Yeah, as if anyone was going to be drinking 'super-coffee' in small doses! The whole expedition will be stimulated up to the eye balls by this time tomorrow, Sheppard thought ruthlessly.
He slouched in his chair opposite Elizabeth, as Teyla rambled on about the culture of the natives. He was to most eyes the very picture of 'easy-going', but McKay was still eyeing him suspiciously as if waiting for a crack to appear in the great Sheppard veneer. John had lost interest in the conversation once it was determined that the planet was safe, well so long as you did not try and steal their sacred purple, yes purple, goats. Whatever. He had little interest in brightly and disturbingly coloured goats and doubted that anyone else on his team would want one, so he figured that they would be pretty safe from the bow and arrow wielding natives. He did however as a precaution, make a mental note to ensure that everyone on his team had a few 'flash-bangs' on them. They wouldn't harm the natives but it would give his team a good tactical advantage- just in case. Besides he thought callously I'm still wearing this bracelet, I can keep my team safe -no problem. They won't like it but I'm not going to let them become shish-kebabs. No way in hell, not while I still draw breath.
"John?" he was pulled from his thoughts by Elizabeth's tender words. "Are you feeling okay? Do you want me to call Dr Beckett?"
He looked up and caught her eye, his face flushing pink with embarrassment. He'd been caught red handed 'daydreaming' on the job. Okay, time for a winning smile and a feeble excuse. He tilted his head to one side gave her his sweetest smile, the one he used to use on his mother, the one that had got him out of more scrapes during high school than being on the football team had got him into, and said, " I'm fine Liz. Just thinking; we should take some extra 'flash-bangs' with us, just in case the natives are touchy about their grass as well as their purple goats."
She looked at him for a moment and he could tell she didn't completely believe him. She seamed to be searching him for answers, whether she found what she was looking for he'll never know, but she nodded slightly and let it slide.
And so it was with some trepidation that SGA-1 stepped into the 'gate room at 10:00 Atlantis time, ready and raring to go on their first mission together in over a week. Elizabeth had been to see Rodney, Teyla and Ronon separately after the briefing to discuss Colonel Sheppard. She hated going behind his back but she was worried that if anything were to go wrong, and it usually did, that he would use the bracelet to protect his team. John Sheppard had already determined that the only law that applied to the entire known universe, and probably the unknown as well, was Murphy's. If it can go wrong; it will. Sheppard's team (along with all the other SGA and SG teams) knew this to be irrefutably fact. But she was not alone in her worries however, as the team had already talked about Sheppard's hero antics amongst themselves. They had all agreed that his hero complex could potentially be his downfall and they were all taking extra ordinance with them on the mission so that John would not need to resort to using the bracelet.
Sheppard performed his customary check of his teams equipment, noting with satisfaction that they all had two extra 'flash-bangs' in with their normal off-world gear. Rodney was standing off to the side slightly fixing his thigh holster in place. Sheppard walked toward him, knelt down in front of McKay and said with sincerity and tenderness,
"Here, let me help you with that." McKay looked stunned for a moment but allowed Sheppard to help him with the straps. John didn't really know how to apologise for his recent behaviour but he hoped that Rodney would understand the gesture.
"Er, thanks." Rodney stuttered the words out once Sheppard had finished and stood up using Rodney's shoulder to steady himself after he suffered a little head-rush. "You okay?" McKay was looking John up and down critically, assessing Sheppard's physical condition, his eyes betraying his belated anger at Sheppard's recent behaviour. He didn't notice anything out of the ordinary, but knowing Colonel Sheppard like he did, that did not necessarily mean that he was 'good', as John would say. He wasn't the smartest man in two galaxies for no good reason and he did understand that John was being nice to him to make up for said recent attitude problems. But the damn man was just so infuriating! Running off and saving everyone, not caring one iota for himself… or caring that he would be leaving Rodney behind if anything, god forbid, ever did happen to the self-sacrificing son-of-a-bitch.
"I'm good, just stood up to quickly". John reached in to his pocket and pulled out an extra clip and a Peanut power bar and held them out for Rodney to take. Their eyes locked and a moment of understanding passed between them. Rodney nodded slowly and took the proffered clip and snack. Rodney decided there and then that this idiotic man would be the death of him. He shook his head somewhat, a small knowing smile playing on his lips. He knew that their 'relationship' was not exactly what it should be. He cared about the pilot, his best friend, perhaps …a little more than he should. Sure they joked and snarked and generally had a good ol' time, well when life-sucking or gun toting aliens weren't trying to kill them at any rate. But underneath all the arguments and snark there was something else there too. It ran deeper than friendship… he just was not quite sure how much deeper. In fact he had been really rather confused about the whole damn thing recently. His reaction to Sheppard's collapse in his lab and the days that followed had only reiterated the strength of his feeling for his friend. And now he was left feeling pretty fucking puzzled. He couldn't like Sheppard in that way… could he?
"Thanks," Sheppard smiled at his friend, a warm smile made for friends to share. He then turned to face Elizabeth standing on the balcony overlooking the 'Gate room. He became Colonel Sheppard military commander in an instant, "Dial it up." The gate sprung to life and whooshed open, the watery blue making the room dance with colour. Without further-a-do, SGA-1 walked purposefully through the event horizon.
The planet was really quite picturesque. A warm light breeze played lazily across the field where the Stargate lay. The scent of freshly cut grass on a Sunday morning interspersed with wildflowers, a sweet honey-like fragrance being carried towards the group of people emerging from the ring of the Ancestors. Rodney immediately went into a rant about allergens and pollen while checking his pockets for his epi-pens and handkerchiefs. Sheppard smiled to himself as Rodney when off on one about allergies. Seriously the guy could talk a deaf person into submission, as they begged for him to just shut the hell up, please!
"Put a sock in it McKay," but he grinned warmly as he said it, knowing that Rodney would take the jibe as it was intended. All in good humour. He rolled his eyes at the snarled reply his 'king-geek' threw back at him, and the team began to walk in the direction of the village, following Teyla's competent lead. They crossed the meadow without incident and proceeded west toward the settlement of the purple goat worshiping, bow and arrow wielding, natives.
Part six
The Settlement was neatly tucked into a small valley not too far from the stargate. A winding river steadily flowed along past the main village flanked by tree covered hills. The team had walked for just over an hour when it came into full view. They had passed many fields with farmers tending to their crops along the way, and now they only had to pick their way along a thin rocky path, down into the settlement where purple livestock and natives awaited their arrival. The sun was low in the sky now, a vibrant orange orb sinking into the horizon over the hill. The walk had been pleasant enough for the team; the time spent discussing earth's greatest TV shows. Rodney was presently trying to teach Ronon the 'lumberjack song' having already sung with gusto 'the philosophers' song'.
"Hey Rodney, why don't we give 'Always look on the bright side of life' a try, I bet Teyla would love that one!" Sheppard was enjoying himself, if truth be told. The team were all bonding together nicely and a bit of python humour never hurt anyone. Rodney stumbled a bit trying to turn and face Sheppard who was watching their six. Ronon caught him by the elbow and pushed him forward rather forcefully.
"Hey!" but one look at Ronon's face told him to bite his tongue and keep walking. John suspected that Ronon was not much of a fan, of the 'Lumberjack song'. Sheppard shook his head in amusement and marched forward P90 pointed ahead the safety off- well, you can never be too cautious, not with McKay around to insult the natives, the purple goat, and or the trees! Honestly if it was alive Rodney would find someway to make it feel inadequate or more often than not, homicidal.
The sun was almost gone now, and twilight afforded little light along the narrow path. They were just coming upon the first house in the village when he heard it. The shrill whine of a wraith dart. "Take cover!" he shouted at his team as they headed back for the tree line.
"Incoming!" Ronon yelled from his position twenty feet from Sheppard. Teyla was another twenty feet from him with Rodney by her side. John did not like this; not one little bit. The villagers were running and screaming in every direction some going to their homes, other into the woods. "We need to get to the gate!" John couldn't agree more with the warrior.
"Stay low, stay sharp. Get to the gate, don't stop, dial and go, understood?" his team nodded their consent and ran. Sheppard tried to keep Rodney in his sights even though he knew Teyla was with him. The villagers were panicking causing pandemonium throughout the woods. It was hard for the team to stay in visual contact with each other as they ran along with the people from the village, dodging fallen trees and bodies. The wood was filled with cries in the darkness, shadows of people, animals and wraith.
Sheppard found himself alone, out of breath his muscles protesting the sprinting he had done. He stopped to gain his bearing; automatically he looked up to use the stars to guide him as he had done on earth. A horrified gasp escaped his lips when he saw the wraith cruiser overhead along with at least ten darts. This wasn't just a culling. This was an extermination. The wraith intended to destroy them all, not just feed on a few. Familiar shadows in the trees and he knew the wraith were walking amongst the densely packed trees, hunting survivors on foot. A stunner blast flew past his left side and he clocked the shooter in his peripheral vision. He whorled and fired a short blast into the wraiths chest, it's upper body shuddering as the bullets impacted and exploded. He tried to contact his team on the radio but all he got was static. Damnit! The wraith must be blocking our coms, he thought angrily as he set off again, running in the direction he hoped his team were.
A high pitched, girly scream sliced through the night air, followed by the bang bang of a M9 being fired. John's heart caught in his throat and he pushed his protesting limbs for more speed. He brain was totally fried, a litany of 'oh gods', 'please not him' and 'Rodney', ran through his thoughts, diving and weaving across his mind. He began begging in his head to anyone, anything to help him move just that little bit faster. Another scream tore through the cool air, only this one was nothing like the first. The first was a cry for help, a message, SOS- I'm in danger, please rescue me. But this one. This one sent a chill into Sheppard's bones which stayed there to consume him from the inside out. This scream was blood-curdling, pure pain and agony. Not a cry for help, only a prayer for release. His heart pounding against the inside of his chest, he ran still faster towards the source of the pain. To Rodney.
When he found his scientist he had to work hard to keep hold of his lunch. Rodney was kneeling on the damp woodland floor, his face awash with pain, anguish and misery. His mouth open in a silent scream, his voice lost. A male wraith with long white hair stood above him, hand to his chest, draining his life. "RODNEY!" he screamed his would-be-lovers name and fired his weapon. A deep fire was rising within him and he saw nothing but pure red hot rage. Rodney's eyes were glazed over, the wretched beasts hand still upon his heart. Steve's mate threw back his head and laughed as he drained even more of McKay's precious life.
John lost all self control and gave himself over to the device on his wrist. Rodney would die if he didn't. His vision greyed and he dropped to his knees, just mere feet from Rodney. The Wraith removed his hand from McKay's chest its eyes wide with shock… and then it didn't exist anymore. It crumbled into a pile of ash at John's will. A lightning ball of energy destroyed the cruiser overhead as well as the darts and the hive in orbit no body on the planet even knew about. John's own body glowed momentarily giving the woods a strange orangey glow, like a torch shining through red fabric.
Tears streaked down John's face as he crawled to where Rodney now lay. He griped his best friend's hand tightly attempting to offer some comfort to his aged friend. His tried to hold on to conciseness until Ronon and Teyla found them, Both out cold, hands intertwined and face's mirror images of pain.
Eight
When Ronon and Teyla reached the source of the bright light that had mercilessly destroyed the wraith, in a shower of ash and pain, they found Sheppard and McKay lying on the forest floor. Rodney aged by a wraith, the bloody handprint providing all the evidence they needed for Sheppard's action. Ronon let out a roar of anger and frustration, before turning to Teyla and telling her to stay put while he goes for a medical team and a jumper. She looked at him, her eyes shining with tears, her chin and lower lip wobbling with her grief. She nodded to him her consent before he does what Ronon does best, and runs for the gate.
She can't bring her self to separate their hands, so she leaves them intertwined as she goes about her field exam of them both. Sheppard appears to be fine, except his pulse is slow, and his blood pressure almost non-existent. His handsome face is pale, his hair more of a mess than usual because of the sweat making it stick up at odd angles.
McKay is, to put it bluntly, a mess. His chest is one big wound, oozing blood he can little afford to lose. His once young and striking face is now old and withered; it reminded Teyla of the skeletons of leaves you see in the autumn, frail and paper-thin. His hair is almost completely white, save for a few grey sprigs here and there. His hand- the one wrapped in Sheppard's- is painfully thin and grey in colour against the Colonel's ghost white skin. She covers them both in blankets from her pack and their own packs. She removes her Jacket and places it gently under Rodney's head.
She stands above them, silent tears making salty tracks down her cheeks, burning her flesh as they go. She noticed for the first time the smell of the forest. It's no longer a green, fresh smell she had always associated with trees. This forest and these trees reek of death. The ash from the extinct darts has fallen over the forest, coating everything with a sheet of death. The forest feels oppressed not free and alive, as it should. Teyla wonders if the changes in the forest are the wraiths doing or a result of Sheppard using the device on his wrist.
She feels the first pangs of guilt when she remembers her promise to Elizabeth. She and the rest of the team had promised her that John would not need to use the Ancient device. But alas it was painfully obviously this device has saved Dr McKay from certain death, and left Colonel Sheppard clinging to life by a fingernail too. There's little else she can do for them except make the comfortable so she settles herself by Sheppard's head, still unwilling to part their woven hands, and gently brushes his hair off of his forehead. Her other hand clasps McKay's free one, and she rubs small circles into the back of his frail hand with her thumb. Her tears are still falling but in offering her team mates- her friends- comfort she slowly begins to feel comforted herself. She allows hope to flutter in her chest, the hope that Dr Beckett will once again pull a miracle out of the bag.
Ronon and the medical team are forced to return to the site on foot. The trees are too dense for the jumper to lands, so it's waiting for them less that a klick away, in a barley field. The sky it completely dark now, with no ambient light coming from the village in the valley. Most of the natives are still scattered around the spooky forest, trying desperately to locate their loved ones, the darkness making it hard for them to see each other. Ronon passes a few husks of once-people on his way back to Teyla and the two injured friends. The medical team wants to stop to see if they can help, but Ronon moves them along; there's nothing they can do for those people now, only morn their premature passing.
Ronon is not shocked to find Teyla sitting by Sheppard's head, her hand caressing his hair, her other holding McKay's old and delicate one. He can see that she has been crying, he fears that he will shed a tear too before this night is over. The medical team are quick in their work and soon have Sheppard and McKay on litters ready for transport back to Atlantis. Their Hands are parted, hanging limply off the side of their respective litters. Ronon understands Teyla's reluctance to part them. These two men were in-separatible in life and while they're not dead- yet- it seams strange, almost unholy to part them now.
The extraction was remarkably quick. The medical team did their job efficiently and professionally, not one of them commented on 'the hands'. As soon as they determined Sheppard and McKay to be stable, they were off. Ronon had to admit he was not sad to be leaving this world; it now held nothing but bad memories for him. Soon they were back in the barley field, loading Sheppard and McKay into the jumpers, wires and tubes now attached to their chests and arms. The flight back to Atlantis was a sombre affair, made in silence by all but the chief field medic who was barking orders and talking to Beckett on the com.
They exited the Jumper in a flurry of activity. Beckett and his team were standing by with gurneys and equipment, and they swiftly loaded the men on to them, and whisked them off to the infirmary. Weir was there demanding a report from the chief field medic, she seamed busy so Ronon and Teyla scooted off to check on their fallen comrades in the infirmary. They were greeted by many voices all talking at once, monitors beeping and people rushing about fetching and delivering items for Dr Beckett as he worked.
A kindly nurse- the one who had given them coffee a few days early, Sarah- escorted them to the all too familiar waiting room and once more offered them hot java to keep their hands warm.
It was late in the evening on Wednesday, the day after the mission that Rodney opened his eyes. His lids were heavy and hard to crack open. But after a few moments of listening to his reassuring heartbeat on the monitor, he managed to get a tentative peek at the infirmary ceiling. There seamed to be a fog across his vision, like the first hours of dawn in the wake of a frost. He wiggled his fingers experimentally and after satisfying himself that he indeed still had ten, brought his wrinkled, old and rather withered hand up and into his vision.
The heart monitors beeping increased to such an extend, that the alarms began to go off. Rodney's brain soon caught up with him and he remembered the excruciating pain he had endured as the wraith feed off him. A few moments later when Carson came running into the partially curtained off area with Sarah, Rodney was in full-blown panic mode. He had somehow found the strength to sit up and was staring at his left hand whilst his right clutched his chest over the feeding mark. Rodney was muttering to himself, begging, questioning, why him? Why him?
Rodney was completely unresponsive to Carson and Sarah, he never heard one word of comfort they tried to offer him. Rodney's eyes were wide open, unseeing, glazed over staring down at his once manly, youthful hand. Eventually Carson gave up trying to console his friend and did the only humane thing left to do- he gave Rodney a small shot of mild sedative, knowing the small dose would knock McKay for six. He administered the drug into Rodney's IV port in his arm; the scientist didn't even notice Carson's hands or the needle in his field of vision. With the help of Sarah, Carson got Rodney settled and back to sleep, he spoke softly into Rodney's ear until he drifted off. He told Rodney about Scotland and his mother's homemade fruit loafs, hoping to introduce pleasant thoughts into his friend's dreams.
In the next bed along, John Sheppard observed. He had been trained to assess as situation first before going in- it was all part of being a goon. What he observed turned his blood a little cold. His best friend, the man he secretly loved had gone. In his place was a wizened old man, with a cruel wraith's handprint on his chest. He made his decision there and then. The foundations for it had been laid years before, but he made a promise once. Not outloud, not so anyone could hear, least of all Rodney, but he vowed to save Rodney if he could. No matter what it took- John Sheppard would never let his friend down, never!
He quickly took stock of his own injuries- and found none. His skin was deathly pale, he felt weaker than a new born lamb but he could probably stand up, with effort. He slowly, carefully lifted himself into a sitting position. He noted that his skin was not just pale; it was almost translucent, the veins in his hands and arms a stark bright blue against the milky backdrop. He pulled out the IV in his right arm, ignoring the drips of blood that splashed onto the pristine white linen sheets. His head was pounding and his was incredibly dizzy: almost as bad as pulling some serious Gees in a damaged Osprey.
He pushed the sheets of his legs and crawled out of the bed. When his bare feet slapped against the cool floor he almost keeled over with weakness. He pushed himself off from the bed roughly, hoping to have enough forward momentum to reach Rodney's side. He miss time it enough that his outstretched hands grasped nothing but air, and his knees slammed to the floor, jarring his whole body. He caught himself, so that at least he wasn't flat out collapsed on the cold floor, but he didn't catch the cry of surprise when his knees hit the deck.
Dr Beckett and Sarah were upon him in moments trying to lift him up and get him back into his own bed. "NO! I have to help Rodney!"
"There's nothing to be done son! He home, it's all we can ask for now" Carson sounded defeated, in many ways he was. He can treat the symptoms but no Dr can cure old age.
"NO, NO, NO, GET OFF ME!" As John spoke, his body glowed again just like it had back on the planet. Carson and Sarah snatched their hands away from him as if they had been burned.
"I have to do this Carson." He reached for Beckett's right ear and touched the doctor's com. "Elizabeth, this is Sheppard. I made a promise once; right now I'm going to keep it. So long Lizzie."
He didn't hear the reply or hear what Carson was telling her. His mind was focused on his purpose. He's always known he'd die here on Atlantis saving someone he loved. This way he can save his friend and soul mate, leaving Rodney to save Atlantis. The bracelet gave him artificial strength and he made it to Rodney's bed easily.
Time seamed to have slowed down, he was sure Elizabeth and the rest of the team would never make it down to the infirmary in time to stop him. Yet there they all were shouting at him trying to reach him, but their hands kept being burned every time they attempted to drag him away and back to his bed, to discuss a proper course of action.
He stood over Rodney and watched him sleep for a few seconds. His face peaceful and soft. He reached out and took Rodney's hand in his- where it belonged- the bracelet pressing into his skin harder as he held on to his Friend's hand. He bent down and gently kissed the lids of Rodney's closed eyes, his own tears dripping onto McKay's cheek as he did so.
He turned and acknowledged his team, Elizabeth and Carson, their faces sombre and resigned. He waited a beat until Elizabeth nodded to him, and he gave her an award-winning grin, complete with wobbling lower lip.
He turned back to Rodney to find McKay staring up at him, shock and disbelieve written across his features. "Why?" he whispered when John lowered his head to hear his quaking voice.
"Because… Because I… I love you." He stammered back.
"That's not good enough John, Atlantis needs you! I… I need you… I can't save this city without you… here, with me." Tears rolled down Rodney cheeks and John brushed them away with his thumb.
"I promised that I'd keep you safe at all cost Rodney. Do you think I could live with myself if I hadn't done everything in my power to save you?" He sealed the promise with a chaste brush of his lips across Rodney's hand.
"But we never…oh god… we never even had one day did we?" Rodney lifted his and John's hands and kissed John's back, his breath catching in his throat as he did.
"No, no we didn't. But maybe somewhere, somehow we'll get our chance, and I promise you right now if I can I'll be there, waiting for you." He touched Rodney's lips with his own briefly- too briefly and placed his finger there to silence McKay's tears. He touched the handprint the wraith had left behind and concentrated all of his thoughts and feelings into restoring Rodney.
Rodney's face began to change slowly at first but soon it was back to exactly how it should be. His hand was still holding John's, and he sat up and stared in wonder as Sheppard's body continued to glow a bright blinding white. He brought up his young, un-aged hand and touched John's cheek. John moved his head into the embrace, smiled and whispered " goodbye my friend; my lover." And then he was gone.
He felt himself melting away being embraced into something more, something ethereal. He could feel Atlantis hum all around him, and the warmth of knowing he was loved. He knew Rodney was safe, Atlantis promised him she would take care of his soul mate, as he merged into her circuits to become one with the gate-builders and to take his place amidst the stars.
THE END