Under the Floorboards

I opened my eyes to a door. Her door. The entry to my one true sanctuary. Such a plain door with an inoffensive knob. How many times had I gone through this door? How many times did I find my love waiting for me on the other side? Countless, I knew. My heart ached at the thought of never greeting my Bella on the other side again.

This is for her, I reminded myself. She's all that matters. I took a deep breath and turned the knob. Immediately, I was incased in her sweet, sweet fragrance. But that wasn't all that hit me. As I walked through the doorway, a tidal wave of memories engulfed me. Her bed, where so many nights I had laid next to her, listening to her slow, steady heartbeat. Her rocking chair, where I held her after our day in the meadow. Every inch of the room held some reminder of what I was doing and each one left me more breathless than the last.

If I closed my eyes, I could still smell her strawberry shampoo, hear her laugh, see her hair, splayed on her pillow.

I knew I had plenty of time. After removing the photos of my family from Renee's letter, I had still easily beat Bella home. But somehow I still felt rushed. Ignoring the ache in my stilled heart, I walked to the side of my love's bed. I picked up the photo album off the floor.

I seemed to be moving in slow motion. I took a deep breath and opened the front cover. Just the first page was enough for me to gasp out in pain. There I saw myself in Charlie's kitchen, a ghost of the monster I am now. Before I could convince myself otherwise, I grabbed the photo from the album along with any more of its kind.

I ran around the room like an emotional hurricane, removing all signs of my family in my path. My CD… our pictures…the plane tickets…. All of them seized from their resting spots by my stone grasp.

I walked over to her window, attempting to conquer each memory that surged through me with each step. I knelt down on my knees, and for a minute, I wanted to stay there and never get back up. I forced my self to see the painful images as well. I saw Bella with James on top of her…my Bella, bruised and broken in a hospital bed…the frantic bloodlust in my own brother's eyes…my love with her own blood pulsing out of her arm… The list went on and on. I made myself see what I had done to her life. After, with my eyes stilled closed, I tried to imagine what her life would be like without me. Safe, happy, warm. Soon she will forget me, soon she will find someone else, soon she will… but the images I conjured up were ripping me to shreds on the inside. I gritted my teeth and lifted one of her floorboards. I kissed each of her items before lowing them into the hole.

My legs were shaking as I rose. I knew I only had a few more minutes before her old, battered truck would come barreling down the street.

I slowly started to walk back towards her door. With every new step, I found a new reason to stay. But dammit! I was going to keep her safe no matter what it cost me!

It seemed like an eternity when I finally reached Bella's doorway. I turned around to look over her room, my haven, one last time. Closing my eyes, I sent up a silent prayer. Please, help her, protect her, and keep her safe. Whatever happens, just keep her safe.

I could now hear her Chevy, huffing its way around the corner.

I took one last deep breath, allowing her scent to fill my lungs, to intoxicate me one more time. I turned around. I could feel my heart splintering and breaking into a million tiny pieces. This is for her, I kept reminding myself.

I slowly shut the door behind me, a final goodbye on my lips. Goodbye, sweet shelter. Goodbye, my memories. Goodbye to my one true home.